#roman!

[auguriesoflight]

[ruthellry]

who: @romanxdrake

where: the atrium

when: mr. wexley's birthday party

given a tequila soda or two, she might have been lighter on her feet and a little looser with her words. but that was the whole point of a party. one night in the middle of everything that felt normal. after all what was twelve hours to the next month of their lives. and of everyone, it was always so easy to just talk to roman. of course, that was a thousand conversations that had built up to that in kitchen lighting and new york street-lights.

"did your date abandon you already?" she looked around for the little girl who'd stepped off the elevator hand-in-hand with him, though it seemed greener pastures had been found for those who preferred dress up. "tough break."

[waddei]

:0!

[ask-divided-realms-sander-sides]

Im sure it will go great! Plus King Roman will be there so you know you’ll have a friend with you owo

King Roman of the Demons is now available for questions.

[sher-soc-the-famder]

I Came Out Of The Deck

Summary: It was less the crush he had on Virgil that Patton worried about, and more the secrets he kept.

Word Count: 1919

Pairings: Moxiety, Platonic Logicality

Warnings: Acephobia, Internalized Acephobia, panic attack

Notes: Day one of Ace Awareness week! I’m gonna be doing a fic for every day for the rest of the week so keep an eye out! Starting things off with Patton and Moxiety!! 

Read On AO3

Patton sighed, settling his chin in his hands. He grinned as below him Virgil threw his head back in laughter. Patton kicked his feet back and forth as Roman slugged Virgil in the shoulder. The action did nothing to dampen Virgil’s amusement and Patton wished that the fond smile Virgil sent Roman was directed at him.

“Ah, I see that you have resumed this foolishness.” Patton turned and waved at Logan with enough force that his friend reached out to keep him from tumbling over the edge of the balcony. Patton grinned at the look on Logan’s face. He reached out to pull Logan down with him. He found himself being hauled to his feet instead, stumbling as he tried to get his feet under him.

“This has got to stop,” Logan continued, tugging him back inside. “The lovesick pining makes me want to bash my head in and if I have to watch you stare at Virgil’s back like some sort of dog one more time, I will not be held responsible for what I do.”

“Awwww Logan,” Patton cooed, “Just because you need to paw-se, maybe spend some time with Roman! Doesn’t mean that I need to do anything about Virgil!”

Logan shot him a dirty look. Patton giggled, slipping his arm through Logan’s so that they were walking side by side towards the door. Logan rolled his eyes. Patton pretended not to see it, leaning into the warmth of his best friend.

“First of all,” Logan said, pausing at the doorway long enough to grab Patton’s scarf. Patton leaned down so that Logan could wrap it carefully around his neck. “I do not need to spend time with Roman of all people. He is nothing short of infuriating.”

“You certainly talk about him alot for someone you supposedly hate!” Patton pointed out, stuffing his hat into his coat pocket before reaching for the doorknob. Logan’s hand shot out, wrapping around his wrist to stop him. Patton startled, wide eyes turning to meet Logan’s frown.

“And second,” Logan continued as if Patton hadn’t spoken. “You only bring my relationship or lack thereof with Roman up when you want to avoid the subject of your crush on Virgil.”

Patton laughed nervously. His eyes dropped away from Logan’s face. His stomach twisted itself into knots at the look in Logan’s eyes anyway. The serious expression that felt like Logan was trying to take him apart like some sort of puzzle.

“It’s not a crush!” Patton protested. He took his hand back, crossing his arms over his chest. A defensive stance more than anything else.

“You spend hours staring at him. Your smile softens whenever he talks to you. If there’s an opportunity to pair up you choose always Virgil.” Logan listed off and Patton flinched. His hands fisted into his sleeves, trying to drown out the words that fell from Logan’s lips. “Your face flushes when Virgil laughs. I’m certain that your heart skips a beat whenever he walks into the room, and you never stop touching him.”

Patton felt his shoulders climb towards his ears. His fingers tingled from the force of his grip. He watched golden leaves fall outside their window, spreading beauty across the campus. Maybe if he tried hard enough Logan would grab coffee with him instead of talking about this.

“But I don’t want to kiss him,” his voice cracked. He stumbled over his words, struggling to explain to Logan why he was wrong. “I don’t-”

Logan’s hand touched his gently, and Patton jumped at the sudden warmth. Logan swept a thumb over the back of his hand before reaching up to grip Patton’s face. Tears welled in Patton’s eyes as Logan looked at him fiercely.

“You still think you’re broken.” Logan didn’t ask him. He simply leaned forward with the force of his words. “You are still listening to your parents when they are such clear imbeciles who have no understanding of the world today.” Patton took a shuddering breath as Logan’s voice softened. “Love is love, Pat. Sexual attraction or the lack of it does not mean that you love him any less.”

“Logan,” Patton whispered, pressing a hand to his mouth to hold back sobs. Logan swiped at his tears, tired and loving.

“Patton,” he echoed. “There is nothing wrong with being asexual. You have a right to love just as much as the rest of us. If Virgil doesn’t understand that, then he is not worth your time. So talk to him.”

“Talk to me about what?”

Patton jumped at Virgil’s voice, stumbling back away from Logan in his surprise. His hands shook as terror lanced through his chest. He wasn’t ready. His breath caught as he tried to picture the look on Virgil’s face when he learned that Patton loved him but couldn’t love him enough. The disgust, but even more painful than that, the disappointment. The offers to help figure out what would fix the problem.

His legs buckled. He couldn’t keep track of the hands that tried to help him, only that they were too much. He slammed into the wall as he tried to get away from them. Star danced across his eyes, from the impact or his lack of oxygen, Patton couldn’t tell.

Voices flew over him. In one ear and out the other as Logan had always told him. Logan was going to tell Virgil- No, no Logan wouldn’t tell Virgil without Patton’s permission. He wasn’t like Patton’s parents. But he wanted Patton to tell Virgil. Patton wanted to, gods, he wanted to tell Virgil and be in love.

He just wasn’t. He was but he wasn’t and he hated it. He didn’t make sense-

A hand rested on his chest carefully. Patton jolted as he realized that he had squeezed his eyes shut somewhere between his sobs. The hand didn’t retract simply pressing against his heaving chest even harder. A second one grabbed his fingers and pressed them to the slow steady breathing of their owner.

Gradually, Virgil’s voice made it through the buzzing of Patton’s ears.

“-just like that Pat, breathe with me, just like that, in for four, you’re doing great.” Patton latched onto his voice, dragging himself to shore with it. He blinked rapidly. His eyelids felt sticky with tears, and he reached a shaky hand up to swipe at them.

“Patton?” Virgil asked quietly, “Are you back with me?”

Patton nodded, face flushing at how close they were pressed together. Virgil’s knees rested against his own. Panic reared its head again at their position and his breathing hitched.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Virgil said gently, squeezing the hand he had pressed to his chest. Patton marveled at the feel of his heartbeat. “None of that. You’re fine, Pat. You’re safe, I promise. You don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to.”

Patton dropped his eyes, counting the number of times his shoelaces looped back over themselves. He’d rather knot think of talking to Virgil about his feelings. He scrubbed at his face again, trying to buy himself time. Not that he needed it, but sitting there while others looked after him had always felt awkward. He was the father figure after all.

Feeling crept into his fingers before thoughts of Logan returned as well. Logan had been there too. His head jerked up, looking for his best friend. Virgil shifted to the side so that Patton could have a better view of Logan hovering a few steps away from them.

Patton searched Logan’s eyes carefully. He took note of the carefully clasped hands, the stiff way that Logan stood. Patton bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to let reassurances fall from his lips already. Logan would claim he was deflecting. Logan would be at least half right.

Logan looked him squarely in the eye and Patton watched him relax. Watched his eyes go soft and comforting in the same way he had when Patton came out to him. Logan tilted his head to the side, a quiet check on if Patton wanted him to stick around. Patton almost wanted to reach out and have Logan pull him close as he had so long ago.

He closed his eyes and nodded just once. Maybe it was time. If only to get it off his chest. He had thought he was past this point, but two steps forward one step back tended to be a favorite tactic in their friend group it seemed. He opened his eyes. He stared at the spot that Logan had been and tried to draw courage from the fact that Logan at least, would never judge him.

Virgil craned his head to look at the empty dorm as well.

“Well,” Virgil said carefully. Patton tried not to fidget as Virgil looked back at him. Virgil’s hand tightened in his. Patton wanted to wipe the crease from his brow and promise that Virgil had done nothing wrong. Virgil wasn’t the problem. Patton was.

“I-” Patton licked his lips as his voice cracked.

“You don’t have to say anything, Patton,” Virgil cut in quickly. Patton’s heart sank as Virgil didn’t meet his eyes. He knew what Virgil would be thinking, and he reached out to tap Virgil’s cheek.

“I want to,” he finally whispered. He tugged his mouth into a sheepish grin. “Well, less want and more need to, or maybe want and need? Logan would know the difference-”

“Patton,” Virgil cut him off gently, “You’re starting to ramble there buddy.”

“Right. Right,” Patton let out a sharp breath and gathered his thoughts. He tried to think of how to explain his parents, his fear of the way that he loved others. He didn’t think there was any way to without Virgil trying to take the nearest kitchen knife and driving back to their hometown.

Best to just follow Virgil’s example then.

“I’m asexual,” he blurted and squeezed his eyes shut. Silence fell. Patton tried his best not to tremble. He held onto the fact that this was Virgil. Virgil would never judge him. Right?

(He had thought the same of his parents at one point, after all.)

“Ok, no I don’t get it,” Virgil finally said. Patton peeled one eye open and started at Virgil’s face. Virgil glared at the ground, gripping Patton’s hand even tighter. “I can’t figure out when I said something that would make you have a panic attack over being asexual.”

“It wasn’t you,” Patton whispered. Virgil’s hand spasmed and his lips pursed. Patton bit back a giggle as Virgil muttered something about ‘fucking aphobes.’ Patton took a deep breath and leaned in until he rested his head against Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil’s hands shifted, one still hanging on to Patton’s like he would disappear if he let go.

He rested the other on the back of Patton’s neck and just let the two of them breathe.

Patton breathed in Virgil’s scent, the dry paint that clung to his hoodie from art classes. He brought his arms up around Virgil’s waist, and for the first time in a long while, felt safe. He breathed in. He breathed out.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Virgil froze.

Patton held his breath as Virgil pulled him back so that he could search his eyes. The look on Virgil’s face melted into something bright and goofy that Patton wanted to keep there forever. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Patton’s forehead.

“I love you too,” Virgil whispered, and Patton’s heart soared.

[inmyblindspot]

blindspot fanfic: (updated) master post

Thought I would update my fanfic master post - there have been a lot of new ones since I last posted it! An enormous thank you to everyone who has ever read, liked, commented or reblogged one of my fics - your support and feedback means the world to me and keeps me writing! This fandom is a wonderful, wonderful place and I am so very grateful for all of you. So, below the cut are links to all 174(!) of my Jeller fics and drabbles so far, with many more to come. I have to admit that revisiting theses fics reminded me of why I fell in love with Jeller in the first place. These two are destined to be together and they will find their way back to each other soon.

what i never knew i always wanted i think i wanna marry you starlight hope what i never knew i always wanted wheel of the world in your atmosphere closer (rated: M) tangled up (in your atmosphere) (rated: M) a dream of our own hello, you beautiful thing a little light in the dark golden little miss perfect [part one] | [part two] | [part three] | [part four] (rated: M) the little things tiny dancer intuition sunshine and paper crowns sweet night light sweet medicine all that glitters is gold “lub” for you a week late six days four days quiet time welcome to the family change of plans let it snow a merry little christmas i’ll take care of you at home in my heart big girl bath time with oggie best christmas sunday mornings nothing better suspicious teamwork on pointe puzzling make room ketchup sneaky little one company everything [will be alright]

friendship stubborn love

fluff + romance home where i want to be (rated: M) all i want is to stay us, to stay with you now and if my heart should somehow stop one sweet love stay for a while (or forever) give me your hand and i’ll give you my heart ready to be happy with you so very beautiful in the light [make me feel] good (rated: M) turn around more than i can ever say have a little faith hearts don’t break around here shine everything can’t get enough (rated: M) fall for you together under the stars rising tide (rated: M) yoya with mama jane “like you” my love “do you want to build a snowman?” i’ve got you the rest of our lives footsies milk flowers thankful you get my love finding a new way catch me if you can (rated: M) this christmas ready unconventional to the point a lot, a lot puddles and fred angst lighthome (rated: M) long way from home we always find each other (rated: M) all i see [is you] yours “mama jane” silent promise hold on we fixed it but it’s broken take me back to the beginning where do we go on my mind [we’ve been] lost lately in my mind a place called home just us here, my love try

hiatus countdown fics nine days eight days one week | one more week | a week late six days five days four days three days two days one day today [i see clearly]

#bspromptchallenge: 30 days day 1. battle/battlescars/wounds/injuries: the shape of you day 2. team/family: someone to watch over me day 3. friends/enemies: criminal-ish day 4. past/history/memories: long way around day 5. redemption: i will be your remedy day 6. war/peace: canvas day 7. love: you might break my heart [but i’m still yours] day 8. anger/angry: son of sorrow day 9. betrayal/lies/trust: enough for now day 10. in memoriam/death: [find me] in the shallows day 11. humor/comedy/laughs: surprise me day 12. tears/heartbreak/sadness: i wonder if… day 13. future: when i wasn’t looking day 14. food/drinks: 41 flavors day 15. hurt/comfort: somewhere, somehow [we’ll have another chance] day 16. undercover: lover, come back to me day 17. interrupted/cockblocked: all the luck bonus!fic:  cake day 18. outfits/wardrobe/costumes: i looked up and you were gone day 19. men vs women/ men/women: if you ask, [yes] i’ll answer day 20. trains/planes/automobiles + day 21. children/babies/parents: how long do you want to be loved [is forever enough?] day 22. locations/landmarks: hold on to hope, love day 23. new york city: this love is ours day 24. guests/parties/gatherings: …over the rainbow day 25. languages/international: wanderlust day 26. puzzles/games: i found you [and you] day 27. hair/beards: simple as it should be day 28. locker room/patterson’s lab/kurt’s office/meeting room/the nyo: do you think about me [like i think about you] day 29. home/house/apartment: it could be everything day 30. tattoos: hello, world bonus!fic: when i fall in love [it will be forever]

#bsABCchallenge: A-Z allies/alliances: after the storm badass: beginning cia: the captain dress: delicate elevator: electric fights & felix: feels just like it should gord enver/rich dotcom: give a little bit hirst: here ian kruger aka roman: in a world, in the world jane: just a little while longer kurt: know you better loss: lost and found mayfair: matter of time nightmares: new heights oliver: on our way patterson: punishment questions: quickly, quietly, completely rebellion: remember when sarah weller: somewhere out there terrorism: this time underground: undiscovered vests: valor weapons: we found love x-ray: xoxo years: you make it real zapata: zero to one hundred

[virgil-anxiety-yikes]

Stashed

He didn’t move, he didn’t speak, he couldn’t see. What was he suppose to do!? What if someone saw him trying to escape!? Who even took him!? This isn’t fair!

Virgil stretched out his fingers, slightly moving them. All he could do was feel, and that’s good enough. It feels cold, like being stuck in a refrigerator. Wherever he was, was small. He could barley sit up, and there definitely wasn’t enough room for him to lay his legs down. They where just curled up to his chest.

When he regained consciousness awhile ago, he instantly realized that he wasn’t in the comfort of his own clothes. His usual purple jacket, his safe place, was no longer on his body. Virgil’s normal jeans that he wore where no existent. It felt like he was only wearing shorts and a small t-shirt. He didn’t like this! Why would he like this!?

Suddenly a loud door slams, causing Virgil to slightly jump. Even more so it caused him to hit his head, which he hissed at. A slightly happy chuckle feels the room. Wait what? That couldn’t be who he thought! He’s to nice and sweet to do whatever’s going on right now.

“P-Patton?” He stutters.

Virgil yells as the sound of hard metal gets scrapped across the ground. What in the actual fuck!?

“Good Job my dark and glorious son!” Yup, That was Patton alright.

“Why can’t I see?” He asks.

“Oh well you know silly! You got that pesky little blind fold on. Can’t see anything with that on, now can’tcha?”

Virgil’s brows furrow, why was Patton acting cool? Is he pulling a prank on him or something? He hesitantly takes off the blind fold, whimpering as it pulled some hair. Looking up, he sees Patton in the opposite side of the room. Just sitting on a chair playing games on his phone.

“Patton, why do you have me locked in a cage!?” He says very agitated.

The side of morality looked up with a goofy smile, and closes whatever game he had on his phone.

“Oh Kiddo! I have to protect you! It’s what fathers do, I couldn’t let those other people keep shipping you now could I?” He tilts his head to the side.

Shipping him? What and who was shipping him?

“Are you talking about how people ship me with you, Logan, and Roman?”

“Right on the nose!” He reassured.

“Shipping? Like How on earth will you do that?”

“Well by keeping you here of course! If your here, they can’t come and find ya so no shipping!” Patton got up from his chair, walking over to Virgil, and kneeling eye level with him.

Somehow, this was unsettling. The Anxious side backed away to the back of the cage, trying to stay as far away as he could. Patton didn’t like this, but he wasn’t going to say anything... wrong.

“Oh child, child, child, can’t see you from all the way back there now can I?” He asks.

Why was Patton acting like this was an O K thing to do!? It’s like him to protect everyone, but not like this.

“PatPat, if that was the case, why am I locked up? WHY was I blindfolded?” Virgil backs himself further into the back of the cage, he wanted to desperately know. However... this was still to much to handle.

“Well Silly, if you where out of your cage I KNOW you’d try to escape! Have to take precautions.” Patton slowly lays on the floor with his chin in his palm, just... starring at him.

“Also, blindfold so you don’t know where you are!”

Virgil rolls his eyes.

“A quick glance around the room you can tell that, that we are in the room behind the bookcase on the basement.” Virgil states simply.

However... Patton’s face seemed to distort as Virgil said that. Guess he got it correct. A long moment of silence basically.

“...the others won’t know where you’re at! So it’s fine!” Patton then hops up from the ground, and starts walking over to the door.

Virgil grabbed the bars of the cage and started to shake them as hard as he could. It wasn’t really doing anything, but it was making noise.

“Patton! This won’t protect me!” He yells, but Patton responses back.

“It’ll protect you enough! Time to go!” Patton then opens the door walking out.

Virgil shakes the cage harder, this isn’t fair! This isn’t fair!

“Patton!” He yells again.

Being locked in this cage was claustrophobic, and there was no chance to escape! Where were the other threes?! This isn’t fair! Virgil reaches his arm through the bars pleading! Thomas needed him, Roman and Logan needed him! Even Patton needed him! He needs them! He needs them.

“PATTON!!”

@heartfelt-patton-sanders