Robin cracked her fingers nervously. It didn’t matter how many years they had been at it, the feeling of anxious excitement always pooled in her stomach. They stood in the order they walked out in. Jeff, Lance, Robin and then Eddie.
Jeff lifted up on his toes, waiting for Steve to give them the go in their ear pieces. Robin sucked in a breath as she heard him, “And, now.”
Jeff bounced out of line with Lance following at his heels. The crowds screamed and hit Robin like a bag of bricks as she made her way out on the stage. She jogged over the drum set and took her seat. She was in absolute shock at the crowd. This was definitely the biggest show of their career so far.
Eddie finally walked out and gave Robin a huge grin before sticking his tongue out. Robin knew it was time. She pulled her drumsticks from the pouch on the side of her set and puffed out a breath before bringing the first stick down.
Her fingers buzzed as the drumsticks hit the tops of the instrument. Her, Jeff and Lance were about a minute into playing their intro when they shifted right into the opening song. Eddie stepped up to the microphone and the fans cheered before they started singing along with him.
These were a few hours that Robin lived for. She often wondered what life would be like had she not chosen to learn to play. She couldn’t imagine it really. There was nothing like performing in a huge ass room with thousands of people shouting the lyrics to your song back to you.
As the second song came to end Gareth rushed up to Robin with a bottle of water. Eddie always stopped to talk for a moment between the second and third song. “Thanks,” she said before drinking as much as she could before handing it back to him. He rushed away to get ready. The fourth song was the first with keys on the setlist so he would be coming out soon.
“Man, this place is packed. Did you know this is the first time we have sold this place out?” Eddie said into the microphone. Robin hit the drum a few times as the crowd cheered. “I mean completely sold out. Five thousand of you fuckers wanted to be in a room together to see us? Fucking wild. Chicago is always the best,” he took a step back as the crowd started screaming again.
Jeff started the intro to the third song and Robin fell back into her rhythm. She looked over to the left to see Gareth entering the stage, taking his spot behind his keyboard.
Robin looked back out to the crowd, searching the barricade. Off to the right of Eddie she could see Nancy. She was bouncing slightly, singing along to the song. Robin chuckled and shook her head slightly. Nancy Wheeler. She had always been full of surprises, even when they were younger.
Gareth started playing which gave everyone a few seconds to drink water. Steve held a bottle out to Robin who chugged quickly then they were back at it.
It was easy to lose herself in the performance. Throughout the songs she kept looking at Nancy who never missed a beat. She seemed to know every single one of their songs. Knowing this made Robin’s chest feel fuzzy in an affectionate way. Was Nancy actually a fan of their music or did she just listen because they had been friends? It made Robin feel guilty for not keeping up with her or knowing about her magazine sooner. Robin had always been good at staying in her bubble and it made her wonder what else she had missed.
As they came to the end of another of Robin’s favorites, it was time for the song Nancy had said was hers. Which was also Robin’s. It took her awhile to get to be able to play drums good enough to have a solo. This song was the funnest for her to play but also it reminded her how rewarding all of her hard work was. Hours and hours of practicing most days and into the night to try and learn to play so quickly had paid off.
They were exactly one verse away from finishing the song when Eddie stepped away from the microphone. Jeff and Lance also stepped a few paces back and Robin assumed they were either drinking water or taking shots.
She glanced out at the crowd and saw Nancy staring at her with wide eyes. Others around her were jumping around and cheering but Nancy was almost statuelike. Robin grinned, making eye contact with her. She pounded against the drums quickly, always amazed with what she was able to do and how much energy it took to even do it.
As the solo wrapped up and Eddie stepped back to the stage to finish the song Robin was still looking at Nancy. She was still unmoving, staring at Robin. Robin dipped her head slightly, hoping to convey the message ‘Yeah, that’s right, Wheeler. I know you’re impressed with me.’
Robin stepped off the platform and jogged toward the back of the stage where Steve waited with water. The current song had a long soft intro so she wouldn’t start until the middle. She drank the water gratefully before sticking her arms out to stretch them. “You crushed it, as usual.”
Robin laughed and nodded, “You should have seen Nancy’s face. She looked like she was frozen.”
Steve peeked around the curtain as if he could see her, “I’m glad she stayed. She tells me all the time how she loves the music but hasn’t been able to make coming work with her schedule.”
“I never realized you kept in touch with her, honestly. I feel bad. If I had known what she was out there doing I could have been supporting her.”
Steve shrugged slightly, pulling the water from her hands. “You know now. It’s never too late to make up for lost time.”
Robin nodded in agreement before hurrying back to her spot. She missed no time in falling back into playing.
They were almost done with the show and she always felt bittersweet at this moment. She had never been more herself than when playing a show. It was the one time of day when her worries seemed to fall away. When she was up here she could be whoever she wanted to be. The thought made her hear Steve’s words in her head from earlier, “Just be yourself.”
Then Nancy had said the same thing, “Just be yourself!”
This was her being herself, at least now she was. Regret clouded her as she remembered the internal debate in the interview. She had wanted to be herself. She had wanted to tell Nancy about her being gay. That way it could be out. She had wanted to come out so her fans knew whos he truly was and so those who were going through what she was would maybe feel a little less alone. This was as close as she came to being who she knew she was. But.. How free would she feel if she could just say it? It wouldn’t feel like she was walking around with a constant secret.
She had been so scared but for what? The people who mattered supported her. They loved her. It was herself she was unsure of. And why was that? She had known since she was young she was gay.
Robin tried to shake her thoughts away as they finished the second to last song. The band hurried off stage together to have a minute before they came back from the encore. “I’m gonna tell her,” Robin said to Eddie as they stood behind the curtain.
“Tell who what?” He raised an eyebrow, looking around to only see Steve and other crew members.
“Nancy!” Robin said over the cheering. “I’m gonna tell her I’m gay. I’m going to have her put it in the article.”
Steve approached them with a look of surprise but Robin could see in his eyes that he was proud. “We’re gonna be home for two days. Nancy lives outside of Chicago. Find her after the show. Ask for a second chance tomorrow. She can wait to write the article after that and send it to print.”
“If this is what you want we support you, always,” Jeff said as he laid his hand on her shoulder.
“Always,” Lance agreed.
They closed around, even Steve and Gareth, to hug her tightly. “Gross, gross. You’re all sweaty, get off.” Robin said in an attempt to keep her emotions even. She wiped her eyes knowing they had brimmed with tears. “You’re going to make me ruin my eyeliner.”
“Time, go,” Steve directed them. They rushed the stage together, having little time to get to their spots to start playing.
As the song was about to finish Eddie paused before the final chorus, “Thank you guys so much for an incredible night. You all are so fucking beautiful. We could never thank you enough or explain how much it means to be this close to home with such a turn out. Selling out a venue this big is not something we ever imagined we would do. I just want you to know that sometimes shit gets hard. Never give up. Always follow your dreams and you might just play a show for five thousand people. Also, also,” Eddie held up a hand before motioning behind himself, “Make some noise for our wonderful crew. Without them we couldn’t have pulled this off.” The crowd cheered and Robin clapped as well.
“Lastly, since we are so close to home. I would also like to say thank you to our friends for coming tonight. Dustin, Lucas and Nancy, we appreciate you guys and love you.”
More screams and cheers happened before Eddie fell back into song.
Backstage Steve and Gareth waited for them, holding towels and water. Robin took a towel from Gareth and rubbed her forehead, “Thanks.”
“You guys killed it! That was so awesome!” Nancy said as she exited through a door with a security guy behind her.
She hugged Eddie then Robin. Robin hugged her back, almost shocked before Nancy stepped back. This is probably the best show I’ve been to.”
“We try hard,” Lance said.
“It was incredible. I’m so glad I got to see it from the floor. I can’t wait to talk about your performance in the magazine.”
The guys started to shuffle around Nancy and Robin, heading back toward their locker rooms. “About the article,” Robin started. Nancy looked at her curiously but she continued, “I need to go over some things again. It might take awhile, are you busy tomorrow? We are home for two days.”
Nancy nodded quickly, “Yes of course! We can meet at Petey’s at one?”
“That’s perfect. I’ll see you then?”
“Okay!”
“Great! I'm gonna go shower,” Robin laughed and waved at Nancy. She turned back to call out, “Thanks for coming!”
