VBS week Wednesday update:
My kids have successfully made it through the first two days of their first Vacation Bible School program at our church. I know I was excited to start, and I still am, but I very quickly became the worrisome Mama I figured I'd be.
My son Roran is loving VBS and playing with kids his age, but I can't help but feel stressed out when I see him struggling to behave himself. He's never done anything like this before, he's homeschooled, and until now, he's only ever spent the hour a week in Sunday School in a classroom type of setting that I wasn't involved in. I purposely didn't volunteer this year, so he'd get his break from me, hovering over him.
But I see him from the parking lot, biting my nails while he's playing soccer with his group. I wonder if he's making friends, getting along, obeying his instructors. And I see him having his hand held by the teacher, and worry that he's misbehaving. I see his step sister making friends and holding hands and having no trouble with the excitement because of her experience in daycare and on field trips with my step son's online charter school, and I worry that my little boy is having trouble. I see him light up when he sees me, just to start ramping up his noisiness and start to show out, and it makes me worry that my presence is making him act out.
These are just some of the struggles of a mom with intense anxiety. I worry about his teachers liking him, I worry about him making friends, I worry about him being a good helper like he is for me at home, for his teachers.
But, I also realize we all have to start somewhere, and this is his start. He's definitely having a good time, despite a few tantrums and some insubordination. He's remembering what they've taught him, even if he is a little boisterous during lessons. And I think he's enjoying his time away from his Mama, even if he gets a little excitable at the sight of me.
So, the week is going well, and he's learning, and I'm learning, and he's only going to be new to this for a short time. Praying he will learn from this experience and from the people God has placed in charge of presenting the gospel to him in this year's VBS. And I'm praying for my anxiety to let me survive this week, letting my baby be cared for by other people for the first time ever.
I know that God will watch my son, and help to guide him. I just need reminding sometimes that I was that kid too, only 21 years ago, and I needed the space to learn and act up a little.