Tommy Miller x Reader, Slowburn!Joel Miller x Reader
Summary: Kansas City disappears behind you as you, Joel, and Ellie bond on the open road.
Warnings for this part: Canon typical violence, themes, language, gore, and horror.
Word Count: 5.8k
Previous Part / Series Masterlist / The Last of Us Masterlist
August 2023, Outskirts of Kansas City
The sight of an old motel is a welcome one. After shooting your way to safety out of Kansas City, you’re exhausted. Joel shoves open the motel door, ushering the kids in.
There’s barely any light as you all sit around a lantern, one of the few things you’d grabbed from Bill’s truck earlier. Celebratory cans of Chef Boyardee are in order as you swallow a delicious bite of cold ravioli.
You and Joel gave in to Ellie’s begging to sleep in the bedroom with Sam, claiming they had a lot to discuss about the comic they were reading earlier. Henry elects to stay with them as well, leaving you and Joel to push open the next room over and get some shut-eye there.
“Y’can have the whole bed. Gonna keep watch.” Joel says as he surveys the room and the double bed that sits in the middle of the room
“Joel, c’mon. You haven’t had a full night since we left Boston.” You pat the dusty bedspread, “I won’t bite, promise.”
Joel scoffs like he doesn’t believe you before his gazr shits to the door like a feral cat that hasn’t gotten used to being indoors.
“Fine. But if you start kickin’, I’ll make you sleep on the floor.”
You snort. Joel Miller has always been a terrible liar. You settle into the bed. It’s a bit musty, but nothing too bad. Joel’s back faces you as you watch his shoulders slowly rise and fall.
“We’re bringing Henry and Sam with us to Wyoming, right?” You ask hopefully
Silence. You know he’s not asleep; it’s only been a few seconds since his head hit the pillows. So is he blatantly ignoring you? It wouldn’t be the first time he did, and probably wouldn’t be the last.
“If they accept, they can come.” Joel grunts, “Now go to bed.”
The morning comes too soon. You’re still drowsy when Joel shifts, waking you up from a dreamless sleep. He slips out of bed and silently puts his boots back on, picking up his gun to put back into its holster. You groan and roll into the space he’d been occupying, it’s impossibly warm, and you savor it, gone is the musty smell, replaced by that manly scent he always had.
“Get up.” He says
“Do I have to?” You mumble into the bed
“I’ll pull you off that mattress and out the door.” Joel replies
You roll off the mattress, standing up with a huff. You can tell by the tone of his voice that he’s serious.
You change into your last set of fresh clothes, making a mental note to tell Joel you’re going to have to find water to wash the dirty clothes in your bag. Henry is already awake when you knock on the door, opening the door with a refreshed look on his face.
Hey you couldn’t blame him, if an entire group that was hunting you died off in one night you’d be happy too.
You walk into the room, Joel pulls his gun out setting it down on a table, and motioning for you to take your bag off.
“Wanna check what we got before we leave.” He explains
Right. Gear check, Always a good idea when traveling in the apocalypse
“I’ll get Sam and Ellie. I wanted to let them sleep as long as possible.” He says, turning to the door that led to the bedroom
“Wait.” Joel calls, “Listen, I don’t know how we’re gettin’ to Wyoming, probably on foot but if you want to…”
“Oh, uh yeah. Yeah.” Henry nods, “That’d be good. It’d be nice for Sam to have a friend.”
You smile slightly, thinking of Ellie finally having another kid to talk to sure. Sure Sam was like what seven? It was better than you and Joel as companions.
Henry takes another step toward the door, ready to wake the kids who will probably take a bit of convincing to actually get up and start their day. Before he reaches it though, it bursts open. Ellie and Sam tumble to the ground, a flurry of limbs, screaming, and snarling. Sam is ontop of Ellie, mouth snapping as he growls and snarls, reaching for her as she screams.
Fuck he’s infected. You know he is. You’re fumbling to grab your bag to pull your gun out from where it sits nestled between your jeans but Henry grab’s Joel’s off the table, pointing at you and him.
“Easy.” Joel says is one hand out, the other quickly ushering you behind him, “Easy.”
Henry looks at you, eyes wild and blown as he whirls around to face Ellie and Sam, pulling the trigger. The gun fires and Sam goes quiet and limp. Ellie sits up, hair messy and tears in her eyes as she pushes herself away from Sam’s body.
“Give me the gun.” Joel says, his gaze fixed on the way it still points toward Ellie.
Henry falters, turning the gun back on Joel. Joel raises his hand, his voice dropping into a more soothing tone.
“Henry, the gun. Hand it to me.”
“W-What’d I do?” Henry mumbles, gaze flicking from Joel to Sam and back again, “Sam?”
Joel asks for the gun again, taking small steps toward Henry, “Gimme the gun.”
Henry looks like he’s going to throw up. His chest heaves, tears fall sporadically down his face as his eyes dart around unfocused and scared. A yell leaves your lips when the gun turns and he presses it to his temple.
“Henry, no!” Joel shouts but it’s too late.
Henry’s body falls to the ground, only a few feet from Sam’s. Their blood mixes together as you stare at the ugly sight. Ellie is still on the ground, scared and now fully traumatized. You pull her up off the ground before the blood can touch her.
You guide her to a small fold up chair thats in off in the corner of the room, pulling her messed up pony tail up and running your fingers through her tangled hair. You can’t think of anything you can offer so you hand her your canteen, instructing her to take slow sips as you walk over to Joel who still stands over the bloody mess.
“We should bury them.” You say
Joel is ready to object, probably ready to tell you there isn’t much of a point and that you need to get moving again. You stop him, placing a hand on his shoulder,
“Not for us, for her.”
You spend a good part of the day digging beside Joel. Two graves, one smaller than the other. Ellie sits in the dirt a few feet away, gaze fixed on some distant point as she twirls Sam’s pencil in her hand.
Joel helps you lift Sam into his grave. He can’t be more than forty pounds but Joel helps anyway, lowering the sheet covered body into his grave beside his big brother. You cover them up with dirt and Ellie places Sam’s writing board ontop of his grave, I’m Sorry is written, nothing more, nothing less.
She stands up then, brushing her hands off before turning to you and Joel, “Which way is west?”
Joel nods in the general direction of Wyoming and Ellie walks off, leaving you, Joel, and the silence to bid your final goodbyes to Henry and Sam.
Joel is next to move, slinging Henry’s bag over his back he turns to you as you stare hard at their graves, wondering what you could’ve done to help them.
“You comin’?”
Yes, you’re coming.
September 2023, Kanopolis Lake, Kansas
The cool water was refreshing as you lazily floated on your back, eyes shut, as the soft splashing of the water against the rocks of the bank filled your ears.
A loud sigh fills your ears and you crack an eye open. Ellie is hesitating at coming out any further, the water up to her belly button, as she eyes the water like it’s a big cauldron of poison and you were the witch getting ready to cook her.
“C’mon out. I won’t let you drown,” You say, moving to tread the water as you face her
“Oh really?” Ellie asks scarastically
“Yup. I lifeguarded for two summers at the local pool back when I was 17. No kids died on my watch.” You proudly boast
That seems to convince her as she slowly makes her way towards you, stopping when the water reaches her shoulders. You swim over to her, pulling the hair tie out of her head and slipping it onto your wrist.
“Hold your nose and go under, your hair stinks.” You say
Ellie glares at you before listening, quickly dunking herself before you say it again. When she reappears, you stifle a laugh, biting your bottom lip as you look at her amusement sparkling in your eyes.
“What’s so funny?” She asks grumpily
“Nothin.” You hum,” You just remind me of a cat that's being forced to take a bath.”
Ellie splashes a considerable amount of water at you, and you turn your back, letting it hit your already wet hair as you call Joel’s name. Two seconds later, a bottle of shampoo comes flying, landing in the water by your right arm. Joel was on the other side of a small group of rocks, hidden by their jagged egdges and slantling sloaps. You toss the bottle to Ellie and tell her to get started on the rats nest that was her hair.
You spread your clean clothes out on the old pier, hoping the September sun will still be strong enough to dry them. The wood creaks as you stand over them, hands on your hips, judging whether or not Ellie’s hoodie needs another rinse.
“Holy shit!” The girl’s loud voice yells
You glance up, seeing a little brown frog sitting in her hands, mud slipping down her fingers as she smiles at you.
“They’re poisonous, y’know.” You lie, from your spot
Ellie instantly drops the frog back into the water, a worried look on her face as she inspects her hands.
“I’m joking.” You laugh amused at her blatant trust
“You fucking asshole.” She flips you off, hands diving back down to search for the frog in the cloudy water.
You lie down in the grass, soaking up what will probably be the last of the summer warmth. No sooner have your eyes drifted shut when a deep voice is startling you awake.
“You’re a shitty life guard.” Joel declares as he sits beside you
You hum and sit up, pushing your elbows up so you can look at him, “Like you’re any better.”
“I wouldn’t fall asleep on the job.” Joel grunts
You roll your eyes as Joel fixes his gaze on Ellie and the sparkling water of the lake. You glance at him, eyes shamelessly roaming over his tanned skin. Joel’s dark hair drips water down his neck and shoulders, weaving a tantalizing path of water drops through the body hair that lines his chest and arms. The droplets trail down, past his soft belly and into the waistband of his boxers.
Suddenly, you’re feeling self concious, laying in the grass beside Joel in nothing but a mismatched bra and underwear. A loud whoop sounds from the lake. Ellie is up to her chin in the water as she holds up another frog, loudly proclaming its new name to be Felix.
“We can make camp here for tonight. Let her get some more time in the water while our clothes dry.” Joel says, nodding to the depressing sodden sight on the old pier.
“We might be cooking dinner in our underwear at this rate.” You laugh, “The sun isn’t too strong at this time of day.”
Joel leans over, nudging you with his arm as his eyes breifly flick over your exposed skin that glows in the setting sun. A playful smile on his handsome features as he speaks again,
“Dinner and a show, I guess.”
October 2023, The Midwest United States
You shiver in the early morning air, wishing for the space heater you slept beside in the winters in Boston. The home you’d been holing up in the past few days wasn’t half bad. It was trashed, of course, dusty furniture and faded pictures lined its walls. You were here to wait out a huge thunderstorm that had been blowing for days now.
“You’re up early,” Joel notes as he walks downstairs and next to you on the dusty couch
“Couldn’t sleep.” You hum, “Storm kept me up.”
Joel nods, stretching his legs out as he stares up at the peeling ceiling, “Gonna have to go out there to hunt today.”
“Seriously?” You ask, “You’ll get soaked to the bone. Probably won’t even be able to even find anything.”
“We’re outta jerky. Gonna give Ellie the last can of beans for breakfast today.” Joel nods to the singular can of black beans that he’d found when you first stepped foot into the home
“Fine. I’ll go then. You stay.” You say stubbornly
Joel scoffs and shakes his head, standing up to probably go put his boots and jacket on.
“That rain will blow ya away, girl.” Joel gently pats your knee, “Lemme be useful for once.”
You roll your eyes, “You’re plenty useful.”
You watch Joel disappear into the rain from the front window, wishing he hadn’t gone. Lately, you’d been gravitating to him, sitting beside him at night while Ellie talked her head off or read from one of the books she’d found upstairs that wasn’t covered in mold.
A funny feeling has been filling your belly anytime you see Joel at first, you couldn’t quite place your finger on it, but last night, after he’d fixed the laces on your boots for you, you realized what it was. In the orange light of the fire he’d lit, his hands had worked deftly, rearranging the laces with ease, forearms flexing and veins glistening as he said something about you not tying the boots correctly. It was while your mind felt like it was stuffed with cotton that you realized that it was lust.
Perhaps you were broken. Maybe it was because you hadn’t seen another man in months. Nature was taking over and telling you that you wanted your ex-boyfriend’s brother. Or maybe it was just the universe telling you that you needed to get laid, it’d been ages since Boston, the last guy you’d been with was Wyatt, a decent dude you’d met while working. He hadn’t been amazing, but it’d been something. Now, you were cold turkey. Yes, that’s what it was, a biological need to just…have Joel Miller between your legs?
Ellie skips down the steps, she’d completed another restful night on the twin mattress that had somehow been spared decay the past twenty years. You and Joel took turns on the couch, rotating between the other old mattress upstairs.
“Where’s Joel?” She asks as you toss her the can of beans and a can opener
“Went hunting.” You say boredly
“In this?” Ellie asks, staring out at the stormy weather
“You try to talk that man out of something, then we can discuss Joel’s decision-making skills.”
“Pfft, that’ll never happen.” Ellie blows a raspberry
“Exactly.” You point out
You toss another log on the fire, Ellie sitting on the couch as you plop back down. It’d been many hours since Joel had heroically or, well, stupidly walked out into the rain in search of food. You hoped he wasn’t dead.
“Wanna play a game?” Ellie asks suddenly, losing interest in the book cradled in her lap
“What game?” You ask, “Don't you dare say Chess, I still can’t believe you beat me last night.”
“No, I think I’ll coast my victory wave for a bit.” Ellie waves you off, “I was thinking truth or dare.”
“Have you ever even played that?” You ask
“No, but the characters in this book are, and now I have to try.” She explains eagerly
You look at her, taking in her hopeful face and big brown eyes as you curse her mom under your breath. A puppy dog face like that should be illegal.
“Fine. But no dares where either of us have to get naked.”
Ellie snickers, “I sense trauma.”
“You try streaking infront of your friends neighbors and then we’ll see what trauma you walk away with.” You say, thinking about the last time you’d play truth or dare at a sleepover as a teen.
“Alright, alright, Truth or Dare.” She asks
“Truth.” You say, not trusting her to come up with a normal dare
“You’re no fun.” Ellie says, “What is….What’s your favortire memory pre-outbreak?”
You know immediately what it is,
“The Christmas before my Mom died.” You softly say, “She spent it in the hospital but it was the last time we got to be all together for a holiday. I used to hate thinking about it but…It’s grown on me over the years. Makes me happy instead of sad.”
Ellie nods, “How’d she die?”
“Breast cancer.” You say, “She uh fought it for a few years before it got too nasty. Chemo couldn’t fight it.”
“Shit…”Ellie breathes, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright. Was a long time ago now. Probably better she didn’t have to go through all this.” You motion to the room around you, referring to the apocoplayse outside of the house.
She nods, a sad look coming over her face and you clap your hands together, trying to lighten the mood,
“Alright, missy, truth or dare?”
“Dare.” Ellie says confidently
“I dare you…to…try to do a back flip. Right here, right now.” You say
“Seriously? I’m gonna fall on my face.” Ellie says
“Are you quitting your own game?” You ask slyly
“Noooo…ugh.” Ellie groans as she stands up and brushes her pants off. You laugh, wishing you had a video camera right now so Joel could watch this when he comes back.
Sure enough, she doesn’t pull it off, landing awkwardly on her ass as you laugh at her. She curses you out and flops back onto the couch beside you.
“You’re a fuckin’ asshole.” She decalres
“I try.” You laugh wiping at your eyes that have begun to water
The game continues, and you eventually choose dare. Ellie tells you to try to fit your entire fist into your mouth, She laughs at you when you choke on your hand, spitting onto the floor as your face gets red.
“Alright, your turn, weirdo.” You say
“Truth,” Ellie says
“Who was your first kiss?” You ask. It’s a basic question, one that was always asked at sleepovers with your friends when you were in high school, yet it has Ellie clamming up as she fidgets in her seat.
“Er…I uh…”
“Hey, It’s alright.” You say stopping her, “I shouldn’t have asked, considering the world we live in. Don’t worry, it’ll happen when it happens. Maybe you’ll meet some cute Firefly guy when we get you to Marlene.”
“Yeah…”Ellie slowly nods, avoiding your gaze awkwardly.
Shit. You’d fucked up asking that one. You were so damn stupid asking her that. Of course, she didn’t want to tell you that. That was far too personal, you’d crossed a line. You’re about to tell her it’s her turn, try to get the ball rolling again when the front door slams open. The storm blows into your little oasis, chilling the room as Joel’s soaked form enters.
“Jesus!” Ellie exclaims as he stumbles in, tripping and landing on his hands and knees.
“Joel!” You call, falling to your knees beside him as you pull his bag off his sodden figure, your attention focused only on his shivering form.
The game with Ellie had distracted you, it was early evening now, he’d been out all day in the freezing cold rain and wind. Joel grunts, pointing to the bag as Ellie pulls out two rabbits her eyes widening. You have no idea how he’d gotten them, let alone saw far enough to shoot them but at least he was back.
“I can prep one.” Ellie says, “He showed me how, I won’t fuck it up, promise.”
You nod, waving her off to the kitchen as you fret over Joel, who is shivering worse than a 90-year-old whose sitting under an AC vent at the movie theater.
“Dunno how you shot them, idiot. You’re soaked to the bone, Joel.” You chastise, pulling his dripping coat off him
He grunts, lips moving quietly, “I…took em’...this guy he…”
The rest is a jumble of words and you shush him, not caring how he got them, just that he was back. Now you just had to make sure he didnt die of hypothermia. You pull his wet clothes off until all that remains his dark black underwear. Realistcally, those should go too but you’re not about to strip him naked when Ellie might walk in at any second. Plus, as much as you wondered what he had under his flannel and jeans you weren’t interested in seeing it like this.
You dry him off with the blanket you’d been sleeping under and them drag him closer to the fireplace, whispering into his wet hair that you’ll be right back. You drag the shitty matress down the steps, tossing it onto the ground of the living room before wrapping Joel’s body up in the duvet that had been up there. He look down at his form. His eyes are shut in freftul sleep as he twitches every few seconds. You sigh and sit down on the ground where his head is, tucking your legs beneath you. You’re sure your face is filled with worry as you pull his head into your lap, running your hands through his wet hair. He relaxes with every stroke you make, his body going more lax as he lays beside the fire.
Your eyes freely roam Joel’s face, taking in every wrinkle and sun spot. His facial hair and greying hairline. You have half a mind to press a kiss to his forehead that wasn’t what someone who just felt something purely physical but screw it. Ellie’s cursing from the kitchen has you stopping yourself though, reminding you that you’re not alone here.
“Ellie might burn those rabbits to hell. Make your trip completely worthless.” You joke
Twenty minutes pass as you sit beside the fire, holding Joel as you stare into the flames. Ellie returns with the rabbits skinned. You’re impressed as she sticks them over the fire, slowlint roating them over the metal spit roast that Joel had rigged up a couple of days ago.
“Is he gonna be okay?” She asks looking at Joel who still sleeps
“He should be.” You assure yourself more than her, “Just gotta make sure he doesn’t get a fever or something.”
Ellie nods, turning her attention to how your fingers mindlessly play with his damp hair. She looks at you and watches the way you stare down at him, eyes filled with a feeling she’d felt before, for a person that was dead and gone now.
She’d thought the two of you were dancing around some unspoken thing for a few weeks now. Ever since Sam and Henry had died Joel had been…softer. Not just to her but to you as well. Ellie had noticed it three days after leaving Kansas Ctiy. You and Joel must’ve thought she nodded off, illuminated by a fire she watched the two of you quietly whisper about something before Joel took your hand in his, running circles over the back of it as you worried about something, voicing your concerns to him in the orange light.
Joel had the same look in his eyes then that you do now. She could only pin it as adoration. Spinning the rabbit slowly, she watches you press a hand to his forehead, letting out a soft hum. You must be pleased with what you felt.
Joel wakes in what must be the middle of the night. He’s confused, eyes narrowing in on the dying embers of the fireplace. It’s silent, the rain has finally stopped. He shifts, ready to sit up but a quiet grumble, followed by a grip on his right arm, interrupts him. He squints and in the low light of the moon, he can see you, curled up beside him on the mattress you must’ve dragged down here for him. You’re clutching onto his arm, brow furrowed as you remain asleep. Joel grunts and lies back down beside you, letting his eyes adjust to the way the moon lights up the living room.
Ellie is asleep on the couch, her arm tossed over her eyes while the other hand hangs off the couch haphazardly. You’ve relaxed again, you’re still facing him, curled around his arm like he’s about to run away from you. Joel takes note of his absent clothing, making sure not to brush against you; he doesn’t want to overstep a boundary, even if he’d prefer to be lying in bed with nothing between the two of you at all. He blinks, banishing those thoughts from his mind. He couldn’t afford to think like that about you, not when you’d never reciprocate. To you, he was probably just the brother of your ex and the guy who used to be your neighbor.
Joel sighs deeply, turning to face you as your noses brush. How badly he wants to lean in and kiss you senseless in your sleep. He holds back, though, content with breathing you in like this. He’s sorry he made you worry, showing up soaking wet and half out of his mind. Silently, he makes a promise not to do that again, to you or Ellie, no one should be worrying like that about him of all people.
Late November 2023, Wyoming
Wyoming was gorgeous. Perfectly picturesque scenery greeted you every day. The only downside was that it felt like all civilization ended out here. No infected or people had been seen for ages as you and Ellie walk along, following Joel like he’s a human GPS as he studies a map he found in a rundown gas station.
You had to give it to Ellie, she was a trooper. Fourteen and crossing the country basically on foot wasn’t easy. Plus, dealing with Joel’s grumpy self wasn’t making it any easier. She lightened the mood, though, reading from her joke book and asking different questions about life before and things she saw along the journey. She and Joel got on better than you ever could imagine. He responded to her questions as much as you did, explaining some of the shit you didn’t know or got wrong. Plus, there was the rare occasion where he’d even laugh at her joke book, which of course would make you and Ellie laugh even harder, the idea of Joel laughing was seriously just that funny.
Joel attempted to teach you and Ellie to hunt small game. You did better than the kid, only because you actually could hit a moving target. Ellie was a work in progress.
Tonight, you were dining on a rabbit you’d killed earlier. It was your first kill other that squirrels and you’d never seen Joel so excited when you first showed him the caracas. He’d taken it from your hands and congratulated you with a real genuine smile on his face, one of the ones he used to give you back in Texas after you agreed to a night of babysitting so he could work late.
Now, you watched Joel cook the rabbit, showing Ellie how to keep the skin from burning as he slowly rotated it over the fire. Joel had managed to find an abandoned cabin that was nestled in the mountainous terrain you’d been traveling the past few days. Snow was steadily falling the past few hours and at this point, any form of shelter was a godsend.
You shiver and tuck your hands closer to your side, resting your head on your backpack, listening to the way the wind blows. The delicious scent of food wafts through the air as Joel portions the food out, handing a leg to Ellie. She immeidately tears into it, table manners non existent as she compliments Joel on his cooking skill.
Joel takes a few short steps toward your frozen figure, sitting down beside you with some of the rabbit resting on a smooth flat stone he’d found outside to use as a plate.
“Dinner is served.” He says quietly
The three of you tear into the rabbit, too hungry to fathom the idea of saving some for tomrrow. It’d been nearly a week since you’d actually had enough to fill your stomachs so of course you took advantange. When every bone is picked clean and the grease has been licked from your fingers, Ellie climbs into her sleeping bag, declaring that she’s offically fat and happy.
You stay up with Joel, watching the fire flick as he keeps an eye on the creaky front door. You can tell he’s going to go out there and keep watch the moment you drift off so you stubornly force your eyes to stay open as you sit beside him. Eventually he figure out what you’re doing, head spinning to stare at you as he gives you a glare.
“You ever gonna go to bed?” He asks
“Not if you’re gonna go trudge around out in the snow and freeze to death..” You sleepily sigh
“We've got ground to cover tomorrow, you need to sleep.” Joel gruffly says, sounding more like a dad than a traveling companion.
You groan in resistance but don’t put up a fight when Joel rolls out your sleeping bag and ushers you into it, tucking an extra shirt of his under your head as a pillow, his deep voice bids you goodnight as your eyes fall shut, too tired to resist anymore.
The next morning, the weather still hasn’t improved. You’re snowed in and shivering your ass off in front of the fireplace. Ellie is huddled next to you, wrapped up in just about every extra shirt and pair of pants you and Joel owned, her winter coat struggling to close over it all.
Joel tosses the last dry log in the cabin onto the fire, grumbling about god only knows as he paces back and forth.
“We need firewood.” He grunts, “I’m going out there to-”
“To what? Pull a tree down with your bare hands? We don’t have an axe, not to mention you won’t be able to see four feet in front of you.” You huff
Joel frowns, he knows you’re right. Instead, he sits down next to you, rummaging through his bag to see what he might have that’s useful. When he comes up empty he grunts something about going upstairs. You urge Ellie to move her body from where it's cuddled up beside yours and you reach for the leftover rabbit that sits discarded on Joel’s stone plate. You dump the bones into a pot, the only piece of cookware in the whole cabin and tell Ellie to bring in an armful of snow. Rabbit bone broth would be your dinner for the night.
Joel returns with his bag stuffed to the brim with old books and what looks like a ratty old curtain.
You watch mournfully as he rips pages out, tossing it onto the fire as the broth slowly simmers in the pot. You hold your tongue about the wasted novels, at least you weren’t going to freeze to death tonight.
Ellie nods off early tonight. The cold and the lack of activity has her curled up in a nest of your sleeping bag and hers. You sit beside Joel, watching the fire crackle and pop, your stomachs barely full with the bone broth, most of it had ended up in Ellie’s stomach, neither of you feeling good about not letting her get her fill before either of you.
“Hopefully the snow clears up tomorrow.” He says quietly
You nod, watching the lowlight glimmer on his dark face. He wears a frown on his features as he stares hard at the ground below him. You let out a soft sigh, leaning towards him to rest your head on his shoulder, something you only did in silent moments like this, ones where Ellie was asleep and you and Joel were hidden away from the world.
Your eyes flick up to him and you find him staring at you already. Deep brown eyes that seem even darker in this secluded cabin in the woods. A soft sound leaves his chest, you don’t know what it means but you wiggle closer to him, pressing yourself fully to his side, silently telling him it’ll all be okay.
Your name leaves his lips in a soft whisper, like it’s a secret curse the rest of the world can’t know. Your head lifts, looking up at him as he mournfully stares down at you, his body tense. A soft smile tugs at your lips as he cocks his head like he doesn’t know what you’re smiling at.
“You alright, Joel? You’re lookin’ like a confused puppy who doesn't know his right from left.” You hum
Joel stares at you, clearly conflicted as his eyes roam your face, unfocused and jumpy. You frown and press your hand to his forehead, checking for a fever, what else could have Joel Miller of all people confused.
Joel pulls your hand down, his own wrapping easily around your wrist as he shakes his head, silently telling you no about something you’re not sure about.
“I’m tryin’ to be a good man, darlin’ but you’re makin’ this hard.” He mumbles holding you there as he leans closer to you, eyes bearing into yours, a thousand words swimming in them as he scans your face again.
“Joel, what’re you talking about?” You ask softly, confused. You just wanted to know if he had a fever from all this cold. What was he saying now?
“Nothin’” He says, “I just…You were with my brother and all, plus our history back in Texas, just doesn’t feel right…”
It’s your turn to cock your head now. He wasn’t making any sense right now. Perhaps he really was sick with a fever. Your brow furrs in confusion as you speak, your voice firm yet quiet enough that Ellie won’t stir in her sleep a few feet away,
“What does Tommy have to do with any of this?”
Joel shakes his head, his voice gruff and scratchy, “Damn it…”
You’re about to open your mouth again to ask him what the hell he was upset about now but instead, big calloused hands cradle your face and soft lips slam into yours. Scruffy facial hair tickles your skin as your eyes widen in shock. You’re barely able to process the fact that Joel Miller is kissing you before he pulls back.
“I’m sorry.” He softly says, thumb running over your cheek once before he pushes himself away, “I just had to one time, just once, before I die.”
Next part
Good god, they finally smooch. Sadly, we're not out of the woods yet, party people. A little bit of spice next chapter though hehe. Jackson, Wyoming, here we come.
Also, I like leaving my inbox open and the anon feature turned on. Last night I got a nasty message about this story. I responded to it the way I wanted to, but I did want to put out this PSA:
If you don't like a fanfic's plot, don't read it. Swipe away, hit the X. No one is making you read a person's writing. I'm not prying open your eyes and forcing you to scroll. If my writing bores you and there's no "progress," then go read something else. There's a hell of a lot of Joel Miller content out there. Basically: Don't like? Don't read. It's simple.
I love how the last of us is like. love doesn’t have to be audibly communicated. it doesn’t inherently have to be verbally spoken because sometimes it doesn’t need to be. sometimes it’s fixing a watch and offering it as a present. sometimes it’s packing crayons and paint to offer a sense of normalcy and childhood. sometimes it’s selflessly putting yourself between the face of danger and the person you’re growing to care about. sometimes it’s giggling late at night over dumb, silly little puns. sometimes it’s bonding over shared interests. sometimes it’s seeing someone in peril and keeping your eyes affixed on them to ensure that they see the light of day. sometimes it’s a hivemind adjacent level of understanding in which you and the other person can ride the wave of chaos by cognitively working together even at a distance. sometimes actions truly speak louder than words. silence can speak incredible volumes, and in a really touching way. some things don’t need to be said to have visible meaning
Things that absolutely fucked my shit up this episode, an incomprehensible list:
- Ellie liked the smell of Frank’s sleeping bag
- Joel still wearing Frank’s shirt
- Joel staying up all night to guard while Ellie slept
- “They’re not gonna hit you. Look at me, they’re not gonna hit you.”
- “Mom! Mom! Mom!”
- The way the doctor gave the lines “I delivered you. I held you in my hands.” and “I’m your doctor” so simply when asked for reasons why he shouldn’t be killed
- Ellie’s smile when Joel tried to tug the gun from her hand
- The way Joel bumbled his way through trying to make sure Ellie was okay, and ask if she wanted to talk about it after she shot Bryan
- All of the superhero drawings on the wall that Sam drew of him and Henry
- The mask that Sam had drawn on his face
Something about how everyone is undeniably human, and how unafraid they are of not shying away from that.
Something very unique about the Last of Us is the way it handles character death and extreme tragedy in a remarkably respectful way.
Pop culture in this current moment is all about who can explore the darkest topics and depict violence in the most provocative way. (I am specifically looking at you, Game of Thrones and Euphoria!)
Even though the Last of Us is an HBO show, the people behind the series grant their characters a level of respect that most don’t.
Bill and Frank avoid the all-too-common “Bury Your Gays” trope and live sixteen beautiful years together. When the time is right, they go out on their own terms and the camera grants them dignity in death by not panning to their dead bodies at the end of episode 3.
We also never see Sam after he is shot by his own brother; we only need the blood splatter to let us know what happened. And instead of portraying a gratuitous suicide scene, we instead focus on Ellie and Joel’s reactions when Henry takes his own life.
The best example is probably the ultimate fate of Riley being kept offscreen in the latest episode. The last time we see Riley and Ellie together, they believe they are both going to die and pledge to do it together, on their own terms. Of course, the viewer knows Ellie is immune and had to defend herself from an infected Riley SOMEHOW, but guess what? We don’t have to know. Did they ever get another kiss? What were their last words to each other? We don’t know. The girls get to have privacy in their final moments together, and it’s perfect.
In summary, I really love that the camera respects the characters of this show and allows us to linger on their best moments instead.
