My last surgery was in 2012. They snaked into my right shoulder and riveted tendons back to the bone and then sewed me closed. The pain before the surgery was something incredible but definitely not the worst pain I’ve felt. Once the nerve block dissipated, the pain was definitely worse by large degrees. But it still wasn’t the worst pain I’ve felt. That doesn’t mean I would want to feel it again.
Yet that’s what I’m looking at, this time for my left shoulder.
I’m not an athlete and I haven’t been suddenly injured. As it was apparent to me from the time of my shoulder surgery, I’m literally ripping myself apart from stress... I’m always tense, on the edge of my seat, no matter what I’m doing — even when I think I’m relaxed.
My brain hasn’t got the point that my left shoulder is fucked so I keep hurting myself doing stupid things, like reaching into the fridge to grab a drink or turning in my sleep to get comfortable. My limited range of motion and the flashes of pain tell me that my left shoulder’s damage is far more along currently than my right shoulder was right before the surgery.
I’m dreading the whole thing. At least I know I’ll make a fast recovery.
