I'm a queer Christian.
Here comes a rant!
(This is a queer-safe space; hate comments will be deleted)
So I've been in a rollercoaster lately. I've always been comfortable with being bi, even though I've been raised Christian. I was under the assumption that my environment was ok with it too; why wouldn't they be? I've never heard something bad and I haven't hidden me being bi. My family supports me and never thought of it as bad, though nobody can vouch FOR the LGBTQIA+ community on behalf of the bible.
And I've been struggling with being associated with Christianity, for obvious reasons. Most queer people get cautious when they hear someone is Christian, and we can't blame them. Christianity has a big, I might even say the biggest, group which includes people hating on queer people, thinking they shouldn't exist and actively professing their hate. I can't be part of that. I don't want to say I'm Christian and immediately saying "BUT I don't hate queer people! I'm one myself!" which I felt the need for and which I did. I don't want to believe in the God for me and being included in a group where a big part has values against me. But I still want to believe in God.
Cause the Bible is a tricky thing, you have to read it with care, from my point of view. It has been translated and it has metaphors and it's very context base. So I've learned to read the seemingly anti-homosexuality parts as a text against cheating, in any form. How can a book about love be against people healthily loving each other?
So. Under the assumption everyone was good with me being bi. Then, I was talking to my friend of 9 years about being associated with Christianity, when she casually dropped the bomb of not supporting it. She knew I was bi. I did not know she didn't support it. That hurt. I genuinely was scared for my safety for a split second. (I was still physically safe). We talked about it a lot then, and shared our point of views. I was shocked not everyone in my direct environment who I really care about was against such a big part of me. I told her it was a surprise. She said she can love me and still not support me seeking out that part of me. Compared it to drinking alcohol excessively. I really looked up to how steadfast she is in her faith, but I started to question everything. Does my God love me but simply not support that part of me? I thought about it a lot, came to the conclusion I couldn't be part of a religion that doesn't support love, that doesn't support these people, even when I wouldn't be one of them, even when I really want to put God first. I got emotional in church two days later and sought out the pastor, who then also told me it stood in the Bible clearly that it's not okay. I made a big "eh..." gesture, thinking about reading stuff in context. I didn't agree. I think the Bible can still stand for love, and the kind of inclusive love I want to support.
Then! My friend of two years who I also look up to in faith, and who is kind of feministic and agrees on a lot of point of views with me, told me the same three hours ago. "I can love a person and still not support that part." What do you even do in a friendship like that? When they are against such a big part of you, can the friendship exist? It'll always be in the back of my mind now, whenever I meet with either of them.
Can anyone (Christian or not, queer or not, but keep it queer-friendly!) please share their point of view on any of this? I am so lost here.
Waiting on the day I can find people who can vouch for the queer community on behalf of the bible with me. The only argument I have heard is passive or against. In favour I've had to figure out myself. I still have to figure it out. But I want to get there.
