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I hate that I never get to talk to you anymore. I'm happy for you, I really am. Things are finally working out for you. You're almost finished with school & you finally have a job now. And the family's great. Most importantly, you're HAPPY. It's just that, somewhere along the way, I feel I've been left behind. Perhaps it's just me, I'm over thinking it, I know. I thought the job was going to make us distant but it didn't; at first, we worked around your schedule and in many ways that was good for us. You didn't have to worry about wasting your minutes on me & neither did I. I even started to focus on school even more now, with you gone, I finish my homework & study til' it gets dark and I'm tired. You call me during your break and get a good 15 minutes with me there. Im in bed right afterward. By the time you get home, it gets too late in New York, but still, I stay up just to talk to you. But you're tired, I cant blame you; I can't be mad. You shower up, get into bed & call me. You tell me you love me and that you've missed me all day, that I mean the world to you, and you cant wait to just be with me. And then I lose you to sleep. I still stay up, count your breaths, the seconds between every inhale and exhale. You struggle at night. I wish I could do something about it. Make it even between your breaths for you. But I can't and I feel defeated. Then suddenly, you mumble something and it breaks my train of thought. I can hear you twist and turn and then mumble some more. Nightmares, I think. If only I could see what you were seeing. If only I could alter your nightmares; turn them into dreams. Help you sleep in peace. Slay whatever it is that's disrupting you. All these thoughts eventually tire me out and soon after, I'm sleeping too. Warm in that sweater you gave me. It doesn't smell like you anymore, yet I feel as if I'm in those once welcoming and loving arms I remember running into freshman year. And those arms protect me from having any nightmares of my own. Remember Baby, how I told you that the reason why things weren't fair was because life's not fair? I know you do, because you use that line on me all the time. Well, its not true. Life wasn't fair until I met you. You came along and everything I thought I knew came crashing down. Life wasn't fair because you weren't mine. It wasn't fair because I was invisible to you. Life wasn't fair because I never let it be. But you know what Babe? LIFE IS FAIR. You know the saying, " when you love someone, let them go. And if it was meant to be, they'll come back" ? That's the deal with you. You came back to me. Hence, Life is fair. Because I deserve you. I know the past few days I've been acting up with you. And I'm sorry Baby, I really am. I don't mean to be impatient. Not with you at least. But things are getting hard. It's been too long and I'm tired of not having you by my side or being by yours. But I know what I want. So I'll keep fighting. And I hope you will too... Or else you could forget about that 240 I promised you after I become a Cardiologist. Anywho, I know I babbled a lot but what can I say? You've made a poet out of me it seems. But I think I pretty much summed up everything I wanted to tell you. Theres more pero hopefully we get to talk tonight<3 I love you Baby & you mean the world to me. x127 <3