For the fic meme, could you do #4 with kurooaka please?? *-*
So this turned out way sadder than i thought it would. Warnings that there is a few implied things, in particular depression and suicidal thoughts.
Ao3: x
The fic meme
Kuroo stared at the figure in his doorway, it was as though he was looking at a child rather than a grown man. Akaashi’s tear stained face was what scared him, he’d only ever seen Akaashi cry when he was angry, really angry, when he finally let that calm aura slip and reveal how much he was really keeping in. He’d never seen a quivering lip, or a red nose that wasn’t caused by an illness or the chill in the air. “What’s wrong?” He asked softly, pulling Akaashi inside his house, closing the door softly, lest it scare the other.
He really did look like a wreck, now that Kuroo could look at him in a better light, the subtler details coming through and making Kuroo want to question everything. His eyes were so puffy and yet the dark circles made the exhaustion in Akaashi’s body movement, make it seem like he was tired from a lack of sleep. Just what had happened to the poor guy? The worst thing was the way Akaashi started to look worse when he tried to speak, his mouth having opened twice before he bit down on his bottom one, his chest heaving slightly as if he was trying to hold back a sob or more tears even. “Keiji, did something happen?” He asked, leading the way through the house to his kitchen, hearing Akaashi’s delicate footsteps behind him.
There was no real response though, although the fact that Akaashi followed him, rather than standing in the entrance like a statue was a good thing. It was a small victory, that was what Kuroo was going to have to count at the moment it seemed. Kuroo lit the stove, placing the kettle on the flame before turning back to face Akaashi, his eyes meeting an intense yet sad gaze. He stood just outside the kitchen though, as though he was afraid of entering. It was horrifying how childlike it was, Kuroo didn’t really know what to do or say other than make some tea, as though that would solve any problem.
Just what could have hurt Akaashi so much, or who? It could quite easily be another person that made him like this.
Kuroo knew Akaashi was fairly private, about his love life especially, it could be because of a messy break up, or worse. He didn’t even want to try and figure it out with his imagination.
He wouldn’t bother why he came here, rather than going to Bokuto’s, Bokuto’s place was an effort to get to and if Akaashi did just want company, then a five-minute walk was definitely easier. Kuroo liked to think he was better at the comfort side of things, than Bokuto as well. As sensitive as Bokuto was, he did lack a certain degree of tact.
The gaze only left his when the kettle whistled, Kuroo slowly stepping back towards the stove and pouring the water into a small pot along with some herbal tea leaves, keeping the leaves in a small bowl. “Go sit and I’ll bring this over.” He said softly, glancing up to see Akaashi slowly walk into the longue room. Christ, even his footsteps were close to silent.
It took Kuroo all of two minutes to finish what he was doing, having to wipe up a small amount of water from the bench the had spilled in the process of pouring it into the pot. He was lucky not to scald his hands, the towel he used not being the best material in the world. Carrying the two cups along with the small pot of tea, Kuroo entered the lounge room, Akaashi sitting in front of the coffee table, his body not reacting as the cup was set by his hand. “I just had to…” Akaashi mumbled, the first few words being the only ones Kuroo heard, the rest just running together and not making any sense.
He opened his mouth to ask again as to what Akaashi had said, but decided against it. He could only assume that Akaashi would talk in complete sentences when he felt like it, rather than when Kuroo forced him to. For all he knew Akaashi had intentionally not finished what he had wanted to say. Kuroo went to pouring the tea into the two cups, nudging it into Akaashi’s hand, the frail hands barely even attempting to grip the cup.
Kuroo sipped at his tea, watching Akaashi carefully, making a point to not look away whenever Akaashi’s eyes met his. Sometimes the stares would linger, other times Akaashi’s eyes would move towards a wall faster than the speed at which they had met Kuroo. God, he wanted to know what was wrong, the temptation to ask Akaashi was starting to overwhelm him, but he had to remind himself how selfish that was, Kuroo didn’t want to be a selfish person, he’d taught himself over the years to put others needs ahead of his desires, something Kuroo had worked hard, even if he wasn’t always the best at it.
“Does Bokuto know something’s wrong?” Kuroo finally asked, having to at least get the slightest bit of information out, if he knew something, anything, then maybe he’d be able to help. He couldn’t ask as directly as he initially had, otherwise he was just going to make whatever it was worse.
Akaashi’s face twisted into a somewhat pained expression, as though getting any answer out whether it was the truth of not was going to hurt him. Kuroo would have been more than satisfied with just a shake of the head or a not, but he got the impression Akaashi was going to give him more than that. “Not… Not this time.” He mumbled, lowering his head, almost as though he was ashamed.
Kuroo was more impressed that he could get a coherent sentence out of him. He’d expected more silence. “This time?” He accidentally let slip, biting his bottom lip as he looked away from Akaashi, curing himself for letting his mouth moved as he thought. “Do you want me to call him?” Akaashi only shook his head again, a shaky hand lifting the cup to his lips and taking what must have been the tiniest sip of tea.
Kuroo opened his mouth to ask Akaashi what he wanted him to do then, but decided against it, the fact that he was getting a verbal response or a quick shake or nod of the head must have meant he was doing something right. That, or bothering Akaashi enough that he felt like he had to give some sort of answer. He sincerely hoped it wasn’t the latter. “You don’t need to worry about me.” Akaashi said, once he’d taken a second sip of tea. God his voice was so delicate, it was like he was going to crack at any moment, similar to an old tea cup.
“Don’t need to worry? Keiji, would you not be worried about me if the situation was reversed and you knew as little as I do?” He asked, grabbing Akaashi’s free hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. If it were appropriate, he would have pressed kisses all over Akaashi’s face and attempted to convince him that he could fix all the problems Akaashi was having.
It wasn’t as though he’d never tried to get into Akaashi’s head before. He’d definitely spent a good deal of time during college, just sitting around talking and wasting time, he never really learnt all that much that he didn’t know from the surface. Akaashi back then was definitely more guarded, never allowing himself to get backed into a corner. This wasn’t exactly the same person he’d known a few years ago, what he was seeing now though, wasn’t the same person he saw a few weeks ago. “I just had to see you.” Akaashi said, squeezing back gently. “I didn’t want to do something stupid and you were the only person that could stop me.”
He didn’t even want to think about what something stupid meant, with the expression he saw, when he first asked Akaashi a question, he knew it was something bad. Kuroo didn’t want to think of the word let alone the idea of Akaashi doing, ‘something stupid’. He definitely loved Akaashi, whether that was romantic or not, he wasn’t going to even consider, but if he could help, if Akaashi actually wanted his help past this night, then he would without a doubt help him. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.” Kuroo whispered, finishing off his cup, pouring himself another and topping up Akaashi’s. “We can watch a movie, fall asleep and then if you want to talk to me about it in the morning, then we can.”
“Really?”
Kuroo took a deep breath, turning his head to see what appeared to be a glimmer of hope in Akaashi’s eyes. “Of course.” He said, smiling at Akaashi and getting what looked like an upward twitch in Akaashi’s lips.
Even if he hadn’t done anything substantial, he was glad he at least given Akaashi some sort of safety blanket for the time being and another place to go to, when he needed help.
