#rlian

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters Eating M&Ms

Exactly what it says on the tin. [For the purposes of this list, I'm gonna ignore that Rosharan men don't eat sweets because I can.]

Szeth: Follows a complicated set of M&M-eating rules he invented as a child (you know, like yellow has to be bitten into sideways and dark brown must always be eaten with another color, etc.)

Renarin: Sorts the M&M's by color, eats them strategically until every color has the same number, and then eats them one by one in color order

Shallan: Insists that the mini M&Ms are better because she "feels like a mighty sea creature inhaling [whatever the Rosharan equivalent of "krill" is]

Rock: Insists peanut M&Ms are better because "crunchy"

Siri: Is adventurous: she wants to try all the different sorts of M&M's. Yes, even the weird caramel ones!

Vivenna: Does not see any reason not to just eat the classic ones? They're already good??

Rlain: Appreciates that this a proper Rosharn candy--it has a shell!

Tress: Likes M&M's because they're such a shareable snack.

Breeze: Tried the whole "wine and chocolate" thing with M&Ms. Frankly, wasn't a big fan.

TenSoon: Doesn't eat M&Ms--people kept yelling that chocolate is poisonous to dogs.

Lopen: Likes to tilt the bag back and pour them all directly into his mouth. He says it's a holdover from when he only had one arm. This may or may not be true.

Ann: Likes to toss M&M's in the air so that she can catch them in her mouth (no, she never catches them)

Elegy: Sadly, M&M's DO melt in the hands of a Charred.

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Character Descriptions That Are TECHNICALLY True...

...just perhaps somewhat misleading.

[Some spoilers in this for Stormlight, Warbreaker, Yumi, and Mistborn Era 1 & 2!]

1. Dalinar: A widower raising two sons while writing his first book.

2. Szeth: A childlike man who just wants to do what he's told.

3. Vivenna: An eldest daughter who ran away to the big city and immediately fell in with the wrong crowd.

4. Hoid: An old man who likes to stick his nose into everything...and who has begun to worry that he's losing his memory.

5. Jasnah: A researcher who returns from a trip only to find out that her research has been scooped...by her student.

6. Shallan: A self-taught artist and researcher. Also: serial killer.

7. Navani: A widow who courts an old flame...unaware that he killed his first wife.

8. Worldhoppers: Extraterrestrial visitors.

9. Susebron: A newly-wed man who must find new communication strategies if he wants to save his marriage.

10. TenSoon: A guy who impersonates a dog for so long that they make stuffed animals based on him.

11. Nightblood: AI gone wrong.

12. The Machine: AI gone even wrong-er.

13. Wax: Man who kills because god told him to do so through his earring.

14. Taravangian: A dearly beloved grandfather killed by his own former employee.

15. Rlain: A guy who discovers that he's a furry after he joins the army.

[cosmerelists]

Why Every Stormlight Character Is Secretly A Cat

Or, you know, as many of them as I can fit into one reasonably sized list!

1. Kaladin: Likes to be high

Kaladin-Kitty: (purring happily on the very tallest cat tree ever)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yup, he loves being tall!

Hapless Cat-Parent: Hardly ever touches the floor if he can help it!

2. Lift: Knows that YOUR food is simply better

Hapless Cat-Parent: S-Stop trying to steal my pancakes!

Hapless Cat-Parent: You HAVE food!

3. Lopen: Sometimes hurts people when he only meant to play around

Hapless Cat-Parent: Ow!! No biting!!!

Hapless Cat-Parent: I-It’s okay! You know I’ll protect you, even if you hurt me.

4. Lewshi: Likes to Play-Fight

Hapless Cat-Parent: Ha, ha yeah! Lewshi LOVES to wrestle with the other kitties.

Hapless Cat-Parent: Never with murderous intent, of course! She just loves a good play-fight!

5. Szeth: Can see ghosts

Szeth-Kitty: (staring unblinking at a spot across the room)

Hapless Cat-Parent: W-What do you see with your kitty eyes?!?

6. Syl: Sometimes gets the zoomies

Hapless Cat-Parent: Ha, yeah, she loves to race about like this!

Hapless Cat-Parent: Especially when it’s stormy out, for some reason.

7. Nale: Likes the hunt

Nale-Kitty: (laser-focused, butt wiggling)

Hapless Cat-Parent: That stuffed mouse will never escape you!

8. Renarin: Is autistic (since, you know, all cats are autistic)

Hapless Cat-Parent: I just don’t understand people who think cats are hard to read!

Hapless Cat-Parent: All we gotta do is pay attention to your body language, huh, bud?

9. Rock: Knows the importance of cooking

Hapless Cat-Parent: Making biscuits again, huh?

10. Shallan: SUCH a little faker sometimes

Shallan: (the most mournful of kitty cries)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Y-You can’t trick me! I KNOW I already fed you!!

11. Tien: Brings you presents when you’re sad

Hapless Cat-Parent: B-brought me another rock, huh?

Hapless Cat-Parent: Thanks, buddy. I love it.

12. Stormfather: Knocks things over and pretends it wasn’t his fault

Hapless Cat-Parent: H-Hey! Did you knock EVERYTHING off my shelf?!

Stormfather-Kitty: (innocently cleaning his tail)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Uh-HUH.

13. Pattern: Will cockblock you at any opportunity

Romantic Partner: Uh, your cat’s creepy, unblinking gaze is kinda killing the mood here.

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yeah...he does that.

14. Sebarial: Knows the importance of conserving your energy

Hapless Cat-Parent: Napping in the sunshine, huh?

Hapless Cat-Parent: You sure live the good life.

15. Rlain: Changes forms when he needs to

Hapless Cat-Parent: Wow! You’re all poofed up!

Hapless Cat-Parent: You look so big and scary! That dog outside is definitely intimidated. 

16. Rysn: Is not afraid to jump from very high places

Hapless Cat-Parent: Ha ha! Thank goodness cats always land on their feet!

(I’m sorry)

17. Moash: Does NOT accept that humans should be in charge

Hapless Cat-Parent: Oh sweet Moash-kitty, sometimes you stare at me like you’re plotting my demise.

Hapless Cat-Parent: ...Sometimes I think I’m lucky you don’t have thumbs.

18. Cord: “Father, I crave violence.”

19. Navani: A very curious kitty

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yes, yes, I know you must sniff every one of these groceries.

Hapless Cat-Parent: Such an investigative little kitty!

20. Jasnah: Respect must be earned

Human Amaram: I am COVERED in SCRATCHES

Hapless Cat-Parent: You can’t force a cat to like you, you know.

21. Venli: Can’t decide what she wants

Venli-kitty: (mournful meows)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Oh? You want the door open?

Venli-kitty: (mournful meows)

Hapless Cat-Parent: O-Oh? You want it closed now?

Venli-kitty: (ever more mournful meows)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Make up your mind, already!

22. Eshonai: Adapts to communicate with humans

Hapless Cat-Parent: Huh! It says here that adult cats only meow to communicate with humans!

Hapless Cat-Parent: ...Is that your excuse for singing the song of your people every morning at 3:00am, then?

23. Elhokar: Pretends it was all on purpose

Hapless Cat-Parent: Hanging upside down from a claw snag again, huh?

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yes, yes, I’m sure you meant to do that.

24. Dalinar: HATES closed doors

Dalinar-Kitty: (vigorous scratching)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yes, yes, I’d hate to interrupt your journey to the bathroom.

25. Teft: Shows affection by staying at your side

Hapless Cat-Parent: You’re so sweet, Teft-kitty.

Hapless Cat-Parent: You may be grumpy, but you’re always sitting next to me when I’m sad.

26. Thaidakar: Best not to let him get out

Hapless Cat-Parent: Ha, ha, of COURSE I don’t let my cat outside!

Hapless Cat-Parent: Thaida-kat would destroy the whole ecosystem if he got out.

27. Adolin: Looks great in his little outfits

Adolin-kitty: (purring contentedly)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yeah, and ever since I put him in that little sweater, he won’t let me take it off!

Hapless Cat-Parent: Such a fashion icon.