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#060 Respecting Other People’s Turf

There are some heroes who, unless there’s some kind of large scale the-whole-planet’s-probably-going-to-get-rebooted-after-this crisis going down, prefer to work alone. These heroes will often simply operate in their hometown, protecting their neighbors, friends and colleagues from homegrown criminals (here’s a tip for spotting potential criminals in your neighborhood, anybody whose name is a pun for something evil like Rob Banks or Murt Eroldpeople is almost definitely going to become a bad guy at some point). These heroes are often fiercely territorial, they’ll protect their homes and their people and expect other heroes to do the same. It’s important for other heroes to respect these heroes’ boundaries and not just go off half-cocked to fight crime within their cities. If you’re going to be a superhero you’ve got to learn to respect other people’s turf.

Dividing up the country or the world into different jurisdictions for different superheroes may at first seem like simply an ego thing but in reality it’s actually very practical (other drafts had this sentence as “in actuality it’s really very practical” do you think we made the right call in changing it? Private message us your answer now!). For one thing, it more or less completely eliminates the bystander effect. A superhero will never hesitate to leap into action because they think some other better hero might come along to save the day. If a hero knows they’re the only ones operating in the area they’ll be forced to take action and lives will be saved! It also prevents super powerful heroes from spreading themselves too thin to the point of ineffectiveness. If Ultiman is expected to fight every crime everywhere due to his immense power he’s very likely to just end up being able to effectively fight no crimes. That’s not what we want. But if we restrict his movements to a single city he suddenly becomes 300 times more effective.

Additionally, different heroes have different methods that work better for different cities or locales. Some city’s super-crimes consist of masked thugs robbing banks with laser pistols or evil clowns making people laugh themselves to death, while other towns routinely have dinosaurs or giant robots rampaging down Main Street. So it’s important for heroes to find the places that they are best suited for. For example, while everyone would probably prefer to operate in Hawaii or somewhere nice you should really leave that to someone who’s solar powered, can swim, and can fight monsters (and is Hawaiian…). Some towns are more suited for people who operate in the shadows, some cities are more beneficial to those who swing around from buildings either through grapple line or some kind of high-strength-sticky-polymer wire. Choosing a city or domain requires a certain degree of self-awareness. In certain cases, a person’s hometown might not even necessarily be the area where they can do the most good. It’s important to not bite off more than you can chew (sometimes literally! What with all those sentient food monsters running around Quebec) and it’s also important to make sure you’re pushing yourself to your full potential. Don’t just settle in a town because there’s a low crime rate and you can basically clean up the whole place and then take a twelve hour nap every day (in addition to your eight hours of sleep at night). You need to go out and find the place where you’re needed most and then get cracking and start saving everybody’s days. (If your nap is longer than your night’s sleep can it still even be classified as a nap? Or is that just your sleep? And then the eight hours at night is your nap? I need to do more research, watch this space!)

Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t have more than one superhero in a given city. Sometimes that’s just how things work out. Not everybody can pick up and move their lives just because there’s already a superhero operating in their town. But if you’re going to be the second superhero (or third or fourth and so on and so forth {you already said fourth} I feel like you know that it’s different {bleh!} bleh!) you should really be a native of that city. It would be so obnoxious for a non-native city dweller to move to a city that already has a superhero just to fight crime. Like that’s just so insulting to the hero who’s already there. That’s like saying that you don’t think they’re capable of defending the city on their own. And look, if it’s true and the hero is really incompetent and lives are endangered then fine, but you should talk to the person first. But otherwise, find a city without a defender, there are plenty out there.

If you do find another hero encroaching on your territory, please don’t just attack them and break their legs or something. That would be a bit excessive. I know that superheroes fighting each other due to some ridiculous misunderstanding is basically a tradition but it’s a senseless tradition (like the Tooth Fairy! Listen, the children just want the money, I don’t think they care who gives it to them. Actually, the whole money thing is senseless too! Why are you paying children for losing their teeth? That’s just going to encourage them to do stupid things to knock their teeth out when they need money!) Just talk to the other hero and let them know that they’re in your town and that they’re welcome to fight crime there if they’d like but that there are probably other hero-less cities that need them more.