[ sms » sunflower ] i don't understand how people can believe this stuff it's so ridiculous [ sms » sunflower ] if anything you've proved how wonderful and talented you are since that video was compiled [ sms » sunflower ] i love you though okay? [ sms » sunflower ] and i'll always have your back because you deserve it [ sms » sunflower ] let me know if you need anything though because i really am not doing much of anything haha
( sms - victorious ) you're amazing, you know that?
( sms - victorious ) i really don't need anything haha. thank you, though. it's honestly enough to know i have so many great friends like you supporting me
( sms - victorious ) but right now i just need to keep my head up and keep going. i cant let them get to me, otherwise they'll just keep attacking until they break me. i'm not gonna let that happen, so don't worry about me~
[ sms » sunflower ] oh my god [ sms » sunflower ] are you okay omg [ sms » sunflower ] do you want me to come over and bring anything i am 100% here for you [ sms » sunflower ] really though are you okay??? i'm really concerned ;;
( sms - victorious ) i wanna say i'm okay but that would be a lie ㅋ
( sms - victorious ) so no, i'm not okay. but you don't have to come over. i see you on twitter, and even though i can't post there i'm still grateful that you're defending me <3
( sms - victorious ) really, though, i'll be fine. i have to get through this and be strong, because if i don't then they'll just attack me more and more
Secret Santa here! What are you hoping for this holiday season?
omg hi cutie uwu. literally anything is fine with me! i’m good with whatever you feel like making basically hehe. if you wanna do some kind of drabble about our characters or some ship, go for it! or you could do an edit or something if you think that’d be easier for you ^^; if you want ideas about what ships or aus i like, you can talk to victoria’s or taemin’s muns about that, since they know me best! and that way you wouldn’t have to talk to me and my surprise won’t be ruined ; w;
He's been in London for a month. It's been almost three months since he last saw or heard from any of the other members of Luminosity. He hadn't contacted any of them, not even Hyoyeon, when he was put in the hospital, or when he got out. Not a single person in the world knew or cared that he had left Seoul and come to London. And honestly, he's not sure that was the best choice. He's never felt so alone in his life. At least in the hospital he had Youngjae and the nurses to talk to, people who would at least pretend they cared. Here in London, at the modeling company, nobody cares about him. They see him as a pretty face, something to stick on the front of their magazines and on their billboards, nothing more than a walking moneymaker.
Except Victoria. She approached him within his first week, starting a conversation and getting him to talk about himself. She's become his only friend here, though he hasn't allowed himself to open up to her like he opened up to Luminosity. He knows, now, that caring for others is dangerous, because no matter what they say, what kind of promises they make, they'll always end up leaving eventually.
He's gotten used to suppressing thoughts and memories of his old life, though today it's been much harder than usual for some reason. No matter how hard he tries, he can't stop thinking about Luminosity, about how once Taemin disappeared, every single one of them left him alone. He hates the way the thought of them now brings a taste of ash to his mouth -- a taste he recognizes as resentment. He doesn't want to resent them for things they can't control, but he can't seem to help it. It makes him feel like a self-centered asshole.
Though in retrospect, he kind of is a self-centered asshole.
It's thoughts like these that drive him to find Victoria after their morning shoot ends, touching her shoulder and looking in her eyes, hoping the look in his eyes will be enough to communicate just how important this is. "We don't have any more shoots today," he begins casually. "I was thinking about taking a train to wherever so I can watch the meteor shower tonight. Do you wanna go?"
whenever one door closes I hope one more opens promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. i hope you dance....i hope you dance.
future au
Kibum has never been good at goodbyes.
Especially since he's already had to say goodbye to Victoria once -- when he left England to come back to Seoul while she stayed to finish out her modeling contract. But that time they ended up finding each other again, whereas this time feels far more permanent. Kibum is preparing for debut now, and Victoria is going to tour the world with Emily, before settling down wherever they feel like. Knowing Victoria, it'll probably be some big city -- New York, Paris, London -- somewhere she can shine.
But either way, she's made it clear that she's probably not going to come back to Seoul to live. She might come to see his debut stage, or more likely for some big modeling show. They've already established that they'll try their best to keep contact through Skype, but with Kibum's schedule it's not likely that they'll be able to keep in touch as much as they'd like to.
And here they are, at the gate in the airport. Kibum hugs Victoria tightly for what's probably the last time, and he knows there are tears in his eyes but he doesn't even care.
"You're going to be great," he whispers in her ear, squeezing her a little bit tighter to communicate his sincerity. "You're going to be a model and a fashion designer and every female and gay male in the world is going to adore you," Victoria chuckles then, and Kibum does as well, though he doesn't pull out of the embrace, unwilling to move away just yet. "I'm serious. You have to be great. I expect nothing less."
"You too," she replies, and Kibum can tell from her voice that she's fighting tears as well. "Once you debut, every teenage girl in South Korea is gonna want you," they share another quiet, teary laugh at that, and Kibum takes in a deep, shaky breath before sighing into Victoria's hair.
"I'm going to miss you."
"Hey now," she says, her tone sarcastic and joking and sounding more like her normal self than all the tears have been making her sound. "Don't go getting too sappy on me," they laugh again, and there's a short, quiet pause before she whispers, "I'll miss you too."
After a few more seconds, the first call for boarding on Victoria's flight sounds, and they're forced to break apart. Kibum meets her eyes, though, a kind of desperation in his that she doesn't fail to recognize. "Don't forget me."
Victoria smiles, a tear falling down her cheek as she reaches up to fix a few strands of Kibum's hair in a friendly gesture. "How could I? You better not forget me either, or I'll come back and smack you to jog your memory."
Kibum laughs again, his hands still resting on Vic's shoulders. "Never in a million years. Now go on, superstar. It's time to go."
They hug again, though it only lasts a few seconds before Victoria is moving on to hug everyone else: Jiwon, Taemin, Henry, and all the rest of her friends. Once she's said her final hurried goodbyes, she walks over to the gate. While the attendant checks her ticket and passport, she turns around and gives them all a final teary grin and a wave.
Their group is making so much noise that just about everyone in the general area is openly staring at them, but none of them care. "Bye, Vic!" Kibum shouts, waving with one hand and wiping futilely at his cheeks with the other. "Good luck!"
And as her plane takes off, he and Jiwon drag the others into a group hug, during which they all take a moment to silently appreciate the people around them and how much shit they've all survived through.
And when he's walking out of the airport, Kibum looks up at the sky and smiles. This is just another thing to add onto his reasons for wanting to debut and become a star: he can't, absolutely can't, disappoint Victoria.
The worst things in life come free to us And we're all under the upper hand Go mad for a couple grams And we don't want to go outside tonight And in a pipe we fly to the Motherland Or sell love to another man It's too cold outside For angels to fly
- au : fashion week -
It's almost like he knew, like he expected it, like a third knock with no answer on her dressing room door was enough to confirm his worst fears. It's almost like she knew, like she expected it, like leaving the door unlocked was simultaneously her last cry for help and her last middle finger to the world. At least no one would have to bust down the door.
But he was. And at first he didn't know what to do. He'd heard horror stories before, about finding loved ones overdosed in washrooms or backstage in the wings of a show. But she was so excited to walk for Givenchy. It was his first fashion week but her third. They were going to walk Calvin Klein together. She was so excited about Yves Saint Laurent and Marc Jacobs. She'd booked so many shows, they'd started joking she'd probably get the call to be an Angel any day now. But not this kind of Angel. No she was supposed to be the face of Victoria's Secret, not the face of tragedy, not the face that remained placid and unresponsive even as he gathered her dangerously thin frame in his arms and shouted for help. This wasn't at all how she was supposed to get her wings.
He roamed the streets – dried up paints standing out like a sore thumb against the white canvas of his cotton shirt and denim pants. One might think he was not in search for a muse but is the product of one itself. With his high cheekbones and jaws that could cut someone, he sat down on the top rail of the park bench, hands shoved deep inside his pockets and one leg resting atop the other.
Eyes searching. Deep, pitch black eyes, looking for something that might sparkle in the midst of the moving crowd. Mind miles away, gathering wool, catching rays of light from each person only to threw them back out again because they're wrong. They're not the right shade, they're not the right shape, they're plain repulsive and even if it's only for an art project, Jaehyuk didn't want something so ugly in his canvas.
But then his hand circled around a stranger's arm, pulling her closer as he stood up on the bench, leading her to seat down with him. Then he stared at her for what seemed like an eternity before his lips tugged into a lazy smirk. "Hey, I'm an art student. Get naked and be my model." Because he saw something in the lady – something he wanted to capture in his assignment. A different color than the rest of the mundanes around them – and he needed to paint it.
