I had to give up my dog a few weeks ago he was a ptsd and balance assistance service dog I loved him ........I hate living in an apartment

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I had to give up my dog a few weeks ago he was a ptsd and balance assistance service dog I loved him ........I hate living in an apartment
Ever feel like no matter what you say the outcome is going to be the same & thats what terrifies you the most?!
Dear mom,
dear mom, it’s been ten years since you last seen me i wonder if you would be able to look at me and recognizes me as your own. auntie says i have your eyes, so sometimes when i was young and alone i would stare at them in the mirror and pretend that you were looking back at me. mother, i still remember every word you ever said to me from the day i would understand what words meant till now. mom, am i pretty enough to be called your daughter? are you proud enough to take care of me when i’m sick? or are you happy to see how far i came? the only memory i have of you smiling was on my fifth birthday and i played your favorite song on the piano. i dream about that smile even to this day, i dream about how you would say i love you.
sincerely,
nabi.
Okay I just got incredibly sad. These memories of you came flooding into my mind and now I miss you. The way you would look at me, I crave that so much right now, I crave you. You didn't give up on us for so long we held onto what we had and from one day to another you just left me. No heads up or anything, you left me the worst way anyone could. You promised. And even after what you put me through, I still wish that when my phone goes off it's you.
Tonight is one of those nights I just can't seem to fall asleep...and i start thinking of....death
Just letting you know...
PRAY FOR THE UK .