seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from Germany
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Uzbekistan
seen from United States
seen from Switzerland
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Israel
seen from China
seen from Türkiye
seen from Türkiye
seen from Türkiye
Fish in a Birdcage #47 is kinda Astarion coded. Or js like, Cazador and his Spawn coded. Especially w/ “how can I rattle your cage, BOY” and “Can’t eat the food, it’s tainted” (decaying rats anyone?) and “can’t trust the shadows”. And. All of it.
Like. Come on. Also the way they sound when they’re more manic, it reminds me so much of Cazador’s voice
NIKOLAI ARTISTS!!!!!!!!
Hey guys.
I feel like people need to make art of Nikolai inspired by the Fish in a Birdcage song "Rule #47 The Birds are Plotting"
This is the song if you haven't heard it, so if you need ideas for stuff to draw Nikolai to here's my idea for y'all.
I'd do it myself, and I probably will end up doing so eventually. But I don't like my art, and I want to be able to like it when I see it. So if any of y'all like this idea, feel free to use it.
and, while i’m still here
where are my fellow fish in a birdcage listeners on this hellsite because i need to start screaming about how animatic coded Rule #47 is because i have the PERFECT CHARACTER FOR THIS
The Birds are Plotting - Fish in a Birdcage
The birds...
The birds!
They're not singing!
They're plotting!
Watching, always watching...
One of my favourite beard owner rules, from the secret scrolls of beard ownership you get once your beard is classified manly enough
Rule 47
Previous part can be found here. This chapter might also help.
Thanks for sticking around and reading all of these words. You’re all lovely.
Part Twenty-Two [final]
“2:30 means 2:30. Not 2:33.”
Grace doesn’t even wait until she’s opened the door. She’s so nervous she’s practically shouting through the door from the next room. She might be excited. She’s not really sure. All Grace knows is that she’s definitely running on adrenaline. And coffee. So much coffee.
“Relax would you, you’re already married.” Mamrie presses a hand down on Grace’s shoulder, stopping her impatient bouncing. She steps through the door, Tyler in toe, carrying boxes that pile up to his nose. “The only way this could go wrong is if Tyler drops these boxes, again.”
“Again?” Grace pulls a face at Tyler’s indifferent shrug, something’s up with him. There’s no time to check now though. It’ll have to wait. The precariously stacked boxes wobble as Tyler sighs, and it’s enough to make Grace huff out a breath through her nose, frustrated. “Tyler, you know how important this is and-”
“God, do I ever. It’s all you’ve been talking about for weeks. Trust me, between the two of us, we know how to throw a good party.” Tyler looks at Mamrie, who nods at him.
Tyler looks back at Grace and winks. It’s not the usual mischievous smirk, but it’s enough to settle Grace’s stomach for now, because he’s trying. And so she nods, taking two boxes from Tyler’s pile and nodding at Mamrie to take some too.
Mamrie rolls her eyes, but manages to ‘Jenga’ the smallest box from Tyler’s pile, ignoring his huff as the two of them follow Grace inside, placing the boxes onto the already cluttered kitchen table.
“Okay, great.” Grace smiles, looking down at the boxes she organises them behind the appropriate to-do lists and ticks them off a mental list of things she still needs to do. “It looks like you’ve got everything.”
“Well, yeah. Sometimes a little trust is all that’s needed.” Mamrie sighs, watching as Tyler takes a seat closest to the boxes and starts rifling through them. “Neither of us want to see anything go wrong after we worked so hard to get you two back together.”
“You wouldn’t believe the things we did!” Tyler chimes in, not looking up from the box he’s currently poking around in. “Hannah and I met with this man. He’s fairly nice, but has a bit of an ego problem, anyway, he wasn’t changing his mind so we decided that I –”
“I believe you.” Grace interrupts, holding her hands up to Tyler, begging him to stop. Tyler shrugs, but isn’t fazed. He shoves everything back in the box he’s just dismantled and opens up the box to his left.
Grace just laughs at him; attention span of a toddler. A quick glance at her phone, and the time sends a jolt of urgency through her veins. There’s still so much to do! How can they be sitting here chatting while there are actual important things that they could be doing?
“We’ve got to hurry. There’s so much to do and we’re running out of time.”
“There’s seven hours…” Mamrie raises her eyebrows, pulling her lips to the side. But there’s only so much she can take, and when Grace pouts at her, and rushes forward to hug her, Mamrie can’t help but break her glare and laugh a little.
“There’s two hours. And I’m just so happy you’re both here and this is happening and everything is finally working out.” Grace’s practically in tears as she wraps Mamrie up in a bear hug, swinging from side to side. She’s not usually one for hugging, or asking for help, but this seemed important to Hannah, and there was no way she could have done it by herself. She’s so happy that she has friends like these two. They dropped everything as soon as she asked them. Even after she’d sort of been ignoring Tyler’s calls. There aren’t any words for how grateful she is to have them in her life.
“Alright, alright. I’ll help, I’ll help! Just less of this whole thing.” Mamrie waves a hand at Grace’s watery eyes and red cheeks and pulls a face. “I’ll meet you outside.” Mamrie mumbles, rolling her eyes at Grace who goes in for one last hug. She wriggles her way out of Grace’s grip and picks up some boxes, stopping to wink at Grace before she leaves.
Grace’s smile just grows and grows, if it can even get any bigger.
“Hey, Grace?”
“Yeah?” Grace spins around. Tyler’s just sitting there, his hands in his pockets, his shoulders kind of slumped forwards and a little frown on his lips. She’s never seen him look so small. He just stares at the boxes and to-do lists organised categorically on the table and sighs.
Tyler reaches behind him, to his back pockets, the paper crinkles in his grip. It’s the very reason he feels sick to his stomach.
“I um, well, there’s probably something we need to talk about. We have already talked about it, technically. I mean, Hannah and I did – sort of. But I don’t think she was listening, and now it’s kind of getting closer and I just think we need to sit down and plan this out.”
Grace tips her head to the side and stares at him. Tyler didn’t look at her once the entire time he was talking. Maybe he’s just nervous; he is officiating the ceremony. And what does he mean they’ve already talked about this?
“Is this about your speech?”
“No.”
“Did something go wrong with the license you were supposed to get?”
“No.”
“…You’re not going to try and give me a sex talk are you? Hannah says you use puppets and that sounds like it could get really weird.”
“No, nothing like that.” Tyler shakes his head, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He looks up at Grace, and it’s too much. The hope, the joy, the nerves, the excitement. He sees everything he’s supposed to when he’s done his job right. Grace is happy. They’ve done a good thing. It’s just, they really need to talk about this one thing. But is that worth bursting the happy little bubble Grace bounces around in? Can he really do that to his new friends? Maybe he should check with Mamrie first. They’ve always been good to each other in that way. And then Grace gets to keep her smile, her special day. Everyone wins; sort of.
“Good. Then it can wait until after. A few more hours won’t hurt, right?”
“Well, I guess not.”
.....
“Slow down, Grace!... Why are you dressed like that?”
Not that Hannah’s complaining. The off-white dress falls around Grace’s frame in the most flattering of ways. It’s something she’d wear when they go out, not to welcome Hannah home from work. Unless this is a new thing? But, wow, it must have taken ages to get her hair to do the thing with the curls and to stay exactly in place. Hannah wonders whether she can count all of the hair pins in Grace’s hair, or whether Grace could tell her, after she’d guessed of course. There’s always time for a quick guessing game. Except tonight, apparently. Because there’s an hand on her arm, and a frown on Grace’s face that tells Hannah she’s in a little more trouble than she thought.
Which is not hard. She didn’t think she’d be in any trouble.
“You didn’t tell me you were going to be late.” Grace pulls Hannah in through the front door and stands in front of her with her hands folded across her chest.
Hannah was late. Which is not a big deal, because she’s late almost every day. Except Grace had asked her to be on time today. Just once. And Hannah had said yes. So when Hannah hadn’t shown up, when she didn’t answer her phone… it wasn’t Grace’s fault that she thought the worst – it’s not like it hasn’t happened before.
There’s a twist of guilt that spins around in her stomach, because she knows Hannah isn’t going to leave again. Every single day she tells her, before she leaves for work, as though she wants to make sure Grace knows, for certain that she’ll be back in the afternoon. That she’s not leaving. Not again, not ever.
“I forgot…is that why you’re dressed like that…because I’m late...are you crying?”
Grace wipes underneath her eyes carefully and sniffles. “They’re happy tears. I’m just glad you’re home.”
“I said I was coming home. You knew that.” Hannah steps forward to give Grace a quick kiss on her cheek, sliding her hand down Grace’s arm as she does. She takes Grace’s hand and gives it a small squeeze, keeping it closed within hers. “You do know that, right?”
Grace nods, laughing through another sniffle. She nods again, smiling as best she can. “I do.” The irony of the words make her smile even more. She shakes her head at the questioning look Hannah shoots at her. “I’ll explain everything. Come with me.”
Grace twists their hands, weaving her fingers in between Hannah’s and turns. She can’t stop smiling. Hannah smiles too, but it’s a nervous smile. She only smiles because Grace smiles. Hannah has no idea what is happening.
“I probably should have asked you sooner. But I was a little busy-”
“Being married to someone else?” Hannah jokes.
“- getting things ready.” Grace smirks. She gives Hannah’s hand a little squeeze as she tugs her into their bedroom. “And then you brought it up, so I knew we had to make if officially…official?”
“What do you mean?” Hannah turns, there’s a loud noise outside, one that sounds like there’s dozens of people in their backyard…who are cheering for something. That can’t be. It must be one of the neighbours having a party again. Hannah hopes they’ll turn the music down later. She knows what kind of day to expect tomorrow, especially after the day she had today. And going to work with minimal sleep because of a house party is not going to help in the slightest.
When Hannah finally looks back at Grace, she notices their room. It’s no different; the bed is still made, the curtains still drawn, her socks are even still on the floor from where she left them last night. She doesn’t notice the little difference until Grace steps back, letting Hannah through the door with a giggle.
Hannah looks up at Grace, who beams back at her.
“Is that for me?”
With a nod from Grace, Hannah drops her hand and walks over to their bed. There’s a brand new suit laid out on their bed. It’s so soft and smooth, her fingers glide along the fabric as smooth as water.
“Are we going somewhere?” Hannah breathes out.
“I know we’re already married, but you said it yourself, we never really had a wedding. So, I guess I’m trying to ask you if you’ll marry me?” Grace is nervous, her sentence sounds like one giant word. She can still hear how much her words shake, even as they run into one another, even after she practised all afternoon. She manages to take a breath at the end of her sentence, and articulates much more clearly, “I’d kind of really like to marry you, properly.”
Grace lets the words fall from her mouth as though they are a secret. Hannah lets the fabric slip through her fingers and turns back towards Grace. She looks so tense. Like there’s any other answer Hannah would possibly say. After everything, after all they’ve been through. How can she look so worried? It makes Hannah stop, and just stare at Grace for what feels like a few very long moments.
“You look like you’re about to pass out.” Hannah laughs and without thinking, steps back towards Grace and takes her head in her hands. Her fingers bury themselves in the fine hairs at the base of her neck. There’s a familiar tug in Hannah’s stomach, with a need to be closer as Grace rests warm hands on Hannah’s hips, tugging at her shirt.
“An answer would be nice.” Grace’s voice is so small and timid when she speaks, as though she’s still not sure of the answer. She leans her head to rest it against Hannah’s, giving her a tiny peck on the tip of her nose.
“I guess so. We’ve pretty much watched all of the good shows on Netflix. What else would we do today anyway.” Hannah says through a smirk, and they stay there, so still, foreheads pressed together. And it’s quiet. It’s just them.
“Still not hearing an answer.” Grace laughs. She lifts her hands, folding them softly to graze Hannah’s neck with a small smile.
“Yes.”
Grace feels her whole body stiffen at the instant reply, the wholehearted sincerity and adoration poured into one word is overwhelming. She gives herself a moment to saviour the feeling. It must sound absurd, because technically they’re already married. But to her it’s nice. Hannah’s words make her monumentally happy. It’s really nice.
Grace’s face softens for a moment before cracking into a wide smile.
“Well, you’re already late, so get changed and come out the back.”
“…What? Now?”
“Ah, yeah? You didn’t think I was dressed like this because you came home late, did you?”
“Well…no. Shut up.” Hannah laughs loudly, shooing Grace out of the room.
Grace gives herself a mental pat on the back. This is it.
It’s finally happening.
.....
Mamrie raises her glass of champagne and takes another sip. Finally, they made it; they’re here.
It’d been a long time coming, but when she looks around, it’s all worth it. From the people who should have been cut off from the bar hours ago to those huddled closely in the corner making decisions they will probably regret tomorrow to Tyler who seems to be doing his best to ignore Grace’s mother’s efforts to wipe a smudge off of his face, in front of his date, it was all worth it. Mamrie was proud.
She was proud of herself, for keeping this whole thing together, more or less.
And she was proud of Hannah and Grace. It is, after all, their wedding day.
Mamrie grinned a smug grin and looked to her left where Grace was sitting, picking nervously at her nail polish.
“Grace, relax, would you? The hardest part is over. Enjoy yourself, for once.”
“The hard part hasn’t even started yet.” Grace grimaced, her eyes flicking to the dance floor and back at Mamrie.
“You managed to get Hannah to stand still and be quiet for over an hour today.” Mamrie chuckles as Grace concedes a small smile, “If you can do that, then surely you can do this.”
“Mames, look at all the people. Whose idea was this anyway?” Grace swallows, her eyes darting over the dozens and dozens of guests scattered throughout, as she desperately tries to do a head count.
“Um, yours.” Mamrie laughs, and clears her throat, before impersonating Grace. “Put them on the list, you said, what’s one more person? Literally your idea, Grace.”
“Yeah, well. Next time my brain explodes with stupid. Make an effort to stop it from happening, okay?” Grace rolls her eyes, shoving Mamrie’s shoulder. Maybe it won’t be so bad. They had been practising. And by practising, Grace definitely means her nagging Hannah into dancing with her in their living room. She’s sure there were maybe three times when she didn’t step on Hannah’s foot. Most of the practice was with Mamrie, and her feet were not so lucky.
“Come on Helbig, just like we practised.” Mamrie encourages, placing a hand under Grace’s elbow and pressing up, forcing her to stand.
Hearing a muttered ‘you’re just like we practised’, which makes no sense at all, Mamrie rolls her eyes.
With a huff, Grace pulls a fake ‘beauty-pageant’ smile which Mamrie shines right back at her, until Grace cracks, and giggles. Her first real laugh since they’d sat down.
Mamrie tilts her head at the crowd of their friends, and Grace huffs, but turns, begrudgingly, towards the crowd and immediately starts searching for a specific face.
Mamrie stands too, clearing her throat. She lifts her glass in front of her, and taps gently at the lip with her knife.
“Yes, hello. If I could have your attention?” Mamrie announces, more formally than Grace expected, and waits for the murmuring to die down. “Today, two of my best friends got married, finally. And I think it’s about time for them to have their first dance, as a married couple.”
Mamrie finishes speaking, and turns to look at Grace, who looks even more worried than she did a minute ago, as she stares out into the crowd. It’s only when she sees Hannah walk back through the door, that Mamrie realises why Grace looked extra nervous about dancing; because her dance partner wasn’t even in the room.
Hannah walks in, casually straightening the front of her shirt. And for a second, she’s completely oblivious to the fact that everyone seems to be staring at her. Hannah smiles at the first person she makes eye contact with. And the second, and the third, and the forth. By the fifth person Hannah sees staring at her, she stops smiling. She looks around, her eyebrows pulled together in confusion while she searches the room, until she sees Grace, standing behind their table, looking just as lost.
“Their first dance, ladies and gentlemen.” Mamrie prompts, narrowing her eyes at Hannah, who mouths an exaggerated ‘What? Now?' at Mamrie. Mamrie nods, and then points at Grace, who has almost removed every bit of nail polish she had.
Mamrie doesn’t look away, she just smirks, and waits. She waits because she knows her friends. She knows exactly what will happen, because it always happens. And if it was a fraction more sickeningly cute and sweet, she’d probably need to excuse herself from the room.
But it is cute. And it is very sweet.
And it’s weird, how the two of them are oddly in sync. How Hannah’s shoulders seem to relax, and her face softens into a calm, confident grin; at the same time as Mamrie hears Grace sigh. There’s this tiny smile that seeps from the corners of Grace’s lips, like she’s trying to keep this moment hidden, something just for the two of them. Mamrie watches Hannah mouth a silent ‘hi’ at Grace. And then Grace’s smile grows, easier now, proudly.
Grace drops her hands, leaving her nails for the moment, and relaxes. Her shoulders fall, just slightly, and she draws in a breath that could last her a lifetime.
Mamrie takes a step closer to Grace, who doesn’t look away from Hannah. She leans sideways, far enough to whisper quietly into her ear, “See, nothing to worry about.” Before leaning back, and grinning at Hannah.
Every pair of eyes, each one of their friends, watches, in complete silence, all wearing matching, proud-parent grins as Hannah walks over across the now completely empty dance floor, her eyes only on Grace. Hannah grins as she walks over, and slides her hand gently into Grace’s, curling her fingers around Grace’s, protectively.
And Grace’s gaze travels upwards, up the deep blue cuff of Hannah’s shirt, the deep, rich black of her vest, and up, to her eyes, that sparkle with a pride that matches the smile on her lips.
Grace forgets that all eyes are focused on them, because Hannah’s grin seems to blur everything else into a low murmur. Because Hannah is looking at her, and only her. And so she smiles, as best she can, and hopes to God everything will work out fine.
Even as Hannah walks the last few steps, walking around the side of the table to stand next to Grace, she can see that Grace’s smile is still a little unsure, and so she winks, tilting up to kiss at Grace’s cheek. “I’m going to assume this is why you’ve been making me dance with you?”
“Didn’t take a lot of convincing…” Grace whispers, barely moving her lips, when Hannah is close enough to hear her.
Hannah lingers, but Grace wants to step back, to step away from Hannah, so that she can see her eyes, and that little place, the one spot in this universe of endless possibilities that holds her here. The one place she knows will always take away her uncertainty or settle her restlessness. Grace needs to see the quiet confidence that builds there, in Hannah’s eyes when she looks at Grace. The confidence that Hannah shares with Grace, each time she smiles, or takes her hand, or is just there, standing next to her. Grace really needs to see that right now.
But Hannah squeezes Grace’s hand, wrapping it around her own waist, holding her still and keeping her close. She can see the flashing lights flickering quickly from over her shoulder, and Grace understands. Mamrie and Tyler would kill her if they didn’t document every second of today.
“I’ll be right here. Just trust me.” Hannah whispers, finally leaning back down and smirking up at Grace. She moves Grace’s hand until it rests just in front of her, as she slowly walks backwards, pulling Grace along with her.
Grace nods, and steps forward, following. She gives Hannah a small, nervous smile before looking back over her shoulder at Mamrie, who couldn’t look any more smug if she tried.
Grace grips onto Hannah’s hand with both of her own, as they walk slowly out to the dance floor. She keeps her eyes on Hannah, happiness practically bursting out of her, as her thumb moves calmly over Grace’s fingers, soothing her nerves.
She hears Mamrie announce something she assumes is about their first official dance, and the room darkens as the lights dim, just a little.
Hannah clears her throat quietly and stops, having reached the dance floor. She shifts a little, letting Grace keep her hand wrapped tightly in both of hers and wraps the other around Grace’s waist. Hannah waits, for Grace to move her hands, but she doesn’t. Grace just stares, too nervous to move.
So Hannah steps closer, and smirks at her. A smile that is just for them, hidden in the flashing of cameras and the hazy lights that twinkle above their heads. Hannah takes one of Grace’s hands, and gently wriggles it free from her own, lifting it to her shoulder. Hannah can’t help but laugh, just as a little as she looks up into nervous eyes and feels Grace’s fingers grip firmly onto her shoulder.
Mamrie clears her throat, and Hannah understands the interruption to be their cue - the music has started, but they haven’t started dancing. They haven’t even moved.
Grace doesn’t hear the music. She is working on taking deep breaths. Deep, invisible breaths. So that her friends don’t realise she’s forgotten how to dance. So she doesn’t hear the music in the background or realise why Hannah is smiling so hard she’s almost laughing at her. All Grace is thinking about is how much better it would have been if she’d listened to Hannah before. They could have been sitting, watching Netflicks instead of standing here. Is it too late to change her mind?
But this time, with a firm press of Hannah’s hand on Grace’s waist, she does hear Mamrie clear her throat into the microphone. There’s a twist in her stomach when Hannah’s eyes leave hers for a fraction of a second; her safety net, gone. She watches the widened eyes and head tilts that Hannah shoots over to Mamrie and tries to imagine the silent conversation that is happening between the two of them.
Clenched fingers and deep breaths don’t help enough, as Grace’s eyes dart around the room while she shoots nervous smiles through half-bitten lips at her friends and family.
Soon enough, Hannah’s eyes are back on her, and they bring a new wave of relief with them. And Grace feels calm again. She’s no longer floating by herself. Fingers relax, and stretch, but stay close as Grace focuses on Hannah’s eyes that tinkle with excitement, still. Hannah raises her eyebrows, and smiles. And Grace takes a deep breath.
This is it.
The music starts again, both girls step backwards. Both trying to lead.
Hushed laughter from the crowd ripples through the room. It’s a small polite kind of laugh, a chuckle, almost. With subtle ‘aww’s sprinkled throughout the laughs.
Grace doesn’t move, save for the tiny drop of her jaw. She wants to look down at her feet and yell at them for being so stubborn. They had one job.
But she doesn’t look down. She doesn’t move at all. She just stays there, frozen, glued to her spot.
Tonight, time seems to be changing the rules, every other minute, because it’s only a split second before Hannah adjusts, thinking quickly. She steps forward and kisses Grace, who almost doesn’t respond in time.
When Hannah pulls back, Grace is very red, and not at all comfortable looking. They stay close, their hands still between their chests.
So Hannah takes a minute, waiting until the colour starts to fade, and the worried frown on Grace’s face softens into a forced smile. Hannah waits until Grace sighs, playing with their intertwined hands that rest against her chest.
“Grace, I think everyone is going notice if we don’t start moving soon.” Hannah laughs, and Grace scrunches up her face.
“I guess.”
“Hey.”
“Mmm?” Grace hums.
“Just like we practised. Just follow me.” Hannah smiles, and leans just to her left to nod at Mamrie.
And just like that, the music starts, again. Hannah’s hand tightens on Grace’s waist. Her hand shifts a little higher, bracing against Grace’s back and she steps backwards. And Grace follows.
Grace’s first steps are a shaky. She’s used to looking at where she’s going.
Hannah feels the uncertainty in Grace’s steps, and pulls her a little closer, stroking her thumb across Grace’s lower back, a sign of her ever present support.
Grace breathes out, and takes one step forward to Hannah’s steps back when she feels a little pressure of her back. She squeezes at her hand, still clutched tightly between their chests, keeping them close.
Grace meets Hannah’s eyes, all crinkled at the edges from a smile that seems permanently stuck to her lips and can’t help but smile too. this isn’t so bad. They’re moving, they’re actually doing it.
Hannah’s eyes twinkle under the dimmed lights with excitement and promises of their future as Grace let’s herself be moved around the dance floor a little more, little by little. She can feel dozens of eyes on them, following them as they sway, and step, and sway, and step. But she doesn’t see any faces. They melt into a sea of proud smiles and soft awws as they glide past.
Hannah holds Grace, while the music slows, turning them round once more, and the song fades. The words fade, drowned out by the clinking of champagne glasses.
Hannah smirks, moving her hand from Grace’s back, and trailing it across her jawline, reaching the back of her head. She glances down at Grace’s lips.
And Grace only smiles, happily tipping forward and pressing her lips to Hannah’s, kissing her slowly and sweetly.
The songs ends, the timing is perfect. And cheering erupts from all sides.
Grace blushes, but grins, turning and leaning her side into Hannah’s front, as she waits for Hannah to wrap her up in a gentle hug. And she does, while she grins back at the crowd, sighing contently as other couples now take the dance floor, a new song beginning.
Grace tips her head sideways, and waits, watching their friends partner up and join in the couples already dancing.
“I sort of forgot they were all here.” Grace whispers sheepishly, feeling Hannah’s chest bounce as she laughs, whispering back a quiet ‘dork’, and earning a gentle prod of Grace’s elbow to her chest.
Grace breathes out, relieved, resting her head on Hannah’s and hears whispered words, that are just for her.
She’d heard it before, so many times. But something about Hannah, saying it again now makes it that much better. Everything is just that little bit better.
“I love you.”
-
“Hey, Mames.” Hannah raises her voice over the low buzz of chatter around them.
Mamrie’s almost pushed completely out of the way before she can answer as Tyler rushes over to where the three of them are standing.
“Ah, Grace, why is your ex here?” Hannah and Grace follow Tyler’s lead, turning to the entrance where sure enough, Cameron has just walked in. He’s standing there, hands nervously wringing in front of him, looking completely uncomfortable.
Mamrie doesn’t turn around. Instead, she gently slaps at Grace’s shoulder, pulling a face at her. “Helbig? Why would you invite your second husband to your third marriage to your first wife?” Mamrie lets a smug grin trickle across her face.
Grace shrugs, “I figured there’d be something here for him.” Grace grins, and bumps her elbow into Hannah’s ribs gently.
“Well I hope he wasn’t coming for the cake, because that’s long gone. And so is the ceremony and he’s delusional if he thinks he can just waltz in here over an hour late and think the chef is going to be happy about altering the catering.”
“I dunno. I think he’ll be just fine.”
Hannah nods over towards the entry way where Cameron still waits, looking around the room of strangers for the two people he knows. Grace untangles her hand from Hannah’s and waves a big wave at him, inviting him over.
“Come on.” Grace giggles, taking Mamrie’s hand and pulling her along, “I want you to meet him.” Grace turns and winks at Hannah before walking towards Cameron.
“What was that wink for? I want to meet him too!” Tyler exclaims, but Hannah catches his hand before he can chase after Grace.
“Tyler,” Hannah laughs, patting Tyler on the chest, “I think the photographer needs us, over there…somewhere.”
“But-”
“I’ll explain later.”
Tyler doesn’t really know what’s going on, but he knows something is going on.
“Uh, fine. You’re lucky this is your wedding and Mamrie told me to be nice.”
He gets the hint. Hannah’s smiling as they walk away. She’s almost bursting with excitement. She can’t wait to ask Grace how it went.
-
They end up at their table, sitting and watching the party continue in front of them while Grace’s feet take a break.
“Hey.” Hannah smiles, taking Grace’s hand in her own. “That was really nice of you. You did good.”
Grace shrugs. “Well, he’s a good guy. And Mamrie’s our friend. They deserve to be happy.” Grace presses her lips together in thought for a second before leaning sideways to give Hannah a kiss on the cheek, her own cheeks blushing as she does. “Plus, I got my happy ending, so I figured they should get theirs too.”
.....
“Come on in, Tyler. Please.” Hannah laughs as Tyler hurries in and settles himself in their lounge room.
He doesn’t even wait for Hannah to sit down before his news bursts out of him.
“So Mamrie has been all loved up since your wedding thing and made me promise to give you some time to be all ‘married’ and ‘happy’ after your wedding thing-”
“Wedding thing?” Hannah gives him a face that he automatically ignores, waving her look away with the flick of his hands.
“-Hannah! There are more important things than my word choice to focus on right now. Focus!”
Hannah crosses her arms, frowning, “We’ll circle back to it. Carry on.”
“Ahem. Mamrie told me to wait until after your wedding thing. And it’s been a couple of weeks so I think now is a great time to bring this up. So…before your mail gets delivered…I might screen it…just for safety reasons and to take care of things you don’t need to worry about. But that’s not the point.”
“Please go on, don’t bother telling me why you read my mail…”
“Well,” Tyler continues, rolling his eyes at Hannah’s sass. “I tried talking to Grace before the wedding but she was so excited that she wasn’t listening and she said we could talk afterwards, but you were a little busy, and then you weren’t listening the first time we tried to tell you and so this is probably as ‘later’ as it gets.”
“Okay… You want to explain that a bit better?” Hannah shifts in her seat. She tries to remember something about what he is talking about, but the fact of the matter is that Tyler is right. Whatever he needs to tell her, or had already told her – she wasn’t listening to. And from the way he nervously pulls his top lip between his teeth and turns to glance at the front door every few seconds, it’s something serious.
“Remember when we were in Derek’s office and he said there were conditions on the new contract and all of this other stuff?”
“Sort of.”
“Well, you didn’t want to hear it because you were so focused on making things better right now that you couldn’t process anything else. And it sounded kind of important so I got Kevin to go back and well. This arrived in the mail a little while ago. It’s addressed to you and Grace. It’s not impossible, or difficult, just a formality really. They do this all the time and-”
“Tyler!”
“Okay!”
Tyler takes a deep breath. Sometimes his job sucks. Just when he thought he’d done something good, there they go making it difficult again.
He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a single letter, letting it fall from his hand, onto the table with a loud slap.
Hannah just stares at the yellow envelope.
“Tyler…no.”
“Don’t freak out. We can fix this.”
-
The End.
\
Rule 47
Previous part can be found here.
Thanks to yourenotascoolasyouthink
Part Twenty-One
Hannah takes a deep breath in, she focuses on nothing except the way her chest rises and falls, and the cool air she breathes back in. She’d lay here all day if she could. There’s just something about naps that make her excited for retirement, and to spend it with a particular someone. Hannah takes another deep breath in, and the weight on her chest shifts, breathing in time with her. More awake now, Hannah wiggles her fingers, freeing her hands by her sides to bring one up to lay across her stomach. She slips it under the blanket that covers her, but doesn’t find her stomach. Everything slips back into place as she wakes. She remembers.
It makes her smile.
She slides her eyes open just enough to look down and see Grace, sprawled across her chest, one leg hanging out from under the blanket, off the couch. She’s so relaxed, and even though she’s not facing Hannah, she can see that Grace is smiling in that little way that she does when she’s trying not to laugh. Hannah knows because she smiles the same way, and it makes her wonder what she’s thinking about. She looks around, trying to find answers, but only gets more confused when she sees the TV. And, is it dark outside?
“Why’d you switch the movie?”
Hannah’s voice is kind of low, rough from sleep. It’s distracting enough to make Grace pause, and blink at her while she tries to think. It’s not enough to stop the little raise of her eyebrows and the smirk that wriggles around on Grace’s face though.
“I didn’t do anything.” Grace whispers, rubbing the hand she has resting on Hannah’s chest. She tilts her head up and kisses at the base of Hannah’s neck and giggles. “You fell asleep.”
Hannah’s sure her face is flushed already. Entirely sure. Only to be confirmed by the instant grin that spreads across Grace’s lips. Hannah lifts her free arm from her side and wraps it around Grace too, tugging her closer, because her chest is bursting with something that feels like so much more than just happiness that labelling it happiness would be an atrocity. She’s glad she fell asleep, because it makes sense to her, even if it doesn’t make any sense to anyone else. Because when Grace hums, and wriggles until their bodies fit together, it makes sense to Hannah.
Hannah closes her eyes again, sighing deeply.
“You fell asleep.” It just kind of falls out, her voice low as she sulks, sinking back into the couch. And Grace let’s out an actual laugh, shaking them both. Until there’s a knock at the door.
Hannah’s stomach swoops. From past experience, unexpected visitors don’t always end well. And so a part of her worries just a little when she looks at Grace who is already staring ahead very seriously.
“You expecting anyone?”
Grace nods, and shifts, until she can look up and meet Hannah’s eyes. She can feel how wide her worried eyes are when she nods again, whispering, “Yeah, sort of.”
Hannah’s stomach drops lower, and that happy, glowing feeling fades from her stomach. She takes a second to wait for an explanation. Although neither of them move, or say anything further.
And then her worry is gone, buried. Everything’s been fixed. There’s no reason to be worried. It’s probably just Mamrie.
Hannah forces a smile onto her face and clears her throat. “Well, don’t rush to get up.” She laughs, shifting until Grace isn’t on top of her and standing up.
“You’re the best.” Grace whispers, shifting to take Hannah’s spot on the couch.
“I know.” Hannah smiles, leaning down to kiss Grace’s cheek, “You owe me.”
Hannah’s still pulling faces at Grace as she’s walking to the door. To say it’s not what she’s expecting wouldn’t be doing the amount of surprise and relief that Hannah feels any justice.
“Hey, Gracie I bou…you’re…not Grace.” Cameron stops mid-sentence and frowns, but shrugs, this must be Hannah, offering a hand forward with a polite smile. “You must be Hannah.”
“Cameron, right?”
“Yeah, nice to finally meet you. Grace’s told me a lot about you.”
Hannah takes his hand, shaking it firmly.
“I can imagine.” Hannah blushes, a pang of guilt flooding through her at the thought of just what Grace might have told Cameron. She takes her hand back from Cameron and runs it through her hair. They weren’t in such a great place when the two of them were together. She should probably explain. He looks like he’s waiting for something? She needs to explain. That’s probably why he’s here. Wait, why is he here? “I, look. You should know that, I didn’t-”
“It’s fine. I understand what it’s like to make hard decisions.” He leans a little to his left, looking past Hannah and into their house. ”But from the looks of it, it’s all worked out alright.” Cameron shrugs, tossing it out like it’s so easy to say. Except Hannah’s sure she hears the smallest ounce of defeat and disappointment lining his words.
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
Cameron pulls a kind of ‘what can you do’ grimace and stays quiet. He meets Hannah’s eye, and she shrugs. She doesn’t know what to say to that.
Hannah panics, although she hides it well on the outside. She gets very fidgety, very fast. Hannah looks around. She looks behind her, she twists her shoulders, she takes a deep breath in. She can’t quite think of something to say to make this less weird. The awkwardness level is higher than she anticipated. Not that she anticipated having a conversation with her wife’s husband, ex-husband? But still, it’s super awkward.
Hannah clears her throat, and opens her mouth, praying that the words that come out won’t be something she will regret later.
“So you’re Grace’s husband?”
Unfortunately, she mustn’t have prayed hard enough.
“Yep” Cameron shoves his hands in his pockets and twists nervously. Hannah imitates his stance. Going one step further and bouncing her leg uneasily.
“And before Grace, you were…”
“A soldier, but before that…yep, I was.”
Hannah breathes out a small. “Huh.” And nods.
“Yeah. Small world hey?”
“You could say that again.”
“That again.” Cameron smirks, raising his eyebrows as he waits for Hannah to understand his joke.
Hannah pulls her brow together and frowns. It’s a few seconds before she sighs, rolling her eyes. But she laughs too, shaking her head. “That explains Grace’s new level of sass.”
“You’ll thank me later.”
“I’ll never stop thanking you.” It comes out more sincerely than Hannah had meant it. She let’s the little smile spread softly across her lips and tries not to melt into a pile of mushy feelings in front of Cameron. She clenches her fist in her pocket and steps back, looking up at Cameron, who is already smiling. He looks…Hannah thinks the closest thing she can think to describe it as, is proud.
This time, she doesn’t hesitate. “Seriously. I owe you everything.”
This time, Cameron clears his throat. “So, um. I’ve got some of Grace’s things in the car. She said just to bring them over…”
“Oh, yeah sure. Let me give you a hand.”
“Thanks.” Cameron turns, waiting for Hannah to step in line with him before walking back to his car.
“You know, Grace has this plan she’s been working on.”
“I bet she does.”
.....
Everything is sort of, nice, after that.
And she doesn’t mean to, but Hannah starts counting moments. Just little things. Moments that make her laugh, or smile, or just times when they’re together. She’s creating memories. Because it’s crazy how fast the days fly past. How before she knows it, they been back together for weeks. Hannah wants to remember everything, just in case. She wants to remember every smile, every laugh, every kiss.
.....
It’s only been three days since Cameron turned up at their door, but Hannah can’t stop thinking about yesterday. And so what if she’s walking around with some big stupid grin on her face. She loves her grin. She wants the whole world to know how great she’s feeling.
It should have been nothing really. And yet it’s everything.
It’s one of those daily things; the things you might take for granted, or stop doing after you get ‘comfortable’. It’s just something small. Or it should be.
And yet it’s not.
Because Grace hasn’t stopped. Not yet anyway. And Hannah hopes she never will.
They were just doing nothing, just sitting, watching a movie. Hannah had let the credits keep going, because neither of them wants to move.
Grace can feel herself close to sleep. She can feel the way Hannah’s fingers, tucked perfectly between her own, and how they grip tighter each time Grace’s hand slackens, keeping her here.
Hannah lifts their hands, twisting them so that her breath tickles the back of Grace’s fingers before she kisses her hand, holding still for a long time.
“Come on, you’re almost asleep. Let’s go to bed.”
But Grace doesn’t want to move. Instead, she sighs, closing her eyes and turning sideways, curling a leg over Hannah’s and shifting closer into her side.
“Five more minutes.” Grace breathes, nestling her head on Hannah’s chest and breathing a deep breath in and out, completely at ease.
And Hannah shuffles down, because they both know they won’t be moving in another five minutes, and mumbles ‘okay’ as she turns and rests her head on Grace’s. Hannah closes her eyes, a smile growing on her lips when Grace lifts their hands this time, kissing Hannah’s hand.
Grace smiles too, because it should be nothing. A simple gesture.
But it’s not.
It’s everything.
....
It’s been two weeks and Grace still gets goosebumps every time.
There’s nothing remotely significant about this Thursday.
It’s only a trip to the supermarket. It’s nothing special.
Grace drives, she insists.
Hannah would usually argue; after all, it was her fault they didn’t go yesterday. But there’s something about the way Grace smiles, and leans down to kiss her cheek before practically running out the door that makes her stay quiet.
Maybe this Thursday is a little different.
-
Hannah’s head leans against the back of the seat, rolled to her side, she watches Grace.
They’re not even halfway down the street when she sees it, and her heart burns with pride. The little curve of her lips and the ever so slight pinkish tinge to her cheeks that tell Hannah that Grace knows Hannah’s watching her.
There’s a twitch to Grace’s lips before she breathes out, “Stop it.” Glancing over at Hannah for a second.
“I’ll never stop.”
Hannah’s sure she hears the quietest reply of “Good.” as Grace breathes out, her smile even bigger.
.....
After two weeks Hannah thinks it’s time to share one of the things she thinks is pretty special.
It’s an effort, to get Grace up and functioning before the sun, but eventually she get’s up, albeit reluctantly. Before she even has the chance to blink, Hannah’s got her hand and is dragging her outside, to a makeshift picnic she’s set up in their backyard. It’s only then that Hannah drops her hand and skips forward to the half a dozen blankets and cushions she’s piled together, and sits down, watching as Grace shuffles over, her eyes drifting shut as she drags her feet. She juts her bottom lip out and pouts, sighing as she tries to blink herself awake.
It’ll be worth it. Grace has to see it, at least once. And since she fell asleep yesterday, they needed to go again. Hannah’s not complaining. Early-morning-zombie Grace couldn’t be any cuter.
Grace rubs her eyes, and yawns, shifting closer to Hannah. It’s way too early to be sitting here, but Hannah had insisted, both constantly and endlessly. She resorted to harsh blanket stealing tactics to set this up. Not to mention the ‘pillow throwing’ and ‘bed jumping’. It’s a little hard to say no to such a ‘persuasive’ argument.
“Hey.”
“You’re amazing, d’you know that?”
“I do.” Grace breathes, letting her head fall to Hannah’s shoulder. “But that was supposed to be a secret. What tipped you off?”
Hannah laughs, Grace’s words trail onto each other, and her relaxed, sleepy voice takes the zing out of her words, but there’s the start of a smirk there. And it’s pretty great. Hannah takes one of the blankets from behind them and wraps it around their shoulders. Knowing Grace is on the verge of falling asleep, she doesn’t start her 74 bullet point list of reasons, each with it’s own list of evidence. Instead, she rubs a hand down Grace’s arm, and just smiles. “Just thought you should know I’m onto you, is all. Just because we’re technically married doesn’t mean I can’t try and woo you.” Hannah sighs, content. She feels Grace shift, pushing herself up a little to look into Hannah’s face.
”Technically?” Grace doesn’t miss the tone that overshadows the smile that Hannah pairs with her words. “What do you mean technically?” She asks.
“Well, I mean, I wear a ring and you wear a ring, so I guess we’re married, but we never really had a wedding did we?” Hannah shrugs, and yawns, making Grace yawn too, as she tries to stay awake.
For someone who knows how very tired she is, Grace thinks Hannah is trying very hard to start a rather large conversation, that probably requires more than the half-finished thoughts and vague shrugs that she’s getting from Hannah.
“No I guess we didn’t. Did you want one? I mean, we can, if you want…” Grace stumbles. It’s too early for this. This sounds important. It sounds like Hannah’s been thinking about it for a while, not something to just throw out before the sun is even up. “I didn’t think-is it what you...” Grace trails off into another yawn.
“I guess not. Besides, you can’t have a wedding without a proposal. And we’re already married, right?” Hannah just smiles, looping her arm through Grace’s and looks straight ahead. “It’s just a thought I have sometimes. This is probably why people shouldn’t be awake so early. Thoughts accidentally become words and everything gets weird and-”
“Hannah, you’re starting to hurt my head here.” Grace sighs, eyes closed as she snuggles in closer to Hannah.
“This is enough.” Hannah shakes her head, pulling Grace closer into her side. “There it is! I’m so sad we didn’t miss it today. Completely worth it. I mean I know you hate getting up in general, but, wow, isn’t it beautiful! Don’t you just love sunrises? Don’t answer that. I already know - you do. Of course you do. Who doesn’t like sunrises?”
There’s a little huff from beside her, and Hannah watches as Grace lifts a sleepy hand up onto her thigh. She angles her head in the very slightest of movements and barely sounds a “Thanks for showing me, Han.” There’s a little smile that floats onto her lips as Hannah’s hand covers her own, all warm and soft.
Hannah watches Grace, eyes closed, asleep on her shoulder. She takes a deep breath in with a smile, and laughs, leaning in to kiss her forehead, tired, but so so happy. So what if they missed the sunrise today.
It doesn’t matter, because they’ve got tomorrow, and every day after that.
.....
They’ve been in this house for a month, and for two of those weeks, Hannah’s been chasing deadlines. Deadlines that are pushed forward, or have work added to them. Deadlines for group projects that seem to be Hannah complaining about the other people in this seemingly fictitious but incredibly lazy group. Working all hours of the night, not eating, not sleeping, barely even functioning like a real person. She doesn’t even return the half a dozen missed calls from Tyler.
It’s moments like these that Hannah’s grateful to have Grace in her life. Like when it’s late at night, but she refuses to stop working. Grace must have been sitting here watching her frown and growl and glare at her computer for hours.
Grace sighs. Not the kind of sigh that can be ignored. She sighs like the air is poison, and she’s trying to get rid of as much of it as she can. She fills her lungs, until she can feel the air pushing in her throat, and then sighs. She sighs to get Hannah’s attention. But she doesn’t get a reaction. At least not from Hannah - she’s sure there’s a car alarm down the street that she’s set off.
Reluctantly, Grace gives up her seat on the couch and walks over to the desk, resting her hands on Hannah’s shoulders.
“How much more do you have to do?” Grace asks, tucking stubborn strands of hair back behind Hannah’s ears.
“I don’t know.”
“You missed another call from Tyler. That makes seven today.”
This time Hannah sighs, she leans back against Grace and rubs at her eyes.
“I just have to finish this.”
Pouting, she steps in front of Hannah, climbing into her lap, her arms sliding around Hannah’s neck. Hands settle on her waist, squeezing softly and she smiles.
“What about you have a break?”
Hannah shakes her head. “How about I finish this and then we can do… other stuff?”
Her smile turns into a grin and she hums. “Alright. But hurry.” Leaning in, Grace kisses the tip of her nose.
“Oh, I will, trust me.”
.....
Two months pass before Hannah realises what’s on the top of her ‘favourite things’ list.
One of Hannah’s favourite things is the morning. Not the sunrise, not the smell of fresh coffee, not even the prospects a new day will bring.
Hannah loves watching Grace wake up. She watches Grace wake slowly, scrunching her nose and covering her eyes with her sleeve. She takes those first few deep breaths in, the ones that happen when you first wake up and she smiles. Her smile changes quickly into a small yawn, and a small groan. Hannah grins now, at the way Grace pulls the blankets higher and higher, and under her chin, refusing to accept that it’s morning, again.
“No.” Grace groans, as reality sets in, and she realises she has to wake up. She rolls over stubbornly covering herself completely in a last ditch attempt to hide from the new day.
That’s when Hannah leans in close, pulling down the blanket and pushing the tangled hair out of Grace’s face.
“Good morning.” She whispers with a small kiss, tickling her hand over Grace’s cheek.
“Morning.” Grace mumbles.
“It looks like it might rain today.”
It only makes Hannah laugh more when Grace tries to look grumpy, pulling a face at her. But it’s there, the tiny, tired smile giving her away. The thing that Hannah loves the most.
“I hate rain.”
.....
It’s only a small cloud, there’s no way it’s going to rain.
Grace eats her words as Hannah hurries through the pouring rain, pulling her along behind her. She holds one arm optimistically above her head, even though she knows it’s pointless. She was drenched five steps out from the doorway. Grace hates the rain. Nothing good ever comes from it. And how is she going to return Tyler’s call now that her phone is probably swimming in her pocket? All things that need to be thought about, preferably after she gets out of the rain, safely. Grace huffs determinedly, looking down for potential hazards as she tugs Hannah faster still through the downpour.
But then Hannah stops, letting Grace stumble over her own feet before she catches her, and pulls her in, resting both hands on her waist.
Hannah leans in, and waits, barely an inch from her lips until Grace sighs, and rolls her eyes. She whispers the words she knows Hannah’s waiting to hear.
“You were right.”
Hannah kisses her softly, laughing into her lips as the warm rain soaks their clothes. The rain doesn’t even matter anymore. A second ago Grace couldn’t get out of the rain fast enough, but now, with Hannah kissing her, the rain doesn’t bother her. She doesn’t care in the slightest.
Grace is pretty sure she loves the rain.
.....
Tyler’s throwing some big party. There’s some reason he insists on telling everyone. He told Hannah, but she can’t remember. There’s a banner with something painted on it in the other room. Or the other room. Quite honestly, it could even be another room. Hannah’s not even sure which room the banner is in, or which room she’s in at the moment.
Hannah thinks Tyler just wanted an excuse to have a big farty. Farty! She presses her lips together, but she giggles at her mistake and the whole thing sounds kind of she’s trying to blow raspberries. It only makes her laugh even harder. She definitely neds to close her eyes to laugh. Laughing is so much better with closed eyes.
Why is it so dark at this…farty! Another round of laughter shakes Hannah’s body, she thinks, her eyes are still closed.
Why do party and farty sound so similar? Words are strange. Farty and party. Wait until she tells Grace, she’s going to laugh so hard! Where is Grace? Even when her eyes were open, there were lots of not-Graces in this room. Maybe now is a good time to find Grace, and surprise her. And tell her that great joke about the farty!
Hannah giggles again as she opens her eyes. She waits, blinking, until the room is less blurry. Crinkling her nose, she tiptoes across the room. Hannah thinks there are people who might be watching her walk really slowly, but then again, maybe they’re too busy drinking and dancing to be watching her. She’s not really sure. Hannah’s not worried about them. She’s just got to find-
“You’re drunk.” Grace yells over the music, slurring her words slightly as she bumps into Hannah.
“So are you.” Hannah laughs, catching Grace as she stumbles into her.
Grace nods, and pulls her into the hallway. The music is muted out here, which means she can actually hear Hannah, who looks ridiculously hot tonight. She’s going to have to thank Tyler later, for having so many empty hallways. Because there is no way she can stop herself, not when Hannah is smirking up at her, a little rosy glow on her cheeks as she waits for Grace to form her thoughts.
“Grace, I have a great joke to tell you.” Hannah giggles, practically bouncing with excitement.
Grace thinks the joke can wait.
So she tugs her closer, kissing her hard and eager, their lips sloppy and the kiss anything but innocent.
Grace grins.
Tyler should have more parties.
Tyler is good at parties…
Grace needs to find Tyler.
Rule 47
Previous part can be found here.
Thanks to yourenotascoolasyouthink who read this. Only two more parts after this one. How fun is it that it’s almost over! Anyway,
Part Twenty
Mamrie doesn’t mean to slam the car door. Or the front door. It just happens, because these two are going to be the death of her.
“Are you insane? There’s a monsoon happening outside! Noah’s about to row, row, row his boat down the street any second now, and you’re just standing right in the middle of it? Not to mention the Grace shaped puddle that’s now occupying the passenger seat of my car. Do you even care if you get sick? What were you thinking?”
Mamrie storms off to the bathroom, coming back with a towel and wrapping it around Grace’s shoulders. She pulls her phone from her pocket and taps the screen a few times before setting it down nearby and getting back to removing the small lake that Grace has absorbed.
“Sorry Mames.”
“Sorry?”
Mamrie almost shouts as she almost runs down the hall again, only to return with half a dozen towels and blankets. “You think sorry is going to be enough? Do you know how worried I was when I got your call? And let’s not even start with what Hannah’s going to say. She’ll probably have my head cut off if you I get sick.”
“Hannah would be mad?”
“Yeah, I knew you wouldn’t go home, when do you ever listen to me? So I went there to wait for you, you knuckle head. I was at her house when you rang. Where were you, by the way? I thought you were all systems go on the whole fixing your marriage thing.” Mamrie takes Grace’s hand, throwing a towel over her head and trying to sop up the excess water. She leads her into the kitchen, and sits her down at the table. “Take them off.” Mamrie instructs, pointing at Grace’s shoes.
“I was, I mean, I am. I had it all ready. Everything I wanted to tell her. I said it over and over in my head. Which is ridiculous, because as soon as I walked up to her door. As soon as I tried to knock, I forgot everything. My words fell into a complete mess and, I just…never mind. It’s dumb.”
“I pull you out of raging rapids and all I get is ‘never mind, it’s dumb’? Sweater.” Mamrie directs, helping Grace’s shaking hands unzip the sweater and pull the heavy material off of her arms. Mamrie replaces the sweater with another towel, and a blanket as well, rubbing Grace’s sides to warm her up. She’s shaking pretty bad.
“It w-w-was nowhere near anything that resembled rapids. There’s barely water r-running in the gutter.” Grace shivers, she needs another towel, or seven. Although she doesn’t dare move. Mamrie’s on a war path, and she’s not going to get in her way any further.
“Not the point, Helbig. Quit stalling.” A sound from outside makes Mamrie flinch, and she grabs another towel and throws it over Grace’s head, drying her sopping hair.
The ruffling of the towel makes it hard to think, or hear anything. And when she speaks, Grace’s voice is a little muffled. She takes a deep breath and talks loudly, she just knows Mamrie is going to make her repeat herself if she doesn’t.
“Fine. I was scared, okay. I always thought it was dumb, when couples would say ‘my other half’ or ‘soul mate’ or whatever. But I get it now, okay. I do. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve imagined how perfect it would be to just be somewhere with her. Not even do anything, but just know that there’s no saying goodbyes or time limits or rules. Because time slips away too fast. Those hours in the shed passed like minutes. The weeks we spent together felt like hours. I’m a little scared I’m developing a vendetta against clocks, Mamrie. Because there’s never enough time anymore. There’s always something in the way.”
Mamrie stops moving the towel and twists the chair until Grace is turned around and facing towards her. She keeps her eyes flickering between Grace and just over her shoulder.
“Grace.”
Mamrie tugs at Grace’s arm, and she stands up, pulling the towel off of her head. Mamrie sighs, but grabs a new one, and wraps it around her shoulders, still rubbing her arms.
Grace shifts closer to Mamrie, and takes a moment to think. “And she just looked so happy. And you guys were dancing and laughing and I didn’t want to ruin that again. We’ve spent so much time acting like scared teenagers that when I saw her happy, I didn’t want to take that away from her. Even though it wasn’t me making her happy, at least she was still happy, you know? And so I left. Or I tried to. I thought I was walking the same way as I came, but I wasn’t. Which is when I called you.”
“Grace.” Mamrie tries again, holding another towel out to her. Grace takes it, but just flings it around, her hands moving as much as her mouth does.
“And then there’s you. And your husband and all these things to sort out and I-”
“My husband? What are you talking about? Who told you about him?”
“Oh, um. Well, that’s…so, I, um. Wow, this is not…what I meant was-”
The jingle of keys saves Grace, and she’ll take any excuse to get out of this situation.
Any excuse except this one.
“Hey.”
“Hannah? I don’t…how did you – did you follow us?” Grace turns to face Mamrie.
“Speaker phone.” Mamrie shrugs, still eyeing her cautiously after the ‘husband’ comment.
“So, you heard everything?”
“Almost.”
Grace stiffens at that, and there’s a small beat of silence before she barely mumbles out an ‘okay’ aimed at the ground.
“Great work, honey.” Mamrie reaches for Grace’s hand, squeezing once. She doesn’t waste any time, turning immediately towards Hannah and widens her eyes pointedly.
Hannah’s sure Mamrie’s glares absolutely have the power to make things spontaneously combust. And so in fear of being set alight by Mamrie, or having one of Mamrie’s eyes pop out from glaring so hard, Hannah closes the door behind her and takes a step forward, into the house. She shrugs and mouths a silent ‘what’ at Mamrie before turning back to Grace, and smiles.
Hannah opens her mouth, but stops, because Grace is still staring at the ground. And maybe this is something she should say to Grace, with her full attention, not to Grace while she’s busy making new friends with the tiles.
So it’s a surprise to all of them when Hannah let’s her mouth close, and shakes her head at Mamrie. There’s silence, and Hannah doesn’t respond. Not even Mamrie steps in, save for an eye roll or two. Even when it doesn’t look like Grace is going to respond either, not with her standing there nervously twisting and turning nervously on the spot. Mamrie doesn’t speak, and neither does Hannah.
It’s a weird kind of silence. The opposite of comfortable. A comfortable silence is when you’re sitting there with your friend, and it’s late and you’re almost asleep by their side, so you just lean over and they sigh and you sigh, and you both sleep.
This is the opposite of that. It feels like that one time that Mamrie tried to help her mother with her laptop, but when she opened the lid, some weird porn was paused on the screen. And then they didn’t talk about it for weeks.
It feels exactly like that, but more uncomfortable. It’s killing her. One of her friends needs to say something. This is ridiculous.
Mamrie can’t help but huff, exasperatedly.
It’s then that Grace chances a look up. But so does Hannah. And having caught Hannah’s eye, instantly finds something over to her left that needs her attention. She looks anywhere but at Hannah. Grace can feel her chest doing that unstable fluttering thing that she hasn’t felt in weeks, because of the way she just caught Hannah smiling at her, like she couldn’t be prouder. She wishes one of them would say something, preferably before she freezes in the middle of Mamrie’s kitchen. She could use another blanket.
“And Hannah…do you have anything to say back to Grace?” Mamrie prompts, she raises an eyebrow at her and leaning forward, instead of walking over there and shaking the words out of her.
“Not really.” Hannah shrugs. She looks at Grace, and their eyes meet. She doesn’t look away. Hannah can’t help but revel a little in the way Grace squirms a little bit, and blushes. Hannah lets her lips tug at the side and find a proud smile, growing when Grace’s eyes wander down to her lips, lingering. Surely Grace can feel the little spark that flashes through Hannah’s eyes and zips through her veins. She has to. Or she has to feel something, especially after what she said.
Hannah should tell her; that the new house was for her. That the dance practise was for her. That she’s not really happy without her. Grace should know. She should tell her so that maybe Grace will feel just as special as Hannah does, after hearing that. She’s going to. Hannah takes a few steps forward and…stops. Mamrie cuts her off before she can think of how to begin putting her thought into words.
“Perfect.” Mamrie huffs, throwing her hands up in the air. “Well, here.” Mamrie shakes her head, but launches another dry towel at Hannah. “Put another towel around Grace before she turns into a popsicle. I’ll be over here blocking my ears if you two ever decide to talk to each other, and not me for a change. Beanz! Let’s go.”
The sound of tiny claws clip-clopping on tiles follows Mamrie around the corner as she mumbles, “My dead parrot communicates better than you two” and then it’s quiet. They leave Hannah and Grace to stare at each other in silence.
“Mamrie’s right.” Hannah begins, crossing the room and standing in front of Grace. “I should probably say something. Probably should explain what’s been going on the past few weeks. It’s the least you deserve.”
Grace doesn’t notice at first, but Hannah is very close. Too close for the conversation Mamrie wants them to have. And it’s different. It’s heavy. It’s like it could be real this time. Hannah steps forward again, too far, and her eyes dip to Grace’s lips. Grace licks her lips reflexively, and leans slightly forward in response.
She’s supposed to agree. To tell Hannah, that yeah, she does deserve an explanation. And she does have questions that Hannah owes her the answers to. But her heart is pounding. Pounding. Like you wouldn’t believe. Which means Grace almost takes too long to answer. Because she’s finding it a little difficult to breathe right now. And because she wants to tell Hannah to start explaining. But she also just wants to hold her. And so when her brain cartwheels itself out of the mess it’s in, all that happens is she fists the hem of Hannah’s shirt, tugging her closer, like a sulking child, and the only words she can find are,
“I missed you.”
And then Hannah leans in, and kisses her.
Hannah moves her lips softly, barely grazing Grace’s lips at first. She nudges forward, pressing softly against Grace’s lips until she feels Grace half sigh, half whine against her lips. Until Grace turns her head to the side and pushes her whole body closer into Hannah’s. Her hands uncurl themselves from Hannah’s shirt, shaking, and travel up her sides, still cold from the rain. Hannah shivers.
Their first kiss, officially. It’s not tense or forced or guarded. It’s not rushed or full of anger or uncertainty or jealousy. This time, Hannah doesn’t hold anything back. And even though it’s not their first kiss, Hannah doesn’t count the time that they were locked in the shed. It’s not as rushed as those kisses. Not as fleeting. This time is different. This time, Hannah decides, this is what she’ll remember as their first kiss. This is the story she’ll tell her grandkids so many times that they’ll know it better than their own birth dates.
Hannah kisses Grace like she’s been lost, and she’s finally found her way home. Like she’s everything in the world. . Everything else, sort of, falls away. And if only for a second, they’re floating. Flying. For a moment, one fantastic moment. There is only this. Just the two of them. No gravity. No past or anything to hold them back. Just their moment, suspended in the air, rising like the sun over the ocean. It’s their moment, together.
Finally.
And it’s amazing. It’s everything.
Grace brings her hands up to hold Hannah’s head, so, so, gently. She strokes her thumbs across Hannah’s cheeks and smiles, little touches she hope say hey, you’re wonderful, and I’m glad you’re mine. Because Hannah’s kisses are warm and soft. They feel like safety and happiness, and make Grace sigh, nostalgic of the time they’ve wasted and excited for the future.
But then Hannah is there, pressing her lips to Grace’s. And her hands move by themselves, her touch getting heavier and heavier as her fingers dip down Hannah’s neck. It has Hannah tugging at Grace’s bottom lip with her teeth, and Grace humming back appreciatively into her mouth.
Hannah pulls back, letting Grace’s lip drop from her teeth, and tips her head to the side, pushing her whole body closer still. She kisses her harder, but it still doesn’t feel like enough.
Their lips part and the warmth is gone immediately. Grace searches forward, finding Hannah’s forehead and letting herself fall into Hannah. Her lips tickle the edges of Hannah’s mouth as Hannah breathes out, “I missed you.”
Grace kisses her back, slowly, just touching her lips to Hannah’s, hoping to hide the whine in her breath. She smiles, which makes kissing difficult, but she doesn’t care. They’ve waited long enough.
Which is why Grace can’t help but smile. She can tell Hannah is smiling too now, but tries to sneak in a few more kisses; a few pecks to her lips that leave her beaming and Hannah trying not to laugh.
It doesn’t last long, because Grace’s body kindly reminds her that she is drenched to the bone. And cold. Very cold. A large shiver shakes her body, and has Hannah pulling her closer, trying to shield Grace’s body from the air with her own.
Hannah doesn’t miss the weird quirk in Grace’s smile before she shivers again. But there are more important things to be doing, and so she makes a note to find out about it later.
“You’re shaking.” Hannah leans back away a little, before looking Grace straight in the eyes. And in the time it takes to lean back, Grace shivers again, her teeth joining in and beginning to chatter.
“I might be a little cold.”
Hannah doesn’t waste a second, taking the now wet towel from Grace’s shoulders and finding a new one. She wraps her tightly like, a human burrito, ignoring the eye roll from Grace as she does.
“How am I ss-supposed to do things if you’ve swaddled my arms b-b-by my sides?” Grace complains, demonstrating her argument by leaning side to side like a penguin.
Hannah ignores her, kissing her cheek quickly. She’s about to tell Grace she’d make a cute penguin when Mamrie’s voice cuts through the silence before she appears around the corner, hands on her hips.
“No. You know what. There’s more- Oh my god! Hannah, what did you do to her? I leave you for five minutes…”
And Mamrie’s off, tugging Grace behind her, and Hannah behind the two of them. Mamrie takes Grace into the bathroom, while Hannah waits outside. Ten seconds later, Hannah can hear the shower running and Mamrie throwing instructions at Grace. Nothing has ever made her so relieved.
…..
Hannah’s never been quite so happy to sit in a hallway, all by herself. She hugs her knees to her chest, and squeezes so hard she’s sure rainbows and cupcakes and balloons and streamers are about to burst out of her any second now. Hannah can feel herself smiling, almost laughing at how comforting the sound of the shower running in the room behind her makes her feel. There’s something so simple, so wonderful about knowing that Grace is here, safe, in the next room. And that when she opens the door, things are going to start changing – it’s going to be different from now on.
It takes the better part of twenty minutes for Mamrie to stop fussing over Grace. Hannah stays outside, not by choice. Mamrie shoos her out every time Hannah steps into the room. Grace doesn’t help, unless you count the way she smirks, mumbling something about having to be ‘this’ tall to enter the bathroom. Just because she’s cold, doesn’t mean Hannah can’t flip her off.
So Hannah listens from just outside instead. She hears Mamrie tut at Grace, and instruct her to get into the shower, clothes and all. She hears Grace complain, and then groan in defeat. She was never going to win that argument.
And then Mamrie leaves, looking like she’d had half of a shower too, but there’s a relaxed smile on her face.
Hannah waits.
She dips her head as she thinks about how everything has finally worked out. Hannah chews on her bottom lip so she won’t smile. Because she lets herself think about how it took them so long to get here, and the future. But once she starts thinking about it, starts picturing all of the things they’re going to do in her head, she can’t stop seeing it. She kind of wishes she had just come clean about all of this in the beginning, and saved them time. But they made it, eventually. And now everything’s fine. She can’t think of anything that could possibly get in the way, not now that they fixed the contract.
Which is why she can’t help but sit and let her cheeks blush a deep red is too much of a giveaway. All she needs now is for Mamrie to walk past and throw something at her, teasing her the way Mamrie loves to do.
Hannah doesn’t mind though. She would gladly take Mamrie’s dozens of eye rolls and ‘I told you so’s. She can just imagine Mamrie keeping a tally of how many times she can work ‘I told you so’ into a single conversation.
“Hey,” Mamrie calls down the hallway. She doesn’t wait for Hannah to respond before throwing something at her.
Figures.
Hannah flinches, but instinctively reaches out a hand to catch…the towel Mamrie has thrown at her. She pulls her eye brows together, confused, and looks up at Mamrie.
“I’m happy it’s all working out.”
“Thanks, Mames.” Hannah grins, folding the towel and hugging it to her chest. “What’s the towel for?”
“To help wipe that stupid grin off your face.” Mamrie smirks and then she’s gone.
She breathes a laugh out through her nose, and throws her head back, making a solid thud against the door.
“Mamrie?”
Grace asks loudly, stretching her voice over the sound of the shower and hoping she’s loud enough to be heard.
“No, it’s me, Hannah.” She adds, clarifying, just in case. “I was just…um, walking past? Good day for it. I tripped, sort of?” She answers too quickly, panicking. She tripped? Could her brain not help her out this one time? Hannah slaps a hand to her forehead and slides it down her face. She should probably answer Grace’s question, if her brain can handle forming a sentence that long.
“Ah, I think Mamrie’s gone outside with Beanz. Did you want me to go get her?”
“Hannah?” Grace hesitates, which only makes Hannah drop her head into her hands and curse herself quietly for waiting outside the door for Grace several more times.
“Yeah, it’s me. Should I um…get Mamrie? I can, you know. I know where she is. I can go get her. I probably should. You asked for her. I’ll go get her, okay?” Hannah rambles, feeling grateful for the chance to stop talking herself into a bigger hole when Grace interrupts what could very well have been the beginning of a six hour monologue.
“No, that’s alright. I um, could you bring me in a towel?” Grace doesn’t hesitate this time.
Hannah’s a little confused. Because the water’s still running. And she’s sure she saw Mamrie walk in with a dozen towels for Grace. She probably heard wrong. The water is pretty loud, and the walls between them probably aren’t helping. Not to mention her brain is malfunctioning.
“A towel?”
“Yeah. Like a long rectangular piece of material? One usually used after showering or swimming.”
“If you could only see how hard I rolled my eyes at you just then.” Hannah sighs, shaking her head. Obviously, she knows what a towel is. She almost misses Grace’s “What?” because she’s still laughing to herself at Grace’s sass as she stands up.
“Nothing.” She backtracks quickly, “I’m coming in.”
“Okay.” Grace’s voice sounds louder, like she’s closer. Hannah swears she hears a little smile curve Grace’s voice.
Hannah says she’s going in, but she doesn’t move. It takes a moment for her to respond, and reach for the handle, like she’s waiting for the next instruction from Grace. And even then, when it doesn’t come, Hannah waits, hand on the doorknob, unsure.
She waits until she swears she hears an impatient sigh from behind the door.
Hannah opens the door and a wall of steam greets her. It’s hot. Almost too hot. The air feels thicker and it’s harder to breathe. But Hannah remembers the ice cold touch of Grace’s hands in Mamrie’s lounge room and wonders whether it’s even hot enough.
Grace is in the shower, at the far end of the room. The frosted glass barely even showing her silhouette. She can see the towels Mamrie had swaddled Grace in piled up on the floor, damp and cold from absorbing all of the rain. There’s an assortment of creams and lotions on the counter, and a line of candles that border the bath tub, just to Hannah’s left. It’s not as big in here as Hannah remembers, now that there’s two of them.
Hannah doesn’t know what to do with the empty space between them, it’s still very new, and it’s very silent. Grace hasn’t said a word since she’s walked in, the only sound is the constant stream of water pouring out of the shower.
Hannah sits on the edge of the bath tub, her back to Grace and breathes out a little, keeping the towel tucked tightly to her chest. Her mind is more clouded than the mirror behind her, and it takes a few seconds for her to remember what she’s supposed to be doing. The towel. Grace wanted a towel.
“Towels are great.” Hannah blurts out. She immediately buries her head in her towel and prays for an alien invasion, or a power outage, or a sleeping curse. An excuse for her to leave, and maybe relearn English and how to communicate properly.
Grace just laughs. She doesn’t have it in her to comment about Hannah’s impeccable conversational skills, and so she just nods, smiling as she agrees, “Towels are pretty great.”
It takes three minutes for Hannah to accept that she isn’t going to die of embarrassment, at least not right now. And an extra two minutes for her to remember a question she was going to ask Grace later.
“You know before?” Hannah clears her throat, turning her head a little to the side to project her voice towards Grace.
“Mmm?” Grace hums.
“You were smiling.” Hannah says it as though it’s a thought, one she’s not quite sure of yet. And there’s a genuine confusion in her tone, like maybe this is a thought that should have stayed in her head.
Grace barely takes a moment to think about Hannah’s question. Why shouldn’t she be smiling? Other than the temporary chill that is already starting to fade, today has been a pretty good day. Which is why there’s a lift to Grace’s voice, as though she laughs when she says, “I have a lot of things to be happy about right now. Wanna try again?”
“Well, I guess I said I missed you. And then you smiled. Like, you were already smiling, but you smiled more and…I don’t know.” Hannah frowns. She’s starting to think this is probably not the best time or place to have this conversation. She sounds crazy.
“Did this all make sense in your head, before you said it out loud?”
“Well, yeah, I thought it did. Most of it anyway.”
Hannah lets the thought go, and the conversation slips away with the silence. And maybe it’s for the best. Because she can breathe again now, now that it doesn’t feel like she’s interrogating someone about smiling.
Hannah takes a glance at her in the silence created by her line of questioning and notices Grace’s silhouette isn’t moving. Is it possible that Hannah’s faultless conversational skills have put Grace to sleep? The tension in her body doubles, making her wriggle on the edge of the tub, and her back shifting until it couldn’t be any straighter. Hannah doesn’t think she’s going to get her answer, and fidgets with the towel in her lap.
Hannah jumps when Grace speaks again.
“It was nice.”
Hannah thinks her mouth must hate her, that, or it’s teamed up with brain to see who can embarrass her the most. Because when she could have asked a straight forward question, when all she had to do was ask why? When it was so so simple, her mouth made its own choice, with maximum potential for ridiculousness and embarrassment, obviously.
“Nice? I missed you though.” Hannah questions; although sulking is the last thing she wants to be doing, especially when Grace is trying to answer her question.
But Grace laughs despite Hannah’s comment, and turns, smiling to face Hannah, sitting at the other end of the room, still with her back to Grace. She can’t see Hannah through the glass, just a wavering outline of her body, but Grace’s sure that even Mamrie could feel the level of embarrassment Hannah is currently wallowing in from wherever she is sitting. So she makes it a little easier for her.
“I don’t know. It’s going to sound so stupid out loud.”
“After everything I’ve said in the last five minutes, you think you’re going to sound stupid?”
Grace huffs, and Hannah turns just in time to see Grace’s silhouette reach up and grab the top of her head.
“You know when you’re little. And your parents say they love you, and you say ‘I love you too’ back, because that’s what people do. That’s just a thing. They say, and then you say it.”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve never really liked that. Like, why do I need to wait for you to say it, before I say it? And why do I need an extra word on the end? Isn’t my statement enough on its own? Why does it have to be attached to yours, like our feelings are dependent, and not independent of each other.”
Grace takes a breath, finding the last of her thought.
“It’s kinda dumb, but like, you didn’t say you missed me too, you know. It wasn’t like you were waiting for me to say it, to say it back. It felt like you were saying ‘I missed you, because I missed you’. Nothing else, you know. Not ‘I missed you because we’re entered this social contract where you’ve said something and I’m required to reply with the same statement’. It felt, nice, I guess. And so I smiled.” It’s not the hot water that has Grace blushing. “I probably sound like a crazy person, but that’s what was going on in my head anyway.”
Hannah stills. She smiles down at her lap and waits, because Grace’s words make something in her chest do that really unstable flutter that probably won’t help her already limited ability to hold a conversation. Hannah shakes her head, “I kind of want to kiss you right now.”
Hearing the words out loud, the way Hannah just casually announces it makes Grace’s chest rise and fall a little quicker. It makes her nervous. Good nervous. And excited. Grace’s lips tug to the side, like she’s fighting a smile as she answers playfully. “Well I mean, we are married.”
“Easy Helbig, let’s not rush into anything.”
“No, you’re right. Our relationship has been moving way too fast. What with you leaving for six weeks and me being married to another person.” Grace sasses.
“See. I knew you’d get it.” Hannah shrugs, letting some of the tension slide off of her shoulders as the sound of Grace’s laugh fills their space. She hears a mumbled “idiot” from the other side of shower screen, and she laughs too.
Hannah makes sure there’s nothing but certainty and honesty in her voice before she gives a serious response to Grace’s answer. “I’d feel the same about you, no matter what. Just so you know. ‘too’ or no ‘too’. I really did miss you.”
There’s a thud from inside the shower and Hannah can only assume that Grace has forgotten how to shower or how close she was standing to the wall and has hit herself. Hannah snickers, but feels a little bare, having her feelings out there like this, with no response. Even though she knows how Grace feels. An answer would slow her heartbeat just a little.
“Oh, okay. Cool, I guess.”
“Cool? What are you, twelve?”
“Shut up.” Grace turns off the water, putting her hands on her hips. “Now leave the towel and go outside and miss me from the other side of the door.”
“Fine, but only because I was leaving right now anyway. Not because you told me to.”
“Hannah…”
“Anything you say.”
