#roysflowers

[ilikestopwatches]

brocedes tax evasion

(Send me a ship/ characters and a one word prompt and I will write a 5 sentence fic about it.)

"There are much easier ways of avoiding tax than that," Nico said, referencing Lewis' complicated 'Tax Evasion Plan'.

"Like what?" Lewis asked.

"Like moving to Monaco." Nico had assumed the answer was obvious but apparently not.

"If you wanted me to move in with you, you could've just asked."

[scalpho]

i’m real

Holy fucking shjt. roysflowers......

[ilikestopwatches]

princess cake + cake aisle in asda

(Send me an anonymous (or not) summary of the fic you wish I would write.)

"This is an emergency," Jenson said as he ran up to Nico, eyes wild and hair even wilder. "You gotta help me."

"Sure, what is it?"

"I've nearly run out of cake. I can't compete in my home race without any cake!" Ah yes, Jenson's one true love: cake. A title Nico would never be able to even compete for.

"You look like that and you haven't run out? You've just nearly run out?" Nico was scared of the Jenson that would emerge were he to truly run out of cake. "OK, I believe there's a Waitrose nearby."

"Waitrose? No way, we are going to Lidl. More cake per pound."

Did Jenson not know Nico at all by now? He would not be caught dead stepping foot in Lidl. "Jenson, you are a Formula 1 driver. You can afford Waitrose but if not then Marks and Spencer is acceptable too."

"What about Aldi?" Jenson countered. Nico was going to have to break up with him at this rate.

"Final offer: Asda. And that is a one-time only deal. Never again."

"I'll take it," Jenson decided. "As long as I can drive."

It wasn't long before Nico and Jenson arrived at the nearby Asda, Jenson immediately leading Nico towards the cake aisle.

"Do you have every cake aisle location in Britain memorised?" Nico asked in disbelief. Jenson didn't answer.

The lights were too fluorescent, the people far too likely to recognise them and, worst of all, the food was definitely of a low quality. Nico examined some of the fresh vegetables on the way, and felt pure disgust that they were able to be sold.

"Here it is," Jenson announced cheerfully, eyeing the collection of cakes in front of them. Nico wished Jenson would give him even half the attention he gave cake. Although, he did have to admit there was a wide variety, from traditional cakes to fun cakes decorated for children's parties, lions and princesses and spiderman.

Jenson didn't take long to start piling cakes on top of Nico's outstretched arms, only stopping when it became heavier than both their regular gym weights. "My god, Jenson, how many people are you planning on hosting?"

"Just me?" Jenson seemed a little confused at the question. "It's gotta last me all weekend."

[ilikestopwatches]

sebmark divorce

(Send me a ship/ characters and a one word prompt and I will write a 5 sentence fic about it.)

"A divorce? I didn't even know you were married," Seb said, confused.

"After Oscar retired with only one championship, I knew he wasn't enough for me. I prefer my champions to have four," Mark shrugged.

"You want Max Verstappen????"

[ilikestopwatches]

top 5 worst new ships to call brocedes

worst implies most ill fitting and there's a lot there but i'm going with ones that could somewhat reasonably be compared to brocedes but also they better never be or i will begin killing

1. landoscar - i've seen this too many times and like what are you on about whoa crazy two teammates are fighting for the wdc this literally happens so much not only do they not hate each other they also don't love each other and don't have all that history just stop comparing to brocedes and i will stop blocking you

2. lestappen - i feel like ive seen this once or twice but like it just doesn't make sense they're not teammates and charles is suicidal because of ferrari he does not care about max

3. gax - idk if i've seen this but i feel like i have but also maybe i just angrily hallucinated but not everything has to be like something else gax are allowed to hate each other and want to have sex at the same time without being like brocedes they're their own new thing and that's beautiful

4. um idk if there's anything else i've seen compared maybe ive just forgotten but you know who's really not like brocedes? gabico. literal opposite in so many ways yayyy

5. oscarmark is really different to brocedes too <3

[ilikestopwatches]

oscarmark + finding the fly on the wall

(Send me an anonymous (or not) summary of the fic you wish I would write.)

Oscar was kissing Mark Webber when he noticed the fly on the wall at McLaren. It wasn't a particularly remarkable fly, slightly larger than average but in general just very fly-like, black body against the white of the walls. It wasn't doing much either, sat on the wall or however flies stayed on walls. Oscar had never really questioned whether flies could sit before, and maybe it was a bad sign that this was where his mind was going as he kissed his manager in a meeting room at the MTC, blinds drawn and door locked. Mark made the motion of lifting Oscar onto the long, central table, and Oscar spent most of his effort pretending like he wasn't the one jumping up onto it.

Concentrating on that meant that he lost track of the fly; the small insect had flown off somewhere and there wasn't exactly a lack of places to hide, from behind the massive projector screen and computer directly next to it to multiple cabinets dotted around, showcasing McLaren's various achievements over the years which weren't quite good enough to be placed by the entrance. The fly could even be directly underneath the table where Oscar was perched for all he knew. The only thing Oscar was semi-confident about was that the fly was likely still in the room as all the windows were closed so the only escape would be crawling under the door.

Mark transferred his attention to Oscar's neck, and Oscar involuntarily tilted his head back, eyes catching the projector above him and that allowed him to solve the case of the missing fly. It was buzzing above him, flying directly into the power button, and if Oscar was a fly up there too he could imagine the fly saying "Ouch," as it repeatedly slammed against the plastic. It seemed a fairly intelligent fly, Oscar had to admit, stopping immediately when the red light switched to green, and flying, although a little dazed, towards the computer screen.

Mark reached Oscar's ear, pausing only to whisper, "I love you," and then he was helping Oscar to take off his McLaren shirt, tossing it out of sight and, yeah, the papaya colour even now did kill the vibe a bit.

Oscar adjusted Mark's position until he had a decent view of the screen, curious what was going to appear now that the fly had turned it on. He wasn't sure what he'd expected but it certainly wasn't that. The screen was slow to load, horizontal strips loading one at a time, starting with dark blue and a singular white 't' in the centre of it. Oscar had been a teenager in the 2010s—he knew what the tumblr logo looked like—but it was a shock to see it here all the same, and he gasped a little. He hardly even noticed Mark assuming his gasp was because he'd moved onto giving him a blowjob. The screen continued to load and it looked like a post was in the process of being written, a few words on the screen 'does your fly know the w' and it was close to a minute before the next letter 'a' was added. Oscar took in the rest of the screen, account name @flyonthewallatmclaren, multiple posts in the background, mostly calling various McLaren employees gay. It wasn't like it was wrong, especially when he noticed Lando was the subject of some of the posts.

Oscar was laser focused on the screen, desperate to see what the rest of the post was going to say, remembering to moan now and again to keep Mark happy, winding Mark's greying hair around his fingers. It was close to agonising, the waiting, but the relief when Oscar could finally read it all was immense. 'does your fly know the way that mark is gay in the mtc'. He laughed and quickly disguised it as another moan, hoping Mark would misinterpret the shaking of his body. The fly buzzed as it flew back past Oscar, once again throwing itself at the power button. The screen disappeared, leaving Oscar just a couple of seconds to realise that it was almost time for their next meeting. He finally turned his attention back to Mark.

[ilikestopwatches]

jensemark go to lidl and mark pines for her

(Send me an anonymous (or not) summary of the fic you wish I would write.)

fic below the cut because um. why did i just write 500 words of jensemark at lidl...

Mark followed Jense along the aisle in Lidl, carrying the shopping basket that was already far too heavy considering they'd only stopped for "just a couple things, Mark. I gotta have a snack before the concert tonight unless you want me to pass out on stage."

Mark had tried his best to ignore the subsequent mental images of Jense doing exactly that, his own heroic rush to catch her and getting to carry her bridal-style off stage, lie next to her while she recovered. He definitely didn't consider that perhaps true love's kiss would heal her enough for her to go out on stage just in time for the final song, that would be stupid.

"What d'ya need 6 pints of milk for, Jense?"

"Seb mentioned we'd run out the other day and you know how much he likes to drink milk," Jense replied before standing in front of the cheese selection, humming in concentration. The tune sounded eerily similar to 'Multi 21' but Mark took a deep breath in and out because Seb had earned his forgiveness and he would simply have to prove that he was a better boyfriend than Seb could ever be. Not that he was Jense's boyfriend or anything, just that, if she wanted him to be, he would be better at it than Seb.

"Anything you want?" Mark asked. The basket really was so very heavy and he just knew that if he were to put it on the ground for a second to rest that would be Jense's cue to skip off round the corner of Lidl and disappear from his sight.

"I want...I want...I want cake," Jense decided, grabbing Mark's hand and leading them towards the variety of cakes and didn't that just make Mark's heart skip a beat. They were literally having regular sex and yet this was the moment he treasured the most, being dragged around Lidl, with what was probably a stupidly wide smile on his face, and all because he got to hold hands with Jense.

"Victoria sponge, carrot cake," Jense sang as she somehow miraculously found space in the basket to pile the different cakes in. "2 caked up but ready for some more cake. You wanna choose one, Mark?"

"Can't go wrong with a good chocolate cake, I suppose," Mark conceded. There was no point in arguing with Jense over cake.

"Aaaand a lemon cake for good luck tonight." Jense flashed Mark a smile and he was so incredibly ready to drop to one knee to propose. No, he sternly told himself, he was not about to propose to anyone, he was allowed to kneel for sexual reasons only. "You reckon that's enough, mate?" Jense's question interrupted.

"Yeah, all good." There was quite a bit more than enough there.

He switched the basket to his other hand and tried not to think about how he needed the use of his arms for drumming. Jense was worth it.

The shop was mostly empty so it didn't take long to get through the checkout, Jense fluttering her eyelashes when the total appeared.

"You've got this, right, Mark?"

He did not have this. He would be going into his overdraft for this. "Yeah, erm yeah, sure."

[ilikestopwatches]

bandf1 brocedes turbulent

(Send me a ship/ characters and a one word prompt and I will write a 5 sentence fic about it.)

Nico repetively clicked the pen he was holding, words and phrases cycling through his brain but never quite good enough to commit to paper. He'd finally finished writing for his solo album, but concentrating so hard on creating his best work had left him burnt out, lacking inspiration and unable to write more than a couple of lyrics before crossing them out and starting again. Nico considered the subjects he often wrote about: his childhood, Lewis, his family, Lewis, being in a band, Lewis. No matter how often he tried to slam the thoughts of Lewis behind a door in his mind, lock and then bolt it for good measure, they would always escape, distract him until he had no choice but to consider their current relationship. It was...Nico searched for the right word to describe it. It was turbulent. Finally, he knew how to begin the song.