mandatory plug: this is dorian with my inquisitor renan, who you can read more about in better left unsaid <3
i thought this would be a quick and simple one when i started it last night. i said to @in-the-drowning-deep at one point today "I haven't greyed them yet but trust that's next" and instead spent the next hour entirely redesigning dorian's robe so he could serve more cunt. i then said to her "i might save time by like. using a floral pattern from the interwebs for their robes instead of drawing one" and then I zoned out and when I came to I had. hand-drawn a pattern. which. it's the background and also both of their robes because i didn't do all that to use it in one spot. but also why did i do all that. the world may never know.
anyways zoom in on renan's hand. it's not rendered like the rest of the skin bc i liked how the chunky paint strokes looked and it's 11pm and i am 2 tired 2 care about consistency.
but I FINISHED THE WHOLE WEEK WOO! and with (checks watch) 52 mins to spare! i've never done a fanweek before (is that the general term for them?) and i'm really proud of myself for finishing it out !!!! so here's my old men !!!! having a calm morning together !!!!!
can you tell i wrote this at 11pm? yeah me too. anyways i'm going to bed ty for reading love you bye <3
moments of respite || pavellan || written for day 4 of @dorianweek
this scene is roughly 1.5k long and takes place some months down the line from where my pavellan fic, better left unsaid, is currently at, but you don't need to have read the fic to understand this scene. if you want to avoid spoilers for blu, maybe pass on this for now! & if you want to read more about renan and dorian, you can find better left unsaid here on ao3.
The first thing that Dorian felt when he woke was skin stuck to skin. The second was the slow rolling of breaths across his chest, warmed from an open mouth.
The third tore open his eyes and lifted him to his elbows — where am I? Who is this? Did he remember to lock the door? — but this was no random man, no stranger's bed, no tavern room. There was a shadow spilled across his chest, the great holy hope of southern Thedas slumbering peacefully with a cheek pressed to Dorian's ribs and an arm wedged somewhere beneath his back.
The forth was sluggish, dragged its feet, but drove the breath from his lungs all the same.
After a long moment, he brushed the hair from Renan's face, revealing the rather ridiculous way his cheek pressed forward and lips cracked open, those little fangs of his peeking through, and... it ached, in a word, his fingers suddenly trembling.
... Right. Well. He could deal with that later.
Somehow, Renan had slept through the jostling and touching, unflinching even as Dorian slowly lowered himself back into the plush bed. He'd had many a night to wonder what it would be like, sharing a bed with the Inquisitor. In none of his flights of fancy was the man so clothed nor so clingy, but — well. Renan had asked him to be here, hadn't he? Not for sex, not for a bit of frotting, not even for a few panting kisses, but for... this. To hold him. To be held by him. It was a remarkably simple request for how deeply it complicated things.
What Dorian had to figure out now was how to extract himself from the tangle of sheets and limbs; through the diamond panes surrounding Renan's quarters, the sky was still wine-dark, but the clouds blushed pink. The sun would be out before long, and with it would come the gossips and voyeurs of the grand hall, each more intent on smearing Renan's name than the last. No use in adding more fuel to the fire. And yet...
And yet Renan still slept, right arm pinned beneath Dorian and left twisted into the sheets, the anchor forgotten for the moment. It couldn't be comfortable, but he'd never seen him more at peace, face unguarded, lips bare. He could swear he felt the man's heart beating steady against his hip, though it was hard to be sure, muddled under his own hammering pulse.
Despite the fact Dorian had slept in his trousers, he felt in that moment remarkably bare.
He swallowed, tasted his mouth, grimaced. "Renan," he said gently, lifting his hand back to the man's forehead. He pushed his hair out of his face, combed it back, tucked it behind an ear. "Renan."
Renan's ear flicked, hair tumbling back into his face.
Dorian rolled his eyes, sitting up slightly and cupping his jaw instead. "Amatus," he tried, louder.
Renan's eyes pinched tighter, cheek turning into his palm, and Maker's breath, it was like he was trying to kill him, blinking up at him with that little pout on his lips. "Dorian?" he rasped, voice low.
Again with the damned ache in his chest. Dorian swallowed, tilting Renan's chin up to face him properly. He moved easily, warm and pliable with sleep. "There you are."
Renan furrowed his brow, blinking heavily. "Is something the matter?" he asked.
Dorian sighed. "I need to be going shortly," he said, smoothing a hand down Renan's shoulders, "and you have me more or less pinned."
A quick glance to the window, then: "It's not even light yet."
"True," he said, "but while I am fond of your quarters, they create quite a remarkable little echo chamber for your snoring. I'd prefer to polish off my beauty sleep somewhere quieter."
At that, Renan frowned properly, finally extracting his arm from beneath Dorian's back to shake out the dead limb. "Nobody's ever mentioned me snoring before," he said.
It had been a rather obvious lie. "Perhaps the stress is getting to you, then," he suggested.
Renan shifted, retrieving his limbs before crawling up Dorian's body — warm, sleep-soft, sturdy — to perch over his thighs, knees bent at his sides and arms folded over his chest. Dorian allowed himself the indulgence of setting his hands on those hips, thumbing the sharp jut of Ilium through pajamas. Renan was quiet, that little pout stuck firmly in place as he failed to shake his slumber, until: "You know, Dorian," he said, eyes sharpening as they raked him over, "the guard posted at the door already knows you're here. If you're worried about being seen — "
"Nonsense," Dorian blurted. "You know I enjoy an audience."
Renan raised his brows, looking unimpressed, before pressing a hand into the pillow beside Dorian's head and raising the other to cup his face. There was something to be said about the way Renan was looking at him, then: messy hair falling in his face, eyes half-shut and brows drawn, just slightly, still soft. Always so soft for him, these days.
The ache in his chest was becoming rather distracting already when Renan leaned in, hair tickling Dorian's shoulder, and brushed their lips just barely together, still shy. His lips were warm and just this side of rough, chapped from daily scrubbing and painting. It was so chaste it could hardly be called a kiss.
It made him dizzy all the same.
Dorian opened his eyes as Renan pressed their foreheads together, unsure when exactly he'd shut them. "But not when it comes to this," Renan said gently, hand trailing down his neck to rest over his collarbones, firm, as though to say mine. "You don't like people talking about us."
Dorian swallowed, found he couldn't face the intensity of those new-moon eyes of his so early in the morning. "As if you enjoy it," he muttered. "We're just giving them more reason to pry, aren't we?"
Renan sighed, morning breath fanning over his cheek. "Dorian," he said quietly. He shifted his weight from the pillow to reach for his hand, pulling it from his hip and pressing a thumb into the palm.
"There are parts of myself that I am not proud of," he confessed. "But the part that is here, with you..."
The hand at Dorian's throat drifted lower, rested over his heart, as Renan pressed Dorian's palm against his chest. Renan's pulse thrummed under his fingertips, nervous and quick.
"It is not one of them."
And Dorian... said nothing. No, had nothing to say. No — had no idea what to say, hadn't the faintest clue how to put into words the rush that passed through him.
It was like being struck by lightning. It was like their veins had tangled together, hearts beating not in sync but in tandem. It was like burning alive from the inside out.
It was, in all likelihood, something like falling in love.
Dorian shuddered out a breath, sparing the thought only a moment later to be embarrassed by the sound. He slid his palm up, up, up Renan's chest, over his collarbone, around his neck, and dragged him back down into the bed. Renan let out a small sound as he hit the mattress, but it faded into soft laughter as Dorian crawled over him, tapered into a happy sigh as he claimed his lips in a proper kiss, firm and warm and venhedis, it took his breath away. He kissed him once, twice, stopped counting, focused on the warmth of him, the little hums he let out, the frantic kicking of his heart, the way his hand trembled, the way he gripped Renan's pajamas to hide it.
Renan pulled back, sipped in a quick breath, had the gall to grin up at him as though he'd fallen into some cleverly-laid trap. "So," he sighed, "you'll stay?"
Dorian paused, then, glancing out the window once more; the sky had begun to blush pink. If he wanted to avoid the early-gathering crowds, he should go — no, he should have gone when he woke. He should have gone last night.
Instead, he gripped the blanket and dragged it over them both, blocking out the windows entirely. "Fine, you devious minx," he huffed, tucking his face against Renan's throat. "I'll laze the morning away instead of doing anything productive and give the gossipers an eyeful while I'm at it. Are you quite pleased with yourself?"
Renan's arms wrapped around him and squeezed, laughter buzzing against his lips, and Dorian had the sudden and delirious thought that he could get drunk off of the feeling. "Incredibly so, yes."
And Dorian — quietly, to himself, and never out loud — found that he could only agree.
xxx
Thank you for reading! Pretty please leave a comment and let me know what you think <3
And remember: you can find the rest of their story here on Ao3. Happy Dorian Week!
The tone had become altogether too stifling for Dorian's liking. He swallowed once, crossed his arms. "Oh, come now," he said, "I don't need your life story to bed you, do I?"
It was the second time within a matter of hours that he'd immediately regretted a joke, something in Renan's expression crumpling before being replaced with Inquisitorial calm as he rubbed his eyes. "... I see," he said simply. "Is that... what you're after? A quick romp?"
Ty for the tags @maagisterpavus and @cheaploaf! Tagging @transscr0ogetruther and @in-the-drowning-deep if you two haven't done it & would like to fill one out :^)
also using this to give peeks at 2 of the drawings I'll be posting for Dorian week 👁👁 that lil halla statuette is part of maybe one of the best things i've drawn in years
and um. don't worry about the song choices! it's fine everything is fine
2, 3, 7, 12 for Renan and Dorian for relationship questions
ty for the ask!! from the non-wholesome romantic asks. feel free to send more in!
2. Is their relationship toxic or unhealthy in any way?
It's at least a little codependent. Renan has to give up a lot to become serious with Dorian, and when he loses the one thing he previously devoted his life to, he's quick to fill that sudden void with Dorian.
There's also the issue where Dorian tends to make decisions that impact them both without consulting or even warning Renan (such as leaving for Tevinter), and Renan sees the best way to get around Dorian's indecisiveness as just going over his head to handle problems for him (such as getting the Pavus amulet). This makes them both question how much the other trusts them, and neither of them really have the emotional intelligence to properly describe this to the other without it turning into an argument.
3. In what ways are they good and bad for each other?
Good: Dorian shows Renan that he can be up-front and honest with people, that intimacy is not a weakness, that people will love him for who and what he is — even the grizzly details. Their developing relationship encourages Renan to be more genuine in all of his relationships, allowing him to become closer with other companions as well.
Renan shows Dorian that there are people that will be proud to know him and hold him as he is, that he doesn't have to tone down his peacocking or sharp tongue for someone to want to show him off. He's also the first to make Dorian seriously consider settling down with someone and think about what that might look like in the life he leads. That, in and of itself, is a neutral thing, but it encourages him to feel less anxiety about long-term planning and to prioritize domestic comforts in those plans, which overall leads to him taking better care of himself.
Bad: Dorian's tendency to put his foot in his mouth when upset often leads to him saying or implying things he doesn't really mean, which is hell for Renan's insecurity and paranoia. His hot-and-cold nature also leaves Renan reeling more often than not, unsure what Dorian actually wants from him, and, in short, there is a period of time in which his relationship with Dorian is responsible for at least 50% of Renan's general malaise.
Renan, meanwhile, is many, many men rolled into one, and the fact that Inquisitor is among them — or, as Dorian says it once, the King of the World — is... a lot of pressure for Dorian. He's never been in a serious, committed, public relationship before, and he's trying to make it work for the very first time on what might be the most global and openly scrutinized stage possible. Dorian's always been confident in himself (or, rather, had a veneer of confidence), but there's only so much one man can take before insecurities begin to pile up. This, plus the knowledge — not the suspicion, the confirmed knowledge — that Renan is and always will be hiding things from him is incredibly stressful for Dorian, leading him to make more rash decisions and reckless pivots in his life to feel like he is still in control of at least some parts of it. There is a period of time in which his relationship with Renan causes a spike in Dorian's self-sabotaging tendencies.
The rest is under the cut for ease of scrolling ->
7. Is there anything that could have kept them from ending up together?
A million and one things. A heartfelt reconnection with one of Renan's exes could have done it, or a sooner intervention from his family, before his feelings had grown into something unwieldy. One less apology from Dorian, one less bid for connection from Renan. Or, hell, if the conversation in chapter nine hadn't happened, if they hadn't clearly communicated that they're both queer, it might never had gone past flirting and wondering.
Oh, and Renan also could have just, like, died in chapter eleven. That may have put a damper on things.
12. Do they argue often? About what?
Very, but it's not usually serious. They bicker like it's small talk, all bark and no bite. They like to nitpick each other to show they're paying attention, critique their form, fix each other's hair, harp on each other's casting techniques.
More serious arguments come after Dorian first says he's leaving for Tevinter. For quite a long time after that, the topic of Tevinter and the distance between them is the main point of contention.
ty for the ask!! from the non-wholesome romantic asks. feel free to send more in!
3. In what ways are they good and bad for each other?
answered here!
4. Is there someone else who would be a better partner for either of them?
It's entirely possible, but it feels so subjective that I really don't know how to answer this one, y'know?
So, instead of answering that question, I'll throw you a curveball: there is an alternate universe in which Renan could have wound up with one Professor Emmrich Volkarin. Better or worse? Who can say! Certainly different, though.
14. What's an opinion they'll never agree on? How do they deal with that?
