I tried to tell my mom I was heteromantic, and explain to her what it was, but she just kept saying things like 'it's just a phase,' 'you'll grow out of it,' and 'you'll change your mind one day.' I am positive I won't grow out of it, but I'm afraid to talk to her about it now. She always understood things when I tell her but she doesn't seem to get this. What do I do?
Hi… So recently I tried to tell my mom, who is usually very understanding, that I am heteromantic. When I did though, she said it was ‘just a phase’ and that I’d ‘understand when I’m older’ (I’m 15). It really hurt when she said that because I know it’s not just a phase I really wanted her support. I want her to understand, but I’m also sort of afraid to talk to her about it now. What do I do?
Hi there, I came out as asexual to my mother and sister a while ago. They were okay with it, but they didn’t really understand. They keep saying I “haven’t matured yet” and that I’m just “ashamed of feeling sexual attraction”. It’s really getting to me, and I’ve tried to explain it to them numerous times. What do I do?
I told my mom the other day that I don’t experience sexual attraction and that I’m ace, but she told me she was the same way until she was “more mature” and out of college. She told me that I wouldn’t stay this way and when I’m older I’ll definitely want sex, and I’ve tried explaining it to her but she doesn’t listen. She insists I’m too young to have this type of attraction (I’m 15). By what age should allosexuals experience sexual attraction?
I feel like my friends think that my sexuality is a ‘phase’ and like asexuality doesn’t exist. They just kinda look at me funny if it comes up and they constantly ask the same questions. They’re good friends and I need their support. What can I do?
I tried coming out to my mom as asexual, and she basically was saying how she didn’t “feel that way” until she met my dad, and said how I shouldn’t feel anything like that, I’m fifteen. What ways can I get her to understand?
i cant even breathe right now. im 15 and just kind of came out to my twin sister and because i shut my feelings away like happiness or sadness due to a psychological trauma in my past, she claims that my “asexuality which is only a phase” is because of that. she asked her counselor and he laughed and confirmed her counselor. shes laughing at me, telling me im just mental ill. but i dont think so. am i wrong? could sexual attraction be something i shut away too?
My friends whenever I say I’m asexual they always say “oh, I’ve never felt sexual attraction before, I must totally be asexual too” in a joking manor and we are only 14 and I just want them to accept my sexuality, but they are fine with gays and lesbians.
I told my mom that I was asexual but she doesn’t believe I will turn out too be asexual. I’m in my early teens, but I don’t have any sexual attractions to either gender. She INSISTS that I’m straight, but I’m pretty sure I will be asexual my whole life. I feel betrayed by her because she doesn’t believe me and I have insisted that I will be asexual. Any advice??
Part 1/3 I identify as biromantic sex-repulsed asexual and one of my two friends that’s in gym talks about sex a lot. We had had talks about pansexual and gay people etc. and so I figured they’d be fine with it. But when I told them Part 2/3 they just said “That song last” “You’ll grow out of it” and that kind of thing. I haven’t talked to them sense bc I know it’s not good for me to be around ppl like that, butPart 3/3 I’ve been struggling with a lot and I’m back to having one friend again. It’s just really hard. Any advice?
I know this is a lot of asks to answer all at once, but I have a reason for doing it this way. All of these asks are slightly different variations of the same question. All of the aces are facing the same thing. You are not alone in your struggles. You are not alone in your feelings. And every single one of you is valid.
So, to the answer... What all of these situations boil down to is this. You came out to someone who decided that:
they know your feelings and sexuality better than you
you are not allowed to identify yourself as anything but straight until you’ve tried being straight or passed some arbitrary age marker
all young people don’t feel sexual attraction but also should be feeling sexual attraction and experimenting
the feelings that you feel now don’t count because they might change
All of that is a load of hypocritical bullshit, right? I mean, seriously. It’s invalidation central up in here. But why? Why do people say that crap?
It’s because they’re afraid and don’t understand.
Rather than saying “Hey, I don’t get that, can you teach me?” they go “I don’t get what you’re saying and it goes against what I’ve been told is the right way to be, therefore I should make you feel like shit until you conform.” That’s really crappy.
Sometimes, the solution is education. Sometimes, the solution is to lay low until you’re in a safe position to be yourself. Sometimes, being unapologetically asexual will show them and they’ll come around. Sometimes, there isn’t a solution and people continue to be invalidating poopheads.
Aces are invalidated via the “it’s just a phase” and “you’re too young” and “you just need to try it” routes well into adulthood. And if we adult aces can know our sexuality and be asexual despite all that, so can you young aces.
Your sexuality is valid, whether these people believe in it or not. You know yourself best.