A/N Here is chapter three! I plan on making a master post soon, but you can find the others here
chapter one
chapter two
this is basically everything leading up to the meeting with Snoke after the night they had dinner.
Warnings: angst, crying, anger, nothing bad, rather PG.
Word Count: 1144
tags: @bensoloslover @crockgoblin69
You had beads of sweat dipping down into your temples, running down your cheeks. “Again.” His voice was loud and extremely clear.
Not again, I can’t go again. You felt a lump forming in your throat, tears starting to prick your eyes. “Kylo, I can’t-”
“If you don’t push yourself now, you never will. Stand, again,” his voice was more encouraging than demanding.
You tightened your fists. You can do this. In the short time you spent here with him, in your opinion, had learned a lot. But, that didn’t mean it would be enough for Snoke to label you valuable. You nodded and closed your eyes. As you felt your body floating away from you, you lifted your hand and locked onto the table. You opened your eyes and watched as the table lifted, you threw your hand to right and the table went crashing into the wall. You flung your hand at Kylo, locking onto the lightsaber. As it left the seethe, he also held his hand up. The lightsaber floated in mid air, shaking from the pulls from the two of you.
Come on, you though. Just one time. All the muscles in your body felt like they were knotting up, you were given it everything you had. The weapon was quaking now, looking as if it would be torn apart. You felt a sharp ringing in your head, almost too much discomfort to push on. Then, the saber flew toward you.
You caught it, astonished, you finally did it. You threw your arms up, “I did it!” You felt so happy. Finally.
Kylo clapped his hands together, “Well done, Y/N.”
You kept smiling, but you were thinking about pushing things further. You needed to prove you were worthy. You flung your arm back up, knocking Kylo on his back. You lunged at him, placing your barefoot on his chest, pinning him down. You ignited the fiery red blade and it above him.
His eyes doubled in size, but you could read it now, you could almost see inside that pretty head. He was impressed with you. “You tricked me,” he huffed.
You cut the saber off, moving your foot to offer him your hand to help him up. “I thought it would be a nice touch.”
He was smiling when he grabbed your hand, playing the same trick on you that he did him. He flipped you over, your air escaping your lungs as you landed flat. He rolled over elbow jabbing into your ribs so you couldn’t move. His eyes scanned you, both of you surprised. His face was inches away, you could feel his breath. You stopped breathing, your lungs ceased to work, your brain shutting down. He was inside your head now, you could feel it. What were you even thinking? Confusion. You were confused as to how you even got into this room in the first place. You were now confused on how you ended up pinned down by Kylo Ren and why you liked it.
Kylo stood up quickly, shit, holding his hand to you. “Up. You need sleep. Tomorrow is life or death for you.”
“Kylo, can I ask you a question?” He was now walking to his quarters now but he turned, curiosity spread across his broad features. He nodded so you continued. “Even if he says I’m not valuable, why would he kill me? Why couldn’t I just come back to work in the living quarters for the First Order again?”
Kylo shook his head, his black waves not budging much because of the sweat the two you had worked up training. “Someone with your midi-chlordan count is dangerous. If you’re with us, you’ll be an asset. Against? You could be the weapon the resistance needed, the First Order’s downfall.” He didn’t offer anything after that, the door shut behind him.
You dragged yourself to your room, changing into your night dress, unable to coordinate real thoughts still. After laying down it hit you all once, you began to sob. Violently. You finally felt important, like you could be something, but tomorrow you could die. There was a chance that after sleeping tonight you’d never see these living quarters again.
You weren’t sure how long you had been crying, it was hard to shut your mind down amongst the chaos that was storming in your body. Your door slid open but you didn’t have the energy to look up.
The mattress you were on top of dipped down as new weight was added, you didn’t look but it had to be Kylo, no one else was allowed in. You wiped your eyes, trying to dry up what was still flowing. “Stop,” his voice was soft, almost soothing. “Stop thinking it, I can hear you... I do- don’t, just don’t think that.”
You realized what he was meaning, you kept seeing the image of yourself, cold body laying on the ground beside Kylo who watched you, helmet on, and he kept seeing it too. You were crying hard again, “Kylo, w-what if the Supreme Leaders kills me? Not even giving me a chance to come back? How can I be dangerous? I’m just a maid.”
You felt his warm hand press into the small of your back, shivers erupted across your whole spine. “Stop. Show him your anger tomorrow, when he looks into your mind think about being kidnapped, think about slinging the table into the wall. Thinking about how you are so much more than scrubbing toilets and dressing beds. You have potential, you are extremely strong. I know I could be wrong about the outcome, but I see you flying back with me tomorrow, I cannot see me leaving your body there.”
You rolled over, his hand now on your stomach, sending chills through your body. “If he kills me... What was this for? Won’t he just be angry you wasted your time here? Training me? When you could have been looking for I don’t know, Obi-Wan!”
Kylo chuckled, “You really don’t know much of the our history. Obi-Wan is dead, Darth Vader killed him. Besides, I’ll do everything I can, I promise.”
At his words, you felt like crying again. This time an almost happy cry, not because you were scared anymore. “Kylo, will you stay in here with me? Just until I can find sleep.”
He nodded, crossing his hands at his stomach. He was far away from you, on the other side of the bed. Not wanting to make him uncomfortable you scooted as far over to the other side as you could.
Searching for a blanket of calm, anything to pull your mind to a stop. You needed to sleep for tomorrow. You kept eyes pressed tightly shut, even when the sheet at your feet slid over you, wrapping you in warmth. You smiled, it helped. The last thing you remembered before finding your dream state was a hand, tucking hair behind your ear- Kylo.
Okay so like right after I stopped listening to them in high school Of Mice & Men had a really beautiful rebirth??? I LOVE all of their stuff from 2014 on!
Y'all ever just rediscover a song from one of ur favorite albums and end up listening to the whole album all over again and and suddenly u just remember why u love it so much 'cause it's so fucking good like damn
Lange ist her das ich begonnen habe zu lern, viel Schweiß, Tränen, Überstunden aber leider auch mal dunkle Tage ... ich bin dankbar für die Zeit und nehme nur das gute mit.
Ich hab es geschafft nach so vielen Steinen die mir im Weg lagen.. und ich bin gewachsen in der Zeit an mir selber.
