Thirteen and Counting
Pairings: Petunia Evans x Regulus Black | Lily Evans x Sirius Black Words: 13,385 Chapter Six/? - Lily’s POV You can read all previous chapters here. Trigger warnings: Brief sexual encounters, death mentions, abuse mentions.
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8 Years Earlier
Lily’s sweet sixteen had passed by without a word from her sister; it was something they had dreamed of celebrating for her together when they were kids. The bitterness kept rising in the back of her throat whenever she thought about it, but she was thankful Alice was always there as her roommate to keep it off of her mind. She had almost forgotten about her sister completely, it seemed like, or that’s what she tried to tell herself. It was when she saw her sister’s name pop up on her cell phone’s caller-ID that she was startled and sadly reminded.
She considered not answering her sister's call. Fuck Petunia, she thought. Ignoring her for four years meant she did not deserve the light of day. However, she secretly missed her sister too much to not let her phone call intrigue her. She decided to answer.
“Hello?”
All she could hear was Petunia’s breathing at first; she could hear Petunia's breath hitch right after she spoke her first word. It was like she was shocked to hear Lily’s voice at all.
“Lily,” Petunia started, no greeting, no nothing. Lily shouldn’t have been surprised, “Aunt Penelope is dead. There was a robbery at her work and she-”
Lily listened for Petunia’s despair, but there wasn’t any. She just stopped talking. The silence was deafening. Lily realized Petunia was now legally an adult; this meant that it was all her responsibility.
“I suppose you’re calling to tell me about a funeral then?” Lily questioned. She didn’t want to go, but a part of her was drawn to go. She would secretly do anything to see her sister once more.
“Yes,” Petunia replied, “It’s in a week. I have already made arrangements with Headmistress McGonagall for you.”
Lily glanced over to Alice sleeping on the bed across from her. She was jealous that she didn’t have to deal with this constant loss that seemed to be Lily’s constant companion. She was never close with her Aunt Penelope; she blamed Petunia for that, too. It was easier to blame Petunia than think about the fact that her Aunt maybe never wanted to give her a chance to be her family, too.
“I suppose I’ll see you then. You don’t need to pick me up, I’ll take the bus.”
Lily did not hear what Petunia was going to say next, because she hung up the phone to cry, not for the loss of her Aunt, but for the loss of her sister once again.
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A week had passed and Lily got off the bus down the street from the funeral home. She watched as members of the community filed in for her Aunt’s funeral. She didn’t recognize any of them, she realized. I guess that happened when you never visited home.
Her black combat boots squeaked across the floor as she entered the building. Older individuals turned to look at her with annoyance, but it didn’t seem to matter when she saw her sister. Petunia’s hair was now past her shoulders; she had always kept it short like Lily’s when she was younger. Lily realized she hadn’t changed much, and she self-consciously tucked a short strand of her red hair behind her ear.
Her sister was beautiful as always; Lily always thought she was the beautiful one. She tried to bury her jealousy down along with her bitterness. It did not work well.
When Petunia caught her eye, she slowly walked towards her. She gave her sister a very awkward hug. Lily did not return it.
“It’s so good to see you,” Petunia told her, “It has been way too long.”
Because of your own choice, Lily thought, but she didn’t say anything. She just crossed her arms and looked anywhere but at her sister so she wouldn’t cry.
“The ceremony is about to start,” Petunia told her, “I-I would like if you would sit with me.”
Lily wanted to lash out; she wanted to scream no. She wanted to tell her that her and Aunt Penelope were no longer her family, but then she saw that a lot of guests were watching their conversation. Lily already stuck out like a sore thumb as it was, so she swallowed down her anger and just nodded. She pulled her father’s cap out of her book bag for strength. Petunia didn’t comment on it as they sat down.
The ceremony was long, and Petunia gave a very robotic speech. Lily wondered what happened to her sister’s passion. The only thing that was the same about her sister was her blonde hair pulled back into a braid that was now longer and her fiddling with the bottoms of her shirt sleeves like she always had done when she was nervous.
The burial was quiet as well. Petunia did not shed a tear and neither did Lily. Lily wondered when her sister had become so cold; she would think she would cry over her Aunt who had become her constant companion.
Their Aunt’s friends were the only ones that cried. They came and comforted Petunia as they ignored Lily. It was like she had never existed.
Once Petunia was wrapped up in conversation with one of Aunt Penelope’s old friends, Lily took that as her opportunity to walk away.
As Lily rounded the corner of the cemetery towards the willow tree where she saw her parents graves, she lit a cigarette that was in her book bag.
As she took a puff, she was startled when she heard footsteps behind her. It was Petunia. It appeared that all the rest of the funeral guests had left to mourn privately.
“When did you start smoking?” Petunia asked her. For once, her tone wasn’t filled with judgment, just curiosity.
Lily grunted, “Why does it matter?” If you only saw me, you’d know, Lily thought, but she didn’t say anything.
Petunia didn’t answer her but held her hand out. Lily knew she wanted one too, so she pulled one out of her book bag and handed it to her along with her lighter. She watched as her sister lit the cigarette. She coughed like it was her first time smoking one, and this made Lily smirk.
They stood there in silence as they looked at their parent’s graves. Neither of them cried; maybe they were both numb to the pain now. Or maybe Petunia was as emotionless as she now appeared. Lily just knew she had cried herself dry throughout all the years of loneliness she endured.
The willow tree covering their parent’s grave was thriving; it made her think of the walks she used to take with Petunia and her mother through the cemetery when their father was at work. It would seem like a morbid way to spend time with your mother to most, but it was some of Lily’s fondest memories of her mum. It was when they let their imaginations run wild as they honored the dead.
“Willows are still my favorite trees,” Petunia told her as she broke the silence, “I wish mum and dad would have named me Willow instead of Petunia. If I had a daughter of my own, I would name her Willow.”
Petunia had never told Lily that before; maybe it was a new development with age. Maybe she came to this spot often while Lily never got the chance.
Lily chanced a glance at her sister; she hoped she would not be looking back at her, but she was. Petunia always had a knack for knowing what Lily was thinking even when she didn’t want her to. It was endearing as a child, but now after years without talking, it was unnerving.
“I want you to stay at home with me,” Petunia confessed, “If you want to, I mean. I know I haven’t been there, but there is so much you don’t know. If only you will let me explain-”
“I don’t want to hear it,” Lily silenced her, “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” Petunia insisted.
Lily took a deep breath as she put her cigarette out. She put it in a plastic bag in her book bag in order to preserve her parent’s gravesite.
“Why do you want me home? You wanted nothing to do with me for years.”
Petunia didn’t respond at first. She just flicked her cigarette.
“Because we can start over.”
Lily should have argued more; she should have refused after all her sister had put her through, but she didn’t. Instead, all she answered with was, “Okay.”
Present Day
As Lily now ran through the forest, she thought about the day her sister promised they could start over. She lied then, too. Her sister was as absent as ever as Lily finished high school at home. Petunia was constantly working to support them, but she didn’t even try to explain why she had abandoned her years before, and Lily didn’t push for answers. Lily’s constant high school rebellion was begging for her sister to talk to her, yet she wasn’t there and didn't seem to care. She just worked diligently all hours of the day and provided Lily with cash when she needed it. Lily moved out when she was eighteen and hadn’t seen her sister since until a few weeks ago. The thought annoyed Lily that Petunia only seemed to show up when the world was turning to shit for her, one way or another.
Lily finally stopped to catch her breath under the cover of a tree. The rain was still falling, and her red hair was stringy and sticking to her cheeks. Her father’s cap wasn’t protecting her face from the storm. She didn’t expect it would, anyway.
She was suddenly startled when she heard a branch snap behind her. She turned around and grabbed her father’s pocket knife out of her pocket. It was one of the only weapons the whole group had now, she realized.
Sirius walked out from behind a tree a few feet behind her with his hands up. Lily rolled her eyes at the sight of him.
“Why did you follow me?” She asked him. She was annoyed, she wanted to be alone. Hence, walking off and then running through the trees.
“I was pissed too,” he told her, “And I wanted to see if you were okay.”
“How noble of you.”
For once, he approached her hesitantly, “Look, I’m pissed at my brother and your sister as well, but I don’t think you should be so hard on Petunia. I think she-”
“Like you aren’t that harsh towards Regulus?” Lily argued back, “I don’t need a hypocritical lecture.”
“I do sound like a hypocrite, and I will admit my tactics with Regulus are… intense, but I have my reasons.”
“So do I,” Lily said, “Don’t assume otherwise.”
She crossed her arms from the cold, and Sirius noticed, “Do you want my jacket?”
Yes, Lily thought, but she replied, “No, I’m fine.”
She watched as Sirius took a deep breath and now sat in the rain with his back against a tree. Lily followed suit.
They were silent for a while and just listened to the rainfall until Sirius spoke up, “Do you want to know why I hate my brother so much?”
Lily shrugged. She was ridiculously curious, but she wouldn’t push. She didn’t want to seem eager to know anything about him. Letting people in was not something Lily practiced proactively.
Sirius took that as a yes, and he began his story, “My brother was a prodigy as we grew up. He was younger, he was looked at as better looking, and my mother was obsessed with him. She hated me and wanted me to live up to my brother’s expectations. Naturally, I rebelled,” he smirked at the comment, “But that did not get her off my back, and my scars are there to prove it.”
Sirius lifted up the side of his shirt and jacket to show scars of lashes. Without thinking, Lily leaned forward to brush them lightly with her fingers. She watched as Sirius’ skin rose up into goosebumps. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and watched her. Gently, she pulled her hand back.
“I’m sorry,” she told him, “I-I can’t imagine.”
Sirius continued on, “My brother never did anything to stop her, he just-he just continued to be the perfect son. I’m just bitter I guess, and then when James died..”
His voice trailed off.
“Who is James?” Lily asked him.
She watched as a tear trailed down Sirius’ face.
“He was my best friend, along with Remus and Peter. Peter is gone now too, but James.. he-he died in a car crash. I was driving to pick up Regulus from his violin lessons to try and gain approval from my mother. I-I have truly hated my brother more ever since. The other driver was drunk. It-it wasn’t my fault but I can’t help but blame myself.”
“It was not your fault,” Lily told him fiercely, “Life is unfair and there are circumstances you can’t control. I understand completely.”
The rain had settled down now to a gentle sprinkle. Sirius pushed back his long hair from dangling in his face. Lily noticed how beautiful his eyes were, and she could not look away.
“How do you understand?” He asked her quietly. She could barely hear him. It was like the wind had been knocked out of him.
“Petunia and I lost our parents in a car crash as well, so unexpectedly. Petunia promised she would always be there for me, and she had been, until I needed her most. She sent me away to an academy and kept my Aunt Penelope all to herself. I only came home once my Aunt died, and even then… Petunia was no longer there. She tries to play a protector now that the world has gone to shit, but she has never protected me. I have only fended for myself and I-”
But Lily did not finish. Her words trailed off, and she just looked into Sirius’ eyes once again. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Lily had forgotten everything; what her bitterness was and why it was there. All that mattered in that moment was Sirius looking back at her and understanding. He was the first person that ever did, and for once, she didn’t feel alone. She knew she had only known him for a short time, but it felt like a lifetime. Lily was not sure what came over her next; she had always been impulsive, but never quite this brave.
She leaned forward and kissed his lips. Her hand cupped his face. He didn’t respond at first, until suddenly his hand was tangled in her hair and her father's hat fell into her lap. She pushed her father’s hat to the side as she now straddled Sirius’ lap. Everything was happening so fast, but it was natural, it was right. The warmth of Sirius’ body pressed against her allowed her heart to beat faster. She had never felt this alive since she had lost her parents.
He didn’t need to say anything more; he laid down on his back into the dirt as Lily peeled her wet shirt off of her body. His calloused hands rubbed her hips as she unbuttoned his pants and thrusted her hips into his. She watched his lips form a moan and call out for her. Pleasure rushed through her body as she gripped his shoulders for support. It was passionate; it happened quickly. She wanted to replay it over and over again, but now she laid down in his arms and closed her eyes. He gently ran his fingers through her hair. This was the safest she had ever felt.
“That was.. You are.. Incredible,” he whispered into her ear.
She smiled against his chest in a way so he couldn't see her face, “Don’t make me regret it, bastard,” she teased.
They laid like that for a while until the moon rose and the clouds disappeared. The stars were bright that night after the storm they had endured earlier in the day.
Lily put her father’s cap back on as they walked back to camp. She kept her distance from Sirius now, and he didn’t ask. She knew he understood.
When they arrived back to where they left Regulus, Remus, and Petunia all they saw was Regulus pacing frantically and Petunia trying to talk him down.
“What is happening?” Sirius asked.
It was then that Lily noticed Remus was nowhere in sight.
“Where is Remus?” She asked.
Regulus didn’t dare glance at Sirius as he ran his hands through his hair, so it was Petunia that answered, “He went hours ago after you left to find firewood, but he hasn’t been back since. We fear he is lost.. Or worse… dead.”
