#riddlerxpenguin

[ashesfordayz]

🐧 Partners in Crime ❓

I missed drawing these guys so much

[arrogance-is-an-aesthetic]

Call it what you want

Listening to too much Taylor Swift and here is the result (based on the song 'Call it what you want'). Set after Penguin's release from Blackgate and based on episode trailer, since I haven't watched episode yet.

Oswald gazed out the window, as his driver drove through Gotham towards the cemetery, reflecting on the new landscape of his home.

The city had been rebuilt since those dark days of isolation when the city had been abandoned. Where ruins once stood, now stand skyscrapers. New businesses have replaced the old. The streets once again busy with the people, trying to make home from the what was once chaos. It was beautiful.

Oswald clenched his jaw as they drove past a poster of Jim. Gotham's new Police Commissioner. What a joke. He as corrupt and ineffective as the last. Oswald still couldn't believe he had had the audacity to arrest him. To lock him Blackgate. Call him a liar, a criminal… a villain. With everything he has done, Jim was the true criminal.

Despite his separation from his home, whilst locked away in Blackgate, news from the outside crept in. The Joker had taken his place as King of Gotham, the media declaring him the Crown Prince of Crime. A ridiculous moniker. Ivy, Bridget, Fries, Tetch and Crane all escaped capture at unification. They certainly made sure to make themselves known to the new citizens of Gotham, all while causing trouble for the GCPD. It never would have happened under his rule. Sofia Falcone had woke from her coma, not too long after unification, and reclaimed what was left of his empire. Organised crime was now solely in her control. He had nothing. Absolutely nothing left. Damn Jim Gordon.

The car pulled to a stop at the gates of Gotham cemetery. Oswald reached for his cane and climbed out, taking a deep breath as he greeted the fresh air. Never again, he thought. Never again would he allow someone to lock him away.

As soon as he started to walk the familiar path, his leg aching from the simple activity,  he had to pause. A gust of wind hit him, messing his hair and blinding him with a memory of a decision so sudden and so vivid it felt like the present.

The 8th of November, that dark and cold year. The only time Gotham hadn't felt like his home. The wind was wild and the smell of seawater permeated the air. He was standing toe to toe and staring up at the only person, other than his mother, he had ever truly loved. Arguing. Arguing over leaving Gotham. Abandoning her in favour of safety and riches. It was one of the few moments in his life he had felt truly torn, but in the end he just couldn't do it. Gotham was his home, no matter what it had become.

Oswald quickly shook his head, pushing the memory back and continued towards his mother's grave. Refusing to allow himself to question his choice. He made the right one, no matter the consequences.

When he reached her headstone, a smile formed as he saw the white lilies placed against it.

The soft crunch of foliage alerted Oswald to the fact he had company. Turning, Oswald saw him. The brim of the bowler hat obscuring his downturned face but the garish green suit giving his identity away. Ed.

Ed raised his head and grinned “It's good to see you Oswald”

With a sudden desperation Oswald reached for Ed and pulled him into a hug, his head immediately burying into his throat, and whispered back “You too, my friend”

When they eventually broke apart Oswald gestured to the flowers and asked “Was this you?”

Ed nodded, a pink tinge visible against his pale cheeks, then said “You said lilies were her favourite”

Oswald felt his eyes well with unshed tears and let out a soft, choked “Thank you” as he wiped at his eyes.

Oswald was no stranger to poor choice, misplaced friendships and burned bridges. He made the same mistakes over and over, and he knew he would again, but this… what he Ed had, he knew he did one thing right.

Ed held out his hand “Let's go home” and Oswald smiled and placed his hand in Ed's. Certain everything would be fine.

The world can call it what they want but what he had with Ed, it was indescribable.

[arrogance-is-an-aesthetic]

Family Reunion

Summary: Ivy being an awesome little sister and Ed getting his ass handed to him. This was written after the unnecessary betrayal of season 4 and I was little (maybe a lot) mad at Ed. Also Ivy destroying male egos are my turn on lol so always and in everything.

Oswald felt like a fool. Ed's betrayal had actually shocked him, yet it had been plain to see for anyone not blinded by sentiment.

"The most brilliant minds are often blind to the most obvious truth"

Ed had been honest with him from the beginning, well... in his own strange way. He will never chose Oswald. Even when given a choice between honest affection and false.

Oswald wanted to blame Lee for her manipulation, but despite Ed's obvious weakness for any female who showed even the slightest of attention he wasn't stupid. He knew Lee was using him, yet still he'd choose her over their friendship.

Of course, just because Ed knew she was using him didn't make him any less foolish. Ed's desperate desire to play the hero, (everyone knows that Jim's job) when all he has ever been is the villain, is ridiculous. He's fooling himself if he believes saving the worthless trash in the Narrows will make that self-righteous bitch love him. Ed can never be anyone but who he is... and she knows that.

What had Oswald tied up in knots, days after, was that the betrayal had actually hurt. Much more than he believed himself capable of feeling again. It was visceral, shock, shame and sadness all at once, and hit him the same as the bullet to his gut.

The only solace he could take was that it was familiar ground. Trust then the inevitable betrayal. It was an old routine and he was more than capable of masking his pain as rage.

Much to his frustration constant rage was unsustainable. As his anger faded he was left with only his pain and regret along with an overwhelming sense of loneliness. In his emotional turmoil he had instinctively gravitated towards the Mansion, and the memories of happier times, as he prepared to drink his feelings away.

"How could I be this foolish! Love is a weakness I cannot afford"

Half a bottle of vodka drowned and yet he still can't believe he had sacrificed his revenge, and essentially his kingdom, to save the traitor. Killing Sophia would have allowed him to reassert control with minimal fuss, but now he was painted even more inefficient. Not only did he allow himself to be overthrown, because of his love for another, but he was then subsequently shown up by the self titled Queen of the Narrows, in order to save a loved one. A loved one who then betrayed him.

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!"

He was now the laughing stock of the underworld, a weak little freak easily manipulated by his affections. When would he learn that trusting Ed risked not just his heart but his empire.

"Never again!" he muttered, before quickly gulping the last mouthful of vodka in his glass.

He was contemplating dragging is lonely self to bed, but instead reached for the bottle of vodka to pour another drink, when he sensed someone enter the room behind him.

"Well this is kinda sad." a sultry female voice observed.

Oswald twisted towards the voice. "Who are you?" he demanded as he faced the unknown woman.

"This is all I need. One of Gotham's resident crazies breaking into my house"

Oswald took a sip of his drink then snapped "And what the hell are you doing in my house?"

The tall redhead laughed "Oh right, I have a new face." She continued to walk into the room, not in the least concerned about the enraged Penguin.

Oswald raised an eyebrow at the advancing woman and snarled "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

The redhead laughed again. She appeared amused by Oswald's wrath and her giggles seemed to imply he had asked a ridiculously obvious question. She paused for a second, as if waiting for something to click, before offering a sarcastic "It's me Ivy."

The sound of shattering glass echoed in the silent room as Oswald's vodka spilled over the hardwood floors.

Oswald studied the woman. While she looked entirely unlike his little Ivy, she did exude the same preternatural presence. Oswald wanted to believe, it certainly wouldn't the weirdest thing to have happen in Gotham and it definitely wasn't a first, but it felt wrong to trust his gut. It had failed him horribly recently.

"And why would I believe you?"

Rolling her eyes she sighed "Seriously Pengy"

"It really is you!" Her use of that ridiculous pet name convincing him the way nothing else could. No one else would dare test his patience him so, not anymore.

Oswald wanted to run over and hug her. Forever his saviour, of course she was the one to find him after another betrayal. Maybe things were turning around.

"The one and only."with a cheery smile Ivy collapsed onto on the settee. "Oh... and I totally came here to kill you and make your home my new lair, like as revenge, but you kinda seem too pathetic for that to be enjoyable now"

To say he was shocked by the declaration didn't do justice to how horrified he felt. Ivy, sweet and kind Ivy, had just threaten to murder him. Now it wasn't that she wasn't capable of it, she was more than capable, but he just didn't understand why.

She had been another that he had honestly cared for. Someone he would risk all for, and still would despite recent harsh lessons.

When she had vanished he had been frantic, he had even instructed Zszaz to look for he. Given Zsasz's recent betrayal, Oswald now realised he probably hadn't even bothered to look.

Oswald cautiously continued to engage with her, despite the threat she was showing no indication she intended to follow through and he was curious enough to ignore it "Where have you been?"

"Do you care?" was her automatic and somewhat petulant response.

Oswald snapped back "That's not fair" as he glared back at his sulking friend.

"isn't it?. You treated me like dirt, only ever concerned about your precious empire. You probably didn't even notice I was gone" Ivy sneered, actually sneered. What had happened to his sweet little sister.

"I looked Ivy, I was worried " Oswald sighed in frustration. No one believed he was capable of caring, not even Ivy.

Ivy rolled her eyes "Sure" before flicking her hair over shoulder.

Oswald was struggling to contain his temper "Is that what this is about? You want to kill me because you think I ignored you?"

Ivy's words rushed together as her certainty wavered "No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know." taking a breath to center herself she continued, harsh and bitingly "You were mean Pengy. Really mean. You never let me do anything once you got your empire back. Bridget and Victor totally got jobs."

This finally caused what meager control he had over his anger to snap "Your 15!" he shrieked, furious over her ridiculous expectation.

"16!" her anger at him was just as palpable as she yelled back

"Fine... 16!" he grudgingly snapped before the anger dwindled and an uncomfortable emotion overwhelmed him "But you have to known I wanted you to have some semblance of a childhood." Oswald looked at the new changes and saw several more years were taken from her with whatever had happened. "Especially given how much of it was taken from you."

Ivy muttered "Whatever" while refusing to make eye contact with Oswald

"Seriously Ivy... " Oswald huffed in frustration "I gave you full access to all my accounts and freedom to do whatever you wanted. What teenager doesn't want that?"

"I wanted you to be nice to me... " her tone no longer harsh with anger but soft and hurt "You were the closest thing I've had to a family since... It doesn't matter. " It was so easy to forget how young she was, and how little she has had.

Reacting to her tone Oswald's voice became gentle "Being mean is hardly a reasonable reason to kill someone, especially in our family"

"You've killed people for less" She smirked

"True." Oswald chuckled "But your better than me Ivy. I'm as broken and ugly as my world, you deserve better."

The two surrogate siblings smiled at each other. At ease now they understood the others behaviour and reasoning.

"Are we good?" Oswald asked, hopeful.

Ivy nodded, then suddenly a sly grin appeared "But if you want me to really forgive you, you have to tell me what has you so down"

Oswald rolled his eyes but relented "Fine" Shaking his head at her excited giggles. He then reached for the bottle of vodka and took a mouthful to give him a little courage, his embarrassment unmistakable "Nygma... I may have started working with him again"

"What!" Oswald flinched at her shocked shriek "That guy was a total asshat! Why would you even speak with him after what he did?" Ivy has never been subtle about her feelings.

"I thought he had changed." Ivy raised an eyebrow in disbelief "Yes stupid I know, but had no one else. He came to my rescue. He broke me out of Arkham, saved martin--"

"Who?"

"A new member of our family. You will meet him soon I promise" Ivy nodded and prompted Oswald to continue his story "It was so perfect. If felt like before, when we were friends, before all the unpleasantness"

Oswald let out a bitter laugh "Stupid me actually thought it meant something to him. Our friendship I mean." Taking another gulp of his vodka "He betrayed me again. This time for some woman that doesn't even like him let alone love him." sneering in distaste he acknowledged resentfully "At least Isabelle actually loved him. Lee is just using him."

Looking defeated "I told him I trusted him and he used that against me" Oswald buried his head in his hands "What's wrong with me Ivy? I think I'm still in love him. I more angry that he is going to get hurt than I am that he betrayed me"

"Boys are jerks" Oswald burst into laughter at her simple summary. She wasn't wrong, boys certainly were jerks.

"I couldn't have put it better myself Ivy, boys are jerks. Even myself. I am sorry... you know for my behaviour, it was unacceptable." taking Ivy's gloved hand into his he looked into her eyes "I have really missed you. My life is just not the same without your constant chatter and sweet smile"

Ivy was practically beaming. Any anger she had remaining towards Oswald dissipated at the honesty in his expression. "I missed you too Pengy."

The moment was shattered by an awkward cough heard from the entrance of the room. "Sorry to interrupt this touching moment, but I have business with Oswald"

Oswald gasped. It was Ed. "How much did he hear"

Oswald stood abruptly and went to speak but he could only muster "Ed..." before stuttering off.

Ed smirked as he strutted into the room.

Oswald, suddenly noticing Ivy squeezing his hand tight in support, quickly hardened his tone and prepared to hold his ground "Unless your here to pay me my share from the job you can just turn around and leave"

"Please... Please say you're here to tell me it was all some elaborate plan. That I wasn't a fool to trust you"

Ed went to speak when Ivy rose from her spot "How lovely to see you again Ed." Taking her glove off she extended her palm for a handshake.

Ed sneered at the extended hand "I don't believe we have met." his eyes travelling over the woman with disdain "I have a rather good memory for faces." then with a dismissive wave "Oswald and I have business so whoever you are you can leave"

Ivy just smiled, ignoring Ed directions, and lowered her hand. Oswald was quite proud at the malicious intent she managed to convey with such a simple gesture.

Ivy headed towards the sneering Ed, almost appearing to glide across the room. She had definitely matured in the months they were apart. The Ivy he knew wouldn't have been able to display this level of confidence.

"Well the last time we met you weren't really in the position for proper introductions." placing herself firmly between Oswald and Ed "Ivy Pepper. Oswald's most trusted and loyal friend. You might remember seeing me just before our dear Victor put you on ice."

Ed laughed and mocked "Oh, yes, the little girlie hiding behind Oswald. I just assumed you were another nameless lackey trying to worm your back into his good graces, given I had to bust Oswald out of Arkham" a crease formed in his brow "You look different"

She gestured towards her face "I was kinda going through a transformation." then she crossed her arms "But I'm back now, so you can go back to your schtick as a tourist attraction in the Narrows. Your not welcome here, Oswald and I have plans to discuss"

Ivy smirked and turned from Ed, dismissing him with a mere gesture, much to his annoyance. The entitled voice in the back of Ed's mind screamed "How dare the little brat" as he instinctively grabbed her by the shoulder to turn her back towards him.

Ed was shocked when rather than acquiesce she whirled around, enraged, and wrapped her hand around his throat. He gasped as he felt her manicured nails dig into the delicate skin of his neck, not enough to piece skin but enough to hint they could easily rip his throat out.

Before anyone could act, Oswald to intervene and Ed remove talons digging into his throat, Ivy crooned "Just one little nick and you will be choking on your own tongue. Do not test me"her index finger teasingly trailed across his throat.

Ed started to feel dizzy and found he was struggling to think or form words. "What is she doing to me"

Oswald, recognising this was quickly getting out of hand, approached Ivy in hopes of calming her.

"Ivy... "

"Careful Pengy, I don't want you getting sick." Oswald squinted in confusion as he reached a hand out to place on her shoulder "My skin oozes a wonderful little toxin that can cause some interesting side effects" Oswald instantly jumped back.

"Ivy... we don't want to kill Ed." Ed was looking decidedly woozy "H-He still owes me a lot of money."

Oswald wanted to kick himself for his instinctual desire to protect Ed. No matter how he tries to argue it, he knows the reason he intervened was that he is still unable to see the fool in harm's way.

Gazing intensely at the swaying Ed "Don't worry Pengy I won't kill him." her nails caressing across Ed's throat "I'm just making a point." suddenly she dug her nails into the vulnerable flesh and shoved him roughly to the ground.

Ed instantly started to choke, his skin taking on a green tinge as the poison spread and began to show in veins. All he could do was grasped at his throat...

"Ivy! You said you weren't going to kill him!"

Ivy pulls a vial from her cleavage and turned to Oswald "I have an antidote. I'm not an idiot." she tosses the delicate little vial towards a scrambling Ed, who quickly swallows the contents.

Looking down at relieved looking Ed Ivy smirked "What made you think that was the antidote?" the panicked expression on his face was priceless. Ivy was beginning to find invoking male terror was becoming increasingly addictive and profitable.

"Just kidding." she giggled and Ed managed to look both irritated and terrified.

Leaning over the now panting Ed "You, or your hussy, make a play against Oswald again you won't be this lucky. Understood?"

Ed rapid nods making it more than evident he understood.

Oswald smirked in pride, Ivy was magnificent.

Oswald limped over and helped his former friend up. "Leave. Don't come back. I won't choose you over my family, and you won't survive a second encounter"

Ed glared at the redhead standing smug behind Oswald then turned and left. His smug confidence having been shredded by Ivy.

Oswald burst into laughter as soon as Ed was out the door. "Did you see him. I've never seen anyone shut him up before. You are a wonder"

Ivy grinned "He needed to know if he goes against you, he's also going against me." leaning down she hugged the shorter man, well as best she could without exposing him to her skin "He won't dare try to use your emotions against you again. Now he knows it doesn't matter if you care about him because to me he's just fertiliser"

Oswald smiled and awkwardly returned the hug "Thank you"

The two separated "Now onto business." Ivy grinned and pulled out a phone "Let's get the gang back together"

[arrogance-is-an-aesthetic]

Nothing But Our Sanity At Risk - Harvey Bullock (Part 6)

Gotham is plagued by three things. Crime, lunatics and… the Riddler and Penguin’s relationship issues.   

Harvey, for the first time in a seriously long time, felt relaxed. Batman had managed to lock up at least half of Gotham's most notorious crazies over the last month and the other half were in hiding. Now Harvey wasn't Jim… he thought the Bat was as nutty as the rest of criminals (the latex bat costume should have been a dead give away) but he could certainly appreciate the reprieve he provided. A complete week with nothing but normal everyday scumbags to arrest… it was wonderful.

He wasn’t not going to take advantage of this moment of peace, and he definitely wasn't going to let Jim miss it either. With a fixed determination he dragged Jim from his office to spend lunch with the little people and his underappreciated Captain and best friend.

They were sitting in Robinson park, gorging on incredibly greasy burgers and catching up, when an announcement came over the police radio ruining it all.

“Rolls royce speeding through diamond district. License plate reads PENGUIN. Property damage and reckless driving. Police in pursuit”

Harvey turned to Jim “No. Just no Jim. You know who that is.”

“People could be a risk.” Jim says as he puts his food down.

“No Jim, nothing but our sanity is at risk. You know he wouldn't have stolen Penguin's car if he wanted to actually harm people” Harvey felt himself getting worked up, arms flailing as he exclaimed “He would have sent some insane riddle, booby trapped a building, or, or…kidnapped Lucius!” chasing after his friend, who was now heading towards Harvey's cruiser, he yelled “This, this is just attention seeking”

Jim shrugged and said “I can't take that risk” before switching the sirens on. Harvey rolled his eyes in frustration but got in the car.

The pursuit was chaotic and fast. It was over almost as soon as it started and ended with the rolls royce taking a nosedive off the Gotham Pier.

Jim leapt from the car and headed straight for the likely drowning rogue as Harvey yelled “Jim, come on! Just leave him. This is ridiculous.” and Jim, the idiot, completely ignores him in favour of striping his coat off. Undeterred Harvey continues “It ain't like he's actually harming anyone… If the geek want to swim in the docks to get Penguin's attention, let him.” but  instead of taking his advice Jim dives straight in after the menace and Harvey's left talking to himself.

Several tense minutes later Jim bursts from the water, a drenched Riddler in his arms. Harvey immediately reaches for Nygma and drags him over the edge of the dock, freeing Jim up to get himself out, before abruptly dropping him as soon as he was sure he wouldn't fall back in. Harvey considered pushing the coughing and sputtering Nygma back over the edge, just to see the shock on the beanpoles face, but figured it hardly appropriate behaviour for a police Captain. He just imagined it… oh how he imagined it.

While Harvey was contemplating pushing Ed back in, Jim had managed to hoists himself up to only collapses alongside his captive, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. “Ed… you need to… stop this. It's… becoming a little crazy… even for you.”

“It's really... not any of your business… Jimbo.” Ed snarled between gasps..

“Have you… tried… couples counseling?” Jim asked.  

Harvey exclaimed “Come on! You're not serious? This is meant to be an arrest not an intervention”

Ed sniped back “You can shove both where the sun don't shine” before adding, with slightly less vitriol “plus it's hard to find a practitioner in Gotham”

At Jim's and Harvey's confused expression he continued “The top 3 psychiatrists in Gotham, Crane, Strange and Quinzel, all turned out to be insane… so we don't have much faith in the process”

Harvey nodded and agreed “actually a good point” before snapping handcuffs on the shocked rogue and suggested “Ask for a recommendation from the shrinks in Arkham” as he hauled him off the ground and towards the car.

Ed struggled and fought Harvey pushed him into the cruiser, and as he slammed the door he yelled towards Jim “You owe me lunch”

Harvey collapsed into the drivers side and mutter, head resting against the wheel “So much for a relaxing day in Gotham”

[arrogance-is-an-aesthetic]

I wrote this when I should have been working. Drabble inspired by an incorrect quote I’ve seen on tumblr before (honestly can’t remember Source. Please share if you know).

Person A: Person C is missing

Person B: So...

Person A: Don’t you have a tracking device on their phone

Person B: Oh yeah. Give me a minute.

*

Ed looked up in shock as his office door was slammed open. “Seriously Jimbo haven't you heard of knocking” he mocked as he rolled his eyes at the detective’s display.

“Sure… then you scurry away through whatever escape route you have built into this place and I end up with nothing” Jim answered.

Ed smirked “Why would I do that? I'm a legitimate businessman, and your clearly here for my superior detective skills.” then leaning back against his desk, ankles crossed and arms supporting his weight, he says “I hope you’ve bought the department’s check book, I’m rather expensive”

“I have no time for your bullshit Ed!” Jim snapped in irritation, before continuing somewhat more calmly “Oswald’s been kidnapped by Valeska. Where is he”

“Rude.” Ed sneered, then waving his hand at Jim he asked “How the hell would I know where the insane clown is?” a look of vexed boredom on his face.

“Not Jeremiah. Oswald.” Jim growled in frustration. With a raised eyebrow he asked “Don't you have a tracking device on his phone?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Ed answered, brows creased. He quickly stood and walked around his desk to his computer. Absently waving a hand at the stoic detective he muttered “Give me a minute.” after a few moments he looked up from his computer in suspicion “How do you know that?”

“Everyone knows that. You've interrupted his last six dates.” with a sigh he added “Can you just ask him out already. I'm sick of my officers being called to domestic disturbances at restaurants just because you can't do feelings”

“It wasn't… I don't… It’s not… I mean… “ Ed stuttered, face red. Eyes narrowing he snarled “Just mind your own business Jim.”

Jim rolled his eyes, not threatened in the slightest “Whatever you say Ed”

After a quick search on his computer Ed wrote an address on a piece of paper. Handing it to the detective he said “His GPS last pinged near amusement mile. There's a high probability that Valeska has him stashed somewhere in there where reception is fuzzy”

Jim nodded his thanks and turned to leave. As he reached the door he heard a whispered “Can you let Oswald know I helped?”

Jim let out a brief laugh, shaking his head fondly he answered “Sure thing Ed. I’ll let him know.”

[arrogance-is-an-aesthetic]

Who the hell is Pamela Isley

I love jealous Ed and Ivy/Oswald’s is my fav BrOTP and I can't stop imagining what if the show actually did something with the Ivy recast. Like what if it Ivy Pepper became the Poison Ivy we know by assuming the identity of Pamela Isley.

This and the idea of Oswald and Ivy conspiring together and Ed leaping to the wrong conclusion has been stuck in my head for ages, don't know where I'm going with it but I hope you like.

*********************************

“Who the hell is Pamela Isley?”

Lee blinked in shock when Ed slammed a newspaper down in front of her. The day had barely begun, yet Ed had already managed to find something to be extra about.

Lee picked up the paper and scanned the headline ‘Gotham’s Gangland Kingpin to Marry Mystery Woman’ which had apparently required her full attention at 8am.

The Gotham Gazette had scored an exclusive interview with the recently exonerated Oswald Cobblepot. The article detailed his romance and engagement to biochemist and botanist Dr Pamela Isley and their plans to adopt the young mute boy who Oswald was falsely accused of murdering.

The article sung the praise of the philanthropic and altruistic intentions of both the former Mayor and his environmental activist bride-to-be… and every word made Lee feel nauseated.

“Well I guess even monsters can find love, or at the very least pay for it”

Lee glanced up at Ed in irritation, annoyed that such a vapid and vacuous article had distracted her from her breakfast, and snapped “How should I know Ed?” before tossing the newspaper aside and taking a bite out of her toast.

Lee silently sipped her coffee, choosing to ignore his continued awkward presence looming over her huffing and fidgeting like a toddler about to throw a tantrum.

The silence lasted about 30 second before Ed snapped. Tapping his foot with unrestrained annoyance he offered expectantly “She was in your graduating class” as if this piece of information would somehow provide further clarity and she would now be able answer his bizarre question.

Lee glanced at him from the corner of her eye and with barely concealed boredom asked “And?”

“She went to school with you. You should know something” Ed snarled.

Lee rolled her eyes and spoke slowly, enunciating each word as if speaking to a small child “It's been years Ed. What exactly do you expect me to remember?” the contempt evident in her voice.

“Something!” he insisted “Anything!” He slammed his hands on the table whilst she sighed and watch her cooling breakfast longingly.  Unthinkingly she asked “Why does it even matter?” immediately regretting the decision before she finished the question.

Ed's face turned a motley shade of red and he began screeching “W-Why… Why does it matter?! WHY DOES IT MATTER?!” before he launched into a rant of epic proportions.

“Th-This tart appeared out of nowhere and somehow wormed her way into Oswald’s life in under a month. Under a month! She's up to something. I know it! And Oswald… Oswald is incredibly foolish, and…  and much too trusting when his feelings are involved. He can't make rational decisions. How do you think I was able to betray him?!” biting his fingernails he muttered “God knows what she's put into Martin's head.” then turning sharply to Lee “Did you know Sophia originally used Martin to spy on Oswald?” Lee went to respond but was abruptly cut off by Ed “He’s just as easily manipulated as his father. This woman” he spat “is using them for some nefarious purpose, and I will find out what it is!”

Ed was pacing the room, his hands running through his dishevelled hair. Lee was beginning to feel dizzy just from watching him.

He had worked himself into a crazed state, which Lee felt neither the desire nor saw any profit in de-escalating. His tantrums were one of the many frustrating traits she put up with for the benefit of having his intelligence working for her. He would either tire himself out or storm off in frustration. Either way she would be able to have her breakfast in peace.

And like clockwork Ed snapped “Fine!” and stomped out the room muttering “If you can't help me I will find out myself”

Lee smiled in relief as she listened the sound of crashing junk and scrap metal.

“Peace... Finally.”

Taking a mouthful of her coffee she grimaced in annoyance. It was cold.

[arrogance-is-an-aesthetic]

Of Riddles and Rhymes

Oswald glared at the clock in irritation.  Tick. Tick. Tick. The sound grated and each tick felt like a personal insult to his frayed nerves.

“Why is a raven like a writing desk?” Ed taunted.

Jervis screeched “That is my line! My line!” as he stomped his feet.

Hours! It has been hours and they still haven't stopped with the goddamn lunacy.

Ed laughed and continued “So you're not even going to try to answer me?” smirking he needled the now sulking Jervis “Well, you can't win if you don't play.”

Jervis glared and muttered “You are not the Hatter. You do not even matter! You're just a naysayer and betrayer who I will punish later”

“Come on, you're not still going on about that!” Ed rolled his eyes. After a few moments of he silence snapped “Fine!” and sat in his corner… pouting.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Heavenly silence… but for how long.

Jervis smirked from his corner of the cell and began to sing “Twinkle twinkle little rat, I want to hit you with a bat. Throw you off a cliff so high, I hope you break your neck and die.”

Not long enough.

“Can you hear that, Hatter? It's the sound of me clapping at your remarkable wit.” Ed paused then sniped “Oh... You can't? That's because your an idiot.” from his spot on the cell floor.

Jervis’s eyes narrowed as he crooned “Tick tock, tick tock. Your head will be rolling. No one will be consoling. Nothing will save you now.“ A malicious smile gracing his face.

Ed smiled through clenched teeth “This is another one up your alley Tetch. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?” Jervis just rolled his eyes, refusing to answer. Ed, never one to leave a riddle unanswered, snapped “Reality, You insane cretin. I didn't betray us! Get it through your thick skull”

Jervis began stamping his feet again “No! No, no, no!” waving an accusatory finger at Ed “You ruined everything! My lovely party is all in tatters. The table overturned and the guests are all gone! Pain and punishment await. I will show no restraint"

Ed sneered “Are you really this stupid, Hatter?” waving him off he continued “Don't answer that. The childlike gibberish you are bound to spout will just be embarrassing. Let me explain it one last time, slowly, so maybe your deficit brain cells can grasp it. I. Am. Not. A. Police. Informant” with a dramatic wave he said “First of all why would I allow myself to get caught? The GCPD are so beneath me in regards to intellect I don’t think --”

Jervis cut him off with a smirk “Then you shouldn’t talk.”

Ed jumped from his spot on the floor and stalked over to the grinning man “Riddle me this, what is black and blue and bleeds profusely?”with quick swipe Ed knocked the hat off Jervis head “You! When I'm done with you.”

Jervis screeched “The insolence, the arrogance the execrable table manners!”as he scrambled, in a panic, to put his hat back on.

Oswald blinked... and suddenly the two men were wrestling on the floor. This is the last time! The absolute last time I work with these lunatics! Oswald took several deep breaths. How he wished he had strong drink…. and that they would be sending him to Blackgate instead of Arkham. I cannot last a stint with these two as company. I would rather wallow in the squalor of Blackgate than attend group therapy with them.

Oswald rolled his eyes when he looked over to see Ed crowing in glee “What eats crow, yells uncle, and tosses sponges?” as he bounced around like an over excited child pointing at Jervis, who was pinching his bleeding nose “A loser. That’s who!”Quick as a whip Jervis shot his leg out, tripping Ed.

Ed fell face first in a tangle of limbs and to the sound of the Hatter’s cackling laughter “Careful now”

Why can’t crime, and criminals, be normal anymore? Don Falcone and Fish wouldn't lower themselves to this insanity.

Wiping blood from his bleeding mouth Ed launched himself at giggling mad man “That’s cheating!”. After several minutes of rolling on the floor Ed manages to get the upper hand, restraining Jervis’s wrists and straddling his lap. With a huff he mutters “Though, I’m hardly surprised. You don't have the intellect to beat me in a fair fight” Oswald can't help but snort at the comment.

Ed twisted to glare at Oswald and Jervis uses the distraction to buck Ed off him. Both men scramble to their feet and watched the other suspiciously, waiting to see who would make the first move.

Tick. Tick. Tick

Ed straighten his suit and affected an air of nonchalance “This is juvenile.” Oswald let out a bark of laughter “And your not?” Ed’s eyes narrowed in anger but kept his mouth shut and headed back to his spot on the other side of the cell and began to clean imaginary lint from his crumpled suit.

Great now he’s sulking.

Jervis took his seat, but still angry at Ed for his perceived betrayal muttered “Viper in the grass. Crass and brass. Won't be long before I show you up and reveal your lack of class.”

Ed sneered and threatened “The man who made me doesn't need me. The man who bought me doesn’t use me. The man who uses me doesn’t want me. Keep it up Tetch and I’m gonna put you in one”

Tick. Tick. Tick. The silence lasted exactly 3 minutes and 23 seconds, the longest yet… Oswald timed it.

“Twinkle twinkle little snitch, I’m going to bury your body in a ditch. All cut up now that you’ve met your end, just like your old girlfriend” Jervis’s giggles were interrupted as he was tackled by a furious green bean pole.

Oswald watched the two throw punches at each other, though he was reticent to call the swings they were throwing at each other punches, more like slaps.

Well… neither is known for their physical prowess.

Yawning he contemplated breaking up the fight, but decided against it. It would only break out again later.

The sound of clinking distracted him from the two idiots fighting and he turned to see Harvey Bullock standing behind him, smirking and tapping a flask against the bars of their cell.  Oswald raised an eyebrow in question and Harvey offered a droll “Consider it reparations for leaving you in that balloon for 6 hours.” Oswald scowled at the reminder but he was hardly one to refuse free liquor, especially with insanity he had been subject too for the last several hours, quickly snatched the flask and downed half the contents in one mouthful.

Harvey chuckled at Oswald “Don’t worry Penguin. Not too much longer and Blackgate’s prison van will be here to collect you” Oswald couldn't stop the relieved expression appearing on his face and Harvey just laughed harder “You know you could have just confessed and I would have thrown you in an interview room... alone.” and with a smug expression he stated “Offers still on the table”

No way in hell

Handing back the flask Oswald offered an affable smile that screamed sarcasm “Confess to what Detective Bullock? I am an upstanding citizen of Gotham and this” gesturing to the bars and police “is all simply a misunderstanding which my lawyers will sought out in no time”

Harvey grinned “You know… I could accidentally lose your paperwork. It would add at least an extra two hours to your time here with us at the station”

Oswald gripped the bars as he snarled at Bullock “That's cruel and unusual punishment” Harvey laughed “That's bureaucracy.” with a smirk he offered “Sure you don't want to reconsider?”

Oswald gritted his teeth and spat “No!” 

Goddamn bastard!

Harvey rolled his eyes then raised his flask in salute, a cheeky smile on his face “Have a fun evening” as he headed back to his desk laughing.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

[merry-andrews]

Riddlerxpenguin