she loves children ;; she loves the little girl that lives next door to them, the young boy that comes to café des deux moulins with his grandmother every wednesday, the little ones that run around on the weekends with their family -- and yet, she can’t seem to make up her mind about whether or not she wants one of her own. somewhere down the line, maybe, someday, she can picture a miniature version of her and nino running around, wide-eyed && curious && excited to explore the world ( paris ) and all that it offers.
it had been easier to imagine the first time, the dream a little more tangible, perhaps. as it had been, before she had failed them ---- before she had lost their child. maybe it’s that thought alone, the GUILT of it all, that prevents her from telling nino about the results of the test she finally had the courage to take. the one that she’s kept hidden from nino for a week too long now. she doesn’t want to get his hopes up too, and then to have them shatter. she had spent her childhood in isolation ;; her days were spent with a fish for not just her classmate but best friend, and then in her later days, a garden gnome. what if she’s terrible at it? she loves her papa, but the childhood days spent waiting for the monthly check up is something she doesn’t want to subject her child to. no child should have to live in the same fear that her parents instilled in her, over a heart condition that was ultimately a misdiagnosis.
running away from her problems has always been the easiest solution ( and poor nino has had to put up with that, time and time again ) - but running away this time won’t solve anything ( if anything, it’ll only create more problems ). she’ll tell him tonight. she will.
––– ❛ how was work today?
@restequincampoix