Jun 14, 2018
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Yagi Toshinori | All Might Additional Tags: Masturbation, Angst, Sex Toys, Loneliness, sad wanking, Sad Summary:
Some problems can only be ignored for so long.
Hi, hello, I wrote more things I shouldn’t be writing.
Phone Call Buck/Tommy | rated: E tags: angst, phone sex, masturbation, shame, not happy at all, sad tommy kinard, tommy kinard needs a hug
Tommy worked himself over with a slick hand, his other working a couple fingers in and out of his ass. It felt good, like it always did. Good, not great. It was all a means to an end. An empty bodily function. Something to help his body let go so he could relax and try to get some sleep.
He had a decent catalog of experiences to draw from, gorgeous men to think about. The problem was his mind wanted to go to one man in particular. One he didn’t deserve to think about.
Pathetic.
Frustrated, he adjusted his fingers, just trying to hit the right spot and let his body take over in spite of his head. Zings of pleasure went through his body but release continued to elude him.
“Fuck,” he cursed out loud. He was painfully hard, pissed off, and so god damn sad.
He wiped his hand on the towel he’d laid down when he started this whole process. He picked up his phone, intending to pull up some porn, when his thumb hovered over the photos app, where he still had some things in a hidden folder he knew he should delete. He had voice notes saved too, ranging from absolute filth to sugary sweetness.
He really should delete them.
Instead he went another, possibly more pathetic route. He pulled up a contact he’d simply labeled with the letter X. He sighed heavily and let it ring and ring. Part of him hoped the call never connected, to save himself the absolute shame. Instead there was a clicking sound, one more ring, and a man answered.
“Hi Tommy.”
“Hi Buck.”
“Hmm, it’s Buck tonight, is it? Not Evan?”
“Buck, please,” Tommy said, his voice edged in desperation. “I need you to talk to me, I need…just get me through it I can’t get there on my own.”
“You think that’s what you deserve? Huh?”
Tommy put the phone on speaker, then resumed stroking himself. “No, I don’t deserve anything,” he said flatly.
“No, you don’t,” Buck confirmed harshly. “And how dare you call me and ask for a damn thing. Unlike you, I have a life. I’ve moved on.”
Tommy’s heart sank.
“You want me to tell you all about him? If I tell you all about the way he sucks me off, how gorgeous he is riding my cock, will that get you off, Tommy? Will that make you cum?”
“Yes,” Tommy whined, gripping himself tighter.
“He’s an incredible man. He’s taller than both of us, bigger. Gorgeous thick cock. When he’s done fucking my throat I’m wrecked. I sound like a lifetime smoker.”
All Tommy could do was pant.
“He’s so hot and tight too, so damn perfect. It feels like heaven when I’m inside him. He gives it to me so good. So much better than you ever did.”
Tommy’s breath hitched and his eyes stung with tears but he was so close, he was getting so close, relief was within his grasp.
“What else, Evan?” said in a rush of breath.
“I thought it was Buck you wanted tonight,” he sneered. “Buck, the man you walked out on. Not Evan, the man you thought you could love.”
Tommy bit his lip, tears spilling down his cheeks. He was right there, right on the edge.
“You know what the best part about this guy is? He’s not my first, so maybe he can be my last.”
“Evan, I’m so sorry.”
“Buck”
“Buck,” Tommy cried out, working his hand and fingers desperately as tears slid down his cheeks. “I’m so close, please...”
“Please what? I don’t owe you shit, Tommy. You threw it all away. You could be bouncing on my dick right now, headed for the orgasm of your life. Instead you’re all alone, calling me to get little crumbs about my sex life while you’re jerking off. It’s sad, Tommy. It’s pathetic.”
“Fuck,” Tommy said as he release hit with a force. He worked himself through it, doing his best to contain the mess, then took a deep shuddering breath.
“You done?”
“Yes,” he said, his voice strained as he fought the urge to sob. “Thanks I…I’ll talk to you again…sometime..”
There was a click on the other line, then an automated woman’s voice. Tommy let it play while he cleaned up.
“Your call with David lasted 5 minutes. You will be charged at a rate of 3 dollars and ninety-nine cents per minute plus a connection fee of nine dollars and ninety-nine cents.”
Tommy pulled on a pair of shorts and climbed back into bed, wiping at the tears still streaming down his cheeks. He climbed under the covers with his phone and scrolled through until he found the file he was looking for.
“Hey, it’s me,” Evan’s voice came over the speaker. His real voice. “Sorry I haven’t been able to text you, this shift has been busy. But I just wanted to tell you that I-I miss you and…I’m thinking about you and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow night. And I-” His voice cut off at the sound of an alarm. “I gotta go. See you soon.”
Tommy buried his face in his pillow and cried, drowning in all the regret, all the shame, until he finally fell into a dreamless sleep.
now on AO3
✨SEX TALK, SEX POSITIVITY, SEXUAL LIBERATION✨: If you don’t know what #sadsturbation is, it’s something that alotta folx experience. You ever masturbate and get sad after (I would cry) cause you wish you didn’t have to do it yourself? Or you wish that one person from before was doing it for you? Or you don’t think anyone else will ever do it for you again? Or do you ever masturbate to escape boredom and loneliness but as soon as you finish or give up, it all comes rushing back times ten to remind you that that didn’t fix it? THAT is sadsturbation. And I fuckin beat that shit. I stopped masturbating with porn recently. Figured out how to work without it cause I didn’t like that I couldn’t masturbate without porn. When I did use porn, it had to be a storyline I could imagine myself in. Something I could relate to. I wanted to put myself in their shoes. Or it just wouldn’t turn me on. And still when I started masturbating without porn, I had to imagine myself having sex. Basically watching/creating my own porn in my head. But tonight, I found that even that isn’t necessary...I MASTURBATED TO MY DREAMS!!! My dreams as in my goals, plans, growth, future... And when I came, I didn’t get sad, and I sure as hell didn’t cry. I didn’t feel lonely or worried. I felt relieved, and more assured of what I could do...and I smiled. Cause it wasn’t about needing or even just WANTING anyone else to satisfy me. It was all about me...Manifesting what I wanna create. Filling the void with FAITH that I will satisfy me! I watch porn for studying now. I’m studying the camera work, lighting, angles, the MORALITY, the acting, story line, dialogue...cause that’s someone else’s creation for me to learn from...not just to consume and throw away. I’ve talked before about the sexual relationship I have with my life. Life is sex. Death is orgasm. :) We all come from sex. Sex between all living things created/s the life around us. Sex is in everything! And sexual energy is creative energy (it’s true). Every moment of your life is a creation. So many things can fill the ‘holes’ :) and bring you to ‘climax’ if you do them with PASSION! 🥵 So create and fuck (if you want) with NO SHAME! 🖤 (at Heaven) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2lkR6rhJZd/?igshid=1sq3z81cmj21u
Hey! I started using your new Healing Theme and I love it so much it's so cute but I want to change the background color, normally there's a { Custom CSS} thing there it's super easy to change the background and everything's color but I can't seem to figure it out :(
i don’t include {CustomCSS} because that can very easily lead to people breaking the theme.
excuse me while i jerk off into a pool of my own tears
It's interesting how we can give someone part of us not even knowing about it and sometimes it can be lost for us, at least for some time.
Probably people as dedicated to music as I am would understand. Sometimes if you really like a person you share some of your favorite music with that person and even if it's not appreciated it's connected to them in your head and in your heart for awhile. And if they happen to hurt you that music hurts you too for some period of time. it may be long, It may ne short, but still it hurts a lot.
I think I've lost one more song for dunno how long. It's a great piece and i'll miss it.
OOC: There is a term my boyfriend coined to refer to what we do looking at all these sad pictures of Levi and Petra. He called it sadsturbation.