#salmaspeaks

[bloomingsalma]

i hate that i look like my mother when crying.

why does your pain have to intermingle with mine?

first substack posttt <33 (it's about motherly trauma who would've guessed)

[sicheng-blr]

isn't it suspicious that all of nct 127's title tracks are nearly six months apart??

-firetruck: july 11, 2016

-limitless: january 6, 2017

-cherry bomb: june 14, 2017

i'm not saying it's a big deal or anything but 👀

[bloomingsalma]

okay, but, like, I feel like we need to emphasize more on how important it is to have a partner you can just talk to. I was telling this to someone the other day, but Hollywood and media focuses so much on sexual tension and explosive passion in a relationship, and while those are completely valid and understandable things for certain, not all, people to desire (even I myself do), I feel like there’s barely enough light casted onto the value of being able to converse with your partner and relish in their company even in the most neutral discussion. I can barely count how many films, particularly romance ones, have emphasized on the importance and value of being able to speak to a partner like they are your close friend, and being able to absolutely adore their company, and engage in conversation with them about anything and everything, even if it isn't romantic. Lexi and Fez, Aristotle and Dante, Marianne and Heloise, Jesse and Celine, Connell and Marianne. so many people adore these couples because they showcase such a human, genuine connection through conversation. Lexi and Fez discussing God and the backlash of social media. Aristotle and Dante’s talks on finding identity and how life feels better when the shoes are kicked off. Marianne and Heloise debating over what it meant when Orpheus turned around, and the release found within music. Celine speaking to Jesse about how the media is controlling our minds and how she thinks she really loves someone when she can detect every detail of them, Jesse speaking to Celine about when he saw his deceased grandmother in the sprinkle of a hose and the things he remembers his parents having said to him. Connell and Marianne sitting under the summer sun, eating ice cream, discussing the differences in their class and how money can be simultaneously corrupt and indescribably appealing. all of these couples have made me realize how while passionate kisses under the rain and loud proclamations of your love for someone are valuable for certain people, it is also inexpressibly important to find someone who you can linger in the passenger seat for just to hear what they thought about the movie you watched last night. someone who you take your time putting your shoes on for just to hear about the physical sensation they got when the second last line of your favourite song reverberated through their headphones.

[bloomingsalma]

in my feminist philosophy class, we also had a conversation that fucked me up (again) over the Internal Gaze™. like, the concept of being so used to your body being commodified, objectified or leered at that you begin to have this gaze constantly hovering in your mind. the gaze that is the accumulation of others' gazes, the pair of eyes that represents how people are seeing you outside of yourself. the kind of watchfulness that transcends the public sphere and has you wanting to look "good" and presentable when you're all alone, tucked away in your home. not for yourself, persay, but because you want the satisfaction of knowing that from an outsider's stare, as though you're in some movie, you're desirable. you'd have audiences fawning. you'll be pretty if the delivery person comes to the door. but, you don't have anything coming in. you're all alone and the only person scrutinizing you, watching you like a pair of terrifying floating eyeballs, is yourself.

anyways hahahahaha has anyone else had this experience let's be insane about it together bc it makes me worried to wonder if this'll ever fade away. like truly let's talk about it

[bloomingsalma]

hey queen, open and vulnerable tonight, right? you'll be communicative for me, right? kind to others and give them the benefit of the doubt before pushing them away? you can do that for me, right?

[bloomingsalma]

LONGLEGS IS OUT IN HD!! I DEMAND LEE HARKER EDITS ON MY TABLE RIGHT NOW!!

[bloomingsalma]

i love this picture of amrita sher-girl so much. thinking of putting it in my room just to force my mom to deal with her loathing of body hair

[bloomingsalma]

Throwing Like a Girl, Iris Marion Young

this made me wanna cry. when i was ten, my mom told me not to dance in front of my brothers' friends, and she made it sound so vulgar. she told me all through high school not to go braless in front of my own male relatives. her and i had numerous fights centered on her hating me wearing tights to class. she still gives me a dirty look if i crouch down with my legs open.

to this day, i still feel self-conscious sometimes going out braless. i get paranoid and when i know my breasts are moving around and it makes me wanna cover up (though, that may be partially dysphoria, who knows). i feel obligated to do my makeup if i know i have a school presentation, i often am embarrassed to just exist as a person in a public space because i am afraid of being judged. i often do see my body as not a part of me or my lived experience, but as a host i exist in and determine the actions of. something i can decorate and craft in order to achieve a desired response.

how free would we be if those shackles were released? would it be easy to run around, raise our arms up and roll in the grass if there wasn't the constant threat of the gaze? if our own mothers didn't tell us that our bodies carry some kind of original sin we have to spend the rest of our lives hiding or only showcasing in digestible gulps of so that we appease everyone and everything other than our raw, innate desire to move freely?