#restiva

[sestiva-grant-blog]

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Skies are crying, I am watching Catching tear drops in my hands Only silence as it's ending Like we never had a chance Do you have to make me feel like There's nothing left of me?

You can take everything I have You can break everything I am Like I'm made of glass Like I'm made of paper Go on and try to tear me down I will be rising from the ground Like a skyscraper Like a skyscraper

[sestiva-grant-blog]

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Alive Leona Lewis Echo

Where do I go when I'm so alone? Where do I turn when we were so close? We try not to crash but we still collide Tears I've cried, I'll survive I'm alive

I'm stripped, I'm bare I'm left here with nothing I hold the wheel Don't know where I'm going Your face, I see, in every reflection No time, no space I've lost all direction And there's no turning back this time Gotta stay alive

[sestiva-grant-blog]

This is how it feels when all the walls come down. || Drabble

Finally. Alone. It felt like she'd waited forever to have the girl's bath to herself, and she'd locked the door behind the last girl. Staring at her reflection as she pulled her headband from her hair, setting it to rest on the counter, Sessy turned to the side and ran her hands over the flat expanse of her stomach. It was amazing how badly that alone both relieved and pained her to her core. Despite the imperfection that it had caused to her body, the tiny brunette had grown to love that bump, and the life growing beneath it.

One delicate hand made a shaky ascent to her mouth, as if holding in the sob was the only thing that was holding her together. Since she'd been back all she'd done was keep everything inside, and then the ground had completely fallen away. There was nothing left but to be strong, and how was she to be strong at her weakest? All the thoughts made her stomach churn and the hand that rested still on her stomach shot out to grasp the edge of the counter. The force it took to keep her grief and anguish inside shook her entire body, but with a deep breath, the petite brunette pushed it all back.

It was time to get a grip on herself. She'd lost everything that mattered and all she had left to lose was her reputation. Even there she had nowhere to go but up. But it was so hard to focus, every moment hurt with such an ache that it made her thoughts blur and all she could do was hurt for a moment before coming back to herself. It was a gaping hole inside of herself, left behind when her child had been snatched away. No one understood, how could they? She couldn't let them see it, any of it. If she gave in to them then it would all be true and...

There was no finishing the thought, Sestiva couldn't even bring herself to think it. Taking another deep sighed breath, the grieving almost mother found her eyes landing on her bag, which had been dropped just inside the door. With a shaking hand, she reached out and tugged at the corner of blue fabric that poked out of the corner of the bag, pursing her lips when she realized what it was. The blue jumper, the one she'd bought for the baby. She'd taken it to throw it away and couldn't do it. Then she'd forgotten it was there.

Staring at the tiny garment held so preciously in her hands, her thumbs moved gently over the tiny buttons, and it was almost physically painful as her walls came down, torn through with her first sob. It was the first time she'd really given in and grieved since the night she'd found out that she'd lost the baby, and it wasn't alone in being expelled after so long. Turning her back to the wall, she let the weight of her body pull her back against it and then down into a sitting position, holding the tiny blue coveralls to her face as she curled up with her knees to her forehead.

Never had she cried so hard, over come with everything so that she could hardly breathe, taking in gasps when she could. For a moment the thought of it was possible for one to die from crying flashed through her mind, but was gone as fast as it had come. Everything, she'd lost everything, and everyday was just a show. Going through the motions and playing the part of the strong, unaffected Sestiva. Sometimes she even fooled herself, but that just made it hurt all the worse.

After a long time, the sobs finally started to subside as the outpouring of emotions ran itself out, leaving her hiccuping and exhausted on the floor of the baths. Every muscle in her body hurt as if she'd lost a terrible fight, and her head pounded so hard she almost felt sick. Throwing the tiny outfit to the side with a sound of disgust, the broken ballerina reached out for the counter and hauled herself up onto shaky legs. That was it, she had cried, she had grieved, and she had given in to death that took over inside her. Now she could move on. If she didn't feel she wouldn't hurt.

Let Bastan be single, she'd show him. He hadn't ruined her. She was Sestiva Grant, she'd make her way back to the top.

Washing her face with cold water as simple charm reapplied perfect make up, and she turned to grab her bag, stopping to look down at the crumpled blue swatch at her feet. She didn't need this anymore. Kneeling down to pick it up, Sessy strode over to the garbage can and dropped it inside like an old rag, turning to leave the bathroom with her head held high and shoulders squared. Numb was better, it made her mask easier to wear.

Still, hidden behind her clothes at the end of a long white gold chain was the sand filled pendant she'd never again taken off, hanging next to a heart that as far as she was concerned, no longer beat.

[sestiva-grant-blog]

Ready to Love Again Lady Antebellum Restiva

[sestiva-grant-blog]

[Rabastan's owl is sitting on your bed with a box of chocolates.]

*She smiles when she see's the owl, giving him a treat and a pet before looking down at the box. She really did land the sweetest guy ever.*

*Lowering herself onto her bed, she opens the box and pops a chocolate into her mouth. For one who wasn't a big fan of chocolate it tasted pretty damn good.*

Bastan,

This is how I know you're going to be the perfect husband.

Your Sestiva.

[sestiva-grant-blog]

Big News || Restiva

Pacing back and forth in the chamber, fiddling with her hands, she was taking deep breaths to keep herself from heaving again. Once it had started it never seemed to let up, and she was perpetually sick to her stomach. Madame Pomfrey had scolded her, lectured her, and then educated her. She knew what to expect now and all it had done was scare her more. Though this, this was the most terrifying part, right here. Waiting to find out how Bastan was going to take the news.

What was taking him so long? He was late, only five minutes, but it felt like five hours. If he didn't get there soon she was going to pass out.

[the-rabastanlestrange-blog]

Uh, Sestiva?

Some... girl was in my bed...

[the-rabastanlestrange-blog]

At least we're stuck here... like this... together.

[teasing half-smile] Well, now that we're married we could take the opportunity to start trying for those children...