#ridox notes

[ridox]

Your Childhood Home — 12:04 PM

Fate can be as cruel as a forgotten god could be, dangling you around with hope, questioning your beliefs, only to violently rip it all away in a matter nothing short of cruelty.

And just when you start processing the grief, the regret starts rolling in.

“Why didn’t I speak when I wanted to?”

“Why did I hesitate to call when I did?”

“Why did I deprive myself of the love I could’ve had while you were still here?”

It was a flurry of questions racing inside your head one after another, relentless in it’s wake and demanding answers you now know you could never get. It was the only thing keeping you awake.

The ground was cold even in the wake of a raging fire. You look up and all you see was your hope burning away alongside the wooden pillars of a place you once called home. And then it happened, something caught your eye as you lay on the cold, hard ground. A silver sheen not a hairbreadth away from you.

Touching it was cold, a stark contrast to the heat of the burning embers surrounding you. You muster up the energy to reach forward, searing pain willfully ignored for a touch of the familiar, all encompassed in a glint of a silver necklace with a bright apple charm.

‘When U Come Back’ was etched unto the dogtag. Another cruel joke from the taunting hands of fate itself.

You let your head fall back on the ground, exhaustion finally overpowering your body. In the distance, the sound of sirens wailed across the neighborhood. Neighbors and passerby’s alike were rushing to the scene, hoping to help in anyway they could.

You passed out before then, the only thing real from the numbness that settled in your bones being the same silver necklace you gave Caleb the day he left.

Not far from where you lay, amidst the shadows untouched by the burning fire, Caleb stood watch over you. His hands were trembling at what he had done, but he rigidly reminded himself it was all necessary to keep you safe.

The only casualty taking place really was the sacrifice your grandmother made to ensure the safety of your future. You didn’t know then, but fate didn’t play a role in this pivotal moment in your life. No, it was all manmade and orchestrated by the very people you loved.

Caleb made sure to hover his necklace where you could find it. His own silent plea for you to remember him.

Until the burning fire asphyxiates itself, until the war against the unknown becomes resolved, until he could come back home to you full of remorse and apology.

Until then, you’d just have to continue on believing that he was dead. And until then, he’d have to pretend you were too.

[ridox]

Xavier’s Apartment — 1:02 AM

Xavier was awake, he already was when he heard the roar of a motorcycle engine cutting through the silent corridors of the night. Xavier was wide awake when he pulled back the translucent window curtains that did nothing to shield his bedroom floor from the morning light and he was awake when he watched you merrily skip out of the apartment building, white hair and red eyed man in tow.

Xavier has been losing sleep lately. At first it didn’t come as a bother, something he thought only came as a result of his countless mid-afternoon naps. He thought maybe this was normal, that him staying up late at night willing that no man show up to whisk you away was just an afterthought of what physical reason was causing his insomnia. But then his nightly visits became more frequent and Xavier couldn’t help but find himself silently watching night after night as he helped you get on his midnight motorcycle if only to whisk you away into secrecy of dusk.

The crowned prince was not none the wiser, he knew who he was, knew the crimes he’d been punished for in his home planet of Philos. He’s heard stories of the fiend that reaps vengeance against corrupt officials and knows just how he has willingly spared him on the rare occasions their paths did cross.

Of course, the fiend also knows of him. He knows how the crowned prince have found himself solace and refuge in the apartment just above yours and he knows the role he plays as your partner in a job that constantly risks exposure of his sworn secrecy. Coincidence was barely an afterthought, he had more pressing matters to attend to especially after his informants told him that the crowned prince’s own men were already after him.

He wouldn’t consider them anything but acquaintances but he does recognize the kindredness of their own spirits. He’s heard stories of a young girl back in Philos that occupied the prince’s heart which ultimately made him turn away from his sworn princely duties. He’s never met her, of course, only having heard whispers while he sat bare inside the cell they’ve thrown him into. Besides that, Sylus has more grace and tact than people would like to admit and to use other people to get his vengeance is just not something he would stoop so lowly into. The girl merely existed as an extension of the prince and if he’s being quite honest — Sylus doesn’t have anything against him.

But Sylus is aware of the keening eyes that followed him and his person all through the night. He has been ever since he first found himself in your building, hoping to whisk you away from some unnamed task he and his own henchmen could definitely finish on their own. He’s acutely aware of how a pair of eyes gently traced your outline as you skipped to his vehicle in utter bliss and complete unawareness.

It was the same for tonight. Xavier found himself standing in front of his balcony door. It has only been a quarter of an hour before he heard the creak of the building’s entrance and the muffled footsteps that trudged on the otherwise silent foyer.

Xavier watched briefly before you came into view and his eyes traced your entire person noting that you’re safe, you’ve no injury, you’re happy and you’re willingly following the fiend into the darkness of the night.

He watched you even when Sylus followed behind you, red eyes trained on yours but once again aware of his own watchful ones that came from the balcony just above yours. Sylus smiled softly before helping you with the helmet you gently prod at his arms, fastening it tightly before giving the top a teasing knock.

Xavier’s breath hitched when he saw the dark red swirls that suddenly appeared by the fiend’s fingertips, his sword made of light almost materializing in his palms, before he realized he was only using it to help you get on. The prince’s eyebrows furrowed before he willed his sword away and continued to watch.

There was a burning sensation clawing from underneath his chest, right where his heart should be. He feels it screaming at him, begging him to do something. He clutched his palm over it, steeling himself as he continued to watch you smile. Smile so softly at the white haired man, smile so bashfully as he whispered a quip, smiled contently when he finally walked to the other side, grabbing his own helmet to put in place.

Sylus paused momentarily to glimpse at the balcony window above yours. You were too busy settling yourself to even notice the breath of a whisper that carried itself through the wind. Xavier glanced back at him, not surprised with his direct regard of his watchful eyes. He nodded at him, an unspoken understanding shared only between the fiend and the crowned prince. And he nodded back up, a silent agreement to keep you safe from whatever lurks in the darkness of the night.

That was the first time Xavier and Sylus ever regarded each other. The crowned prince stood at his balcony window until Sylus got on the vehicle and drove you straight into the night. Only a silhouette of who once were remained at the empty streets below.

Xavier sighed, still feeling the suffocating clawing at his chest and yet he willed himself away from the balcony window, away from you, away from what should’ve been, away from what could’ve been. He thinks to himself that this is what he deserves, that self-punishment is only befitting for those with pasts like he. The dawn is still far away and sleep would not visit the crowned prince that night, but he finds comfort in the thought of you being happy — even if it’s the arms of another.

[ridox]

Seasons

Summary: Welcome to Love & Deepspace Cafe! Today's menu is our favorite specialty drinks throughout the seasons—this is a one time limited offer, get them while they last! Pairing: None, just headcanons for all the L&DS boys! (Yes, including Caleb) Author's Note: Decided to make Love & Deepspace Cafe a little series on my random headcanons/blurbs for the boys! Also there's a Rafayel smut brewing in my drafts but that's a thing for another day ‿❀°

Xavier is Autumn, he’s warm clothes and cozy drinks. He’s the comfort film you put on whilst lounging all day in nothing but matching pajama sets, all tightly tucked under thick fleece blankets. Xavier is the shift of seasons from Summer to Winter, not quite hot but also not quite cold yet. He’s the hot tea you drink when you start to feel the chill in your bones, he’s the book you snuggle in during a slow Autumn afternoon. Xavier is Autumn because he reminds you of home.

Zayne is Winter, cool as ice and buried in a flurry of snow. He’s the first snowfall of the year, taking you by hand as you laugh in childish wonder. He's running outside to play in makeshift sleds, he's making silly little snow sculptures that you know will be gone by the end of the day. Zayne is a cup of hot cocoa that embraces you with warmth, he’s the thick cotton gloves that envelopes your hand as you rub them against one another, creating friction to fight off the cold Winter air. Zayne is Winter because he reminds you of innocence and childhood.

Rafayel is Summer, he’s the oddly comforting scent of coconuts and sunscreens. He’s the road trips you go on with friends, your hands dancing outside your car's window, screaming lyrics of some old song that came on the radio. Rafayel is the popsicle you buy in a hot summer’s day, hurriedly eating it before it melts, but laughing nonetheless when you’re left in a sticky mess. Rafayel is the sound of crashing waves and the view of a setting sun. Rafayel is Summer because he’s nostalgia personified, something that never fails to remind you that growing up isn't as bad as they made it out to be.

Bonus!

Caleb is Spring, he’s the weekend after school break, spent on late night phone calls with your friends, planning for the next time you can hang out. He’s mall dates with your best friends, he’s park walks with your pet, he’s sleeping in all day and going out till night just because you finally can. Caleb is the smell of freshly cut grass and morning dews. He’s the dandelions you make wishes on and the garden weeds you play with. Caleb is Spring because he reminds you of freedom.

‿❀°

[ridox]

Menu

Summary: Welcome to Love & Deepspace Cafe! Today's menu is your favorite boy's favorite food. Pairing: None (?) just little lore on why they love the food they love Author's Note: A little fun headcanon I've had in my mind whilst going through Xavier's, Zayne's, and Rafayel's anecdotes! . ݁𖦹₊ ⊹

🍲 Xavier who has an appetite for a hearty, filling hot pot meal with multiple side orders of meat because it brings him the comfort and warmth he so deeply craves from his light years spent on self-isolation. Xavier who holds on to the memories of a previous life lived by moving on top of a restaurant that sells just that — the same hearty hot pot meal that's filled with its aromatic spices, one that he used to share with an old friend, one that he longs to eventually share with you. Xavier who doesn’t realize it but its not the food itself that brings him comfort, but the memories and would be memories he would make surrounding that tiny little pot, boiling with the restaurant’s specialty soup base, filling his senses with the sense of finally belonging.

🍫 Zayne, the elusive doctor with a surprisingly sweet tooth, always hiding little sweet treats in the form of cocoa and milk in his inconspicuous Doctor’s coat. Zayne who loves the sweet taste of sugar because it serves as a stand-in for the sweet, childish love he craves to feel. Chocolates are a symbol of love after all, always being gifted by couples to one another every Echo Day Celebration. Zayne, who subconsciously thinks that if he can’t feel the feeling of love itself, it’s good enough to mimic it by consuming the one sweet thing that reminds him of you.

🐟 Rafayel who craves for the sweet, fresh taste that the sea could only offer, always finding himself in sea side cafes and beach front restaurants ordering their catch of the day. The media thinks it’s a wonder how an artist like himself hasn’t delved into the culinary arts just yet when time and time again he’s been spotted ordering the freshest batch of seafood a restaurant can offer. But they don’t know that it’s because seafood reminds Rafayel of his home, once from many a centuries ago, far from land and closer to sea. It reminds him of how he himself would catch fish, prawns, lobster - you name it - just so he could share a piece of his home with a landlocked girl he once upon a time fell in love with.

𖦹₊ ⊹

[ridox]

Cherry Blossom Gardens — 12:04 PM

The end of Spring signals for the beginning of an end. The cherry blossom trees slowly shed their beautiful, floral blooms, laying in wait until next year’s bloom. Rafayel stood underneath a mangled cherry blossom tree, admiring the stark contrast between its pinking flora and the dark scars that enveloped its body.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” You stood below him, a hand fondly resting on the tree's trunk.

Rafayel hummed, his eyes no longer on the tree but rather on the girl in front of him. He watched you, watched the way the gentle breeze pulled wisps of your hair along with it, the occasional pink petal dancing in harmony against the wind.

His lips curled into a soft smile. “It is.”

The gardens were packed with a crowd of visitors looking to relinquish in the last few days of Spring. It was May now. The pink blossoming trees have run their course for the year, and in a few days will start dying out one by one. But much like Rafayel’s love, it would only come time again for them to bloom once more.

[ridox]

It’s raining so hard in Washington right now I’m about to cook up that heavy Sylus angst fic as we speak