Okay, I watched Unforgotten Night on @lutawolf and @iffervescent 's recommendations. Congratulations, ladies. You've reasserted your sadomasochist credentials 😒😖 (still love you with all my heart 💓💓💓)
The show is based on a terrible god awful D/s dynamic premise, with Kamol as the high octane mafioso-Dom (which he failed to portray, with astonishing yet depressing consistency) and Kim as our weepy uwu sub (heaven help this poor boy, he has the emotional intelligence of a bath sponge and the self preservation of a kitty on catnip)
I'm not going to go over the plot and my review of it, partly because there is none. But mostly because it's already been covered by the lovely Luta and iffy in their posts here and here. However, since the plot is BDSM-centric, I thought it appropriate to cover certain red flag practices as portrayed in the show.
No prior scene discussions: Do anything to me ??
To anyone new to the community who might be reading- always, always discuss the acts you're going to engage in and the details of the scene itself beforehand. Sort out your triggers, set your limits, declare your preferences and most importantly set a safeword/safe action (even if your partner is half-heartedly tickling you with a nine tails). If you're uncomfortable, stop it right there. It doesn't matter if you're a Dom or sub.
The lack of aftercare: Listen up, my fellow Doms on here. You do not skip aftercare. I don't care how tired you are or how unsatisfactory the experience was- you fucking look after your partner once the scene is over. They're bound to be emotionally fragile and sometimes even physically shaky after such an intense experience. Make sure you and your partner are hydrated, your sugar levels are stable and you're both (or all, if there are multiple partners involved) in close contact as you discuss the scene and debrief one another.
Personal safety check: Okay listen, when you're entering a D/s arrangement- whether long-term or temporary; you make sure your partner is a safe person and will ensure your scene is safe, sane and consensual. Ask around, or if you can't, then take the time to get to know them outside of a D/s setting- the right sort of person will be happy to do that with you. And for your first time, make sure at least 3 of your most trusted loved ones know where you are and whom you're with. And I cannot stress this enough but DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GO HOME WITH AN UNKNOWN PERSON Dom or sub for a wild night of BDSM. You're going to be extremely vulnerable and you need to protect yourself.
Emotional vulnerability and cool down time: Ok, so you've just had a break-up and you feel like you need some *spice* in your life. You think to yourself, why not try out a kinky one-night stand? And sure, go ahead. I'd be the last person to judge you. But ask yourself, have you recovered enough emotionally to put yourself through such an intense experience? One that requires you to be so open and vulnerable? Give yourself time to heal and come back to equilibrium before you engage in Kink. Especially if you want to try out Domming/subbing- that way everyone is safe and has a good time.
Education: A panic-fuelled post fuck Google sesh does not informed consent make. Read up and research the community and what goes into a D/s dynamic. Study the acts and compare your preferences and limits accordingly. It doesn't matter if you're serious about committing to it or not. If you're thinking about it, you will research thoroughly. That's the rule.
Lastly, make sure that your foray into Kink is coming from a place of confidence and curiosity, and that it's not a result of pressure or desperation/emotional volatility.
Love you guys! Remember to be smart and practice safety, sanity and ENTHUSIASTIC consent-driven BDSM.
