Anyways here's Ben, Brandon, and Bennett! (Yet another oc..)
Hand fringe was way harder to make than I thought it'd be
I might make another OC too with the sole purpose of grouping these three with them to create 4bbs (4 B Boys)
Not going to right now but it's on the table...
I WILL finish making all the first years then Melty then the staff MARK MY WORDS!!!!!
Oh if you're wondering what Bennett's curse is; he can hear people's thoughts but it's on 24/7 and it sometimes forces him to blurt out those thoughts so fun yay!
Summery: When Brandon asks Roland a simple question, Roland is left with questions of his own. The main one being "Why have I drawn back from Kevin?"
Warnings: internalised Homophobia, neglect mentioned, not feeling good enough, religious trauma?, nightmares, these boys need therapy and not just to scream into a hole.
word count: 1.2k
author note: I haven't properly written fanfics in a while, so please forgive the rusty writing. And please note this is based in fifth year so characters are 16.
The four brave boys were always affectionate.
From day one they took to one another as if they had been life long friends.
Three boys who didn't come from affectionate homes, one neglected, one held to standards outside his control and one utterly alone.
Then there was Roland. Roland and his family were always close. Church events, religious holidays and three bothers meant Roland was never alone. There was always someone to talk to, to play football or sing a song with.
So it came as no surprise to Roland that the four gravitated to one another and took to one another like family.
In fact he rarely thought about it. He remembered first year when Edgar settled into a group hug after Poe died the first time and cried so vulnerably.
He remembered Kevin comforting Monty so easily while they celebrated Montys control.
He remembered Montys face when he'd used lay on hands to heal his head after a back flip gone wrong. How Monty had been reminded of his dad patting him on the head. How it had been easy for Roland to wrap his arms around his friend and tell him that he was there and not going anywhere.
How Roland had multiple times, wrapped his stockier body around the others to block harm coming their way.
The list went on, hugs, holding hands, physically shielding each other with their bodies and more.
Roland never cared to notice because they were all comfortable with the affection. It had been a day one constant that was small and normal, comforting and needed.
Until one day in fifth year.
Roland sat in the communal space, watching as Monty and Edgar chased around a certain mischievous crow whom had stolen Monty's shoes and was quite adamant they would not be getting them back.
Roland had his worn Better Book open in his lap, ignored as he chuckled at the antics of 2 brave boys vs 1 crow.
A dip in the sofa next to him brought Roland's attention away from the amusing scene. He glanced to his right and gave Brandon a bright smile.
Brandon smiled back, before glancing back at Ben and Aaron who seemed to be watching from a shirt distance. "Roland? Can I ask you something."
"Of course, Bwandon. How can I help?" Roland closed his book and turned to Brandon to hive him his attention.
Brandon paused, the fingers twitching just above his eyes. A habit that Roland had learned meant that Brandon was a little nervous or uneasy.
"How come you've stopped being so affectionate with Kevin lately? Are you two fighting?"
The question was straightforward, really. But it raised questions of his own. Were they that much more affectionate than the other boys in their year that Brandon had taken note? Had he been less affectionate with Kevin? Enough for Brandon to be concerned about it?
Why was he drawing away from Kevin?
"What?" Roland managed to say.
"Well you still hold hands with Monty and Edgar when out for field trips and give them hugs and everything, but..." Brandon looked over towards Rolands room where Kevin was practicing his violin, "lately you seem to avoid the same with Kevin. Hell, I don't think I've seen the two of you just hanging out just you two for a while either."
Roland didn’t answer right away. He supposed that Brandon was right, he found that he'd recently started avoiding Kevin in small ways, sitting between Monty and Edgar when the seat next to Kevin was open. Grabbing the other boys arms to drag them along and trusting Kevin would keep up. Any number of little unconscious actions, thats been excluding Kevin from small affections day to day.
"I hadn't noticed." Roland admitted. "Don't worwy Bwandon, we're not fighting." He tried to reassure his friend with a grin. Though events to him the smile felt forced.
But it had him thinking, was how affectionate he was with his friends that unusual that Brandon and maybe others noticed when he was being less affectionate with Kevin...
Should he be less affectionate with the others too? Nah, what did it matter what Brandon and the others thought.
So... why was he being less affectionate with Kevin?
He took a moment to think about something simple and easy, holding Kevin's hand in Understanding class so he's not scared...
Why did he feel guilty?
Hugging him after a bad dream?
Guilty?
Sitting a little closer to him than the others?
Guilty.
Silently watching him practice violin?
Guilty!
Why?!
Roland huffed a little, standing up to go to his shared room. "I have nothing to feel guilty about." He muttered and opened the door with more force than needed, feeling guilty when he startled Kevin.
"Sorwy. I just wanted to listen to you play." Roland explained with a strained grin.
Kevin lit up, just a little, and that guilty feeling settled in his gut again. It was both heavy and light, like butterflies trying to carry a lead ball.
Roland sat down with his Better Book to listen as he read, finding the gentle notes of Kevin's violin calmed the storm of his guilty mind.
One song after another with Roland digging into his memory to find when the pulling away started. It was only when Kevin started playing a familiar song that a memory hit Roland like a hellpincher claw.
A little under a month ago, in the darkest hour of the night, Roland had woken with a throat like sandpaper.
He looked up at the ceiling and thought about if water was worth getting out of bed for or if dying of dehydration in a comfy bed was the preferred way to go.
The comfort of sleep began weighing down on Rolands eyes once more before a soft whimper tore him back into wakefulness.
He was up and at Kevin's side in record time as he noticed tears on the sleeping boys face. "Kevin. Kevin wake up!" He shook the redhead gently, already desperate to reassure the boy that he was safe.
Kevin woke with a gasp and sat up quickly, barely having time to register that he was at school with his friend before warm arms pulled him close. A familiar comforting tune being hummed quietly to help soothe him.
Only a moment later was Kevin gripping Roland desperately and sobbing into his shoulder. "They didn't want me." He sobbed softly. "They left me here because I was just an embarrassment."
Roland didn't need to guess who. This fear had been talked about before and it broke his heart to heart it again.
Without thinking, Roland kissed the top of Kevin's head and promised to be with him until the end.
Roland came back to the present with the memory of wide teary eyes staring at him in soft moonlight, only to find present Kevin looking at him confused.
"You alright, mate? You seem a little out of it." Kevin inquired.
Roland glanced down at the Better Book to find a passage about Homosexuality and it's sinful nature and everything clicked.
Looking back at Kevin as the boy asked again if he was okay and...
Oh
The shock melted away and Roland forced a big sunny smile. "Never better, Kevin."
