Yo I’m Miss Butterfly’s friend, heard you do uh…temu saw traps? That’s kinda cool share to care with the class
- @rowan-crane
"Oh, yo! And yeah, I--"
"... Wait, hold on a dang minute. They're not from Temu, what the fuck!? Fuck you, man! But yeah, it is cool!"
"There was this one guy, Clancy, that I had a lot of fun with. Put him in a game of Twenty-One with another guy, Hoffman, and they were tied to chairs. Had their hands in finger traps, too, and whenever they'd lose a round- WHOOSH! Down goes the guillotine! And bam, their fingers are off and on the table! And Clancy was a natural at cards, so he won, and Hoffman had no fingers left! Just a nub-hand! Ain't that special?"
"But I wasn't done yet, no, no. See, I found this sweet, sexy little execution chamber relic, and it was nonfunctional, but guess what, I got it functioning again! I'm just a genius like that. And Clancy and Hoffman were real big fun o' that, I'll tell ya. Screams of joy! So, see, see - they played again, and whenever they'd lose - BZZT! Electrocuted! And every time, I'd increase the voltage! Wiggling like worms in their chairs, it was really funny lookin'! And Hoffman passed out, but that was fine, 'cuz when I swapped out the zapper thingamajig for a spinnin' saw I fashioned outta knives that I made descend from the ceiling, and it'd move closer with every loss until, y'know, they got their face sawed. But, anywho, when I swapped it out, I put some strings on Hoffman and hooked them up to my control room. So we got to play another round! I was just, y'know, puppeteering Hoffman's body, eheh. He lost again, though, and woke up just in time to get sawed right in the face! Blood, everywhere. And the screams! Woo!"
"But- but- eheh, but even then, no, I ain't done. Clancy was beggin' me to let him go now that he won that game, but no, no, no, no, no! The fun wasn't over yet, no. I took 'im and put him in another trap I made. A puzzle where all you gotta do is put a lit candle on a birthday cake. Sounds simple, right? Well, not really! Because in the doorway to get to the room with the cake, these little pipes spray you all over with water, and it puts the candle out. So you gotta find a way to turn off the water. But to turn off the water, you gotta pull out a turny thing that's being used to cork a barrell of oil, so the oil spills everywhere. Then you gotta stick your hand in this nasty ass toilet and grab out a telescope, and then use the water from the doorway to wash off the telescope, then use the telescope to look at some screens that I hid glyphs in which you can only see with the telescope, then enter the glyph code into a locked box to get this little straw doll, which you gotta light on fire to get this mannequin finger outta it. Then you gotta burn a rope holding a door shut, then search through the like hundred balloons on the floor for the uninflated one, then you gotta inflate the balloon from a helium pump thingy, but the balloon POPS and nails shoot out and stab the fuck outta you, and also a pen, and then you gotta give this clown animatronic thingy its finger, and the pen, and the turny thingy so you can wind it up and it can write, and then the clown fuckin' scratches 'LOSER' into your arm! Gnarly, right!? But that's the password to a door that lets you get a valve handle, and then you attach the valve handle to the pipes and that lets you turn the water off, so you can safely carry the candle to the cake! And when you put it on I play a little birthday jingle... but then- BOOM! The cake fuckin' blows up! And then, 'cuz of the oil on the floor - did you forget that part? Clancy did! - the whole room catches on fire and you burn to death! Ehehehe! And no matter what you do, y'die. 'Cuz I rigged it! And ooh, Clancy, he burned! He burned real good!"
