THE CLUB starring Bill Skarsgard as William Casik 3
Warnings: Alice’s back story, mentation talk, parent instilling fear of sex, a little forcefulness, ridicule.
Notes: dream board is my creation, but some pictures are curtesy of @Billofourtime and Tim Richardson for Número Art (2019).
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Alice fell asleep the day she kicked William out of the house for in her mind being disrespectful and sex crazed even though he didn’t even ask for sex. It wasn’t Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday so it just wasn’t right to feel needy for his touch. It was never right to feel like she needed him close. Besides she had the curse to deal with which made her a disgusting human being to all men.
These were thoughts instilled in her at nine-years-old when her mother decided to tell her about the disgusting dreaded curse all women have to deal with each month sooner or later. She went into explicit detail about her own issues when she started at nine-years-old. Being so young and already developing large breasts for her age made her a target for, as she put it, deserved ridicule. Because she had bigger breast than anyone in her grade, she would hear her classmates and even some other adults whisper, slut, as she walked by trying to hide her shape from the world.
Her own father couldn’t even look at her. Her mother, Alice’s grandmother, said it was all due to the curse. And she instilled this in Alice. “You always sit up straight Alice, crossing your legs at the ankle,” Her mom employed. “Don’t look at men directly. They will just think you want sex. And you don’t want it. When you marry you let him have sex with you laying on your back only. And only once a week. Maybe more if he seems uncomfortable or grouchy. He might want to do other disgusting things, but you won’t have it. You’re a good girl. You don’t need desires. That’s a disgusting word even. If you end up with a guy so sex crazed, he can’t handle the rules you live by he can take care of himself in the bathroom. They can do just fine with that sweetie. Don’t let them say otherwise. They can be disgusting creature. But sometimes the heart gets in the way of a female’s better judgement.” She sighed heavily. “Just be a good girl and you will be happy. I promise.”
Alice was a late bloomer unlike her mother. She didn’t start getting “the curse” until she was six-teen. Even with all the talk of being a good girl from her mother, her mother took her straight to the gynecologist to put her on birth control. With what her mother witnessed on television and in society in general she would never believe her daughter wasn’t thinking about having sex and would have sex as soon as a guy got her in the back seat of his car. Alice was beautiful after all wither long dark blond hair that she started dying lighter blonde when she was fourteen. And she had big ocean blue eyes.
Boys in school started to notice her eyes in Jr. high. Her figure was average. But her eyes just got everyone’s attention when she did look up. Usually she would look down so no boys would think she wanted sex. She would hangout with her girlfriends at the local pizza place after a school sporting event and they would invite boys, but she barely spoke a word to them. That was until the first boy she friended, Roger. He seemed not to mind she didn’t look at him when he talked to her. He just figured she was really shy. After a few weekends of going out in groups with friends he asked if she would meet him at the library to help him with an English paper.
“I really suck at coming up with topics, Alice,” He claimed. “And your really good at this stuff, so will help a guy out?”
That’s the first time she actually looked up at him for a few seconds. Her heart pounded. She hurried to look away not wanting to tease him since boys always hate that and it gave them rights to you according to her Mother of course. She blushed but shook her head yes that she would meet him.
He smiled, “You have beautiful blue eyes, Alice. You should look up, so I get to see them more.”
She was scared as her hormones toook over long enough to look up at him again. She didn’t even care at that moment what he wanted. He seemed so sincere. His smile so adorable. He wasn’t one of the boys that ever got in trouble. Everyone at the school loved him as far as she knew. His black wavy hair was shiny. His dazzling brown eyes made her forget what was drilled into her head in that moment. It was a whole new feeling of wonder.
When her mom picked her and her two girl friends up from pizza, she noticed a different kind of giddiness in her daughter. She also heard her friend Molly mention the name Roger and making kissy faces at her as her daughter giggled uncontrollably. When her friends were dropped off her mother confronted her with suspicion.
“Are whoring around Alice?” She said bluntly.
“No Mom,” She shook her head emphatically. “I was just with friends. We all chatted and had pizza.”
“Were there boys there?” She asked.
“Yes, and lots of girls and just friends talking,” She rushed her words.
“I see, so you were talking to boys and thinking about having sex with them, weren’t you?” She smirked.
Alice gasped “I wouldn’t Mom. I would never do something so disgusting or look or anything bad. I’m a good girl.”
“If you say so Alice but right now, I’m now sure you are cable of having control of yourself.” She took a deep breath pulling into the driveway. “I think that was the last night out with those girls you think of as friends. They put you at danger Alice.” She got out of the car and when inside.
Alice cried herself to sleep that night but ultimately thought her mother knew best.
The next day at school caution was thrown out the winder when Roger said, “Good morning, Alice. Do I get to see your eyes today?”
She looked up at him with a smile, “Good morning Roger.”
He took a step back, hand on his heart, “Oh the eyes and a smile. Your going to destroy me, Princess.”
She giggled. Roger chuckled. He carried her books to class. He wasn’t an extremely tall boy. Only maybe five foot eight. So, when she looked at him which she was getting used to now, she barely had to look up. He borrowed a pencil from her in English. When he went to grab it, he brushed his hand over hers not thinking anything of it really. He just wanted to feel her skin on his just for a split second. She froze. Her face flushed. Her chest heaved with breath. A jolt of electricity swept through her body with a dash of guilt perhaps.
Roger tilted his head, ‘Are you alright Alice?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” She liked the new feeling.
She didn’t fear it. She wanted to embrace all the butterflies in her stomach. She wondered if he was feeling anything like this. She wondered if he loved her or could love her or if she loved him? She wouldn’t dare tell a soul what she was thinking. These had to be the slutty thoughts her mother warned her about. But they didn’t feel dirty or bad. They felt good. She even felt a something unexplainable to her at the time down lower than the butterflies. That couldn’t be good, could it?
Roger reach for her hand as she got up to head to thier next class. She nervously took it. It felt nice. A lot of people were smiling and seemed happy for her and Roger walking down the hall together. She felt happier than she had ever felt in her life.
Alice had her mother drop her off at the library the next Saturday. She had the same paper to work on that Roger did, so it wasn’t a lie when she told her mom, “I need to do research for an English paper.”
Her mother dropped her off planning to pick her up when the library closed. She was doing her paper on medieval fairs and how they mimicked literature. She didn’t see Roger, so she looked up where most of the books on medieval practices were. She would use family photos and memories of fairs she had been for comparison.
Roger came up behind her whispering in her ear, “I got us a private study room. My books are already there.”
She was startled. Her heart rate shot up. She turned pushing herself against the bookcase away from him. A frightened look on her face. He made a pleasant innocent smile as he stepped back.
“I’m sorry if I frightened you Alice,” Roger whispered. “I just think we can talk about our projects more in a private room. We can’t talk at the open tables. I got some books on Romeo and Juliet and the original play. I was going to compare it to modern day love. Do you think that is a good subject to discuss in private,” His face moved in closer, “love?”
Her nether regents were tingling. Her body shook a little bit in warning. She didn’t listen to her body. She grabs some books for her project and followed him to the private room. She sat down. Roger sat right beside her. He read over the cliff notes version of William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet as she perused a thick book on medieval romance. He took her hand in his as he read. She smiled at him. He kept reading but knew she was looking.
He finished reading the cliff notes before looking over to her. By that time, she was back to reading and taking notes from her thick book. “What do you think?” He rubbed his thumb over her hand.
She looks up from her book, “About what, Roger?”
The grin on his face made her stomach do flips. He moved quicker than she could reason. His free hand undoing her jeans feeling his way down as he kisses her deep. His tongue pushing through her tightly closed lips to stick practically down her throat in her recollection. She pushed him back as hard as she could slapping him across the face when she got free. She grabbed her notes and ran out of the room straight out of the door of the library. Her pants still undone until she got outside and did them back up.
The only reason she got free is he didn’t expect a fight from her. Some of the other shy girls he “studied with” weren’t exactly shy when he had them alone. He was in shock. The slap completely throwing him off guard. Fucking ice Queen bitch, he mumbled to himself before getting back to work on his paper. He actually planned to finish it. He just thought a little impromptu make-out session in the library would be fun for them both. He was wrong.
When she saw him come out a few hours later she hid so he didn’t see her still crying. She went back inside for the last half hour the library was open. After checking out the books she still needed for her paper, she went in the restroom to freshen up as best she could. She couldn’t have her mom knowing what happened. She didn’t want anyone to know what happened. But in her mind, she was already tainted. And by Monday morning she was The Ice Queen, Bitch or Slut tease. Just as her Mom predicted, she let her hormones take over her better judgement and became the school whore. Even though she did nothing wrong. In her eyes it was her fault for looking at him in the first time.
