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Background: UFOs

(The following is an excerpt of a work in progress called The Drifters Drift Again, the sequel to The Drifters which is the sequel to Space Hotel.

The narrator of this excerpt, Dr. Hillard Joy, elaborates on the reason behind the UFO phenomenon on Earth. )

Goosfabra is inhabited by the Fabians – which are none other than the popular gray-skinned aliens of Earth lore. Fabians are very playful and curious – and this is why they had secretly traveled to Earth for so long.

You see, they say that Earth was always the butt of a joke for years and years - literally. No other lifeforms in the galaxy felt that stopping by Earth was worth anything, especially after we stopped our space programs. The Fabians began a bet with the rest of the Galactic Community to see what our future would be like. Would we go back to the Dark Ages? Would we revive our space program? Just how long would it take for us to realize that we were not alone? How many anal probes would it take?

Aside from that, there happens to be a galaxy-wide race to visit every known planet with sentient life. That was really the reason why UFO's were sighted; because aliens stopped by to get their picture taken on Earth as proof that they visited it, then they would check Earth off their list and fly away. They never made contact because they still held on to their bets about us. However, Fabians found our butts to be fascinating. Fabians rarely sit down. In fact, most non-human species rarely ever “sit down”. As such, our rear ends were constantly a point of fascination. Most of the times, Fabians abducted a hapless, sleeping victim and took a picture of themselves with the victim’s naked butt sticking out all in an effort to say, “Get a load of this funny-looking thing! They call it a butt.”

But soon the judges of the race started to get tired of the same pictures as “proof” – and wanted more than just some random photo of a naked human butt. They changed the rules of the race stating that you must land on the surface of the planet and there must be inhabitants of the planet in the picture who are aware of your presence. At some point, a group of Fabians said “Fine” and landed in the middle of Washington D.C. to get their photo taken in front of the Washington Monument. Why Washington D.C.? They said they saw it in a movie once that they picked up from one of our transmissions (Independence Day). First contact supposedly happened way back in the year 2,100 C.E., and ever since then, Earthlings have shaken their fists angrily at extraterrestrials and how they posted pictures of their butts and sent them across the galaxy without their permission.

I don't blame them though. I would be mad too. Not every other extraterrestrial species finds it amusing either. The Fabians are generally viewed by the galaxy much in the same way as we view the most obnoxious vloggers. Who knows how many pictures of human butts are out there in the Milky Way? I never claimed to be abducted by aliens. But every time I get this rash on my ass I can't help but feel paranoid.

~Eddie Francisco

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