I've been 'out' to my parents without using the word asexual and yesterday they told me that they thought there was something wrong with me 'sexually' and so I started to explain being asexual, showed them some websites and they just kind of... Lost it? They said I was too young to be labeling myself (I'm almost 21 now) and I will feel different later (as in sexual attraction)... I don't know how to keep talking to them about it or what to do, I just feel so invalidated... (Please tag S447)
So my parents are always trying to force my hand in relationships and tell me who I should date, I told them I was asexual and had no interest in going after these guys, Or any. They told me not to label my self too early and that I'm limiting my perspective. They said that it could change and that that's probably not it. I feel like my feelings got completely overruled, how can I have this discussion with them, properly?
These came in around the same time and dealing with very similar situations, so I’m going to answer you together.
If you both want to keep talking to them, which you are under no obligations to do, I’d start with something like “I have a lot that I need to say, and I need you to listen. When you said x, it made me feel y [invalidated, hurt, etc].” And go from there. If they aren’t willing to accept that they hurt you, they definitely are not going to care about anything else you have to say. But if you can help them understand how much their words hurt, they may be more open to listening.
You are not too young. If you had said that you’re straight, they wouldn’t have said that - and that’s a point I’d make. If straight people can say that they’re straight without being questioned at 13 and 14, there’s no reason you can’t know that you’re asexual now. Point out that you reached this conclusion after a lot of research and really examining your feelings, and that you’re not just jumping on a bandwagon or something. This is truly how you feel.
I would also ask them why they think it’s so wrong. Explain again how you feel, and talk about any sense of relief or happiness you felt at finding the word asexual and the community. Help show them that this is a good thing.
And if they won’t listen, tell them to go fuck themselves with a cactus and leave. Unless you’re still dependent on them, in which case you should think angry thoughts in their general direction and wait until you’re independent to tell them what you really think.