#rununtilyoucant

[sickintheunderbelly-blog]

2:36AM

Wake up just before midnight. Feed the cats. Charge the juul. Sit on the couch and drink stale Monster. Boot up Melancholia playlist. Sit in my sticky sleep filth  until the right song comes on and go shower. 

Laugh. Dance. Cry in the shower. Think about a blackout tattoo. Mulling over snapshots of plans. How do I dress it up as art? Have depression with su1c1dal ideation, but you know, live it like the piece of beautiful, fucking art that you are.

I am constantly reminded of what I am not, and it hurts. Why is it so hard to be enough? They see me as broken; she does. I am a heavy weight. I am so heavy and I can feel it. I am heavier every day. Every day, I am more and more of less and less. Just keep going, until I am so heavy I cannot shift the weight. 

[4u9u5to]

I rush so fast through the neon nights, no roses left nor their scent but concrete. My mind spins, ablur from the many nights before...ahead...my head. I don't know where I am sometimes, my head knows where it's at sometimes. I try to stop but my legs get tired, all the while the years sped past me. How many times am I? Where many how are this? My head, my head, my head. The moment I finally fall is the moment everything around me rejoices. Part to judge my exhaustion, part to recognize I finally have rest. Is he there to let my head rest? I use myself as a cushion because I know that's who will always catch me. When'll I fall...? #platHOE #lifelessons #myhead #headache #selfreliance #selflove #beyourcushion #thecityasyouwalk #neonnights #synesthesia #overwork #breathe #ineedtobreathe #escapism #runincircles #ratrace #fallingdown #mybodyisavessel #mysouliseternal #lovelife #lovestyle #rununtilyoucant #seekingrefuge #silence (at Above the Clouds)