when she’d gotten word of the monthly evaluations, the excitement had begun to build up within her almost immediately. in dawon’s opinion, slow songs and ballads were definitely her strong suit, and the opportunity to privately show her coaches for the first time since her audition would not be taken for granted. in a way, she almost hopes to show them that this is the type of performance that she’s built for—this is the type of performance that truly showcases her talents and strengths.
this time, however, she’d be sure to show them a different side of her. during her audition, she’d performed a powerful ballad that seemed to be full of nothing but high notes, and she still hasn’t forgotten the advice they offered her that day. high notes aren’t the only thing that she’s capable of, and she can only hope that the performance that she and ricky had arranged will be enough to finally show them that their input hadn’t been lost on her.
she feels comfortable, perhaps even a little too comfortable, but it makes for a welcome change. she’d spent the first quarter of the year lying to herself, and, even if she may not feel entirely ready to make the truth known to others just yet, finally accepting her feelings for yoo jiae had granted dawon a sense of clarity. there were more bridges to cross, she knows, if she expects to be truly happy, but in no way does she feel confident in rushing things. besides, it’s doubtful that jiae would ever like her in the same way, so being in touch her own feelings would likely be the greatest victory that she’ll ever receive.
that now our dreams
they've finally come true
after many years spent practicing with her grandfather, singing in english was something that she’d grown used to, even if she had only recently started to grow familiar with learning the language itself. it especially helped in situations like this, where she considered her pronunciation to be extremely important, though she still finds herself praying that she won’t slip up and make a mistake; especially given that she’d tried to help ricky with his pronunciation as well. he was doing a good job, from what she could tell, though it was possible that she was simply biased.
city of stars
just one thing everybody wants
there in the bars
and through the smokescreen of the crowded restaurants
it's love
yes, all we're looking for is love from someone else
she can’t resist the smile that forms on her lips as she sings, the joy from performing a song such as this one impossible to ignore. the song was certainly one of dawon’s favorite recent releases, even if she had yet to sit down and watch the movie that it was from. at least it was on her to-do list, though not even she’s fully convinced that a to-do list will make much of a difference. still, regardless of her tendency to procrastinate when it comes to getting around to watching movies that she’d most likely enjoy, the song’s charm had proved impossible to resist, and she was instantly made into a fan.
(a rush,) a glance
(a touch,) a dance
a look in somebody's eyes
to light up the skies
to open the world and send it reeling
a voice that says, i'll be here
and you'll be alright
it’s her favorite part of the song when the two of them sing together, and she can’t help but feel as though she and ricky are doing the song justice. maybe she’s a bit too confident this time, given that she’s performing alongside another trainee, but she believes that she deserves to feel confident for every now and then. dawon is still struggling to keep up with some of the other trainees in regards to her dancing ability, so the comfort brought on by simply being able to sing was much-needed.
i don't care if i know
just where i will go
'cause all that i need is this crazy feeling
a rat-tat-tat on my heart
she’s grateful for the opportunity to perform alongside ricky, given that the last time she’d gotten to perform with another nova trainees was back in october when she’d performed with the rest of the nova girls. the further they get into the performance, the more that dawon is forced to recognize the fact that their practice had definitely paid off. we make a good team, she silently thinks to herself, and deep down she hopes that one day they’ll be able to perform together once more.
NOVA ENTERTAINMENT APRIL EVAL: #RKAPR17EVAL
니가 없을 때, WITHOUT YOU
Buffering 00:00 / 03:29
This could be it. His last evaluation as a Nova trainee and the news came yesterday. A contract offer looming over his head and a decision he still hasn’t made. Two years and this is how far he’s come. Two years and it’s a question of whether he’s willing to sign up for two more without certainty or a promise of anything.
He accomplished more on the MGAs. That’s what his time in Nova felt like now and it’s why he clings to the past, to that feeling he had when on stage for the performances, because that’s the best feeling he knows and this isn’t it. Committing to a decision is easier said than done and he doesn’t know what to do even now as he’s waiting for the music to start. It would’ve been more poetic to perform Last Romeo and he wanted to but it wasn’t a slow song. It didn’t fit, didn’t work, and the same could be said for him in the last year. He didn’t fit in as much as he wanted to or hoped he would. Things didn’t work out as well as they could’ve.
So he goes back and forth, a pendulum swinging because of momentum and not by choice. He says this is it, his last performance, but he can’t easily say goodbye. His pride speaks up and he knows he’s not the type to give up, not anymore. The most significant proof of that in his life is her and he thinks that without her this would be more difficult on him. More than Nova, this song is for her. Deja vu teleports him to a time before he stayed over most nights, before he could say with no hesitation that he’s taken.
Without you, I watch TV alone
When I take a walk without you, it feels lonely
I feel good when we are walking together
You really feel so nice
But I feel like you’re going to leave me
I even care about my texts
I feel stupid without you
Would she leave him if he left Nova? He knows she wouldn’t. He knows it doesn’t have to be a question. It’s not one but would he feel worthy if he gave up on the dream she’s chasing too? The real question is when it stopped feeling like his dream. When did he stop feeling like he could be someone’s idol? There’s no idol here even as he raps and dances along, easy choreography that lets him focus equally on both but he can’t. His attention is gone and it shows in the way his voice starts to lack the right emotion.
When did he become this type of person? If he stays, will he get better? If he stays, can he afford losing more of himself the way he feels like he is now? It’s not Jihyun he’s without, it’s him.
《 ZHANG YIXING ★ 》 YOUR BRIGHT SMILE IS DAZZLING
IT’S LIKE CLEAR SUNSHINE, SHINE ON ME BABY
an overplayed song on his playlist, it was only a matter of time before he decided he had to choreograph something for it. what’s new is that he wants to try singing at the same time. it’s too ambitious, not yet the right time and he settles on dancing first. it’s what got him into sphere, that and a charming smile, he jokes to whoever does and doesn’t ask, and it’s what he’s most comfortable with. with his other eval performance, he decides to keep it simple. there’s no sense in overworking himself but in retrospect, he wishes he did. he wishes he pushed his limits only so he could learn them and improve.
he was once afraid of his mistakes. his nainai taught him to learn from each one. it’s a lesson he still needs a reminder of every once in a while and she doesn’t forget to reteach him. whenever she does, it’s exactly what he needs to get going again. a rocket when he sets off, there’s no way of stopping him once that button is pressed and he’s been riding on a particular high since the beginning of the month.
it’s almost a shame he didn’t push himself further right now when he feels the most invincible and it’s a genuine shame he doesn’t know the chaos soon to hit. memories of his audition, of a lack of his personality shining through, strike close to home and it’s his focus this time around. it has been but today feels like the moment he’s accomplished something, however little it is because he’s all smiles and secret bits of happiness with each move.
he couldn’t tell anyone that the reason for his smile is the girl he listens to this song for.
a smile as bright as sunshine, a girl he wants to wake up next to when the sunshine comes shining in his window to peek at the girl who rivals itself. a girl the sun would be jealous of because of how brightly she shines. he calls baekhyun his sunshine and vice versa but jennie comes close, something he couldn’t tell baekhyun either unless he was trying to tease him. he has half a heart to, and he laughs when he shouldn’t during the chorus.
woo ah and he’s back on beat, a rhythm that stems from his toes to the ends of his fingertips as he waves his body. but his favorite move is the finale, a flourish and a bow, his trademark gesture as a gentleman and he’s happier than he thought he could be for an evaluation. he’srelaxed and he thinks this must be what spring feels like too. a feeling he began to feel at the festival and one that he still carries in his heart until now.
🌙 #rkapr17eval ━ “landslide” original by fleetwood mac, cover by park chaeyoung.
location: seocho training facility / date: april 2017 ( full song ) / for: royal entertainment.
it was strange. rose had come home to royal entertainment after what felt like forever, although it had only been five or so days. but even now, she felt as though she was somehow out of the royal loop, or there was something she was unaware of, be it an actual thing or not, maybe it was fomo, fear of missing out, it was probably in her head like most things. rose knew that she probably shouldn’t of gone back to australia, even if it was for her own brother’s wedding, and she definitely shouldn’t of taken jaebum with her. yet, it was those few days away that were keeping her sane and staying afloat. without them, she’d be on her way to the bottom of a figurative ocean floor. but even now, months in to her royal journey, she was still at war with herself, constantly conflicted. but day by day, she began to understand her purpose here, and as to why she was still trying. rose had come to the conclusion that maybe chasing this unknown dream of hers through royal was the best chance she’d ever have, and besides, at the end of the day, royal chose rose first, right?
rose returns to royal prepared with a song or two up her sleeve, and she’s already late to the party that happens to be the april evaluations, so she decides to play it safe. she’s not entirely game to go out and surprise her trainers with something overly spectacular in case they’re down for tearing her to shreds this afternoon. rose enters one of the many practice rooms at seocho with a smile on her face, and she bows before her trainers, staying quiet, obeying instructions. all she has to do today is sing something. a ballad, those were the guidelines given and rose was here to provide. although, even now, she’s anxious about performing something so within her comfort zone, and she knew that sometime soon she’d have to start pushing boundaries if she wanted to make a name for herself.
her palms are sweaty for unknown reasons, and rose questions herself. are these nerves that she’s feeling? she brushes back her dark brown hair from her face, tucking a strand behind her ear as she takes her place centre stage. in hand is her signature prop, her guitar. rose clenches her fists and takes in a deep breath as she listens to her trainers talk between each other, and for a while there, rose zones out, her mind going to other places, guitar sitting in her lap. it’s an good attempt to calm her mind before singing, but it doesn’t work because her mind just goes haywire, running straight back to home, both a mixture of her actual home and the person she calls home, that being jaebum. rose sighs to herself quietly, looking down at her nails which were in need of some love, even though she’d just had them done for the wedding. she twists the new ring on her finger, and it’s likely that this will become a new habit for her. she’s constantly finding new ones.
i took my love, i took it down, climbed a mountain and i turned around. and i saw my reflection in the snow covered hills, 'til the landslide brought it down. oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? can the child within my heart rise above? can I sail through the changin' ocean tides? can I handle the seasons of my life?
rose knows this will take something out of her, vocally. she doesn’t have the voice for this, or maybe she does, and she’s on an entirely different spectrum. it’s weird to still have her guitar in hand; she misses having something to do with her hands, as it something to distract people from how boring she truly was. it’s at times like these where she wonders as to why royal actually picked her, what about her screams potential? what about rose says that her name must be one day up in lights? she sees nothing, and rose, of all people, has no faith in herself. she hadn’t bothered to talk to her parents about her place at royal entertainment, as a trainee, nor had she told them about dropping out of hongik and moving to k-arts. was she going to mention that she was on the verge of dropping out of there too? and how about her relationship with jaebum? the boy whom she’d brought home and introduced them to, they’d been together for a mere month or so, nothing more, nothing less. and while she thought she’d gotten over it, guilt still weighed rose down.
well, i've been afraid of changin', ‘cause I've built my life around you, but time makes you bolder, even children get older and I'm getting older, too.
being here is hard, and singing this song is harder; rose hadn’t foreseen herself sitting here in front of her trainers singing a classic, while trying to hold back a lifetimes worth of feelings, among other things. rose finds herself going back and forth between the ground and her guitar, in terms of where she looks. every now and then, rose will look upwards and catch her trainers eyes but even then, she can’t force herself to muster a smile, not now at least. what’s there to smile over, really?
well, i’ve been afraid of changin', 'cause i've built my life around you, but time makes you bolder, even children get older, and i'm getting older, too, oh, I'm getting older, too.
she lets herself dwell on everything for the time being, and it’s weird that she’s able to do this while singing; how many thoughts, feelings, ideas, memories are passing through her head as of now?
i took my love, i took it down, i climbed a mountain and i turned around, and if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well the landslide will bring it down.
rose is just praying, praying to god, or to someone that maybe just maybe this will be here year, and that somehow, she’ll succeed, be it through royal or her relationship with jaebum. maybe she’ll find some luck elsewhere, god rose could use a little luck. or maybe this was just simply fate, maybe she wasn’t destined for greatness aside from what she had with the centre of her universe.
and if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well the landslide will bring it down, oh, the landslide will bring it down.
if anything, rose just wants one day where she can sing a song and have it be just a song, without the aftermath of sad feelings accompanied by guilt, regret, hatred among other things. she just wants to finally understand as to why she’s here, at royal and as to why she’s still afloat despite believing she should of drowned long ago. when is royal going to become home? when is she going to be comfortable with being apart of the royal garden, even after months and months of trying to settle down and plant her roots? maybe never, but she knows that sometime, in time, she’ll finally be okay with being happy knowing that somehow, maybe, she’d earned her happiness after all this time.
* NAM WOOHYUN performing LC9′S obsession / april evaluation ( these scars are like shackles. )
[ tw: depression ]
“you look more worn out these days.”
woohyun smiles, soft and tired, shifting in his seat as he stares down at the soundboard. jinhyuk’s humming is nice for the silence. it makes woohyun feel comfortable. woohyun plays with his sleeves, tugs it over his palms and knuckles until the tips of his fingers show. he focuses so much on that he misses jinhyuk’s clear of his throat and only looks up at the snapping of fingers.
“you’re here to sing woohyun-ah.” jinhyuk laughs. “not here to play with your sweater.”
“sorry—“ woohyun swallows. he curls his fingers into his fist and watches jinhyuk mess around with the buttons, hearing the first few starts of his song until it shuts off with an approving nod from jinhyuk. “i’ve got a lot of things on my mind.”
“i can tell.” woohyun winces at the older’s nonchalant tone, laughing weakly. “lc9 today? good choice.” jinhyuk leans back in his chair with a yawn, looking over the board before resting his gaze on woohyun. he smiles at him and woohyun smiles back, tries to push it to something bigger and not looking so utterly destroyed like he’s sure he looks. “you ready? we’ll start whenever you’re ready. take your time.”
he says take your time like they have all the time in the world but woohyun knows better. he swallows and nods his head, a quiet okay leaving his mouth as he glances down to mess with his sleeves again. the music begins—and woohyun’s eyes flutter shut as he inhales, and released. he gears himself up for the first part, hoping he can project his feelings into the song.
“my hands tremble more. i’ll lose my focus shortly—“ woohyun’s voice trembles as he begins. he feels that his throat is tight with emotions that he’s been holding back, holding in since the beginning of the year. “why are my broken legs standing here? i can’t even remember—i become scared. where are you? were you laughing until just now?”
his fingers are trembling as he ducks his head. his palms press into his thighs as he digs his fingers into his legs—for some sort of stability. a sharp breath as a why leaves his mouth. “i’m hearing funny noises, have you left me? you’re so far away. why—is it getting dim? these scars are like shackles—“
and he lets go. just like jinhyuk told him last year. he lets go and the emotions that practically burst from him make him feel utterly raw and vulnerable.
“curse me—curse me for letting go. my collapsed heart is screaming. don’t throw me away, don’t leave me alone. i want you, i want you like crazy. your lips that left me shouldn’t love, don’t love me—i threw you away.”
he shudders with his breath. he avoids looking at jinhyuk, doesn’t want to see the expression, doesn’t want to see him analyzing woohyun’s voice, his emotions. he’s a stitch away from falling apart with no way to put himself back together again.
“all i wanted was simply to give you an endless love. i had no idea that more excessive love would strangle you. those days when i was torn from my wounded heart, a love that lost it’s way, i fill up with tears. why, is it that i still only bring out sad hellos from the inside? why, just until today, don’t push me away.”
he misses mijoo more than anything like ever before. first love is painful—especially when woohyun feels as if it’s utterly unrequited (what hurts the most is that he’ll never know), when he feels as though he could have done more.
what hurts the most is that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be in love with someone like he’s in love with lee mijoo.
“curse me—“ his voice, despite wanting to break at the welling of tears, doesn’t. it’s strong, emotions spewing forth with no barrier. “curse me for letting go. my collapsed heart is screaming, don’t throw me away. don’t leave me alone. i want you, i want you like crazy. your lips that left me shouldn’t love, don’t love me—i threw you away.”
woohyun wonders when he’ll be able to feel normal again. when this hole in his chest won’t haunt him every day of his life. when he won’t feel inadequate and unable to do anything.
will he ever feel normal again? (he’s beginning to lose hope.)
“your side—your side that has become cold. don’t leave me with my torn heart. don’t become further away when im holding your hand. remember me, end it- i can’t forget you. i won’t forget my pain of being trashed, i can’t forget it. you gave it to me—“
he won’t cry. he’s cried too many tears for it to be healthy, for it to be normal. he won’t let himself fall apart again in front of jinhyuk—but he’ll let go, he’ll let him emotions reign free, but woohyun won’t cry like the child that he wants to be. he has to be better, show growth—show some sort of development. even if woohuyn feels like he’s back at step one.
he skips the rap part. rapping isn’t his strong suit—so he merely sings a gentle tune to the beat of the song, adlib notes that bring out the quality of his voice, emphasize on the range of his vocals.
“don’t throw me away.” he breathes, lifting his head. his expression is thoroughly destroyed, open with every emotion he’s ever felt, with the feeling of the song. woohyun looks just as sad as he sounds. “don’t throw me away…”
jinhyuk’s smiling when the song ends and the only sound if woohyun’s breathing—and even though woohyun tells himself he won’t cry, he won’t deny the stinging in his eyes and the shaking of his shoulders when jinhyuk pats his arm with a murmured “you did well” that means more to woohyun than it probably meant to be.
PARK SUNYOUNG ; KIM BOHYUNG - I MISS YOU ; TRANSLATION
⌦ APRIL EVALUATIONS ; SEOCHO BUILDING
at last, it felt so nice to to be back in the recording studio.
though it was quite obvious to anyone within the seocho building that there was more to being an idol than just singing, the past few evaluations left her rather jaded, to say the least. modeling, looking pretty for the camera -- while was an important aspect it was all rather mundane to her, the core of it all lay upon their bodies and image and not necessarily their talent. ( something that even with almost three years of training underneath her belt, sunyoung still finds herself uncomfortable with. )
but this? this is her area, her forte, her home. be charismatic in front of the camera all you want, but she wholeheartedly believes that an idol is much better off if they can at least, at least, keep a note.
( or so she hopes. )
the dull hum of electricity is the only thing that can be heard in the room as she adjusts the settings of the mic height to her liking -- not even a sound from one of the trainers fine-tuning the soundboard ( who, unfortunately, was not one of her favorites. ) silence is ruptured by the woman’s shrill tone floods the speakers, a “why the long face?” leaving her lips and mahogany hues flicker to the woman behind glass encased wall. pearly whites sink into soft flesh as she holds in an unbecoming scoff, because sunyoung knows that she could care less about her feelings.
“i’m getting in the moment, is all.” and the girl watches as the woman lifts an eyebrow at the reply, but tilts her head and before counting her off, the soft chord of piano keys flowing into her ears after the drop of one.
she moves away from the mic to take a deep breath before she starts.
how much more do i have to cry
how much more do i have to hurt
to forget you?
to erase you?
i want to turn back time
so i can’t see you anymore
so my foolish heart can forget you
it starts off gentle, soft, eyes fluttering closed by the end of the first verse -- there was no need to look at a sheet because the lyrics have already become a part of her; late nights in dark training rooms and scalding criticisms coming from trainers all revolving around this song. vibrato seeps within her tone due to force of habit, even though she could feel the woman in the other room’s expression twist with sourness due it it being an “outdated” singing technique that made her sound “old”.
( sometimes, you gotta say fuck it. )
like a cold wind
your heart is endlessly far
like a fool, i can’t forget
my heart keeps going to you
i cry quietly
i see the painful end
but i miss you, i miss you
today more than yesterday
i miss you oh my love
i miss you more today
and it’s memories from past loves, past relationships that only ended in regret that cause her to bring the emotion home within the chorus -- brows furrowing with every note she holds and fingers gripping the cool metal of the stand in front of her. sunyoung is reverted back to seventeen years old when she begged her boyfriend to not leave her, to not give up on them, on her. her words weren’t enough to satisfy him and there’s a part of her she feels he took with him.
( she tries to focus on the emotions of that moment and not think too deeply about it, because the more she does the more she realizes that he was a douchebag who didn’t treat her right through out the course of their relationship and she was better off without him. those feelings should be saved for something more beyonce and less sad. )
exhausted by destiny
i hold your cold hand
but my heart crazily looks for you
like a cold wind
your heart is endlessly far
like a fool, i can’t forget
my heart keeps going to you
i cry quietly
i see the painful end
but i miss you, i miss you
today more than yesterday
or maybe she thinks about her time in seoul where she was convinced that she didn’t need anyone, that she couldn’t love anyone because obviously there was something wrong with her if she’s gone through three relationships in her life and all of them ended horribly, right? but yet, deep down, she still longs for the touch of someone who would actually care for her; to do away with the bitter feelings she has upon seeing a couple in love; to be first in someone’s, anyone’s life instead of playing second fiddle.
( the image of a certain someone comes to mind and she tries hard to block it out, not now. )
i can’t hold onto you
but i can’t lose you
i can’t live without you
because your last lips
your last scent
still remains in my heart
i only loved you
i only wanted you
so beautiful that it hurt
my one and only love
i miss you oh my love
i miss you more today
the image of losing him comes to mind, if he was the person longed for within the song and sunyoung feels a dull pang within as she sings, as her voice raises with sadness and dies out with pain. she’s not the type to think about the future, only focuses on the present -- but she hopes that isn’t something that she will experience. at least, not in the foreseeable future.
the song ends with the fade of “my love” leaving her lips, opening her eyes to meet the stone cold gaze of the woman’s, who gives her a head nod as a sign of a good performance.
↬ performed by evey
Overdose - Alessia Cara
( 0:00 - 1:19 )
her brain actually dared to stop and think ‘why the sudden change?’ when the change wasn’t sudden at all. for the last few months all cheng xiao did was complain over how she wasn’t allowed to change, or try something different - though all mostly done by silent suffering instead of actually expressing her feelings. no surprise there, though. that was how she normally acted.
not anymore. she tied up her hair, cracked her knuckles, and then sat down in front of a computer, ready to use the internet. perhaps not the most energetic start to a rebelling adventure, but unlike how movies made it seem the awkward girl couldn’t just put down her glasses and suddenly become the queen of the area. in a very opposite turn of events, xiao had to actually put on her glasses so she could read what was written on the screen.
her eyes searched through each page, and jumped through the recommend videos, until the girl finally found something that she not only liked - but hopefully would be able to perform. she slowly stretched, and watched the video again, and tried fighting the wave of regret. it was going to be fine. she could do it no problem.
of course that she was found having a snack a second later - but it was a way to relieve stress, not to procrastinate. she also ate when she was nervous, or sad, and when she was happy as well. maybe she just ate all the time, but that wasn’t the point either. she was eating to gain energy, of course, and not to procrastinate. after all, she had just come up with a plan, and to execute it perfectly it’d take a lot of energy.
xiao would spend as many hours as they asked her practicing dancing on regular days, but for some reason, the thought of actually making a performance as serious as an evaluation only about her dancing made her nervous. it was certainly her second strongest skill, but that also made it her second weakest too, right?
so she drank one of her juice boxes, trying to relax her nerves and not to procrastinate. although her muscles would constantly stop her in the middle of practice just at the simple thought of performing in front of the coaches thinking she wouldn’t be able to actually do it, xiao still practiced every single day at whichever chance she got. slowly her eating breaks changed into dance practices but with a sandwich on her hand. maybe it wasn’t good for digestion, but she didn’t feel sick, so it should have been okay.
when the day finally came xiao was as calm as ever. she had always been like that - even during the mgas when she had no experience whatsoever with that side of the world. the girl simply walked into the room, gave everyone a polite bow and then waited for the song to start, performing the choreography like she had countless times before.
was it perfect? certainly not. it was both her second strongest and weakest skill, after all - and there was much to improve - but she had done something different. it must have been a surprise to at least some of the coaches to see her jump out of her comfort zone. xiao, who rarely even talked, deciding to dance in front of people she’d normally shy away from was certainly a first one.
a grin appeared on her lips after the performance was done. it didn’t quite fit the song, but she was happy, damn it. let her express her feelings for once.
beyond the crowds and city lights, i wanna open up my eyes
april twenty-seventeen evaluation !
the other side - alessia cara
with the gloomy cloud that the expiration of her two-year contract having come and gone, joy felt like she could breath all over again. the promise that she’s still a constant figure in this company for the next two years fills her with absolute happiness. it’s a certainty that she’s still well on her way to reaching her dreams and that she hadn’t royally messed up despite whatever it is that she believes.
it also means that all her preparation for this month’s evaluation will not be for naught for the song piece will be able to see the light of the day.
singing has never been the greatest in her repertoire of talents. though with the help of her great albeit impatient coaches, she has improved a lot. in the span of two years, she had learned how to sing confidently as well as bear the ability to sing with emotion. emotion, it’s what she greatly needs for this month’s evaluation. to sing an emotionally packed song for someone who’s always as optimistic as her is great challenge to come by.
when she came across the song on the last episode of this american television show she’s been obsessed with, she knew she had to sing it. it’s lyrically beautiful and through some way, reflects a chunk of her life. it took a lot of practicing for the artist is notorious for her creatively impressive singing abilities. she even doubted for a whole day if she’s actually capable of singing the song, but she went along with it.
and as she stands in front of everyone, poised to sing the first verse, she’s glad that she put faith in what her gut tells her.
in my room, staying up late
and i'm planning my escape
cause i know i can't stay
in my veins i got the feeling
like there must be something more
i've never been so sure
it reminds her so much of all those sleepless nights spent turning over around in her spacious bed all the way in their greece home, thinking whether or not she should leave for south korea. joy knew right then and there that she was meant for something bigger than what her parents have planned out for her even if it involved moving thousands of miles away. even while the decision came with a lot of sacrifices, there’s not a single thing that she regrets four years later.
she wills for emotion to show in the manner that she’s singing. even though she did not write this song, it’s a piece that she identifies with and she can only hope that it shows.
somewhere far, far away
beyond the crowds and city lights
out of the darkness we can shine
somewhere far, far away
beyond the crowds and city lights
out of the darkness we can shine
so i'm packing my bags
i'm gonna leave it all behind
i wanna open up my eyes
and see you on the other side
she closes the song with a somber smile. she’d always been one to believe that a ballad is sung to express romantic feelings. only now had she come to understand that it all depends on the context that the performer associates it with. maybe they think she’s singing it for a lost love, but that hadn’t been the case for her for a long time. to her, it has a lot more to do with family and challenging experiences that strives to bring out the best in her.
it’s more or less a promise that despite whatever difficulty she has been through, she’s going to rise above them all and be the kind of person she had always dreamt of being.
