Slipknot: A Review
This is a JOKE. That being Said.....
Conrad's Ratings On How much "Pull Game" The Knot Members Had. (And if they use Spray or Stick Deodorant)
This is 100 Percent Biased. This isn't a News source, welcome to My Hyperfixation.
Pull Game: We're gonna Loosely Define this as, If they could Hypothetically get bitches.
0. Sid Wilson
9/10
Starting Strong, Sid's got it on Lock. Docking One Point Because The Hyperfixations can Be DETRIMENTAL to getting bitches and Some people might not think Transformers are Cool.
Spray: Old Spice
1. Joey Jordison
8/10
Joey was For SURE getting Hoes in the Book. No questions. But this Specific picture (because I chose it), What in the 'Just Crawled out from under the Sink' is he doing.
-1 For Posture, tighten up man. Your neck is about to be at a Permanent Right angle. -1 for, idk I feel like he'd Say some strange shit.
Stick: He puts it on by going through the bottom of his shirt.
2. Paul Gray
7/10
Personally, LARGE fan of Paul. But we gotta think about this Logically alright. It's 2000, you're approached by this Man, he offers you a Cigarette. You take it OBVIOUSLY, he's just a being Nice.
-1 for possible Off puttingness. -1 Approachability (??). -1 When he lets you hit the bong he tells you it's not that bad and you end up coughing your eye out.
Stick: He looks like he has a Cool Sock Collection.
3. Chris Fehn
9/10
In our Hearts we all Know this man was a Ten. The eyebrows on His Mask Here are Very Good, which May Cancel out this lost Point.
-1 For Public Masturbation.
Stick: There's a Bite Missing
4. James Root
7/10
Now, if this was Blonde Jim, 10. I'd Find no reason to criticize, but it's not and this One picture will dictate his Entire Rating.
-1 Gay. Self Explanatory. -1 touched his balls and Wiped his hand on your neck. -1 pissed and didn't wash hands.
Does NOT wear deodorant and if he does it's that Paste organic kind.
5. 133
6/10
Once Again We All know he's Ten. Love a Strong Silent Guy. You know how this goes though, the picture selected Has Sealed his Fate.
-1 for, is this a school photo??. Update your portfolio. -1 I don't have my shots and those definitely have something. -1 he looks like a Train Guy. -1 beer cooler says 'for the boys'.
Stick. Looks like he tried to finger it.
6. Clown
5/10
Yo look how Whimsical he is. We got Elderman Shawn here. Physically, jumping this man's bones. Personality wise, he makes me MAD AS FUCK.
-1 if you pulled his hair it would come out in CLUMPS. -1 smells like fish. -1 definitely has a Foot Fetish. But I'm not talking NORMAL foot fetish I mean this man wants to put HIS feet on YOU. -1 says 'Honk Honk' when he grabs your Tits. Fucking YIKES. -1 keeps Muttering to Himself about The Circus, You should probably go...
Stick? It's Somewhere amongst his Things.
7. Mick Thomson
10/10
Any Day of the Week. He's just Got everything Going Right. Possible only downfall would be How strange his Wrist is Bent up in this pic but I will not Dock him for that.
Stick. He gets the Twin Packs to Share With Crew.
8. Corey Taylor
4/10.
Before you Say it, Yes, I would. But this isn't about That. This is about the fact that He gets NO BITCHES. And I'm not Talking about the Occasional, I mean this guy has never doesn't even know what Sex IS.
-2 he's COMING UP THE STAIRS FROM HIS DWELLING. -1 eats His own Ear wax. -1 how do you have lice and you only have Maybe 13 Pieces of Hair. -1 there Are Juice Stains around his mouth. -1 ate a mouse.
Spray. He likes to Stab The Cans So they Explode.
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In conclusion, I started Writing this at 4 am. It is now almost Seven. Have a Wonderful rest of your day.