goodbye, my almost lover ♡ april evaluation
contemporary solo ; choreo + look
[ tw: depression, depressive thoughts ]
with earbuds lifting to slide into her ears, first the left one and then right, hyeri shuts her eyes and shuts off the thinking. for once, for the first time in the past two weeks, she turns it all off. the tapping of shoes on the marley floor, the vocalizing of songs in every register, the clicking of nails of a nervous trainee nearby.
blissful silence. peace.
for only a moment.
hyeri’s brown eyes slowly open to give way to a dismal expression. knees fold up against her chest and two slender, toned arms wrap around the limbs to hug them tightly to her – an infantile stance that had become increasingly habitual in the last few months. ‘self-preservation’ the blog searches had called it, but all hyeri could feel was sadness. crippling, distracting, painful; her thoughts were a mess and had been for far too long. for personal emotions to affect her work life was simply unforgivable, and yet hyeri isn’t so self-unaware to realize she’s only human, a young girl who’d had the misfortune of being dumped like every other hopeful fool in south korea.
stupid, stupid girl.
on the daily, her brain told her to give myungsoo up. ‘he’s not coming back’ was the reality seen in tiffany’s eyes when she looked at hyeri (for she alone knew the full extent of the younger’s dejected grief) and the realized truth on a blank screen of an empty inbox of a silent cellphone. hyeri knew the facts, knew that so much distance for this long had permanently severed her first love but, like every weak-hearted dummy, letting go had been the hardest thing to do of all.
but it was time.
she could no longer wait for him.
“lee hyeri? you’re up.” for every broken heart, there’s work to distract it, the dancer reminds herself silently as she unfolds her legs and places her feet onto the floor. a blank smile is offered up to the woman who’d called to her and it’s the same impassive expression that remains as hyeri carefully tucks her earbuds back into her duffel pocket. she gives her phone to the staff, chosen music queued up to be played inside, and follows the black-dressed woman into the evaluation room.
two years in this place and some things didn’t change one bit.
it’s the same smooth floor, she observes absently. the same black camera with its red shining light. the same group of trainers and staff who sit patiently in a calm line. her nervousness disappears and maybe that’s the one benefit of a painfully-broken and grieving heart, she thinks – an utter lack of caring for anyone’s opinion besides his that can leave a girl with a clear head in the face of others. hyeri takes her starting position on the floor and lowers her upper body in a polite greeting bow.
“lee hyeri, third year dance trainee,” she introduces calmly, the same way she’s done every month she’s found herself in this tiny, suffocating room. “i’ll be performing a solo to the song ‘almost lover.’”
fitting, in the only way the dancer knows how to express her anguish without revealing herself completely. ‘such good acting’ they’ll praise her with afterwards, mistaking pale, sorrowful features as the perfectly performed compliment to a miserable melody. hyeri’s arms lift to a graceful extension and she steps in time to the opening instrumental.
for two and a half minutes, she doesn’t have to think at all. not beyond the rhythmic counting that keeps her focused and her movements crisp. not beyond the systematic reminders to keep her toes extended. to use her abdominal muscles to support. breathe, and turn.
dancing is the truest blessing of all. the chosen work to distract hyeri by keeping her eyes on the forward prize. debut, success, a future. she didn’t need to think of myungsoo anymore, could keep him tucked away in quiet dreams that left her hurting and robbed of breath in the mornings. if he was there and not here, not in this room where her talents strengthened and were judged so mercilessly – maybe, maybe she had a chance to truly move on.
at least, she was going to try. after today, after this dance, it would finally be over.
“ his looks– i kid. i really don’t know, considering i disliked him for a good 80% of our acquaintance. he even made me cry once, do you know that?? but with myungsoo... the thing is that he had always been honest. he had no fear towards me, not since the first day we met -- and we fought with each other in english for goodness’ sake -- nor when he knew we were at odds for months after that. it’s not a storybook romance. he might’ve cheered me up once or twice when i was in a wreck -- especially that time after my sister had her accident and i was so terrified for her -- but it wasn’t ever anything cheesy like ‘love at first sight.’ not ever. i guess... eventually i liked that part of him that i came to respect. someone so rude, but unfailingly honest. spiteful, but hellish protective of those he cared about. talented, so amazingly talented, and willing to go so far for it. i realized we had a lot in common where it mattered. oh, yeah -- and he wasn’t ugly. ”
Rome’s eagerly waiting for Myungsoo to walk through the gym doors and he lets his cousin know that with an enthusiastic yell, hands clapping onto the younger’s shoulders as soon as he’s close enough. “Myung!” Nova’s gym time starts before Sphere’s so he’s already gone through part of his regular routine but he doesn’t mind waiting for his cousin. A towel is slung over his shoulder and sweat lines his forehead anyway, too proud to wipe it away yet when he hasn’t gone all out for the day. “What kind of day is it gonna be? Cardio? Arms? Legs?” He’s more than ready to talk Myungsoo’s ears off if he’s allowed to but he gives the other a moment to speak, which is rare with Rome who seems like he speaks a hundred words per minute without pausing for air. But he bends down to retie his shoes, the laces coming loose from the run he took to jumpstart his workout when he first came in.
the weather had been so mild lately it was beautiful. though it was breezy and a bit nippy, it was nice enough to walk around in a nice jean jacket and sweater combo and be fine. sohee loved fall weather. it was a comfort of hers. not to mention that fall fashion collections had always been amongst her favourites. the darker colours, the hats, the sweaters and boots combos -- everything about fall fashion screamed out at ahn sohee. so when that first leaf drops to the ground, sohee was ready.
she was outside the seocho building, perched on a low wall with a warm cup of hot chocolate in hand. it was comforting to just spend some time outside and think. she felt like she hadn’t been doing much consideration of where she was in life. what does this merger mean? how confident does she feel about training? oh, not to mention that she’s running too low on her savings. she has to start cutting back on luxuries that she’s used to (goodbye hulu and apple tv purchases). it was easy to get lost in her thoughts. she usually had a lot to contemplate but with no time to actually do it.
she brought the lid to her lips, ready to take another drink of hot chocolate until her eyes caught sight of a man not too far away. he was holding his camera in his hand. it didn’t look too suspicious at first but after a few more minutes of her sitting there, she began getting a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. why was he pointing his camera at her? she kept her eyes trained on him for a bit longer before she turned away. maybe she was just being paranoid. she was starting to get used to life as someone who was no longer a model. it was hard to think that not everyone was a secret paparazzi.
sohee took a quick glance at her phone to check the time. she still had some time left. she lifted her eyes to eye the stranger once more. she wasn’t sure what to make of his behaviour just yet.
confidence is what moves her feet towards his table, and maybe just a smidgeon of pity towards the male whose aura discourages socialization in the absolute opposite way hers invites them in. hyeri knows by now that myungsoo isn’t necessarily a lonely person ( she could be wrong, but bases it on their previous heated exchanges about the very topic ) but no one, in her biased estimation, could always desire to be the odd one out when surrounded by a crowd like this. the large samsung cafeteria buzzes with activity and hyeri sidles her graceful way through the round tables to get to her companion.
unsurprisingly, she isn’t the only one who thinks a handsome guy needs company during their lunch. hyeri’s steady glare is ripe with meaning as she meets the eyes of a younger trainee inching in myungsoo’s direction, and instantly places her as a nova girl she’s met once before. the other trainee remembers it as well, paling at the sight of hyeri’s approach and immediately withdrawing as the dancer reaches the table and places her tray down with deliberate intention. territory claimed, hyeri sinks into her seat opposite myungsoo and confidently sticks a straw in her iced coffee. with an air of innocence, she asks pointedly, “who was that?”
he’s always wanted to learn, and he can remember when he was younger in school being so enthusiastic about it, studying hard and trying to remember all the foreign words and letters. it was confusing, and soon became too much for his small head. giving up was something he did a lot when he was younger, and studying english happily didn’t last long. it was too much work for someone so lazy. if he wasn’t even able to get through gym, then how was he supposed to get through studying for math, and korean, and history, and english all in one evening.
he was a bad student, though he always did manage to come through in the end. he got good grades, but no one ever really understood how - well that was until nearing the end of high school and exams approached; he studied so hard he would’ve rather just disappeared completely it. nothing felt worse at that time than those damn exams and all the studying.
so the customer stood in front of him, a foreigner with their big blue eyes and curly hair not only had him staring, but had him utterly confused too. but, as a true fighter would, he kept trying, no matter how confused the customer continued to look.
sphere ent. evaulations! month of: june!
song of choice: vixx – gr8u
squad: tsundere!! ( park chorong & kim myungsoo )
oh crap. oh crap.
it’s that time of the month. no, the ice princess wasn’t shedding ice out from her uterus. she wasn’t bleeding. she wouldn’t be a fierce tigress, not today. it wasn’t the monthly, it was the monthly evaluations. she was all new to this, the concept of it deemed foreign at first and after a while, she began to understood what it meant all along. the dancing studio was a home for her for the past few days, seemingly familiar on the daily. dancing wasn't the worst for her. rapping was the least skill she'd excel in. apart from her creative wits, she only had her dancing abilities but it wasn't anything professional or jaw dropping.
to think that flare for dancing died out a while back, she was wrong. actually, the potential was still there but she didn’t believe it. not with her confidence that hit rock bottom. she chose not to dance alone, not to be a lone wolf this time but follow along a pack of great, big wolves. the wolves were icy like her, tsunderes for sure. they’re not the greatest dancers in sphere but they’re definitely not the worth out of the bunch. at least, she’d think so.
rehearsal for days on end. rinse and repeat, just like how she came to the sphere building on a daily basis now. it was part of her life, she didn’t complain a lot about it at all. in fact, she loved being in the sphere building. rehearsals always brought back memories of the well-famed mgas. though, she was thankful that this wasn’t going to be broadcasted on national television like the mgas. her butt was saved, thank god.
why is this such a big deal when this was only the first try and dancing isn’t even my worse..?
she mulled over why she was so anxious about it. the more anxious she was, the less sharp and precise her dance moves were. it wouldn’t look right, she’d look stiff and out of it as if she wasn’t in reality. dozing off to her own wonderland. this isn’t that bad. this isn’t that bad. she can reassure herself a million times til’ she felt okay with it. that surely did help ( sarcasm intended, yes ). quite frankly, what really helped her out was the aid of myungsoo and chorong to know that she wasn’t alone doing this dance.
choreography didn’t take too long for her to pick up. she’s a fast learner, swift on the feet and can memorise dance moves easily. however, she was in no way to freestyle. she’s not chachi gonzales, nope. she promised herself that she’ll give it all she got and not fail. failing isn’t an option.
and so, the three are called up.. the music started playing. soojung does her best to follow the choereography she had been learning for the past time. she’s in the centre, seriously. most of the time. she can’t fail since she’s there, but it was like when she was a child—feeling the flow of dancing enter her body, she isn’t charismatic but this was enjoyable. for the first time in forever, the ice princess was having fun. surprising, for sure.
maybe, this was the start of a new flame for dancing for her.
“ by her ease and liveliness, his mind might
have been softened, his manners improved; and
from his judgement, information, and knowledge
of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance. ”
