oh man oh man i apologize for the slight angst in this one but it turns out worth it i promise
10. [a kiss] desperately
“I don’t get why you’re so upset!” Holster shouts. Ransom pushes the front door open so hard it rattles in it’s frame.
“Of course you don’t,” he scoffs. He kicks off his shoes at the entrance and throws them haphazardly in the shoe pile Holster still hasn’t tidied up. He doesn’t wait for Holster to do the same before storming into the kitchen. “You’ll just stay blissfully unaware of the world around you, unaware of the fact that there’s actual things out there in this world that could hurt you, because nothing’s ever hurt you before, right?”
Holster grunts as he bumps into the dining table, not really paying attention to where he’s going. Ransom is sure that Holster is looking at him, trying to find the crack that might explain where all this anger is coming from. He doesn’t care. “Oh my god, Rans, it was one stupid play.”
“You almost blew out your knee!” Ransom yells. He pulls a mug out of a cabinet and puts it down on the counter harder than necessary. “For fucking what, Holtzy? For a beer league game? Tell me why the fuck a beer league game is worth a play so risky you never tried it when you were an NCAA athlete?!”
“Because I fucking miss it, okay?!” Holster bursts. His face is red and his chest is heaving, like the confession took everything inside of him to say. He ducks his head in embarrassment. For a moment, he looks small. “I miss playing like that. I miss how it used to be.”
Ransom’s shoulders drop. In an instant, all of the fight inside of him is gone. “I miss it too, dude,” he admits. “But that’s not a reason to fuck up your knee permanently.”
“It’s not just—” Holster huffs. He covers his neck with his hand and rubs self-consciously. It’s a gesture Ransom has seen him do a million times over the seven years they’ve been friends. “It’s not just the hockey, man.”
“Yeah, no shit, if you fuck up your knee it’s gonna affect a lot more than just your ability to play hockey,” Ransom agrees. “There’s ways to get back on that ice without hospitalizing yourself and spending three to six months in physical therapy. Casual beer league is one of them.”
Holster’s gaze snaps up to Ransom’s sharply. There’s something undetectable in his eyes. “It’s not just about the hockey, Justin,” he repeats. His shoulders drop, like he’s resigned, and he takes a step backwards, out of the kitchen. “But it’s whatever, I guess. I’ll be more careful. No more risky plays.”
Ransom frowns, not understanding. “Adam, what’s not just about the hockey? I feel like we’re having two different conversations here.”
“It’s okay, forget it,” Holster mutters. He retreats into the living room and collapses onto the couch, leaning his head back against the cushions.
Ransom scoffs. “No, dude, fuck you, talk to me. What’s not just about the hockey? What else is going on?”
“Rans,” Holster says warningly. Ransom sits down heavy on the cushion next to him. “Jesus, man, it’s seriously nothing, can we just drop it? You proved your point, I’ll be more careful during recreational hockey and I’ll keep my fucking mouth shut.”
“Something is going on, dude, and if it’s something you need to talk about then fucking talk to me,” Ransom snaps. “Things have been tense here for days. We’ve never fought like this before, bro. And you’ve never tried shit like that on the ice before so I think they’re connected. So please, just fucking tell me what’s been going on?”
“Why are you so concerned about me hurting myself?” Holster asks. Ransom doesn’t know what to do except for blink in surprise at the non-sequitur.
“Um, because you’re my best friend?” Ransom tries.
Holster makes an aborted noise that might be a groan. “Is that really the only reason?” he asks desperately.
His head is going a thousand miles a minute. He’s not sure where Holster is trying to go with this. Hysterically, he thinks that those seven years of knowing each other don’t do him any good here when he can’t tell what Holster’s thinking. “Adam, I don’t—”
Holster leans over him and kisses him.
His fingers are warm where they press against Ransom’s jaw, tilting him up into the kiss. He smells like the soap from the arena and faintly like beer and jersey sweat. His hand is shaking.
Still, he kisses Ransom desperately. Like he’s trying to memorize it. Like he’s afraid this is the only one they’ll get. Holster shudders heavily when Ransom reaches up and grabs a fistful of his shirt, keeping them both where they are. It’s not the first time they’ve kissed, though it is their first time sober. Their first time with this much intensity. Holster shifts until he’s practically straddling Ransom on the couch, and he winds an arm around Ransom’s back and is careful of his hair, and he never breaks the kiss. They’ve waited too long for this, Ransom thinks. They could be moving too fast, but they have waited so long. Holster is eager against him, he kisses like he’s got a point to prove. He is gentle when he tentatively runs his tongue against Ransom’s bottom lip and he is thorough when Ransom deepens the kiss.
Ransom feels like he might die if they ever stop. He wonders how he went so long denying himself this. He has been halfway gone over Holster for longer than he can even remember, but right now he can’t recall any of the reasons he convinced himself this wasn’t worth it. This kiss alone, this makes it worth it. Ransom is giddy off of it, so much that it makes him brave enough to trail his hands down Holster’s back until he can slip his hands in the back pockets of Holster’s jeans.
“Holy fuck, Rans,” Holster breathes. He pulls away long enough to take three frantic, shaky breaths. His forehead rests against Ransom’s. “Holy actual fuck. I’m sorry. Sorry, I shouldn’t—”
“Do not fucking apologize for that,” Ransom gasps. He squeezes his eyes shut. He’s afraid that if he opens them, his entire heart will be exposed and there for Holster to see. He’s not sure he’s ready for that. “Jesus Christ, Holster.”
Holster laughs. It comes out half-hysterical.
“Okay, when you said you were missing how we used to be, is this what you meant?” Ransom asks, after he’s had a second to catch his breath. “Because I’m pretty sure I don’t remember us making out like that, like, ever. And if there’s someone else you were kissing like that while we were in college, I’m gonna be lowkey pissed.”
“No,” Holster breathes. “No, I meant. I miss how close we used to be. Like, living in the same room, cuddling on the couch, sleeping in the same bed sometimes, always together close. But then I realized saying that might come off as me, like, platonically missing that and that isn’t how I meant it.”
“So you thought you’d stick your tongue down my throat to prove your point.”
His eyes are still closed, but he can tell Holster is grinning. He knows.
“It worked, didn’t it?” Holster asks smugly.
“Christ god,” Ransom groans. He opens his eyes because he can’t bear the thought of not knowing how Holster looks right now, in the middle of this confession, at the start of their actual love story beginning. Holster is flushed pink and his lips are swollen and he looks far too pleased with himself. “Yes, you absolute moron, clearly it worked. For the record, I’ve been non-platonically missing you, too. Hate not sharing a room anymore. And I’ve wanted to share a bed with you like, permanently, since our frog year. So.”
Holster’s slow, surprised grin is quite honestly the most beautiful thing Ransom has ever seen. “For reals?” he asks. There’s still that same stupid smug tone in his voice.
“Don’t be cute,” Ransom warns. “I said it once.”
“You’d say it again for me, if I asked. Since you’ve been pining after me for like seven whole years,” Holster says. There’s a wicked grin on his face that Ransom is annoyingly into.
“Would you even believe me if I said I hate you?” he sighs.
The world tells Jack that he's been living the dream. His doctors tell him that he's so lucky things turned out they way they did. His parents tell him that he is so happy.
K: Do you have a guilty pleasures in fic (reading or writing)?
oh my god definitely, i’m a sucker for a fake dating au, i don’t care if it’s the most cliche thing ever and i don’t care if the fic uses every trope in the world, i’ll read it and i’ll be bawling by the end of it i love it i love it i love it.
writing i’m a big sucker for using friends-to-lovers or pining childhood friends or any variation, like probably 98% of what i write stems from this!
okay on the low birds terrify me and it’s all a very tragic backstory but like. WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THEY ALL FREAK ME OUT. i like ravens and crows bc i’m a sucker for symbolism 🤙
Yes! And I would have answered this last night but I was on mobile and links aren’t a thing. SO!
- Something Like This by @emmagrant01
This is one of my favorite fics and I don’t normally go for WIPs because I’m a filthy hypocrite. This fic makes me happy to wake up on Wednesdays.
- A Little Bit Closer by @marswithghosts
Featuring probably Ace!Jack and also Bruins player!Jack, and kids’ librarian!Bitty, and all in all it’s a really wonderful fic that marswithghosts wrote for annundriel.
- Being in Motion also by @marswithghosts
Not to like, turn this whole thing into the marswithghosts appreciation page, but like. anyway.
- New Skin by @rransom
Oh god this fic killed me.
(and going through my bookmarks for this attuned me to the fact I don’t actually read a lot of zimbits? But if you want like, PB&J recs I’ve got you)
FIRST — the first two sentences of my current project
Doing it again, first two sentences of both of my current projects.
The First List was not known as the First List upon its initial release, due to no one being aware that there was to be a second.
When The First List (Previously known as the LAX List) arrived, no one really understood the storm that was just beginning to form above Samwell University’s Frat Row.
Being gay was hard, Eric had just accepted that as a fact of life. Being gay in rural Georgia was really hard. Being gay in rural Georgia and getting abducted by aliens was a level of unfairness and cruelty that left Eric Richard Bittle going over the span of his entire 19 years of existence to try to figure out exactly where he had gone wrong.
Dunno if it'll work for a poly ship but ransom/tater/holster for the ask meme!
big spoon/little spoon:
rans loves being cuddled by his boys but honestly they are just all silly and floppy and end up lying on top of each other and its a mess
favorite non-sexual activity:
snuggling up on the couch and pulling the piss out of whatever is on tv. its the most fun when its tater’s reality shows
who uses all the hot water:
holster. he sings in the shower. like musical numbers. u dont wanna know the amount of times he has fallen over and ripped the shower curtain out bc he was so immersed in his song
most trivial thing they fight over:
definitely blankets. u think they would just buy more? or like bigger ones that can cover all of them? but no?? (tbh they just like bickering bc they dont have big fights and they loves semi-angry makeup sex)
who does most of the cleaning:
tater generally. although a particularly stressed holster tends to clean a lot. rans isn’t super messy but when he reaches coral reef mood he has no awareness of anything other than school.
what has a season pass on their dvr/who controls the netflix queue:
holster holster holster. though tater watches an impressive amount of reality tv
who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working:
look i love these boys but they are not good at this stuff. they leave it for a few days tbh and just snuggle for warmth before holster finally calls and puts them out of their (not really) misery
who steals the blankets:
all. of. them. like holster isnt too bad bc he likes to make sure rans has blankets but when he is sleeping he just. rolls into a ball? and tater just wants to be cozy ok?? he wants to be comfortable and warm. rans mostly steals them from the bed. like his boys will wake up to no blankets bc rans is studying in the lounge in a blanket cocoon
who leaves their stuff around:
holster and ransom. like i mean tater isnt perfect but he has never lived in a frat house
who remembers to buy the milk
holster. he was on milk duty @the haus and its carried through
who remembers anniversaries:
ransom. and i mean all of them do but rans has anniversary present ideas sorted a full year in advance
Who cooks normally?
tater. holster and rans are still trying to pull off the college (pre-bitty) diet and its a disaster. they are good at breakfast tho
How often do they fight?
idk they dont really have many serious fights? like they try very hard to communicate well bc there’s three of them? and more room for misunderstandings. at one point holster got injured and was off the ice for m o n t h s. that was a trying time and tensions were very high but they made it through
What do they do when they’re away from each other?
they skype and call a lot and wear each others clothes and post sappy shit on social media and holster deffo makes playlists for his boys so they dont forget about him (as if they could)
Nicknames for each other?holtzy, holtz, rans, ransy-poo, lex, lexi. and like holster is the king of petnames, esp @ransom. like baby, babe, sweetheart, honey, angel, sugar, darling. even like, sweetpea sometimes? tater loves using russian terms of endearment too and also who could forget the excessive bro talk
Who is more likely to pay for dinner?
they take turns. depending on the occasion and the place and its a very good system that rans set up
Who steals the covers at night?
holster steals them at night. tater gets them in the early morning. and rans takes them when he gets up
What would they get each other for gifts?
ransom and holster have a lot of history so they would get sappy, inside joke shit and would include tater. but honestly they mostly just buy things that remind them of the other? like even when they dont know why it reminds them of their boy?
Who kissed who first?
rans and holtz hooked up at samwell but they all had a discussion before things got that far bc they really like each other and didnt want to mess it up. once they sorted that out tho ransom kissed tater first (and holster fucking died and ascended on the spot)
Who made the first move?
rans. they’d been circling it for a bit and he just went fuck it. he didnt want to miss out on tater just bc he was a bit frightened you know?
Who remembers things?
ransom ransom ransom. he has his spreadsheets ok. both tater and holster are good at remembering the little things tho
Who started the relationship?
holster started his and ransom’s relationship @samwell but ransom started rans/tater/holtz
Who cusses more?
tater. he cusses in russian largely although sometimes he uses out of context english swears
What would they do if the other was hurt?
when holster got injured ransom broke down and tater kind of became the level-headed one. bc like he plays pro hockey he knows how to deal with that shit. if rans got injured holster would be really closed off and would internalise everything and he wouldn’t cry until he is sitting at rans’ hospital bed with tater’s hand in one of his and the other resting on the bed. and rans would wake up properly and holster would lose it right there. rans would be soothing him ‘its alright baby, im alright’and they hate it but tater is the most likely to have suffer a serious injury. ransom and holster would just be curled around each other in the waiting room crying
character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS
ship with: holster, definitely!
general opinions: Ransom is pretty high on my character list! He’s a fellow bio major so I enjoy seeing all the little refs to classes I’ve taken, and he’s a fairly nice dude in most respects. 8/10 would study with, tho probably would not be close friends with (but who knows!!) Also holsom is a nice ship and i enjoy it (:
