#romance-indifferent

[aspecpridecalendar]

Happy Pride to all romance-indifferent aspecs!

Romance-indifferent - Someone who has neutral feelings toward the concept of romance and romantic interaction. Romance-indifferent individuals may choose to engage in romantic activities for the enjoyment of a partner, economic reasons, artistic expression, etc. Commonly used among but not exclusive to arospecs.

[mogai-headcanons]

Otis 'OJ Haywood Jr. from Nope is an autistic romance-indifferent aromantic gay cassgender man who uses he/him pronouns!

He's in a relationship with Angel Torres, a bisexual demisexual paraboy who uses he/him and they/them pronouns!

OJ's sister Emerald 'Em' Haywood is a bisexual sapphic nonbinary woman who uses she/her, they/them, and he/him pronouns!

dni link

[werewolfpurfect]

A new proposal for the aspec community 🖤💜💚

Recently, I was discussing personal attitudes towards romance with my QPP, and we thought about how personal attitudes towards romance/sex shouldn’t only be about whether one finds them disgusting, unsettling, uninteresting or enjoyable, but should also include other feelings. It is how we came up with the term romance/sex-wrathful.

Now wrathful might refer to a series of feelings that cause anger, irriation or burning rage at the way our amatonormative society constantly shoves romance/ partnered sex in our faces, in ways that present them as the ultimate goal, the ultimate pleasure, the cure-all of all problems in life and something everyone desires and should strive for. 

This can manifest for a number of reasons for the people who feel it:

a. They might feel it is unnecessary and overrated

b. They might be angered at the importance the world puts at it and the pressure to fInD a RoMaNtIc/SeXuAl PaRtNeR

c. They don’t understand it, and that pisses them off because it’s EVERYWHERE

d. They might be angered at the way it is portrayed in the media, and the stupid limitations/expectations they spread about it

What do yall think about it? Share your opinion and other points, we would like to hear from you. 

P.S One of the reasons I enjoyed this conversation was because I am using the concept of linguistic becomings for my thesis. 

By the gay way, if you wanna check my QPP’s work out, her instagram is: https://www.instagram.com/cyrill.tate/

[raavenb2619]

Can you be sex-repulsed if you dont mind talking abt it in a context outside of you? Like talking abt characters or real ppl's sexuality and sex life is fine n all but when its abt u u kinda just wanna shrivel up and cry bc it makes u rly anxious; yet you wouldnt mind having sex or performing sexual activities? Or is that just being like??? Prude xmdmmsnssn

Tl;dr if calling yourself sex-repulsed seems helpful to you, than you can call yourself sex-repulsed. 

When people first enter the aspec community (or when we’re explaining terminology to people outside the community), the -favorable -indifferent -repulsed framework can be super helpful because it shows how people of the same identity could have different experiences. Some aces enjoy having sex or are comfortable talking about sex, some aces aren’t interested in having sex and are uncomfortable talking about sex, and some aces don’t have a strong opinion either way. (And ditto for aros and romance.) 

However, this framework has some limitations. There’s a big difference between enjoying having sex and being comfortable talking about sex, and it’s very easy to imagine someone who’s comfortable with one of those but uncomfortable with the other. Is that person sex-favorable, sex-indifferent, or sex-repulsed? If someone enjoys having sex, but feels really uncomfortable whenever sex scenes come on in TV shows, is that person sex-favorable, sex-different, or sex-repulsed? These questions are tricky to answer, and I think that’s because we often think about -favorable, -indifferent, and -repulsed as three separate categories that people rigidly, perfectly, consistently fit into. 

Instead, I think it can be more helpful to think about -favorable, -indifferent, and -repulsed as descriptors for specific circumstances. For example, we could say that someone is repulsed by the idea of having sex themselves, but comfortable talking about sex. To pull from a personal example, I consider myself to be romance-repulsed when it comes to the real world, but when it comes to romance in fiction, I range from repulsed to indifferent to favorable depending on a number of factors. You might describe yourself as favorable to some things involving sex, but sex-repulsed in conversations about you and sex. 

Lastly, one of the nice things about thinking about these terms as descriptors for specific circumstances is that it’s compatible with the more conventional identity-based understanding of these terms; someone who’s sex-repulsed by anything to do with sex can still call themselves sex-repulsed, but it opens up the door for people like you to talk with more nuance about being sex-repulsed by some things but not others. 

(These thoughts come in part from a discussion that Mod Kee of @aro-culture-is and I had about romance-repulsion, but I think that this thinking of -favorable, -indifferent, and -repulsed as being descriptors for specific circumstance is applicable to one’s relationship to sex, not just romance.)

Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions. Also, followers/rebloggers are welcome to give feedback on this new way of thinking about -favorable, -indifferent, and -repulsed; it’s entirely possible I’ve overlooked something in writing this. 

[kerakitty]

Valentine’s Day exists for the sole purpose of quoting this scene from Futurama.

[raavenb2619]

Hi, I've been identifying as an aro for two years now even though I knew I was one since long before, but I sometimes wonder if I'm not cheating myself when I watch dramas and romantic media and I actually kind of yearn for it? Like, I would love to experience some trops and I wish for someone who would love and understand me, but I know that any time there's the slightest possibility of romance in real life, I run scared shitless. Is it okay to fantasise about it tho? I'm just confused.

Yes, it’s okay to be aromantic and fantasize about romance. 

There are a number of things you might like and be yearning for in the media you consume. It could be the understanding and connection between characters, it could be the silly moments and small gestures, it could be the deep feelings and dedication of a relationship, and it could even be the romance itself. Regardless, what we enjoy in media isn’t indicative of our behavior, attraction, or orientation in real life. 

Have you heard of romance-favorable/romance-indifferent/romance-repulsed? They’re some terms that, albeit a bit reductive, might be helpful. For example, I’m definitely romance-repulsed in real life. Sometimes in media, I don’t like romance (romance-repulsed), sometimes I don’t mind it (romance-indifferent), and sometimes I really enjoy it and ship it and get very emotionally invested in it (romance-favorable). It sounds like you might be the same way. 

Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions.

[raavenb2619]

Can romantic attraction and romantic love be defined as different things? Like i feel like i would not ‘fall in love’ with someone romantically, but that if someone else wanted to be in a romantic relationship i could love them romantically... Basically i dont think i would initiate any romantic relationship but i could ‘thrive’ in one Idk is there a term for that or is it just wrong? Because i’ve only started to identify as aro recently and i’m still getting used to it

Have you heard of romance-favorable/romance-indifferent/romance-repulsed? It can be a bit reductive as a framework, but it’s also good for helping us think about personal attitudes and comfortabilities about romance, especially how there can be variation from person to person and in the community. 

Romance-favorable aros might not experience romantic attraction, but they’d be enjoy initiating and receiving romantic gestures and might be in a romantic relationship. Romance-repulsed aros would be uncomfortable initiating or receiving romantic gestures and would not want to be in a romantic relationship (although they might be interested in a QPR/other type of relationship, or maybe not). Romance-indifferent aros are somewhat in the middle, being somewhat comfortable initiating and receiving romance but not really caring either way. 

I say that the framework can be a little reductive because not everything fits super neatly into it. For example, I’m definitely romance-repulsed with regards to romance in real life, but when it comes to romance in media, I either hate it, don’t care, enjoy it, or really really really enjoy it, and there’s no super obvious way to fit those experiences into the framework. Also, people can react differently to romance in different environments and can change over time. But despite those potential issues, it can still be useful to think about where we might fit using this model. 

It sounds to me like you might be romance-indifferent or romance favorable, and that’s okay! A lot of the time we focus on romance-repulsed aros, but aros can also be romance-indifferent, romance-favorable, or not fit into the framework. 

Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions.

[j0ker-xy]

aromantic but romance-indifferent, aka "I'm just a chill guy" romantic