#ru's trying

[thats-cantorintuitive]

10-06-2024 | productive days perking up!

when your brain finally says, “ok maybe enough staring at walls” after a real bad shutdown for a frustratingly long time - and then you're buried in books for hours at a stretch, forgetting dinner. and you're quietly cursing at your brain for wasting so much of your time, keeping you away from all that fun.

currently studying real analysis and she's a real beauty. though her seduction is not quite helping with my majors-decision-anxiety. nonetheless, i'm having fun!

[thats-cantorintuitive]

monday, 30-09-2024 | day 2/10

2nd day! yes, today was better than yesterday. energy-wise.

attended lectures (all! of! them!)

studied more for lab viva. did not finish my lab journal, so it's going to be a close finish, I guess?

went for my friends' quiz! they'd hosted a quiz from the quizzing club at our university, and it was a lot of fun.

[thats-cantorintuitive]

it's looking like a thunderstorm day (weather-wise)

anyways! here's a list of things for this weekend

math report

study limsup, liminf and do psets

study calculus (catch up)

do number theory psets (catch up)

study forced & coupled oscillations, do psets (catch up)

do lab work

and today:

math report

study seq & series - limsup, liminf, psets

calc (maybe; not to be Greatly Optimistic)

also maybe I'll start reading PG Wodehouse's Laughing Gas? it's been a couple months since I read anything outside of academics, but books for me are commitments and I'm not sure if I'm there yet (I've taken to watching films and shows rather than books these days, mainly because of this. though I miss reading)

[thats-cantorintuitive]

sunday, 29-09-2024 | day 1/10

today was a 30% energy level day, and I suppose I gave 25%.

studied for this week's physics lab, there's a viva too

finished liminf, limsup theory. did not do any psets. read a bit of subsequences.

already have tomorrow's to-do's ready. hoping to do better tomorrow.

[thats-cantorintuitive]

small update

ok so um I got my number theory paper today, and the TA had cut marks for me because i left the answer at 66^2 and not 4356 (fermat's little theorem) 😔 I even wrote the full proof

my friend told me I should mail the TA about this, I got 14/20 and should be getting 17or18/20 😔

scores aside, number theory is so much fun, so much fun. the only good thing here is that I know the concepts well, and I fully knew the paper (still fucked it up, because I'm so frickin slow while writing and time). and it hurts worse because there's not enough proof that validates my knowledge. which in turn makes me question if i actually do have any.

I am, in general, a person who does well in concepts but screws up the exams (70% of the time) and I'm trying, I'm trying to get myself out of this "exam paniK" that I often spiral into, just minutes before the exam. I hope I change and grow; I hope, I hope.

[thats-cantorintuitive]

07-06-2024 | to-do

have a good chunk of work to do today.

edit newspaper piece

check edits on my piece

study math

do a bit of my sociology reading

work on coding

[thats-cantorintuitive]

acad/life update

i have arrived at the following conclusion after much internal turmoil and thought:

i'll be taking physics and bio for my 2nd year, where i'll figure out which one of them i'll take as a major (i'm leaning more towards physics but we'll see how it goes - i love neurosci as much as quantum mech if not more, so), and a math minor (for sure, 100%. i ain't leaving math.)

i plan to take math reading projects every summer and winter break, maybe go for internships too. will have to talk to my prof about it tho (he's amazing, he's literally the nicest person out there).

and i also plan to do some bio labwork throughout the semesters? like in the evenings after classes. my seniors who've done it say that it's a great learning experience, though it does take a toll on your coursework and cgpa. also you get burnt out, like real bad.

so i've decided to first get an idea of how heavy/intense the coursework's going to be (generally, always, every sem's a bitch - it just depends on how good i handle it. so i've gotta see how good my headspace is to handle what i take) - point is, i just had a big burnout from last sem, from which i'm still on the mend. and my burnouts are horrible - i get so drained out i simply just sit and stare at walls, forgetting food/sleep.

and that's why i'm a little wary about taking on more on my plate this coming sem. so i'll see how this fall sem goes? if not i'll just start in the winter and continue it into the spring sem.

anyyways. pheww. that's about it. god ive been waiting for so long to get this all into the void. feels so good