#salargot

[unlikely-master-attendent]

So uh... I was writing Salargot and started off with really fluffy fluff but it kinda went into crack territory with Salad sassing everyone... I don't know, just take this

The premise was basically that Salad got a date with Escargot and Red Wine, being the good dad he is, drags them to Yogurt for a better outfit

[unlikely-master-attendent]

Ruffled Skirts

Fandom: Food Fantasy

Pairing: Salad/Escargot, background Red Wine/Steak

Characters: Salad, Yogurt, Red Wine, Escargot, Steak (Mentioned)

Word Count: 3,256 Words

Warnings: They/Them pronounon usage, mild swearing

There was nothing special about that day. The sun was up as morning dew lazily dripped off bowed leaves and nourished the greenery below. The slow crawl of daylight roused the various food souls who had taken up residence in their Master Attendant's growing establishment as empty halls began to fill with footsteps and raised voices floated through thin walls.

"Does anybody know where my pot-"

"Good morning!"

"-find you in there one more time I swear-"

"Is Master Attendant up?"

"Well, they've been work-"

"Oh dear, you look-"

"-tell you where you can shove that nasty ass fucking pipe-"

Salad blinked into awareness with the sound of a typical morning rousing the young Food Soul. A small smile stretched across their face as they basked in the light that dropped across their bed. Snuggling under their covers, Salad let a giddy grin spread as their mind wandered off.

They had a date with Escargot today! Kind, sensitive and reliable Escargot.

Trying and failing to suppress the excited squeal that came with the thought, Salad clutched their sheets closer to their chest feeling like a lovestruck school child. It was like a dream come true, spending a whole day with their crush. Master Attendant had even let them take the day off after catching wind of new love blooming between them.

A soft melody that was tapped against their door made their eyes snapped open, and they scrambled to their feet to greet their waiting guest.

Red Wine stood by the door, an impassive frown on his face as he regarded Salad's state of disarray. "I see the brute's non-existent clothing sense has infected you too." He scorned, his face twisting into a pained grimace at the baggy shirt that brushed against their thighs.

Looking down at their attire, Salad frowned and picked at the helm of the fabric. "What's wrong with this? It's comfortable." The unspoken follow up rang loud and clear within their words. It makes me feel like me. "Besides, I wasn't going to wear this today…"

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Red Wine pushed his way past Salad and into their room, making a beeline for the small closet. "No child of mine is going on their first ever date looking like that." He groused, digging through the few clothes tucked away into the storage space. "If you're planning to keep him, appearances are everything. You won't even woo a Fallen in that dreadful attire. How do you think I even kept that muscle head around?"

Shuffling over to their bed, Salad pulled out the basket and sat in it sullenly. They didn't really know what they were feeling, if it was shame for their mediocre clothing or if it was gratefulness for Red Wine taking the time to fuss over them. Either way, they began to rearrange the various produce in the basket while Red Wine raided their wardrobe.

Their usual outfit was put to the side, something Salad was okay with. They wanted to wear something special for the occasion and their regular work clothes wouldn't cut it. A navy pleated skirt joined the reject pile and Salad tried not to be upset that Red Wine dismissed their favorite skirt. The sweater vests joined the pile and the dress pants followed soon after. The maxi skirt that Miso Soup had gotten them one year as a gag gift was considered very briefly before it was tossed aside.

Not five minutes had passed before the other let out a frustrated growl and shut the wardrobe doors. "Come." He commanded, catching Salad's slender wrist in a gentle but firm grip.

"H-huh?!" They squeaked, suddenly yanked to their feet. Salad knew that Red Wine was strong, he could hold his own against the resident beefcake Steak for Terra's sake, but the ease that the older Food Soul had hauled them up was still surprising. Unceremoniously dragged through the halls, Salad tried many times to tug their wrist out of Red Wine's iron grasp to no avail. Soon enough, they gave up and focused on not tripping over their bare feet. That would be embarrassing.

Stopping outside one of the doors, Red Wine glanced backward and the small act made Salad smile slightly and shrugged back at him. Gloved hands rapped against the wood and the two hardly had to wait before the door was opened gently.

Yogurt's smiling face greeted them and her eyes positively lit up when they landed on Salad. "Oh! Come in, come in!" She ushered the pair into the room, closing the door behind them. "It's wonderful to see you two. I suspected that Red Wine wouldn't find anything that was to his tastes in your wardrobe." Giggling at the thought, Yogurt threw open her own closet revealing the plethora of crop tops, maxi skirts, floor-length dresses and more fabric than Salad had ever seen in their immortal life. "We're about the same size so grab whatever."

Crossing his arms with a scowl, Red Wine jerked his chin in Yogurt's direction, startling Salad from their wonder. "Go pick something that you like." He urged.

Biting their supple lip, Salad made slow steps towards the forest of clothing as Yogurt stood beside it like the gatekeeper. Gracing her best friend with a warm smile, she picked out a simple violet crop top and ruffled skirt combo, holding them out to Salad as if they were a wild animal in need of calming down.

Tentatively running their fingers over the soft fabric, Salad gasped at the sensations that flooded their senses. The discreet patterning on the top felt solid and warm but the material itself was light and breathable. A giddy smile overtook them as they cradled the clothing in their arms and it felt like it belonged there.

"Try them on!" Yogurt prompted, her smile a mile wide but it faltered at Salads hesitance. "We can turn around if that makes you more comfortable." She offered, already walking back towards the other side of the room.

"Thanks." Salad smiled turning around as well. Gripping the helm of their nightshirt, they hesitated slightly. Was this really the best idea? Before their doubts could get the better of them, Salad slipped the skirt off the hanger and examined it. The checkered earthen colors made them think of their own pair of shorts and smiled, but what surprised them the most was the shorts hidden amongst the ruffles, intended to protect the wearer against any douchebags hoping to sneak a peak. The material felt snug around their hips and thighs but when they spun gently on the spot, the skirt lifted up and fanned out around them and Salad had to bite their lip to stop the tears. They felt beautiful with the skirt and they felt reluctant to even take it off.

Shucking their shirt off was easier than before and the crop top replaced the worn clothing. Frills along the trim bounced with every movement they made and it was cut in such a way that it showed off their bare shoulders. The material floated around their body, keeping their figure relatively androgynous while giving a small feminine flair. Giggling with unbridled joy at the outfit, Salad spun around, another dose of giddiness running through them when the fabric fluttered around their frame.

Yogurt was the first to turn around, gasping in excitement and clapping her hands. "Oh, you look so cute! Red Wine, Red Wine, look! Doesn't Salad look adorable? Oh, you're growing up so fast!!"

"Well, they are my child, after all." Red Wine scoffed, a smile tugging at his lips. "I'd hope that they'd at least be able to pull this off."

"You adopted me last month." Salad deadpanned, letting Yogurt fuss over the clothes. "We're not even related."

"The time and blood are irrelevant." He brushed off, regarding them with a softer gaze. "It only matters that I'm your father and you're my child. Salad flushed at the statement, quickly turning to hide their red face

"And Steak's the second father, right?" Yogurt popped up from behind Salad, tugging the sleeves down slightly and shifting the skirt around. "Being a single dad's pretty hard. When are you going to ask him out? Everyone already knows that you two are banging anyways. What's the harm? Even baby Salad here had the guts to ask Escargot out and bagged a date!"

"I'm not a baby!" Salad cried at the same time Red Wine sputtered, face flushing a shade not too dissimilar to his namesake.

"My love life is nothing of your concern." He hissed, holding himself up defensively. "Besides, you would have been in the same boat if you had won the lawsuit, no? A single mother life is much harder than a single father's or so I've heard."

Yogurt rolled her eyes and leaned back to inspect her work before rummaging through the wardrobe again. "It wasn't a real lawsuit. Master Attendant just picked who they thought would be the better parent. And at least I would have asked for help." She shot back. "You're head's so stuck up your ass that you would've fathered poor Salad alone if it weren't for Gingerbread bashing some sense into you." Ignoring Red Wine's protest, Yogurt reemerged from the closet holding a pair of boots nearly identical to their own and knee-high socks. "Try these on. They'll match the outfit."

"I think you just murdered my new dad." Salad hissed, taking the clothing. Red Wine choked in the background and Yogurt burst out laughing. The socks felt sheer and lightweight in their hands while the boots were surprisingly familiar. But considering that their current footwear came from the same source, it wasn't all that surprising. "Now what will I tell Steak?! I can't just tell him that his boy toy died because you sassed him and I called him dad!"

On the floor dying of laughter, Yogurt wheezed out an ugly cough as Red Wine looked less vampiric and more sunburnt with the amount of blood rushing to his face. Nonchalantly pulling the socks up, Salad looked back quizzically. "What?" They huffed, wiggling his toes around the new fabric. Feeling aside it was exactly the same as their current pair but it made them feel lighter. Perhaps it was the sheer material that created that feeling.

"Being referred to as Steak's boy toy was highly insulting. For the record, however, it would be more accurate to say that Steak is my boy toy. He's the bitch in the relationship anyway." Red Wine sniffed. His statement was met with a snort and a very loud gasp that drowned everything else out.

"Don't swear in front of a child!!" Yogurt cried, scrambling to cover Salad's ears with a scandalized look on her face. "We didn't need to know about your kinky exploits and how Steak's actually a bottom! Or a verse. Whatever."

Salad rolled their eyes and pried Yogurts hands off their ears. "I'm not a child." They reiterated, slipping on the pair of boots. Standing up, they yelped and pitched forwards, hands windmilling to keep their balance. Yogurt laughed and helped Salad balance and they shot her a wounded look. "What are these?!" They whined, kicking a foot up. The sole of the boot was perfectly normal, a shade darker than the synthetic dyed leather but the heel was raised above the rest. Yogurt had given Salad high-fucking-heeled boots. Damn her.

Sighing, Red Wine offered his hands to Salad with they took gratefully. Stumbling around the room like a newborn fawn, they walked a few laps before shakily clopping around by themselves. They were quick to pick up the art of walking on heels and was soon marveling at how much taller they were.

Laughing, they spun around and beamed at Red Wine, tears gathering at the edges of their eyes. "Thank you so much." They whispered, voice watery with emotion.

Red Wine sighed and placed a hand on their shoulder. "It's only natural for a parent to want the best for their child. Your happiness is nothing to thank me for." He dropped a soft kiss onto their head and smiled. "You look stunning."

Holding back their tears, Salad nodded and wrapped their arms around Red Wine's slender waist, burying his head into the darkening and damp fabric. "Thanks, Dad." They chuckled when Red Wine flinched at the title before they felt arms wrap around their back.

It felt nice to be hugged. Of course, they've been hugged before, their previous Master Attendant had a very tactile way of showing his affection and Yogurt gave amazing hugs too. It was just something about being nestled between arms that have protected others for millennia that made them feel safe.

A shriek of excitement made Salad jump and stumble with the unfamiliar shoes but Red Wine simply tightened his hold and drew them closer as he gave Yogurt a venomous glare. "Sorry!" She whispered unapologetically and Salad wiggled around until they were facing Yogurt but still encompassed by Red Wine's arms. They leaned back into the embrace and a silly grin crossed their face when they received a light squeeze in response.

They gasped when they took a good look at what Yogurt was holding.

The dress was long, the helm swaying in the air with translucent satin and silk pooling around the floor. The sleeves dangled down, tapering into an odd triangle while the neckline was high and designed to fit snugly around the neck. It looked stunning, the pearlescent cloth shimmering slightly under artificial light. Smoothing down the material, Yogurt grinned at Salad and turned the dress around, displaying how the fabric parted after the waist, fanning out with the intention of showing off and accenting the wearer's legs. Embroidered ivory swept and curled on the dress, flowing smoothly from helm to helm carrying with it a faint vanilla scent.

"Oh." They whispered, eyes drawn to the dress like a moth to light. And in a sense, they were. Salad could almost feel the satin brushing against their calves and the light pressure against their throat and they felt the excitement begin to build in them again.

"I thought I still had this lying around." Yogurt triumphantly thrusting the clothing towards Salad with a broad but no less encouraging grin spread across her face. "This will probably look better under the crop top but it'll definitely make you look beautiful. Escargot's jaw is going to hit the floor!" With a giggle, Yogurt gently extracted Salad from Red Wine's hug and proceeded to measure the dress against their body, blissfully ignoring the annoyed huff Red Wine sent her way.

The high heeled boots gave Salad an extra inch, which allowed the dress to end comfortably at their ankles. When Yogurt was satisfied that her dress would fit her ward, she gave them the dress and a pat on the back before pushing Red Wine to the corner of the room. Hearing their parental figure's squabbling made Salad giggle as they held the soft material gingerly and turned around.

Now that they had the time to closely examine the dress, Salad found a zipper, cleverly hidden on the back by fabric that seemed to disappear once it covered its secret. The zipper went down without any resistance and Salad timidly stepped into it, pulling the fabric up to their waist. It felt like a second skirt, resting neatly over the checkered one they were already wearing. The crop top was thrown off and the rest of the dress was hastily pulled up as Salad shoved their arms through the designated holes. The material was surprisingly opaque despite its breathability, covering everything that Salad never wanted the world to know.

Reaching back, Salad fumbled with the zipper and fruitlessly pulled up. When they realized that their arm simply wouldn't bend the way they needed it to, Salad sighed and tried to twist around so that they could see Yogurt out of the corner of their eye.

"Yogurt?" They called, wincing as their back protested against the movement. "Can you uh… help me?"

There was a flurry of footsteps as Salad realigned their spine into a better position and felt the fabric tightening around their stomach before moving up to their chest and finally stopping after their neck was kept in a vice-like hold.

Salad was so focused on trying to re-learn how to breathe properly again that Red Wine's instructions to raise their arms didn't register and their hands went up involuntary. The crop top was tugged on gently and Salad blinked, their arms falling to their side. With a glance down, Salad could see how the top hung from their shoulders, violet curtains obscuring their chest.

Lifting their arms up to twist around and observe themselves, Salad giggled and beamed up at Red Wine. "Thanks!"

Red Wine waved the praise off, stepping back to let Yogurt put her final touches into Salad's outfit. A brief moment was allotted to dust a faint layer of makeup on to their face, nothing too outlandish just simple eyeliner and lip gloss, but having the makeup on made them feel like that could slay any fallen angel with a well-placed smile and wink. The confidence carried through even when it was time for them to head downstairs to meet Escargot. Stairs turned out to be a little bit of a struggle but Salad had never been more thankful for the rail that Master Attendant had decided to install.

The moment they stepped into the restaurant proper and let the voices of the many patrons wash over them, their confidence evaporated and suddenly Salad wanted nothing more than to bolt back up the stairs.

"Oh, I knew this would be a bad idea…” They whispered, worry making them clutch the helm of the skirt. “Why did I let Yogurt put me in this? What if Escargot hates it?” They dropped their hands in favor of wringing it in the air.

"Salad?" An exhausted voice asked from beside them and Salad squeaked, jumping slightly as they tentatively looked to the side.

Escargot was sitting on the two-person table beside them, head rested on a pillow and smiling gently up at them. Sitting up, Escargot yawned before it died in his throat, eyes transfixed upon Salad. They could feel his gaze traveling over their body, drinking in the sight of their new attire. The attention made Salad nervous, their hands involuntary going back to their skirt helm.

"D-do you like it?" They stammered after a long moment of silence, finding an old coffee stain on the wall suddenly very interesting.

Escargot startled but his reply was instantaneous and delivered with a warm smile. "I love it." He whispered, standing up to gently pry their hands away from the fabric. "You look amazing." And in a move that Salad thought had disappeared from modern culture, Escargot kneeled in front of them and gently kissed the back of their hand, showering each knuckle with attention.

Salad managed to laugh out his name, the ugly hiccup in their voice making their blush even darker. They couldn't help the elated smile that blossomed, covering it fruitlessly with the other hand. Escargot simply smiled, adoration sparkling brightly in his calm eyes as he stood up and tucked his pillow under an arm. "You ready?" He asked, gently squeezing their connected hands.

Nodding enthusiastically, Salad felt the earlier tension melt away from their body as they squeezed back. "Lead the way." They giggled, lightly swinging their arms.