Patton and Janus broke up months ago. The problem? They still haven’t told their friends, and their annual beach trip is looming. Not wanting to break the news and ruin the vacation, they come to an…unconventional agreement.
Author’s Note: I finally wrote the fake-dating-exes “there’s only one bed” moceit fic I’ve been threatening you all with!! I tagged everyone who expressed interest in reading this when I posted about it months ago. This fic is loosely based off of the novel “Happy Place” by Emily Henry :)
~
Not for the first time, the rational part of Patton’s brain was telling him that this was a bad idea. He had known it since they cooked it up, but he guessed that it was one thing to talk about it and another entirely to put it into action. He stood in the driveway, holding a bag of pool noodles and feeling slightly nauseous.
The rush of blood in his ears nearly drowned out the familiar chatter of his friends: Logan reading their checklist aloud in his typical drone, the twins cracking jokes from the backseat, Virgil groaning and telling them to shut it, trying and failing to smother the grin on his face. It was a perfect tableau of the people he loved most in the world, who, under different circumstances, he would have been thrilled to spend the week on vacation with, as he was every year.
As Janus loaded the last of the bags into the trunk, Patton met his eyes, and looked away as quickly as he could, staring at the gravel by his feet. Off to a flying start.
Plastering a smile onto his face, he clapped his hands. “Everyone ready?” He asked cheerfully, plopping into the driver’s seat. “AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!” Roman and Remus crowed in unison, to which Logan rolled his eyes. Janus slid into the passenger’s seat next to him with the grace of a lethargic cat. Patton dutifully kept his eyes on the rear view mirror as he pulled out of the driveway.
“I’m trusting you on aux, Jan,” Roman called from the back. “You better not disappoint!” Roman was usually the DJ of their road trips, as he always called dibs on shotgun (“dibs” used loosely, as he’d fight anyone who dared take his place as the resident passenger princess), but he had graciously relinquished his seat to Janus for this particular trip.
In fact, all of them had been exceptionally kind to both him and Janus for the past few weeks; Virgil had dropped a homemade loaf of sourdough at his apartment last week, saying that he “made too much”; Logan had told Patton that he’d pay the gas bill that Patton’s minivan was racking up for this trip; and, of course, Roman wouldn’t hear a word against Patton and Janus taking the master bedroom in the beach house they were renting.
It would melt Patton’s heart if it didn’t make his stomach twist with guilt.
He knew exactly where it was all coming from: they were expecting a proposal soon.
When Patton and Janus had first started dating in junior year of college, they could sense the wariness in their friends; they had all been inseparable since they first met in freshman year, and their concern that it would ruin the group dynamic was palpable.
That had been six years ago, though, and it really had only brought them all closer together. Janus and Patton had earned the nicknames “Mom” and “Dad”, respectively, and the others had all delighted in the prospect of one day being uncles to their kids.
And so, six years on in their relationship, everyone was clearly trying to contain their excitement about the proposal that they knew had to be coming soon.
So no, they couldn’t just tell the others about the breakup.
When it happened two months ago, Patton had fretted for days over how to break the news. Their trip to the beach, which had been a yearly tradition since they were sophomores in college, was looming, and he couldn’t stand the thought of breaking their hearts. His own was shattered already.
So when Janus showed up to move his stuff out of their apartment and suggested that they not tell the others until after the trip, it seemed like the best course of action at the time.
Now, the reality of the situation was really settling in as he drove on the freeway. He was facing down a week of playing lovebirds with his ex-boyfriend, actively deceiving the people in his life who knew him best, so yeah, you could say his resolve weakened a bit.
“Just to confirm, to avoid any confusion,” Logan began for what had to have been the fifteenth time that week. “Patton and Janus will be staying in the master bedroom. Roman and Virgil will take the first guest room, and myself and Remus will be staying in the second one, correct?”
Patton caught Roman’s eye in the rear view and exchanged a wry glance. Logan was clearly reiterating the sleeping arrangements over and over again in a futile attempt to get out of staying with Remus. Based on the way that Virgil had flushed bright red when Roman declared that they could room together, though, Logan’s efforts were completely in vain. Patton smiled a little in spite of himself. Virgil’s massive crush on Roman was one of the worst-kept secrets in the group; everyone knew about it except, of course, Roman himself, who was almost impressively oblivious.
“Yep,” Roman replied. “That’s what we all agreed on two weeks ago, L.” Logan said nothing in response and turned to stare out the window.
Their planning day two weeks ago was the first time that Patton had seen Janus since he had moved out. It also served as their “test run” for their charade, and it was just about as soul-crushing as Patton was anticipating it would be. He sat as close to Janus as he could bear, and forced himself to keep smiling, even as Roman showed them pictures of the room that they’d be sharing—he wasn’t really paying attention, as he was too preoccupied with the proximity of Janus’ knee to his. A wisp of blond hair escaped from Janus’ bun, as it often did, and Patton fought the urge to tuck it back. Instead, he gulped down a glass of the wine Logan had brought a bit too eagerly and studiously ignored the look it got him from Janus, who had the audacity to look amused.
Easy-peasy, he thought to himself, desperately avoiding Janus’s gaze.
All he’d have to do is make it through the week. One week, and then they could drop the charade and stop the lying and nothing would ever be the same in the group again.
He’d poured himself another glass of wine.
“Are we almost there?” Remus whined from the back row of seats, jolting Patton back to the present.
“Still another hour or so, Ree,” he responded, glancing at the GPS. Remus let out an anguished groan.
“Would you like a book to pass the time?” Logan asked, reaching into the bag at his feet. Every year, they’d all place bets on how many books Logan would read on vacation. His record was currently sitting at twelve.
“I’d rather have my arm torn off by wolves, no offense.”
“You’re quiet, Janus,” Virgil remarked.
“Hm?” Janus said, jolting a little beside him. Patton gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, but it filled him with a grim satisfaction to know that at the very least, he was on edge too. “Oh, just lost in thought. I’m ready to get into bed.”
“I’ll bet,” Remus grinned devilishly.
“Shut up, Remus,” Virgil laughed, smacking his arm.
“Anyways, we’ll be there soon enough,” Patton said, hoping that the frantic pitch in his voice came across as embarrassment. He could feel the hot blush creeping across his face. “And I’ll make spaghetti once we get there!”
“You don’t have to do that,” Janus said, and Patton startled. “You just drove, the least we could do is cook dinner.”
“Oh,” Patton managed. “That’s alright, I really don’t mind.”
“I’ll order pizza,” he said decisively, and Patton felt a mix of annoyance and appreciation. He’s so thoughtful. He always had been.
“Okay, if that’s alright with everyone else,” he replied unsteadily. “Thanks, honey.”
The pet name was out before he could stop himself, a habit the product of six years together. He thanked his lucky stars that he was driving, so he wouldn’t have to look at Janus.
“Of course, dear.”
His face burned.
Easy-peasy.
~
The house was stupidly perfect. Nestled in the heart of a picturesque beach town, it stood behind a picket fence, with white shutters and blue trim, framed by yellow rose bushes. It looked exactly like the kind of house he and Janus had always talked about moving to once they got married, and Patton’s heart gave another painful twist.
Everyone clambered out of the car, Remus darting forward to unlock the front door, everyone else grabbing their luggage. Patton breathed in the sea air and tried to steady himself.
The interior was just as lovely as the outside; light blue wood paneled walls decorated with paintings of the beach, with a pristine white couch that Patton had no doubt somebody would spill some brightly colored beverage on by the end of the week. Roman was breezing from room to room, showing everyone around, clearly quite pleased with himself for being the one to pick out their lodgings.
“You can choose which bed you want, I don’t mind either way,” he was saying to Virgil, their luggage piled in the center of their room.
“The place is beautiful, Ro!” Patton exclaimed as he poked his head through the doorway. Roman swelled with pride.
“Wait until you see your room! Here, lemme show you—it’s the one upstairs, at the end of the hall!”
“There’s an upstairs?” Patton asked, unable to hide the surprise in his voice.
“Yep! You and Janus will have the floor all to yourself,” Roman said, throwing a playful wink at him. Patton hoped that the giggle he forced out was convincing. “Here, let me help you get your stuff upstairs.”
They trudged to the top of the stairs, bags in tow. As Roman pushed open the door to the room at the top, clearly awaiting his reaction, Patton schooled his features into what he hoped resembled joy.
The room was lovely. There was a seafoam green loveseat in the corner, a big window thrown open to reveal a clear view of the bay on the far side, white linen curtains dancing in the light breeze, and in the middle, of course, there was a plush king sized bed, covered in throw pillows shaped like seashells.
He had known that there would only be one bed. Obviously there would only be one bed. It was the master bedroom and him and Janus had been together for six years, of course they’d be sharing a bed.
But knowing that beforehand and seeing the bed in person were two entirely different things.
“Oh, Ro,” he managed. “It’s…it’s lovely. Thank you.”
Janus appeared in the doorway behind Roman, holding his own luggage.
“Of course, Pat,” Roman said, squeezing his hand. “I knew you’d love it. I’ll let you two get settled!” And with that, he slipped out, shutting the door behind him with a decisive click.
The silence stretched out, filling the room. It dawned on Patton that this was their first moment alone together in months. He felt uncomfortably warm. Finally, as the silence threatened to swallow them whole, Janus huffed. “You,” he began, “are a terrible actor.”
Patton opened his mouth and closed it. There was so much to say, and yet he could find no words at all. The tension was unbearable. He wanted to take Janus’s face in his hands, to search his gaze until he could fix whatever had broken between them. Instead, he pursed his lips and turned away, hoping that Janus wouldn’t hear the waver in his voice. “You knew that already.”
“I did,” Janus responded.
Patton cleared his throat. “There’s only one bed.”
“I’ve noticed.” Patton hated how utterly unbothered he sounded. So calm, cool, and collected while Patton was unraveling at the seams. As if six years down the drain meant nothing to him.
He made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. “So…?”
“So?” He could hear the edges of amusement creep into Janus’ voice, and his face burned.
“So, what do you want to do about it?”
Janus sighed. “I could sleep on the floor, if you want.”
“What? No! You—I wouldn’t make you do that!” He stammered out.
“I know you wouldn’t,” he said. “But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“You sleeping on the floor for a week because of me would make me uncomfortable, Janus,” Patton shot back. “Please, let’s just—it’s fine. It’s a big bed, and it’s only a week.”
Janus was silent for a moment, staring at him. Patton tried not to squirm under his gaze.
“Fine. If that’s what you want,” he said finally.
“It is,” he responded, certain that his face was spectacularly red. “Um. I’m going to—grab my things.” He headed for the door.
Janus raised an eyebrow towards his luggage already piled in the doorway but said nothing.
He flew down the stairs, cheeks on fire, and into the kitchen, where Virgil was busy unpacking the food for the week.
“Oh, hey,” he said.
“Hi,” Patton responded, unsure why he was already so out of breath. “Um. I’ll cook tonight.”
“I thought we were ordering pizza, like Jan said?”
“I know, I know, I just—have a lot of energy right now, I want to keep myself busy.”
Virgil raised his eyebrows. “Uh, alright. Everything okay?”
“Yep!” he said, wincing at the strain in his voice. “I just had too much coffee this morning before the drive, so. You know.” Terrible actor, indeed.
Virgil looked unconvinced. “Okay, if you’re sure. Just, uh—take it easy, alright? It’s supposed to be a vacation.”
“Says you,” he said, grinning a little and poking Virgil’s arm. Virgil rolled his eyes.
“This isn’t about me.”
“It is now!” Virgil huffed.
“Just…take care of yourself, okay?” he asked, his voice softening a bit, hints of real concern in his eyes. “You’ve been a little…uh, off, lately—“
“Off?” Patton’s stomach twisted.
“Not off,” he amended. “Just…tightly wound? And, y’know, I get why, but—“
“What?” He asked, panicked. If Virgil already knew…
Virgil looked abjectly confused, holding up his hands. “Just, y’know…” he lowered his voice a little bit. “The proposal?”
Oh. Yeah. That made more sense. It did nothing to ease his nerves, though.
“Right,” he choked out. Virgil stared at him for a long moment, his eyes searching his face. Finally, he looked away, sighing.
“All I wanted to say was that I want you to take care of yourself. It’s a vacation, and none of us want you to spend it working yourself to the bone for our sake.”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “Yeah, I know, Virge. Thanks.”
“‘Course,” he said resignedly, awkwardly tapping his fingers against the countertop. There was an uncertain air between them, and Patton did his best to ignore it. He couldn’t have Virgil worrying about him—he wouldn’t have it. Otherwise, what was this whole charade even for?
He helped Virgil unpack the rest of the food, trying his best to diffuse the tension between them. He couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief when Virgil finally retreated into his room, resting his face in his hands.
He shouldn’t have come here. He should have pretended he had the flu, or told them that his apartment was robbed, or that his dog had gotten into chemical waste and was now a mutant wreaking havoc on the city, or—or something.
But then, that wouldn’t have really done anything—the others would have just rescheduled the trip for him, and then he’d have felt doubly bad.
He glanced at the clock, blinking green above the oven, sighed, and uncorked a bottle of wine.
Whatever happened tonight, at least he wouldn’t be sober for it.
“Virgil it's been three hours- are you coming to bed or not?” Virgil looked up from the couch, legs hanging lazily over the top as he leaned against the center coffee table.
“In a minute! I'm finishing up a commission!” he said, turning his attention back to the. . . Interestingly dressed mishmash of fur and colors that was his latest art request.
“You said ‘in a minute’ 3 hours ago, that commission isn't due until next week- I'm sure you can pick it back up in the morning,” Roman said, Virgil listened as his husband shuffled off of the bed, feeling making a slight pattern patter sound as he approached.
“Trust me when I say this, Ro, you don't want to look at anything on screen right now,” Virgil chuckled at the already dawning horror on Roman's face as his bright green eyes traced over to the drawing tablet.
“It's good money- pretty sure the guy's got a science job or something,” Virgil said nonchalantly, saving the drawing and plugging the tablet in on a side table.
“Alright- fine- bedtime for me I guess,” Virgil stretched his arms out before getting up from his precarious couch position.
“That's what I thought,” Roman stepped behind him, evidently in a vague attempt to block him from running back to the tablet to do some ‘last minute detailing’. Virgil glanced at the smartwatch on his wrist, which read 3:47am. Geez, he really had been up for a while.
“Don't forget your teeth tall dark and sleep deprived,” Roman said before climbing back into bed.
Virgil made his way into the bathroom, taking his phone out of his sweatpants and pulling up YouTube to find a decent 3-minute song.
With the insides of his mouth now thoroughly engulfed with the overwhelming taste of mint Virgil climbed into bed, wriggling his way into Roman's arms.
His peaceful sleep was interrupted by the God forsaken sound of Roman's alarm clock. Virgil let out a small whine of protest as he felt the warmth of Roman's body slip away to leave him in the cold dark abyss of an empty bed.
“Aaaww, don't worry my chemically imbalanced romance, I will return shortly from my quest with chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese for dinner,” Roman said with a laugh, ruffling Virgil's hair.
“It's not a quest it's a 9 to 5 where you get paid to sing at people while they try to order food,” Virgil said with a laugh.
“Well- if you're so incensed shout it then maybe I won't take you out to the carnival after my shift,” Roman taunted.
“Wait- carnival?”
“They just opened for the winter, seems like a pretty spooky theme, I thought you might like to go, but if you're just sooooooo upset about my job. . .”
“Nononono forget I said anything! I want to go pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!-” Virgil, in a surprising turn of usual events, had gotten out of bed before 12pm at the news.
“Fiiiinnneee- I suppose I'll take you after work,” Roman said, smiling.
Virgil, deciding that since he was already up, he might as well get a few things done, decided to get himself some coffee and breakfast with his cousin Janus, and his new boyfriend.
“So Virgil, what'd you do for a living?” Patton was a very- Spunky- Person, not the kind of guy Virgil would've pegged for Janus, then again, he doubted Roman would've been the expected choice for himself.
“Oh uh- I'm an online artist,” Virgil responded, face flushing slightly pink.
“Oh wow! You must be very talented,” Patton said, all smiles and encouragement. Virgil was having a very difficult time figuring out if he was ever serious about anything he was saying, or if the sweetness was some kind of weird power trip.
“Uh- thanks- I guess-”
“Don't mind him dear, he hasn't quite figured out the concept of self confidence yet,” Janus said, chuckling.
“My confidence has nothing to do with my hesitancy to talk about my career and you know it,” Virgil said, eliciting a small snrk sound from Janus, who was very clearly trying to avoid breaching the topic of what kind of commissions Virgil usually earned the biggest salary from.
“So- this carnival Roman's taking you to later tonight- is it far?” Janus asked.
“Not by much, only like an hour or two,” Virgil responded, finishing off the last of his croissant.
“Oh, then I'm sure you'll have plenty of animation ideas by the time you get there,” Janus said with a laugh.
“What can I say? There's nothing like a good long dissociative spell to get rid of a little art block,” Patton looked vaguely alarmed, but held back whatever he might have wanted to say about that particular statement.
“Well I'd love to stay and chat about your unhealthy coping mechanisms, but I'm afraid Patton and I have a train to catch- big business party tonight,” Janus said as he stood up from the table.
“Don't get too drunk, don't want your new boyfriend seeing you cry about snakes again do you?” Virgil said, snickering as Janus moved to pull his hat over his rapidly darkening face.
Virgil watched the two of them leave, then hopped into his own car for a quick drive to his brother-in-law Remus’ house.
“We finished up the paperwork yesterday, so now we're just waiting to hear back from the adoption agency! I don't think Logan's ever been so excited in his life- well- other than getting Valedictorian in high school- or after that trip to Spain we took to visit Ro and I's grandparents- or-”
“I think Logan might just be very excited about new things, Remus,” Virgil said, admiring Remus’ newest addition to his pottery shelf.
“Is this one a commission? Or are you keeping it?” Virgil asked, tilting his head at a particularly horrific looking sculpture.
“Oh yeah- that one's for me, one of my ‘therapy pieces’,” Remus replied.
“Ah- that explains it,” Virgil said, taking a seat on the nearby couch and giving a resolute scratch behind the ears to Remus and Logan's dog, Rosalie.
They sat and talked for a while, about Logan's new job at the local daycare, about emotional expression through art, about some of Roman's newest embarrassing stories that he didn't need to know they were talking about.
“Well- I should get going- Roman'll be heading home any moment now and I want to make sure I'm ready to head to the carnival when he's off,” Virgil said, standing up from the dining room table.
“Have fun- take pictures- and if you find any fun souvenirs I'd love to see them,” Logan, who'd just gotten home from his own shift, said as Virgil left through the door with a small wave.
“See anything interesting?” Roman asked, watching Virgil eye some of the carnival shop stands curiously.
“What about. . . This? I think it would look good on you,” Virgil said, holding up a silver dragon necklace with red gems where the eyes would be.
“Oh you'll want to be careful with that one my dear. . . Legend says that the soul of a selfish and arrogant prince is trapped inside. . .” The woman manning the counter spoke in a low raspy tone, her black hair covering her face under the raggedy cloak she wore.
Virgil laughed it off, handing her a few bucks and clasping the necklace around Roman's neck.
They spent the rest of the day riding around on the carnival rides until the amount of snack food they'd been eating felt like it might catch up with them, before heading home for the night.
“Don't go to bed too late my dear, I'll be waiting,” Roman said as he headed off to bed, the silver chain of his new necklace peeking out from his pajama shirt.
“I'll go to bed before 3am, promise-” Virgil responded, setting up his work station, maybe he could finish up that commission tonight so he and Roman would have the whole day to themselves tomorrow, to see if maybe there was a matching necklace or something at that carnival.
Virgil could've sworn he saw a spider, somewhere. . .
