' why do you hate yourself ? ' - octavia
ask monty why he hates himself || ACCEPTING
he’s being reckless-- more reckless than normal. maybe it’s noticeable because usually he’s some form of the voice of reason. now at the first sign of danger, he charges forward. maybe if it was anyone else, he’d blow off the comment. lie. i don’t. i’m fine. he’d spent three months doing it, three months with the weight of mount weather suffocating him and not so much as once did he crack ( well, maybe at the dropship, but that didn’t count ) but supporting pike was different. it’s weight felt closer to monty’s heart. and even when he’d gone against the man... it didn’t undo the bad.
the bad that no one knew was on him.
“because it’s my fault.” when monty speaks, he knows the consequences. octavia was the first friend he’d made on the ground, she’d gotten him to smile when he felt like falling apart. he cares about her, would do anything for her. but he also knows not telling her would be unfair. even so, there’s hesitation before he continues to speak, eyes moving away from hers. “there was a plan to take out pike and-- and it’s my fault it didn’t work. and everything pike was able to do after was because of me.” he hated himself-- for what he’d done and for what he was about to do. “lincoln died because of me-- just as much as bellamy.”