Jun 16
if i just think about ocs nothing can hurt me if i just think about ocs nothing can hurt me IF I JUST THINK ABOUT OCS NOTHING CAN HURT ME
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if i just think about ocs nothing can hurt me if i just think about ocs nothing can hurt me IF I JUST THINK ABOUT OCS NOTHING CAN HURT ME
i'm being sabotaged by my own body and i haaaate iiiiiiiiit 🎶
i can't stand/walk for longer than a minute rn without extreme pain. and yet because i can technically push through it i feel like i have no claim to say i can't walk at the moment. because i refuse to push myself to the point of tears, i am never seen as disabled enough to the people around me. and tomorrow it's very likely all this pain will go away and ill have no proof or evidence that it was there. and i will continue on mostly fine, on most days, with no help because i mostly don't need it, and suffering alone on the days that i do. i will not be diagnosed with anything. it's been 7 years. i'm thankful to have gotten better at all
restless leg syndrome being called restless leg syndrome is so stupid. like yeah i Guess... nobody believes me when i say i get it in my entire body, everywhere, and it feels like being slowly hydraulic pressed, though. because it's "just" restless legs
i am so tired and scared all the time but i might be able to move out soon because two friends have offered a room to me which im so grateful for but im also terrified. im like an anxious ball of stress. im so scared. what if it doesnt work out what if we are not compatible living together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im SCARED! of EVERYTHING! EVER! I don't know how to be a person inside a house or home. I have only ever lived in abusive or toxic environments
i need to sleep but i cant go to bed because i know im just going to start crying and at least if i stay up there's distractions so i dont do that
i love being in distress & not having any coping mechanisms other than telling myself to not do anything impulsive and/or stupid and all my friends are playing games that they know my computer can't run it's soooo fun it's so fun i love my life i fucking love my life i love not being able to express any emotion because even neutrality is put under extreme scrutiny btw have i mentioned i hate my mum 😁
>have energy to do work, maybe even hobbies
>body starts feeling like it's getting compressed