Burger Fuel at Emporium in the Fortitude Valley
Pictured: The Bastard with Kumara Fries
It’s been a bit of a wait between official rounds, but the Poppies Challenge finally returned today with a visit to Kiwi burger chain, Burger Fuel, in the Fortitude Valley. Language Warning: The following report will exhaustively employ every Kiwi slang term this author could find (No, not an expletive warning, not even, brew! Kids are prisint).
Our numbers have grewn since the last official round and new members have started their make-up visits to venues of past rounds. So far this has affected the scores of three venues but only the rank of one:
Alliance Hotel ↓ in Score
Red Hook ↑ in Score
Laneway ↑ in Score and ↑ two spots in Rank
It should be noted that both Red Hook and Laneway are boasting new additions to their menus that seem to address the weaknesses that hampered them during their respective Poppies Challenge rounds – Laneway offers a cheaper burger option and their burgers are considered better (as judged by returning, but not re-scoring, challengers). Red Hook also offers new burgers and the quality of these is considerably improved. The consensus is that both venues would benefit greatly from a revisit.
Burger Fuel Results (Each index is out of 10): Average BCI (Burger Cost Index): 7.95 Average BTI (Burger Tastiness Index): 8.23 Average BSI (Burger Size Index): 8.27 Average AQI (Accompaniment Quality Index): 7.55 ——– Average Burger Joint Goodness Index: 32.00 / 40
Kia Ora my friends, lit me introduce you to the new champion of the Burger world. It’s bin a 185 day wait but we have finally found a choice burger venue to topple Miel Container’s long standing reign – what a sad guy, eh. Despite our taxi drivers taking us on a tiki tour during our commutes there and back, our party of twelve made a successful excursion to the motor-themed, Burger Fuel, at Emporium in the Fortitude Valley.
There were fourteen non-vegetarian burgers on the menu and we must ‘ave had every one, brew – with a wide range of selections across the board including the Bastard, Ford Freakout, Ring Burner, Bambina, Burnout and limited edition Nacho Libre special. Sides selected included spud fries, kumara fries and a milkshake to go.
Poppie Pete was well impressed with his Nacho Libre declaring that it was “unique” and boasted a very “interesting combination” of ingredients. He also managed to devour three sets of chups – must ‘ave been hungus, brew. Overall the consensus was that the burgers couldn’t be declared as the best we’ve tasted on the challenge so far but they were very good and that Burger Fuel just ticked all the boxes for Poppie Pete’s BJGI (Burger Joint Goodness Index) formula – it was without weakness in every category.
Like all competitions involving Kiwis, there is a scent of foul play with suspected score buffing from two Kiwis in our group, but in the end, the average numbers don’t lie. Burger Fuel becomes the only venue to claim a Top 3 spot in three categories – 2nd in Cost (BCI), Taste (BTI) and Size (BSI). It also landed 5th in Accompaniment (AQI). It’s a totally mint result for Burger Fuel, as it stands half a point ahead of Miel Container – a seemingly insurmountable lead – Sweet As, brew!
Current Rankings: 1. Burger Fuel (32.00) 2. Miel Container (31.50) 3. Snag Stand (31.22) 4. Hive Eat House (30.88)” 5. Miss Kay’s (30.42) 6. Chur Burger (30.30) 7. Pony Dining (30.25) 8. Burger Urge (29.32) 9. Ben’s Burgers (28.50) 10. Alliance Hotel (28.18)* 11. Yard Bird Ale House (25.05) 12. Laneway (24.54)*^ 13. Gerard’s Bar (24.22) 14. MOS Burger (24.19) 15. Redhook (21.81)*
“Venue Re-visited *Adjusted Score from make-up visits ^Adjusted Rank from make-up visits