The Impact and The Glue || Laney || June 2018
Taney could feel the anger in Lucas, a bottled tension that she was partially to blame for. It had been building up for a while, a frustration with the behavior of this person and that, sometimes herself. For months, Taney thought that giving him space and not bringing up the latest annoyance would be enough to let him compartmentalize the issues. Then, Taney had to even distance Alma from Asmodeus for fear of Lucas flipping out inside the shop. When Alma left she saw Lucas flourish and lose a bit of his tension. Though the worry for Axel, who was like a brother to him, was still there, Taney thought she could see the tension in Luke’s shoulders ease a little. When Alma came back, no matter how happy Taney was about it or how quickly she wanted to support her grieving friend, Taney also knew that in doing so she was putting Luke in a delicate position. It took time, but she was realizing how selfish that was.
Lucas was loyal and selfless, a man full of pauses and bursts of emotion. All of those qualities had drawn her in and, undoubtedly, she loved him more and more every day for that and more. It was because of this and because of the utter meltdown of her first marriage that she knew she had made a mistake by inviting Alma back into her circle. Her circle, she realized, was not just hers, but his. The thought of this stress on his heart, literally but also emotionally with having to put up with Taney’s own investment in someone he wanted nothing to do with had become something she was acutely aware of. With no solid answer she was torn, to fight about it was simply not an option. Taney cried in the quiet of her studio, ball in her corner, as she tried to come up with a solution that would maintain the health and sanity of everyone she cared about. Ultimately, the decision was simple, her family had to be put first. Taney had to take a step back. Though Taney hoped Alma would understand, if she didn’t, Taney still couldn’t change her decision.
When she came upstairs, her eyes were puffy with exhaustion. Lucas sat in his favorite chair, a book in his lap and his phone on top of that as he scrolled through something. “Research or texting to avoid studying?” The corner of her mouth tried to smile as she took the book and climbed into his lap. Setting it on her legs like she was his new desk. The distraction, welcome or not, was one Taney indulged in often but usually for nefarious reasons. She reached out and stroked his jaw, her green eyes locking on the soft blue of his. “I love you, Blues. I’m sorry I’ve been exceptionally shitty and selfish lately.” For a brief moment she wondered and worried about what she’d done that could be playing through his head. In the next moment she wondered if it was her ex that had instilled this sense of fear in her, the fear of failing a person and not pleasing their every little need. Before she could fret or he could ask what she meant a bleary eyed Wednesday was at the top of the stairs looking into the living room at them.
Taney held out her arms and Winnie perked up, coming down the stairs and mountain climbing onto Luke’s lap with her. She watched her daughter lean in and kiss Lucas before sneezing on Taney and wiggling her fingers at her chin. “Oh did his beard get you?” She smiled at her daughter after checking her shirt for anything particularly gross. Winnie, meanwhile, recounted the incident with ‘Daddy’s scratchies’ - as children do. “Who’s going to read you a new bedtime story?” Again, Winnie chose Daddy. “That’s not fair! It’s always Daddy’s turn. When is it Mommy’s turn?” Taney pouted dramatically and Wednesday grumpily gave in, sliding off his lap and starting toward the stairs with dramatic stomps. With a sigh she leans back into Lucas’ chest, her thumb running down the scar under his shirt. “I’m so in love with you.” The moment was ruptured with Winnie’s scolding and Taney sorrowfully slipped away, a deeper apologetic look on her face before she put on a smile for her daughter and headed upstairs.
Once Winnie was asleep, Taney carefully wiggled her arm out from under her daughter and set The Gashlycrumb Tinies on the nightstand. She felt a brief moment of worry about whether she should seek Lucas out or go to bed herself. A part of her was torn, wanting to back out of her own plan to take a step back from a friendship for the sake of her family. It was fleeting, she knew she trusted Lucas’ judgement, even if she hoped he would be more forgiving it didn’t change her commitment to him. She looked around the halls, at the pictures on the walls and took in a deep breath, scared of the future. Taney felt like her actions had been selfish and that if she continued on that path she would inevitably break Luke’s heart with anger, hostility, and frustration. There wasn’t an ounce of resentment toward him, she chose this move on her own. Still, she often felt limited in her friendships and she knew that Alma was already going through a lot as is. The future with her family, she was certain, was and would always be worth everything to her. When she stepped into the bedroom and saw Lucas she climbed into bed, fully dressed, and pressed her small frame into him, waiting for some sign that she hadn’t fracture him beyond repair.