talking about my relationship with “the bit” (you guys can ignore this if you want it’s mostly a post for myself)
“your eyes light up at the chance to go with a bit.”
one of my friends told me that one day after I had been making some stupid joke about drinking orange juice so I don’t get scurvy. and for some reason, it stuck with me. I never realized how quick I was to latch onto something purely for “the bit,” and how far I would take it if I could.
I was thinking about it earlier after getting myself into some stupid shit and I realized: how much of my life is for the bit?
I could feel basically neutral about something, but if someone close to me presented it in a running joke kind of way, I could amp up my emotions towards it purely to have fun with it. because to me it’s so much fun and it’s when I feel most connected to people. because in my brain it’s like “oh, this is the thing now. this is what we’re going with” and I have such mixed emotions about all of it.
on one hand, some of my best memories have been riffing off ideas with friends and adding shit to it. but on the other hand, I can take a bit so far that I convince myself of it. to the point where I can forget that it’s a bit until whatever I was originally joking about has actually happened.
it mostly freaks me out because I worry that things that I’ve chosen to do or believe in aren’t fully me, but simply “for the bit”. like how many things started as a joke and just ended up sticking around? I think what needs to happen is I need to sit with myself and figure out how I actually feel about everything. like without other people or “the bit” to make me second guess my answers.
