How to Make The Goldfinch a Good (read- Gay ) Movie
So @rollono had me watch The Goldfinch with her and then linked me to @wellntruly‘s post about the book it's based on. Then I read the wiki on the book.
Here’s how to reshoot the movie so it actually works as a movie. (I see now that @wellntruly has done her own but I am not going to read it until I am done with this because these are my thoughts.)
(typed semi stream of consciousness style because the thoughts came at me so hard)
okay, so on my drive to work I spent a bunch of time thinking about how I would edit/change the movie so its a more coherent story with a tighter flow I think I have the answer but it will make fans of Andy sad. You have to cut the Boroughs from the story almost completely. at the front and the back of the plot. zero in on the Hobie/Pippa stuff and the Boris stuff. from the fanfic I have been reading it seems like Theo is like sorta obsessed with the concepts of "before" and "after" and I'm just like we should have one person for each thing. Pippa as a Before and Boris as After.
Open the movie with Pippa and Theo looking at each other across the painting. their guardians in the shot but they are the focal points. cut to credits was the explosion happens
Come back from the title credits to Theo and Welty. scene of Theo getting placed in the Boroughs home but don't linger on that. focus more on him at Hobie's and finding Pippa and maybe showing them bonding a bit more. give him a panic attack there or something.
have his father arriving be a phone call that like pulls him away from Hobie and Pippa.(yeah sad about Any but it gives us time for other stuff)
Spend more time with Theo and Boris just vibing in different ways. the movie did a decent job but it had so much else going on that we should have had some more time there. maybe even ignore the stuff about his dad trying to steal from him and just have the dad like abuse him or some shit and then go off and die.
phase two of why cutting out the Boroughs makes sense: CRIME
we don't see Theo passing off fake antiques as real just one guy threatening him. we should have scenes of Hobie struggling after Theo returns (maybe before he starts working there) and so we see Theo's motivation as doing crime to save Hobie. Only we make it apparent that like after one or two fake antiques he has gotten them out of the red and should technically stop now. only he can't because he likes the high of it.
this crime element means that we then can see shady people lingering around the shop. He is slipping into a darker world. the return of Boris, while Theo is looking to get high, makes more sense tonally. With no Kitsey nonsense, the tension can be amped up with Theo and Boris. the angst, the heartbreak, the crime.
and it can be juxtaposed with Pippa and Hobie where he is trying to keep up the fake face of "before Theo". instead of having Boris interrupt and engagement party. he comes while Theo is out to dinner with Hobie and Pippa. (It can be her engagement party if we like the DRAMA of it all which honestly we do.) So he has to choose. Make him a more active and semi like excited part of the heist. he's a criminal. The boy from ‘before’ is dead and we see it visually with his actions.
maybe even like do some imagery with Boris and Pippa that both lean towards bird stuff. being like "oh so one of them is the goldfinch". Make the allusions from the book a visual thing because movies are a visual media. Pippa wearing feathery earrings. Boris flapping his arms like a bird. End the film still with Boris saving Theo from suicide attempt but like have it more emotional. Boris admitting to all the previous times he saved him. (give me like cry shouting and angry hugs)
The final shots are Theo going to see the Goldfinch now on display at a museum. not even like inside just standing outside. if you want to make it really gay have Boris appear in the final shot, stepping into frame and taking Theo's hand. get someone with a big fan to make their coats flow out behind them as they walk up the stairs. They take flight visually, as the goldfinch never could.
Other details. Lean heavier into the “I’m a hero from a novel that doesn't belong in this time.” Have Pippa’s boy maybe make a comment about Theo and Hobie being ‘of another time’ or visiting being ‘like time traveling’. The hilarity of an English man dragging these two NYC for being obsessed with history is golden. Do more with costuming to show some of the points that we should understand. As Theo goes from ‘before’ to ‘after’ his wardrobe should visibly change. Maybe even give him a different pair of glasses near the end, his view of the world is different now.
I get that dense books like this one (still haven't read it. might listen to the audiobook) are hard to adapt. But I think back to my MVP adaptation, Lord of The Rings. They slashed out major parts of the book and characters. The number of elves is drastically reduced. They removed an entire section about Tom Bomderdil that hardcore fans love. Three different fights are cut out of the first movie and a new one of Arwin fighting the wraiths is added. This is done because books can meander, movies have to run.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk now go read @wellntruly‘s stuff because its so good I took my laptop into my pitch-black bathroom to keep reading when I needed to pee. and then my boyfriend looked at me like I was losing my mind.
