#sam hallucinates

[hellorafaelaamanda]

This is so sad, poor Sammy so strong and brave, and I love his choosing to go back to his brother, even though he has to remember everything, he goes back to Dean

He went through hell for nearly 200 years and suffered so much from the worst imaginable ways

Sometimes I think everything that Sam has gone through is underestimated or forgotten

But I will always remember the sacrifice he made, he saved the world

[ghposts]

Jason & Sam 12-18-08 Throwback

[sunflowerchester]

Sometimes I feel like the only one in the fandom who doesn't forgive Castiel for what he did to Sam, for crumbling his wall to stop Dean. It's so unfair that Sam had to suffer and it was hypocritical. After he said to Dean "If you wanted to kill your brother I wish you had done it outright" he went ahead and returned the memories everyone thought would kill Sam or turn him to Jello. And I don't forgive him.

Yeah he knew what he was doing and sometimes I’m REALLY bitter and I think “What if Cas brought Sam back without his soul on purpose?” because he and Samuel were supposed to just be constantly looking for the Alphas to help Cas and Crowley find Purgatory and Soulless was a MEGA hunter. Cas bringing Sam out without his soul benefitted him not only in giving him that leverage over the Winchester, but in making Sam that much more efficient for Cas’ goal.

I don’t think he did it on purpose but I also can’t rule it out. I don’t trust s6 Castiel. And most of my followers know I didn’t easily forgive Cas for breaking Sam’s wall for SEASONS. I wanted him to die slowly in s7 and I was just done by him in s8. It wasn’t until human Cas that I could muster any affection for him at all.

So I feel you, anon. I’ve been there and from time to time if I think about it too hard, I go back there, hahaha. 

[sunflowerchester]

I'm so annoyed right now, I saw a post that said Dean helped Sam with the hallucinations in S7. I don't remember that happening??

I just watch s7… and he did ask Sam to make his word stone cold #1 and build off that. 

Then he went throughout the entire season after that punching Sam in the head, taunting Sam with his biggest fear (clowns) and laughing about it, lashing out and making Sam take on responsiblities because Dean just couldn’t deal, and basically ignoring/forgetting that he ever said that. 

Flash forward to s9 where Dean uses his word to let Sam believe he’s going crazy in order to keep his (Dean’s) Gadreel lie a secret. Literally uses the word he asked Sam to build his SANITY on to make Sam believe he was going insane rather than revealing the truth to him. 

I AM SO MAD ABOUT THIS AND ALWAYS WILL BE. 

I got off track but my bitter is on FIRE tonight. 

[sunflowerchester]

EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: You're angry. DEAN: Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother's head. EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend? DEAN: Yeah, well, he's gone. EMMANUEL/CASTIEL: Did you kill him? I sense that you kill a lot of people.

I almost got confused because I was like "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DEAN? YOU DID THIS. YOU INSISTED."

But then I remembered Dean is referring to Cas being a dick and breaking Sam's wall. So yeah. But like... DEAN own part of this... There would have been no wall had their been no soul-forcing.

[sunflowerchester]

My worst fear is what is happening to Sam. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than the idea that I wouldn't be able to trust my own mind. It's terrifying. This is awful. And sleep deprivation. And not being able to eat. and... omg this is the worst.

[sunflowerchester]

SAM: I’m just saying… DEAN: What? That you don’t want my help? SAM: No, I’m just saying… don’t do this to yourself. DEAN: Sam, if I don’t find something – SAM: Then I’ll die. Dean, we knew this was coming. DEAN: No. SAM: When you put my soul back… DEAN: No. SAM: …Cas warned you about all the crap it would – DEAN: Screw Cas! Quit being Dalai frickin’ Yoda about this, okay? Get pissed! SAM:  I’m too tired. This is what happens when you throw a soul into Lucifer’s dog bowl. And you think there’s just gonna be some cure out there?

And here we finally have the other shoe dropping from the actions Dean took to cram Sam’s soul back in his body. Finally Dean has to SEE with his own eyes the actual consquences to understand that this was what Cas warned him about, and he still refuses to believe it. Again, I get that Dean copes via denial, but saying no over and over doesn’t make something not true. 

[sunflowerchester]

safiyabat replied to your post:Ok and we’re back. Sam just took drugs from a...

Know what bugs me about this? The only way he got any help at all was by getting hit by a goddamn car when Dean wasn’t around. Dean was never going to get him any help.

I was just editing part of the transcript to address this very thing.

DR KADINSKY: And... he's on our locked psychiatric floor. [DEAN looks surprised.] DEAN: I mean, he's had some trouble... DR KADINSKY: So you're aware that Sam is experiencing a full-blown psychotic episode? DEAN: Psychotic? Come on. I mean, the guy's... It's not like the guy's freakin' Norman Bates.

Dean has talked to Sam ABOUT how he can't sleep and Sam has been really forthcoming about seeing Lucifer in the last few episodes. He jokes about volume control and how he can't turn it down, he cannot sleep, even when Dean tells him to nap, etc. This isn't a surprise and it has been going on for at least a week or two. It's not that Dean didn't know Sam wasn't sleeping, he just... FOR SOME REASON (because he doesn't know how human beings function???) ... didn't think it was that big of a deal.

Now, I know that the boys don't tend to go to the doctor unless there is literally no other way out of it, but ... Sam's mental health? Sam was so desperate to sleep he took drugs from some freak on the street on the off chance it could work and tried to sleep in his abandoned car... How did Dean not notice how teaked out Sam was in front of him, if this is where we come in on him in this episode????

I just... it makes no sense. I am not trying to put it all on Dean, but WOW Dean's denial of how bad things really are is not helpful when he is legit the ONLY other person in Sam's life who might be able to help him. Dean is so ill equipped to deal with any actual possible trauma in a helpful way that SAM LITERALLY in the next scene, under sedation and laying in a hospital bed, has to talk Dean down and be the REASONABLE one. The one IN THE PSYCH WARD is talking Dean down and trying to ground HIM in reality.