gone
pairing : rosexfem!reader (ft jennie)
genre : angst
warnings: suicide, cheating
words: 1k
synopsis : you thought you’d move on this time. but no she still lingered in your mind ruining everything. it doesn’t help that jennie has been cheating on you for months now
5 week anniversary of how all this mess happened. sometimes you wondered how much bad luck you had in this world. you must be the most unluckiest person in the world. you thought you’d be happy this time. but as the cycle goes it happened again.
you knew jennie was cheating on you. she’s been tricking you for 2 years now. you first got suspicious when she kept on going on business trips and getting random calls. you were in denial really. without her you don’t know how to handle with all that’s going on. it wasn’t jennie who lived in your mind rent free, it was her. you thought you’ve moved on from her when in reality you haven’t. after you’ve found out about jennie cheating all the memories came back again.
are you really not capable of being loved? what’s so wrong with you that you can’t even make them stay? you always blame her but it wasn’t her fault. it was all yours. your fault that you fell inlove with her. your fault she fell inlove with you. your fault you weren’t there for her. your fault she left. you’ve always thought of it this way. always blaming her for everything. when in reality it was yours. you should’ve stayed that night. you shouldn’t have left her alone in the apartment. it was all your fault that she committed.
when you got back home that night horrified seeing her body. panic started seeping through your veins. tears immediately fell screaming her name hoping she hadn’t left yet. screaming her name for her to just say this was all a joke. screaming for her to say that she’s still here with you. screaming her name until the neighbours heard and called the ambulance.
you were still on your knees. tears dried up on your face. looking into the hard wood floor covered in her dripping blood. they were removing her body from the ceiling fan and rushed past you. you didn’t have the energy anymore. you just wanted to kiss her one last time. hug her one last time. say that you love her one last time. talk about what would happen in the future one last time. you just wanted to see her one last time. but not her in the living room right now. hanging from the ceiling fan. looking so peaceful than she had ever looked before.
you felt happy that she got what she wanted and also betrayed that she left without saying goodbye.
after they finished discarding her body from the ceiling fan. one of the paramedics came to your side and tapped my shoulder. you didn’t look up. you were terrified. you kept your gaze on the wooden floor. she handed a note to to you. you gulped the lump in your throat and opened the folded note and reading the contents.
‘hey y/n !! if you’re seeing this im so sorry.i just couldn’t handle it anymore. it’s so hard. i know i should’ve came to you and talk about it but i don’t want to burden you. i know you’ve been stressed with work lately and i understand. but it just hurts so much and i want you to remember that it isn’t your fault. believe me. everything that leads to this point could never be your fault. in fact, you were the exact opposite. you were the one who’d make me smile whenever i see you. you make me so much more happier when i know im yours and you’re mine. you were the one who lit up my life. you’ve meant so much to me and i know i was in your heart somewhere. please don’t keep grieving upon my death. i don’t like seeing you sad :(. i want you to live your life to the fullest for me.always remember that i love you so much. so so much. you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. i want you to move on and go forward without me holding you back. i want you to live a life without regret. remember i love you!! till we meet next time my love.
your mouth immediately went to your mouth, covering it. the new set of tears started blurring your vision. you feel like punch everything. especially yourself. how could you be so selfish and let this happen? she was your everything. why did you let this happen. everything you did was wrong and led her to where she is now.
you shook yourself awake. you were drenched in sweat. you look to the side, hands searching for the familiar body that had been gone for weeks. and as expected she wasn’t there. jennie was out doing her ‘night shift’ again. you started tearing up remembering her. the stained tears on your cheeks got wetted. you sat on the bed, back against the headboard and knees to your chest. “im so exhausted rosie” you said shakily. “why did you leave” you whispered looking up at the ceiling. “what did i do wrong” you sobbed out.
your hand immediately went to your mouth. trying not to be loud. even though no one else was in the apartment. you could still feel her. you wanted more.
you got up and took your keys and left the house. not even thinking about putting on a jacket. you knew rosie was gonna be upset, but you had to see her now.
after a few minutes driving through the empty roads with blurry vision. you’ve arrived. stroking the rough texture of the stone. smiling. “hey baby” you heard her voice. you whimpered when you felt a hand on your back. you clucthed the grass that had grown over her resting place. you let your head hang down while the tears made it’s way down to your chin and dangled there. “i miss you” the same beautiful voice that you’ve missed so much piped up. you bit your lip to suppress the sob you were about to let out.
“i miss you too” you said looking up at her silhouette of when she left. her neck bloodied and scarred with the rope. hair in a messy bun. all of this with the same smile that never changes when you come to visit.
- admin 🗣