#rumination ocd

[sage-hendricks]

I am going to be kinder to myself.

It's not news to me or anyone else that intrusive thoughts do not define a person. What was news to me is that I misunderstood what thoughts of mine were intrusive all along.

I am not the awful person I have believed for so long. I don't know who I am, and that's scary, but the fear that's been controlling me so much I forgot it was there is not me.

My wife and friends love me. When people say they like me they are not lying.

My thoughts are not problems to be solved. I am not a puzzle. They are thoughts. I am a person.

Letting go is so scary, but it's such a relief. I didn't even realize I was doing this. Now that I do, I can learn how to stop.

[rubyloopsocd]

> See wife texting other partner

> obsession triggered

> know obsession is totally fucking irrational

> fail strength of will check and read a message over her shoulder, like an asshole

> it's a completely normal and ok message

> obsession worsens? Despite verification it's false??? (Because reassurance seeking does that no matter what obviously!!!)

> now looping about wife being mad at me despite that also being obviously false

> I have a recording session in 2.5 hours and I have slept less than 2 hours.

I'd like a fucking refund on this brain plz, it's broken beyond repair. Surely there's a psychic lemon law???

[terraether]

if you glamorize or misuse the term ocd pls pls pls just educate yourself or talk to someone with ocd so that you can realize it’s not a quirk or just perfectionism but it’s debilitating and scary and ruthless. it’s not a personality trait—it’s a disease and it needs to be treated as such.