#rquideal

[rquideal]

I lay there cause it felt familiar

A bed

Sheets and a blanket

All the pieces that make a room a room

It wasn’t cozy

It was familiar

That was comforting

A little

But there has to be more to my life than this

Seeking what feels

Like how that felt

Cause it’s over and it didn’t work anyway

I’d rather have new and now

Be present and standing

By myself

—RaquelLM

[rquideal]

Umbra

Around the edges there was light

It didn’t flicker or dance

It was a permanent constant

Not shady or wavering

Formed greys and blacks intermittently placed

Stretched or made shorter by the daylight

Affected by time and space

Like dust clouds shaped by the wind

The light around the sides never flattered

It’s how I know I’m here some days

How I know that at least one celestial being

Recognizes I exist

Everyday the sun makes my shadow

I guess I am real

-Raquel LM

[rquideal]

Upside down

I put my head where my feet should go and just laid there quietly

It took a little while to fall asleep but then I did

I don’t remember dreaming

I suppose something danced in my head

I was just happy to wake up to the quiet when the sun came up

Birds were chirping

Cars whizzed by

But In my room with the door shut

It was quiet

Really quiet for the first time in a long while

I realized I wasn’t thinking

Wasn’t on

Wasn’t trying to figure out

What to do

Trying to tell myself what not to think about

That’s how I spend most days

Telling my brain

Don’t think that

It’s bad for us

Not today

No, today it was quiet

I lay still taking it all in

And it was nice

I hope that happens tomorrow too

— RaquelLM

[rquideal]

People are easily fooled by smiles on Instagram

Nothing has escaped. The darkness never leaves. The sun comes up. The dark moves to the shadows. It is a dance. Light and dark dance everywhere. Including my heart.

-RaquelLM

[rquideal]

What do you know

I suppose I’ve figured things out a little

Right?

I have spent hours

Days

Years now

Spilling my soul

Something has to come from all this work

Right?

If not

At least all the pieces are finally present

I can take my time

Puzzling it back together

Until I find a new piece

-RaquelLM

[rquideal]

My Mother’s Day

Under the covers

Not hiding

Searching

I think my mother is under here with me

Very close and near

Holding me close

Keeping me near

I miss everything about her

Everything

Everything

Everything

Today is her day

She is not here

For her flowers

So I close my eyes

Think about all the ways

I love her

Hoping she’s close enough

Under the covers

Close and near enough

To hear me

-RLM Cawthorne

[rquideal]

Hands

I’m obsessed with your hands

Obsessed

Every time I close my eyes

It’s what I envision

When I think of you

I think about each finger

Your palms

The lines drawn that told your short future

The dimension and every curve of fingertips

Perfectly placed nails and knuckles

Unique patterns of your fingerprints

I think about everything and every inch

That made your hand a hand to hold

And it makes me miss you so much more

It’s not that hands are my thing

I am missing your hands today

Because they can’t touch me anymore

-RaquelLM

[rquideal]

Birds sing no matter what. For them, The point is to sing and not worry about being heard. So if you came here to sing, then do it. Be a good bird and sing your song.

— RaquelLM

A note to self