#samthemarvelfan

[samthemarvelfan]

See You Again: One Shot

Summary: 5 years after losing Bucky, you find yourself still trying to adjust to your not-so-new version of normal. One knock on your front door changed all that.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC, Steve Rogers.

Warnings: A bit of angst and then pure and squishy fluff.

A/N: Hi everyone! Okay so this one kinda got away from me a little bit (AKA its waaaay longer than I intended.) Still, I hope you like it all the same. 

Taglist:@iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @heartofagamotto @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda @wintersoldierissucharide (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!) Tags are OPEN! Just send an ask :)

Monday.

The sound and smell of sizzling bacon filled the kitchen. Your iced coffee was within an arms reach, using it to kick start your morning.

“Mama, I can’t wait til next year.” Your daughter said proudly, coloring at the kitchen table.

You smiled to yourself, tussling her hair as you put her plate of pancakes and bacon in front of her.

“And why is that, sweet girl?” You asked.

Maggie put down the yellow crayon she’d been scribbling furiously with. “Because Mama, then I get to ride the bus and go to school! Remember what you said? When I’m 5 I get to go to big girl school!” She held up a picture of a wonky school bus with a smiling girl inside.

A chuckle escaped you. “You’re so smart, baby. Do you remember everything I say?”

She nodded taking a big, sticky bite of pancakes. “Yeah. Most of the stuffs anyway. Can you put this one on the ‘frigerator?”

“Of course.” You hung the picture with a homemade play-doh magnet she’s made for you at summer camp last year. Maggie ate happily, as you played music and did the dishes. Mornings like these were your favorite, soaking in the happiness of your daughter before you had to head to work.

You were snuggled with Maggie on the couch, watching Blue’s Clues. She wiggled taking a sip of her apple juice; a treat in her eyes. Usually, you only gave her water.

“Mama, Blue starts with the letter ‘b’!” She shouted excitedly, turning to face you.

Her cerulean eyes lit up at you, looking for confirmation.

You released a shocked gasp, “Oh my gosh, it does! You’re so smart, Maggie!”

She smiled proudly, before turning back to the tv.

“Mama?” She called to you.

“Hm?” You said absentmindedly.

She looked up at you with big eyes once again, “My Daddy’s name started with a ‘B’, too.”

All at once, it’s as if time moved a bit slower. You try your best to hide your reaction from Maggie. “It sure did, baby girl. Well his nickname did, anyway.”

She let out a small giggle, “Oh jeez, I’m so silly, Mama!” She said, pretending to hit her palm against her forehead.

The smallest tears prickled your eyes, “Yes you are, baby. I love you.”

“Wuv you, Mama.” Maggie said, climbing onto your lap and giving you a wet kiss that still smelled of maple syrup.

Glancing at the clock, you notice the time. “Maggie, grab your bag and put your cup in it, Uncle Steve will be here soon.”

She squealed in delight. This was the routine, Steve comes Monday’s and Saturday's to spend time with Maggie, and you do some light office work down at the VA. It was only two days a week, but it made you feel somewhat normal.

As normal as could be.

Steve arrived at 10 am on the dot as usual. “Hey, Ella.” He said smiling, kissing your cheek.

“Hey yourself, someone is excited as al—“

“Uncle Steve!” You were cut off by a high-pitch scream and the pitter-patter of little feet running toward the door.

He crouched and smiled immediately, “Hiya, munchkin!” He scooped her into his arms, carrying her back into the house.

“I brought you a surprise.” He said as he held her.

She instinctively covered her eyes, “I won’t peek! I won’t!”

He placed her down, and pulled a small container of bubbles out of his back pocket.

“Wanna go to the park and maybe blow some bubbles?” He asked her with a smile.

She gasped, “Bubbles! Bubbles, Mama! Uncle Steve brought bubbles!”

You smiled at her excitement, “I see that, baby! Go get your shoes on quick!”

Your smile faltered slightly as Maggie ran to grab her shoes, and Steve noticed.

“You okay?” He asked, rubbing your shoulder.

You nod subtly, “She mentioned him this morning. Just wasn’t expecting her too—hell I never expect her too.”

He smiled, “She’s a smart one, that kid. Remembers everything.”

You smile in an attempt to push the pain away, “I’m always so impressed when she talks about him. It’s like she knows him, Steve. Even though she’s never met him.”

Steve heard the wobble of your voice. He sighed with empathy, before enveloping you in a hug. “He’d be so proud of you. You’re such an amazing Mom, and Maggie...” Steve said pulling back, you noticed the tears brimming his eyes. They must’ve matched yours.

“Maggie is everything good that Bucky ever was. Even more so because she’s half of you. God, she reminds me so much of him.” He smiled fondly.

You feel your lip quiver, “5 years, Steve. I can’t believe he’s been gone that long.” You wipe your eyes quickly, knowing Maggie will be back any second.

Steve cleared the tremors from his throat. “I know.”

“I just wish I got to tell him. I can just see the look on his face...he would’ve been so happy.” You imagine fondly.

“Mama! I got my...Mama? You okay?” Maggie asks, slowing down as she enters the room.

She walks up to you with arms up, and you hoist her to your hip. “Mama’s okay, baby.”

She grabbed your face in her little hands, and shook her head. “Mama sad...” she said quietly.

You kiss her forehead, and hold her to you close. “I’m was a little sad, baby, but seeing you made me so much better. I love you, Maggie.”

“I wuv you, Mama, and I wuv Uncle Steve.” She said happily.

“You do?!” Steve asked, tickling Maggie’s sides.

She laughed for a moment, before clinging to Steve’s neck. “Yeah, and I wuv my Daddy too. I bet he was so nice, Uncle Steve.”

That’s another thing Maggie definitely got from Bucky; knowing just what to say and when to say it.

Steve smiled, and pushed some hair out of her face, “Your Daddy was the best, kiddo. I promise.”

You looked at the clock once more, “Shoot! I gotta go, have a good day, baby!”

You kissed the crown of Maggie’s head, and kissed Steve’s cheek before handing her bag to him, “Lunch is—“

“In the bag.” He said smiling.

“Yeah. Oh and the sunscreen—“

“Little pocket on the front.” He said, handing you your keys.

“Right, oh and don’t let—“

“Don’t let her have anymore juice because she had some already. I got it, Els. Go.” He chucked, ushering you out.

“Okay, okay. Bye, guys!” You said happily.

While you knew talking about Bucky with Maggie was always a good thing, the missing him never got easier. Sure there were days you thought about him less, but he never really left your mind.

Not when the daughter you share is waking you up every morning with hugs and snuggles and kisses.

Bucky missed everything.

He missed the diapers, all those diapers. Her first laugh, and when she said ‘mama’ for the first time. He missed her learn to crawl and her first steps. Bucky never even got to heart her heart beat.

These were things you should have shared with him—memories you should’ve made with him.

You’d gone to therapy. You’d been walked through the stages of grief more times than anyone should have to be. Yet, the hurt was still there. It’s always going to be there, and that’s the life you’ve got to make work now. This—this is your normal.

Friday

“Maggie, don’t touch those cookies, little missy!” You shout from the living room.

She comes sulking out of the kitchen, “Mama you left them on the counter! I see them! They’re right there!”

You chuckle as you finish wrapping the vacuum cord back up to put away. “Yes I did, and they’re for after dinner.”

“That’s not fair!” She whined, fake tears being forced into her eyes.

“Maggie Jane I am in no mood for this. You can either sulk on the couch with no tv, or you can go play in your room until I say your spaghetti is done. Whatcha think?” You asked in your sternest mom-voice.

She wiped the fake tears, “Okay Mama, I go play.”

You bent down and smooched her forehead, “There’s my girl.”

Her feet padded down the hallway, and you made your way to the kitchen, putting on a pot for the pasta.

As you wiped down the counters, you felt something strange; like a surge of energy. The kind that is palpable, and makes your hair stand on end. It was hard to explain, but it was like suddenly the air was electric.

The kitchen lights dimmed four or five times before settling back to normal.

Goosebumps prickled your skin and you’re mind began to race.

“What the hell...” you whispered. “Maggie, you okay?” You called down the hall.

“Yes, Mama! I’m playing with my play-doh!” She responded happily.

Thank God... you thought to yourself.

After what happened 5 years ago, any time something felt off, no matter how small it seemed, you automatically assumed the worst.

You open the shades above your sink. The sun was shining bright—brighter than it had in forever.

“Huh...” you thought aloud.

Before you made the pasta, you sent a quick text to Steve, making sure he was still coming for his weekly dinner. After almost 20 minutes and no response, you figured something came up.

“Maggie! Dinner!” You shout, putting her plate and cup on the table.

She ran into the kitchen with delight, “S’ghetti!” She shouted, grinning from ear to ear.

You scooted her in closer to the table, before sitting in the seat beside her.

“Mama? Where’s Uncle Steve?” She asked taking a bite of her pasta.

You scooted some of the food around on your plate, “I’m not sure, kiddo. I think he might’ve gotten stuck at work.”

“Can we call him?” An innocent question from an innocent mind.

You shook your head, “No, baby. Well call him tomorrow.”

The rest of your evening was relatively calm, considering the unsettling feeling you’ve had since that episode in the kitchen. Maggie had her bath and 2 bedtime stories, and was now safely and soundly tucked in bed.

You, on the other hand, lay awake in your own, your mind unable to quiet the eerily familiar thoughts that something was wrong.

You still hadn’t heard from Steve, which is very unlike him, so you decide to text him once more.

Hey, haven’t heard from you. Weirded out by what happened earlier, idk if it was a power surge or what but now I’m anxiety city. Call me please, so I know you’re safe. Love you.

You sat with that for about an hour, before you eyes betrayed your mind. Your lids felt 1000 times heavier and you decided sleep would be a good idea since Maggie is a notoriously early riser on the weekends. You’ll call Steve in the morning, and if necessary, you’d send out a search party.

Saturday.

You’d surprisingly woken up before Maggie. This meant hopefully and hour or so to yourself, maybe watch a movie without animals that sing? That would be paradise.

As you padded through your living room with your coffee in hand, you jumped hearing someone scream outside.

You put the coffee down and quickly check on Maggie, still sound asleep. Her sound machine muffling the screams and cries from outside.

Peeking out the window, you see your neighbor crying on her knees. She’s holding someone, a boy, no older than 12 or 13.

“Miles?” You ask yourself. He was your neighbor’s son.

He’d also vanished 5 years ago.

“That’s...that’s not possible.” You whisper.

Then you hear it again, more cries. Cries of joy, from all around your neighborhood.

You fumble with the blankets on the couch, searching for your phone. You find it and quickly dial Steve’s number, but it goes straight to voicemail.

Your body is shaking as you hear the beep. “Steve, I-I don’t know what the hell is happening. T-There’s people who...I don’t know. I’m freaking the fuck out! Call me soon...please.”

A knock at the front door makes you jump. You slipped your phone into your pocket, and walked to it slowly.

With your hand on the knob, you hesitate, feeling your body screaming at you not to open it.

Another set of knocks, softer than the ones before had been.

You let out a puff of air, and swing the door open. When it revealed your visitor, you swear you could have fainted right then and there.

This couldn’t be real. He couldn’t be real.

“Hey, Sugar.” He said breathlessly.

His hair was in a bun at the nap of his neck, and he was dressed in a black Henley and sweats to match. His face was bruised and cut and the circles under his eyes showed whatever he’d just been through definitely wasn’t easy.

You felt like you were gonna collapse. The room was spinning and your vision went blurry.

“Y-You’re dead. You’re dead, James.” You spoke. What else could you say?

“Ella, you gotta sit down, your pale as a ghost.” He grabbed your hands and pulled you back into the house.

Bucky kicked the door closed, the sound of it slamming seemingly braking your trance.

“Let me go!” You shout, pulling away from him.

“Els—“ he starts.

You shake your head, “No...stop. You’re not real. I’m hallucinating or something.”

When Bucky first died, you saw him everywhere. Swearing to yourself, and your therapist, that you could still hear him—smell him.

He reached out and stroked your cheek, “I swear to you, Doll, I’m real.”

Your eyes stung with tears, “H-How?”

“It’s a long story. One that I promise I’ll tell you but I really just wanna hold you for a second.” He breathed.

You stared at him. Bucky was, for all intents and purposes, unchanged. He looked the same way he did when he vanished.

You on the other hand looked entirely different. The crinkles by your eyes were more defined, there were stretch marks on your belly from carrying Maggie, and those chronic bags under your eyes from raising her alone.

Bucky took a tentative step forward, before taking your face in his hands. He took you in for a moment, and then wrapped his arms around you. “God, you’re so beautiful.” He said into your hair.

You felt yourself melt into him, something you’d done so many times, it’s no wonder it happened so naturally.

“You always know just what to say.” Your voice was trembling.

You inhaled him. A lifetime of memories flooding your mind, along with all the pain you’d felt for the last 5 years. You shut your eyes tight, keeping the warmth of his body against yours. “I-I can’t even begin to tell you—“

“Shh, I know. Believe me, Els...I know.” He whispered.

You looked up at him. His cerulean eyes reminding you of all the life you’d lived with him, and of the one you’d loved without him. But Bucky was here, standing in the home you’d once shared together.

You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, “Buck, I need to tell you...” your voice drifted off.

Bucky brushes the hair out of your face, “What is it, Sugar?”

You shook your head, still having trouble believe this is real. “I just, I don’t know where to start, James...”

He kissed your forehead sweetly, his warm lips soothing your soul in a way you didn’t know you needed until this moment.

“Start from right now. I don’t know how to navigate this...but we can figure it out. To—“

“Mama?” Maggie’s small voice interrupted Bucky’s words.

You peek around his large form to see your daughter clinging to her stuffed piglet that shows all the signs of being well-loved for the past few years.

You sigh contently, “Good morning, beautiful girl.”

She quietly walked by Bucky, looking up at him as he stares at her in disbelief. Maggie held her arms out for you and you hoisted her to your hip.

“Ella...” Bucky says breathlessly, looking between the two of you.

He sees it immediately. The eyes that are mirror images of his own, the dimple on her cheek matching the one you have on yours.

You kissed her temple. “This is Maggie.”

A muffled sob sounded from Bucky’s chest, “Maggie...” he whispered happily.

She turns her head at the sound of her name and looks at him, watching him for a moment, taking him in.

“Does your name start with a ‘B’?” She whispered, fiddling with her stuffy.

Bucky smiles and let out a small laugh, “It sure does.”

Maggie turns back to you, her eyes wide with excitement. “Is that my Daddy, Mama?”

You squeeze her tight, blinking the tears away. “It is, baby.”

She wiggles to be put down on the floor, so you oblige.

Confident as always, she walks up to Bucky, and he crouches to meet her. “I’m Maggie.” She says, holding back a giggle.

Bucky smiles and strokes her hair, “Hi, Maggie.” He chokes out.

She spots the tears in his eyes and turns to you. “Mama? Is Daddy sad?”

Daddy

A word that was once so painful for you to hear her say, was now your favorite sound in the world.

“I don’t know, kiddo. Why don’t you ask him?” You say, crossing your arm comfortably.

She turns back to Bucky with her arms raised, and he scoops her up without a second thought. She places her little hands on his face and look at him, “Daddy sad?” She asks.

Bucky’s lip quivered, and he shook his head. “No, beautiful. D-Daddy isn’t sad.” You could tell he couldn’t believe he was saying that word.

“Daddy is so, so happy.”

Bucky has spent the day getting to know his daughter.

Maggie had shown him all of the pictures she’s drawn of him over the years. They’d had a tea party for lunch, and played with her play-doh.

You’d put her down for a nap, and Bucky washed the dishes from lunch. It all felt so routine, domestic...

Normal.

Bucky told you everything.

Thanos. The army. Natasha, and Tony. Oh God, Tony...Your heart hurt for him, and the thought he’d never see his daughter again.

“I’m so sorry, Sugar.” He said, sipping coffee from his mug.

You shook your head in disbelief. “Why are you sorry?”

He thought for a moment, before he grabbed your hand, entangling your fingers.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I made you do all this alone.” He pulled you close to him, so you were leaning against his body.

“I should be apologizing to you, I never even got to tell you...” you drifted off.

He turned your face to his, and put his lips on yours.

Passion wasn’t even an accurate enough word.

This was gratitude. This was fear, it was heartache and lust and yearning all wrapped into one.

This was love.

Bucky pulled away slowly, resting his forehead on yours.

“You’ve given me everything, Ella. Maggie...she’s--she’s incredible, and you made her that way.” The tears in his eyes finally spilled over, as did yours. “I can’t wait to get to know her.”

“I love you, James. I love you.” You said quietly.

Bucky stroked your cheek, “I love you, too.”

[bellesque]

Personally I love reading longer chapters! You’re work is flawless either way you choose to do it will be beautiful! ❤️

AAAAA thank you for having so much faith in me!! i will try my hardest to deliver 💚

i also personally like longer chapters, especially when the pacing is done just right it’s just *chef’s kiss* magic

[moonstruckbucky]

Hi there meg! We’ve never really spoken, but I am a HUGE fan of your work. Just wanna stop by and say it’s so disturbing how much hate and straight up disrespect you get. Simply for being yourself. I hope you know how much support you have, and although the hate can often be deafening, the people behind it are small and insignificant. Hope you’re doing well in quarantine. ❤️

Thank you so, so much. Honestly? They just mad they haven’t run me out of here, which they won’t.

[samthemarvelfan]

One Last Time (Part 2 of 2)

Summary: ModernAU! Mini Series! With her best friend’s wedding around the corner, Ella Monroe is bound to run into people from her past. While she may have left her old life behind, it seems as though her heart hasn’t.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC, feat: Wanda Maximoff, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson

Warnings: Swearing, heavy angst, infidelity, mentions of drinking, implied smut.

A/N: Part Two is here! (It’s long and im sorry lol) This idea was so much fun to write! Thank you as always for all the love on Part One, I’m so honored you’re reading my work! Buckle up, y’all. You’re in for quite the ride. <3 (taglist is still open, just send an ask!)

Taglist: @iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @star-spangled-beard-burn @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda @wintersoldierissucharide @snapcapquartet @ellen-reincarnated1967 @unlistedpond @my-drowning-in-time @supernaturalwintersoldier @kimvmarvel @roseboho @disaffectedbarnes​ (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!)

“I was wondering how long you were gonna avoid me.”

Your breathe caught in your throat. Suddenly, it felt like ice water was rushing down your spine.

You couldn’t think—couldn’t move. You had to will your brain to function again.

“What exactly makes you think you’re worth me avoiding?” You hissed.

Bucky’s voice was ingrained into your memory—you’d know it anywhere. The biggest crowds or the largest rooms, you could pick out his tone.

He let out a small chuckle. “It’s good to see you, Els.”

He was sat in a shadowed part of the patio, it’s no wonder you didn’t see him when you came out.

You scoffed, “Is it? Wish I could say the same there, buddy.”

The shock of seeing him had faded; how were you this composed? You’d always thought you’d be putty in his hands if you ever saw him again.

Turns out your backbone was made of fucking steel.

Bucky stood, gripping onto what you assumed was bourbon—his go-to drink.

On the rocks, three fingers high. You thought, hating yourself for remembering.

When he stepped into the light, it was clear why your backbone had been strong; you hadn’t seen his face yet.

You’d be a liar if you said he looked bad. He was still handsome as ever. He had a bit of a beard now, the stubble of one at least, and his hair was shorter thank you’d ever seen it.

“Wanda said you asked if I was here.” You crossed your arms, shielding yourself from him.

He nodded, taking a sip of his drink. “I did.”

You waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. The only sound between the two of you was the ice clinking against his glass.

“You gonna tell me why?” You sneered.

Bucky smiled and shook his head. “Just curious, Els. Just curious.”

Why is he smiling? What the fuck does he have to smile about?

“Right, I’m sure curiosity is what made you hide out here. Alone.”

He finished his drink with one final toss, “Actually, I was with Steve, but he said he was grabbing drinks for you guys, so...figured I didn’t wanna intrude.”

Your arms fell to your sides, “Intrude?” You asked.

Bucky nodded, “Yeah. On your date. Personally, I don’t see it, but if he’s what you’re into now-a-days, then...” he drifted off.

Your blood began to boil. “What I’m into?” You echoed. “I’m not here with Steve, James. Even if I was, I don’t think that’s any of your fucking business.”

His eyes widened, confidence drained from his face. “No, no, Els I didn’t mean—“

“And another thing, what makes you think you have even the smallest right to make that comment? Or any comment! It’s been 5 years, James!” You’d shouted, grateful for the music bumping inside.

Bucky scrubbed a hand down his beard, “I know, I know...shit. This isn’t how I wanted this to go.”

“This?” You asked, “There is no this. Hasn’t been for a long time, you made sure of that.”

When he didn’t reply, you scoffed, rolling your eyes.

“Ya know what? You’re not worth the aggravation. I’ve been there with you and there’s nothing good in it for me.” You start heading towards the doors to go back inside.

“Enjoy the wedding, James.” You say without looking at him.

Your hand touches the door, when he calls out to you. “Ella?”

Your gaze is returned to him once more.

“Y-you look beautiful, Doll.” He says.

You, on the other hand, don’t say anything.

Once your back inside, you find Wanda and Sam and Steve and finish the rest of your night in the company of your friends.

All while wondering if that crack you heard in Bucky’s voice was real or not.

“Vomit. I’m going to vomit.” Wanda said, fanning herself.

You rushed back to her with a glass of cold water. “Oh no you’re not, not in this dress and that makeup. I won’t allow it.”

She sipped the cold drink, “I’m starting to regret having no one up there with me.”

You adjusted her veil, primping the last bit you could. “No shit.” You joked.

She let out a long breathe, and then inhaled deeply. “I’m getting married. God, this is crazy.”

You smiled softly, “It’s not crazy. No one, and I mean no one deserves this more than you.”

Wanda’s eyes landed gently on yours, “You do.”

You sat with that for a moment. Your best friend is standing here, minutes before she walks down the isle, trying to get you to understand that you are worthy of love, and that you deserve your happy ending.

“I love you, Wan.” You choked out. “But if you make me cry I’m gonna kick you ass.”

You both laughed out your nerves. “Whew...okay, distract me. I can’t sit here for 10 more minutes in silence.”

You waited a moment, thinking on what to say, before you blurred out what was weighing most on your mind.

“I saw Bucky last night.” You whispered.

Wanda eyes expanded, “What? You didn’t tell me!”

You roll your eyes at her dramatics, “There’s nothing to tell, Wan.”

“Well what did he say?!” She prodded.

You recounted the small interaction to her. Her face making the funniest expressions with each added detail.

“Then he said ‘this isn’t how I wanted this to go’...whatever that means.” You said, handing her her bouquet.

“Anything else happen?” God damn this girl could read you like a book.

You cleared your throat. “I was uh, I was walking back inside and he stopped me and said ‘you look beautiful, doll’...”

Her jaw dropped, “He so wants you back.”

You laughed. Genuinely laughed. “Wanda, you’re psychotic.”

She slapped your shoulder, “Am not! He obviously regrets what he did and how things ended. Maybe he wanted to use this weekend to apologize?”

You shook your head subtly, slipping your heels back on. “James Barnes does not apologize.” You stated flatly.

5 Years Earlier, before the breakup.

“Buck, please stop.” You whispered to him.

He was being brash, loud, and boisterous at the very first work event you’d been invited too.

Oh yeah, and he was piss drunk off of the open bar.

“Stop what? I’m just telling stories, Doll.” He said, louder than he realized.

You colleagues all gave you looks of pity. Your boss Pepper was watching you with a curious eye, not judging, just taking in your interaction.

That was somehow worse.

“Bucky, please...everyone is looking at you. This is my job. You’re—“

“I’m what, Els?” He slurs loudly.

Your feel the blood rush to your face. “James...” you warn.

“What is it? Am I embarrassing you? I’m not fancy enough to hang out with your work pals, is that it?” His words are laced with venom. How long had he been feeling like this?

Your face softened looking at your boyfriend. About to speak, you notice Pepper making her way through the crowd.

You panic, “Alright, time to go.” Quickly, you grab Bucky’s hand and yank him toward the door.

You don’t stop walking until you’re a safe distance away from the building where the conference was being held.

“What is the matter with you?!” You shout unable to keep composure any longer.

Bucky’s face is stoic, and unfazed by your outburst.

“I was trying to have fun, but those uptight douchebags wouldn’t know fun if it—“

“I work with those people, James! My boss was watching you make an ass of yourself the whole time!” You can’t help the anger settling in your bones.

He scoffed, “So you are embarrassed of me. Noted.” He said walking past you.

But he paused, turning on his heel to take a few steps back to you. “Ya know what, Els? I didn’t have a fancy education and I don’t have a big, cushy job. I’m just an average fucking guy. I can’t fit in with these people, I don’t belong with those people.”

You cross your arms. Have you really become this couple? Fighting on the streets of Manhattan in the freezing cold?

“Have I ever asked you to be someone else? I invited you because my Boss told everyone to bring their spouses.” You take a step toward him.

Bucky sighed, running his hands down his face. “We’re just...two different people, Ella.”

All at once it feels like the winds been knocked out of you.

“Yeah. Yeah we are. But unlike you, I don’t see you the way you do. I see a hardworking man. A guy who has taken care of everyone else his whole life, and who deserves to have someone finally take care of him. I see a man who takes pride in his work and enjoys what he does. I see a guy who pays his bills on time, and who always manages to surprise me with even the smallest of gestures. I see the man I love, James.”

You were crying. How long had he felt so inadequate? It broke your heart to think he didn’t feel as important as he was to you.

“I can’t help my job. I can’t help my education. But don’t you dare throw those things in my face. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, and I’m damn proud of myself for it.

He watched you for a moment, his jaw clenched tightly. Bucky shoved his hands in his pocket before hanging his head low. “I’m...I don’t know what to say.”

Damn his pride. You thought to yourself.

You reached out to him, cupping his cheek in your hand. “I know. It’s okay.”

He kissed your palm, before pulling you into him. “I’m not good enough. I know I’m not. Not for you.”

Bucky kissed your forehead, and for some reason, you weren’t sure why, it felt like he was saying goodbye.

The wedding was beautiful. Not a dry eye in the house—certainly not from you.

“Nat was a blubbering mess.” Sam jested.

“Excuse me for being over-emotional!” She said gesturing pointedly at her stomach.

You laughed, “I cried too, Nat, don’t worry.”

“Hey, got your table cards, guys.” Steve said, walking over to the three of you.

“Thank you,” you said with a smile, “She seat us together?”

He nodded, “Sure did, thank goodness.” Steve smiled, handing you your card.

“I need to go sit and eat and eat some more—in that order.” Nat said.

You walked to the beautifully set circular table, walking around to find what seat your place card was on. That’s when you noticed the fifth seat at the table.

“Who else is seared with us?” Sam asks.

Picking up the seat card between your seat and Steve’s, you felt you stomach do a back flip.

“Is that my seat?” A voice asked, approaching you from behind.

Not a voice. His voice.

You spin to see him. Bucky. Standing there with a sheepish grin on his face.

Practically throwing the place card down, you swiftly take your seat. “Looks like it.”

Wanda, I’m going to kill you. You think to yourself.

Bucky said his hello’s to everyone, taking his seat. “I didn’t know about this, I swear.” He whispers to you.

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Just...don’t talk to me.” You whisper harshly.

From the corner of your eye, you can see the defeat on his face as he sinks back into his chair. Since when does he have feelings?

You perk up at the clinking of a fork against a crystal glass. “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen? We’re going to have a few words from the Bride and Groom before dinner is served.” Wanda’s brother announced.

Vis went first. He spoke about how he and Wanda had met, and how quickly he fell in love with her. He spoke about what he loved about her in more detail than I’d ever heard some describing anything.

He loved her. He was in love with her.

It warmed your heart to see how safe and happy your friends heart was. A soft smile landed on your lips as you watching Wanda stand and join Vis to speak.

“You ever want something like this?” Bucky whispered to you as their speeches continued.

You glance at him quickly, shocked at the ease in which he spoke to you. His face was gentle, his eyes seeming desperate for an answer.

“What, a wedding? Sure I did.” You said earnestly.

He paused for a moment, clearly nervous to speak again. “D-Did you ever want it with me?”

You hesitated. Why is he asking you this here, now? Was Wanda right? Was this all a big plan to apologize?

You sighed, turning away from him slightly. “You were my everything at one point, Buck. Future included.”

You wondered if that sentence had hurt him the way it hurt you.

Wanda continued her speech. What she was saying you weren’t sure, your mind was exactly where you didn’t want it.

With Bucky.

Despite your back being to him, you felt his stare. The heat coming off of his body, ironically enough, made you shiver.

“Ella...” his voice strained from behind you.

You did a half turn to see his face. His eyes were watery with tears, and his jaw was locked. “Can I—can we talk? Please.” He begged.

You don’t know how it happened. Maybe it was the sincerity in his tone, or the loss of hope in his eyes, but before you know it, you’re following him out to the hallway, into an empty stair well.

“I just wanna talk, I promise.” He confesses.

You roll your eyes, “You said that already, James.”

Bucky groans. “For Christ’s sake, will you stop calling me that?”

A scoff passed your lips, “It’s your name. If you’d like, I’m sure I can come up with some other things to call you.” You quipped.

He stood still finally, “It makes it sound like we’re fucking strangers, Ella .”

“That’s because we are!” You shout. “It’s been five years, probably more since I’ve seen you, let alone spoken to you. You don’t know me anymore, and I’m fairly certain I never actually knew you.”

The feeling of your heart beating out of your chest took over. You were allowing yourself to feel for the first time in all these years. All the hurt and the pain and the rage he’d caused your heart was being laid bare.

“Yes you did. You were the only one who ever saw the real me.” He said somberly.

You scoffed, “Good to know. The real you is a cheater and a liar. Noted.”

He groaned furiously, “No! For fucks sake that’s not what I meant.”

You watched the struggle happening within him. Bucky was never a “good talker” as he used to say, that’s why he always wrote letters. It was obvious he was trying to piece together some kind of coherent thought.

“Just say what you wanted to say, James.” You urge him, crossing your arms.

He shook his head. “I’m not...fuck, I’m still not good at this. You’d think I would have learned how to fucking apologize by now.”

Your breathing hitched, “What did you say?”

He sighed, “I’m taking a really long time to...just fucking say...I’m sorry. God, I’m so fucking sorry for what I did to you.”

Suddenly ice water was coursing through your veins. He said sorry. James Barnes said he was sorry.

You couldn’t speak, and even if you could, what would you say?

His voice was shaking as he spoke, “I was so fucking selfish and blinded by my own insecurities, that I let it ruin the best thing in my life. You were...God, you were everything I could have ever wanted.” He smiled, presumably getting lost in his memories of the two of you.

He stepped closer to you, and to your surprise, you didn’t back away. “But just cause I wanted you doesn’t mean I deserved you, and I guess deep down I knew that. Hell, I wanted to break up after that disaster at your office party. Remember that? That’s when I knew if we stayed together, I’d just drag you down with me.”

His words broke—re-broke your heart. The tears stinging your eye were begging to be shed. But Bucky was speaking without hesitation now, so you let him.

“I tried, Doll. I tried so many fucking times to be a man and end it. But then you’d come home after a long day and look so fucking happy to see me,” his voice cracked with emotion, “and I couldn’t do it. You were so perfect, and so good to me. I was a selfish prick who wanted to soak you in a little more before I knew I’d have to push you away.”

“You had no right to make that decision!” You sobbed.

Bucky reached out and wiped your tears off your cheeks. Why don’t you push him away?

“Honey, I was a broken, immature boy pretending to be the man you deserved...” a tear fell down his cheek as well.

You finally pushed him back, wiping your own eyes. “So you decide to fuck another girl in our bed? That was your great plan to push me away? How about be honest, Bucky!”

He stood there, taking his verbal beating. “You could’ve told me how you were feeling. I would have told you how ridiculous that was--how much I fucking loved you! How I would have helped you in any way you needed me too. But you decided to fucking kill me instead. You broke me, Bucky. The life we had wasn’t perfect, but it was ours.”

He scrubbed his face with his hands, sniffling when he shoved them back in his pockets. “I know. I know what I did. I see your face every God damn day of my life. That look on your face when you saw that girl in our house.”

You bit your lip, the painful memories of that day making your stomach churn.

“I never slept with her, though.” Bucky says plainly.

You scoff, “and here I thought for one we were finally being totally honest with each other.”

He put a hand over his heart. “On my life, Doll. I didn’t. Had I planned too? Yeah. But you came home that afternoon and thankfully I never did.”

“James...” you scold, “I saw her! She was pretty much naked in our bedroom!”

He nods, “She had gone to the bathroom to look for the condoms I hid in there. She couldn’t find them though, that’s when she walked out and you walked in.”

As you pieced together his story, your eyes flitted from side to side. “So..so you never cheated, you just intended too. But you never actually slept with someone else.” These were questions from you. They were statements. You were trying to make sense of all of this.

“Not that it makes any of what happened better, but I was gonna tell her to leave as soon as she came outta the bathroom. Honestly? I couldn’t get it up at all.” He jokes to ease the moment.

“Buck...” you chided

“I’m serious! I felt so fucking guilty, Els. I couldn’t do it. Besides she...” he drifted off.

“She what, Buck?”

His cerulean eyes met you for the first time. “She wasn’t you, Baby.”

Baby.

He’d called you that so many times. This time it felt different, it felt familiar. It felt right.

You shook your head, “Stop it, James.” Your lips quivered as you spoke.

He refused, “No. I lost you once, because of my own arrogance and stupidity, I’m not gonna do it again. Do you know how many times I wanted to write you? I have so many letters written, all of them unsent because I knew you’d never wanna see me again.”

He’d written you? He’d thought about you? All these years and you’d thought he’d forgotten you.

“I’ve loved you...what seems like my whole life, Els.”

You sniffled, “So what do you expect? Us to fall into each other’s arms and pretend like the last five years didn’t happen?”

He shook is head. “Of course not. I don’t even know what I was hoping for, really. I just needed you to know the truth, and for you to know how deeply and wholly sorry I am.”

In an instant, the world had changed. You were no longer holding onto the bitterness that had seeded itself into your heart. You’d seen Bucky in a new light, granted not a flattering one, but a true one.

One that showed he wasn’t the heartless monster you’d been believing he was for years.

“I forgive you.” You choked out.

A muffled sob snuck past his lips. “C-Can I hug you?” He asked timidly.

You hesitated, but eventually nod. In an instant, Bucky’s arms are enveloping you. His warm chest comforting your shaking body.

He held you for what felt like hours, inhaling your scent, and caressing you’re back.

But you didn’t mind.

It felt good to be held again, and to be held by Bucky felt familiar.

He pulled away slightly, to look at your face. His eyes roamed over every detail, like he was afraid he’d forget something if he’d never see you again.

“Buck.” You practically whisper.

He smiled, “I can’t kiss you...right?”

You bit your lip. “No...no. Definitely not. Right?” You reply weakly.

He stepped back, “Yeah, that’s...that’d be too much.”

You smoothed you’re dress down, and tucked some hair behind your ear. “Exactly. Yeah.”

“We should get back out there anyway. I have a feeling we’re missing that very expensive dinner.” He laughed.

You smiled softly, “Don’t wanna miss that.” You jest.

Bucky let you walk in front of him, leading the way.

You grasp the door handle, but before you can swing it open, Bucky grabs your hand and twirls your body into his.

Without missing a beat, his lips are on yours before you even have time to think. Like second nature, you melt under his touch.

Mouths moving with a remembrance and familiarity that you hadn’t felt in forever. Hands searching for changes in each other’s bodies—there were none.

“Bucky. Buck...stop. Stop.” You moaned.

He did as he was asked, “What—what’s wrong?” He breathed into you.

“We can’t do this...not here.”

He pulled back, hesitantly, but he does. “You’re right. Shit, I’m sorry.”

You laugh, “Don’t be. We just...we can’t just jump back into things like that. We gotta get to know each other again. Okay?”

He smiled whole heartedly. “Really?”

You nod. “Just...don’t make me regret this, Bucky. Please.”

Bucky grabbed your hand, bringing it to his mouth. He placed a chaste kiss on your palm, before closing it and returning it to your heart. “I promise you, Ella. I promise I’ll make this right.”

And you believe him.

Is it against your better judgement? Maybe. But you know the old saying, ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...”

As you walked back to the reception with him, you saw Bucky with new eyes. You no longer looked at him with disdain and malice, but instead, you saw hope.

Hope for not only your future and his, but hope for one you can build together.

In the end that’s all you wanted, something that everyone in your life seemed to have and believe you deserved.

A happy ending.

Part One

[samthemarvelfan]

One Last Time: Part 1 of 2

Summary: ModernAU! Mini Series! With her best friend’s wedding around the corner, Ella Monroe is bound to run into people from her past. While she may have left her old life behind, it seems as though her heart hasn’t.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC,(can be read as Y/N) Wanda Maximoff, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson

Warnings: Swearing, heavy angst, infidelity, mentions of drinking.

A/N: Hi guys! This idea came to me at about 3 am last Thursday and I’ve been fine tuning it since. It’s a long one again, (sorry!) so strap in! <3

@iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @star-spangled-beard-burn @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda @wintersoldierissucharide @snapcapquartet @ellen-reincarnated1967 @unlistedpond @my-drowning-in-time (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!) Tags are OPEN! Just send an ask :)

“So there’s no one you wanna bring?” Wanda asked through your speaker.

You’d put her on speaker phone when you entered the hotel room. Walking through checking for any imperfections, you continued your conversation.

“Wan, honestly it’s fine. I told you I didn’t need a plus-one when you sent the invites out...a year ago.”

She chuckled, “I know, I guess I was just holding out for a miracle.”

You rolled your eyes, “Ha-ha.” You said sardonically. “Well, before I’m insulted anymore, I’m gonna go get ready for your rehearsal dinner.”

“I’m only teasing you, Els. You’re not the only person coming solo...” she spoke. Wanda was your best friend, and you knew what she was doing. She was baiting you.

“Wan...” you scold.

“I’m just saying! There’s a few people who also declined the plus-one!” She feigned her innocence.

A sigh escaped you, “Are you gonna get to the point?”

She paused, “Well like, I don’t know...Bucky for example, he’s coming solo too.”

“And there it is.” You said flatly.

“There what is?” She asked.

You flopped on the bed, placing the phone on your chest. “Wanda, I don’t care that he’s going to be there. I don’t care if he’s going solo. I don’t care to see him.”

“Ella...” she said, her voice full of pity.

“No, no, no. Don’t you ‘Ella’ me,” you mock, “I’m fine, Wan. I haven’t seen him in what, 5 years? I doubt he’s even thinking about me being there, and before this conversation I sure as hell wasn’t thinking about him.”

Liar, liar, pants on fire. You thought.

She sighed, “I just...I know he hurt you. More than that, I know you, Els. I don’t want you to get wrapped up in the past when you see him. I want you to actually enjoy the weekend, not avoid Bucky the whole time you’re in town.”

You heard her say hello to someone, “Oh Els, Vis just got here, I’ll see you tonight?” She said, the excitement apparent in her voice.

“Yes you will, love you!” You pressed end on the call, and let out a puff of air.

You’d be damned if your evening was going to be ruined by Bucky Barnes.

6 Years Earlier:

“So are you guys dating or what?” Wanda asked you, gripping her mug excitedly.

You felt embarrassment rise to you face, “I...I think so? Who knows with him, he’s never actually asked me out on a date before tonight.”

She rolled her eyes as she sipped her coffee, “Ella...the guy is obsessed with you. I see the way you guys are together, he’s a different person around you.”

You smiled to yourself, “I like him, Wan. I like him so fucking much,” you laugh. “He’s so kind, and he’s funny, and he remembers everything. I told him one time—one time, what my favorite ice cream was. Remember when I had the flu a few weeks back? He sent me a whole get-well package, Ben and Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns ice cream included.”

You fidgeted with the straw in you iced coffee as Wanda looked at you. The smile on her face screamed excitement, but it didn’t match the concern in her eyes.

“What is it?” You ask, before sipping your drink.

She shook her head softly, “Nothing, Els.” She fibbed.

“Wanda...” you chastised.

She sighed, “I just don’t wanna see you get hurt. That’s all.”

You gave her a look of confusion, and she continued.

“I’ve known Bucky since college, and he’s a great friend. He’s loyal, and he’s kind, and he’d give you the shirt off his back in a second.”

“Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming...” you said cautiously.

“He’s never been a one-girl kinda guy. Any relationship he’s ever had has been...short-lived at best. I hope that’s not the case any more, is all. You’re my best friend on the planet and you don’t deserve that.”

Nodding, you take in her words. Bucky had asked if you wanted to grab dinner from your favorite pizza place and then head to the park for a picnic dinner. That sounds like a date, right?

“He makes me feel safe, Wan. Like I can be myself around him and he’ll always have my back. I’ve never felt like that with anybody.” You smile softly to yourself.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you think he doesn’t like you, truth be told I’ve never seen him act like he does with you with anyone else either, it’s like you put a spell on the guy.”

You let out a chuckle, “We can only hope!”

You looked fucking good.

You’d never been one to be that confident, but tonight you couldn’t help it. The dress you’d picked was perfect; deep green, velvet and long sleeves. All with black heels to match.

The ride to the restaurant was quick. Wanda thankfully was savvy enough to keep everything within the same 5 blocks.

As you entered, you were handed a glass of champagne, which it took a lot of control not o guzzle down in one swig.

This place was stunning. Marble floors, golden sconces, and dark wood accents. It even had an incredible view of the water, and a patio jetting out so you could enjoy the stars and views of the city.

“Ella?” A strong voice called behind you.

You spun and saw Steve with a cheeky grin on his face. “Steve, oh my God, hi!”

You embraced him without hesitation, “Holy shit, Els. I almost didn’t recognize you, you look amazing.”

He kissed your cheek as you rubbed a hand on his back. “This is nuts, what’s it been...3 years?” You ask.

He laughed, “I think so, the uh, the September Foundation Gala! That was the last project you worked on with us, right?”

You pursed you’re lips into a forced smile, and nodded. “Yeah, yeah I think so.”

A few years back, you’d been working for Stark Industries as the Liaison for Logistical Affairs; AKA the calmer of all the shit storms.

You’d proposed the Grant program to your boss/CEO of the company Tony Stark, and he actually went for it. The September Foundation is—was your baby.

“We miss you over there, the org is thriving. It’s all thanks to you ya know, you may have left us, but you inspired a lot of greatness while you were there.” Steve said earnestly.

You smiled earnestly, “Rogers I am way to sober to be this sentimental.”

He laughed, “Come on, I’ll get you a drink.”

Some time later you’d seen nearly all of your old friends.

Nat was pregnant, due to pop any second. She and Sam were expecting twins—a boy and a girl.

“I can’t believe this!” You shout, caressing her tummy.

“You? Shit, I still think there’s four or five of them in there with how big I am.” She gestured to her stomach.

You shook your head in protest, “Stop that, you are literally glowing.”

“I’m just glad Wanda, in her ever-modern wisdom mind you, decided against a bridal party.” The air quotes really added to the sarcasm.

Sam quirked an eyebrow, “Wait, I thought this was a rehearsal dinner. Y’all are telling me it’s just gonna be the two of ‘em standing up there tomorrow?”

You nod, “Yup. I think this is more of a celebration dinner with her closest pals, but that’s a little wordy for an invite.”

Nat chuckled, “It’s a little weird, but...so is Wanda.”

“Speak of the devil...” Wanda said approaching your circle of friends.

She hugged everyone, and announced that the buffet was open as was the bar.

“Open bar? Wanda you’re an angel.” Sam joked.

“Oh no, no, no. I can’t drink now or for the foreseeable future, but what I can do is eat. Let go.” Nat joked pushing Sam towards the buffet station.

“Ella, come here.” Wanda pulled you gently towards the side of the room.

“You look gorgeous.” You said. Taking in her stunning off-white gown. A little taste before the big reveal tomorrow night.

“I love you for that, but listen, Bucky just got here and I—“

“Wanda...” you say seriously.

“Ella, will you just listen? He asked me if you were here...”

Your breathing hitched, “And what did you tell him?”

She rolled her eyes, “What the fuck was I supposed to tell him? No? Of course I told him you were here. He’s at the bar with Steve.”

Surprise, surprise. You thought to yourself.

Who does he think he is? Asking if you’re here. As if he has some fucking right to even ask that. More importantly, why does he care?

Shaking your head subtly, you turn your attention back to Wanda.

“Listen to me, this is your night. Stop worrying about everyone else and enjoy your last night as a free woman.” You joked.

She rubbed your shoulder, “I can’t help it. I worry about you.”

Wanda has always had your back. She was there to pick up the pieces when Bucky left you behind. She was the one who let you mope on her couch for damn near a month before you finally slapped some sense into yourself.

“I’m grown up now, Mom,” you chided. “Time to push me out of the nest.”

She sighed, “If you need me at all, you better come find me.”

After a quick nod, and another promise, Wanda went to go mingle with Vis by her side.

The war in your head was waging fiercely. You wanted to avoid him, shield yourself from those painful memories at all cost.

But you also wanted to show him what he’d missed out on. How happy you are, how good you looked, and how much better off you are.

Without him.

You seemed to be walking on eggshells, drifting across the stone floor of the rented-out restaurant. It was only a matter of time until you were noticed.

“Ella! Come here, I got you another shot of Jameson.” Steve’s booming voice called out over the various groups of people.

Fuck, fuck, fuck me. Your internal monologue griped.

You looked to Steve, seeing he was standing alone. “Thank God...” you whisper to yourself.

Steve pulled you to him, placing a hand on the small of your back. The warm sensation made you blush.

“Steve, you know what this stuff does to me.” You chastised playfully.

He nodded, “Indeed I do, and you know what this stuff does to me.” He held up a shot of what you assume is tequila, “So we’ll be in the same boat.”

You shrugged, “As long as we’re in that boat together.”

Steve winked at you, and with that, you both tossed down the shots with ease.

The night went smoothly for a few hours. You had done shots with the bride-to-be, eaten some delicious pasta, and danced the night away with Sam and Steve.

You also had not seen Bucky anywhere.

Maybe he left. Maybe he’d asked Wanda if you were here so he’d know whether to stick around or not. Maybe he truly didn’t wanna see you, or maybe he didn’t have the fucking balls too.

5 Years Earlier:

You’d been trying to get in touch with Bucky all day. You’d gotten the job with Stark Industries and couldn’t wait to share the news with him!

After a third call to his cell left unanswered, you’d figured he was sleeping or playing video games so you decided just to wait until you got home to tell him.

You’d been living together for about a month, and it’s made life so much easier. Bucky made life so much easier.

He was so caring and so kind. He’d make breakfast on Sunday’s, a day you both had off, and he’d never let you leave without a goodbye kiss. He was truly the perfect boyfriend.

Your keys jingled in the lock, only to find it unlocked.

“Buck? Babe?” You called out into the apartment.

Dropping your bag on the bench near the door as usual, you didn’t even bother taking off your shoes as you couldn’t wait to tell him the news.

“Babe? I have the best news! Where are you?” You call out, finally hearing the music playing softly in the bedroom.

You open the door slowly, assuming he’s sleeping. Instead you see Bucky shirtless, resting against the headboard with one arm behind his head.

“Buck?” You call softly.

His eyes spring open at your voice calling out to him, and he stumbles out of the bed. “Ella? What are you—“

“Hey I didn’t find any—who the hell is this?”

All at once, it was as if time stood still.

There was a half-naked woman standing in your bedroom. Her hair was mussed and she walked to stand by Bucky like she’s known him her whole life.

“Who the hell am I? Bitch, you’re in my house! What the fuck is this, James?” You shout.

You’re enraged. Your hurt. It’s evident by the shaking of your body, and the tears forming in your eyes.

“Ella, I can expla—“

“She’s got 3 seconds to get out of my house before I break her fucking jaw.” You spoke to no one in particular, cutting him off.

The blonde grabbed a pile of clothing from the floor and left without another word.

“Ella...” Bucky said walking towards you. He was in just his boxers, a sight that usually made your mouth water, now made you ill.

“Do not fucking touch me.”

He put his hands on his hips, and hung his head low. What could he say? Nothing.

“I didn’t—“

“You didn’t what, James? Hmm?” You ask, your throat pained from holding back tears.

He shifted from foot to foot. “I didn’t think you’d be back this early.”

Wow.

His words dropped onto your heart like a boulder. You felt like you were going to be sick any second.

“Get out.” You seethed.

His eyes got wide, “Please, Doll. Please let me—“

“Get out of my fucking house!” You scream.

When he was gone, what followed was like a scene from a movie. You shredded any remnants of Bucky you could find.

Albums? Snapped in half. Clothes? Destroyed. Photos? Smashed. Anything he’d touched or bought you? Thrown out.

You should have listened. Trusted friends who had your best interests at heart. But no, you let this manipulative son of a bitch into you home, you body, and heart.

The only thing you hadn’t thrown out? His letters.

He’d written you dozens. All claiming he loved you, missed you, wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

Liar. You thought to yourself.

The memories that flooded your mind made you head start to spin.

Or maybe that was the booze.

After 10, the restaurant had been cleared of tables and turned into a private club with a dance floor.

Only Wanda...

You found Steve next to you, “I’m gonna get some air!” You shout over the music.

Steve nodded, “Want me to go with you?” He asked.

You shook your head, “No, no I’m good. I’ll be right back!”

Weaving in and out of couples and groups, you made your way to the door which led to the private patio.

The cool air kissed your skin, and you relished in the relief. The air was so clean as opposed to the sweaty mess happening inside right now.

You leaned against the railing and looked out over the water. The quiet night helped silence your mind, ironically.

Inhaling deeply, you closed your eyes. Intending to get a few moments of peace, until soft footsteps got your attention.

“I was wondering how long you were gonna avoid me.”

Part Two!

[samthemarvelfan]

Goodbyes: Finale

Summary: Ella Monroe is the Avengers newest recruit, handpicked by Steve Rogers himself. Indebted to him for reasons unknown, Cap pairs her up with Bucky Barnes. He is tasked with training her to relearn and hone the skills that have long since rusted. Bucky is cold and distant, and Ella can’t seem to break through the wall he’s built up for decades. He sees something in her though, and it scares him to death. Has the fate of these two strangers been sealed? …or will they always be longing…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC

Warnings: None (for the first time in this whole damn series), maybe a sexual innuendo or two? This is a piece of long-overdue, cathartic FLUFF. Enjoy!

A/N: I cannot believe we’ve reached the end! Thank you all so much for your love, your comments, your reblogs...all of it. This was the first thing I ever posted to this blog, and I am so proud of how far we’ve come. Ella is my forever-muse, so expect to see more of her! I can’t tell you what this series has meant to me. Thank you for being a part of it! <3

P.S. There may be an epilogue in the works!

@iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @star-spangled-beard-burn @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda @wintersoldierissucharide @snapcapquartet @ellen-reincarnated1967 @unlistedpond (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!)

Bucky woke so well rested, it was almost startling.

When was the last time he’d slept that soundly? He couldn’t remember.

Rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, he looked at the sleeping form on his left. All curled up under the blankets, exposing just a few bits of your gorgeous skin.

It felt like a dream.

He couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his lips. How was it that you were here? After all he’d done to push you away, you never gave up on him.

Bucky laughed for a moment, recalling your stubbornness. Something he’d never thought he’d be grateful for.

What the hell did he do to deserve someone like you? You, who calmed the storm that had been raging inside him for nearly a century. All while dealing with demons of your own.

He kissed your forehead softly, not wanting to disturb you. As he stood from the bed, a sigh of contentment escaped his lips.

He was happy.

For the first time in God only knows how long, Bucky Barnes was happy, and it was all thanks to you.

The sound of running water and soft jazz woke you gently from your slumber.

Bucky’s scent surrounded you as you stretched, reveling in the memories from the night before.

You stood, grabbing your shirt from the night before and putting it on.

The bathroom door opened slowly, and quietly; Bucky assuming you were still sleeping. When he saw you were awake, he smiled.

“Good morning.” He said, walking to stand in front of you.

“Hi.” You said shyly.

His voice was different, lighter. Had he always sounded so...happy?

He leaned down, giving you a soft kiss. The still-wet tendrils of hair covering your cheeks in droplet of water.

The kiss was long, but sweet. “Any regrets?” He asked, playing with a loose strand of your hair.

You shook your head. “Not one. You?”

Bucky kisses you again, quickly this time. “Best night of my life, Doll.”

You smiled, sitting back down on his bed. “We gotta go to that debriefing, right?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, noon sharp.”

Silence fell over the room as Bucky dressed. It’s was calm, and comfortable. The two of you exchanged glances every now and then as he flitted around the room, smiling whenever his eyes met yours.

Bucky sat on the bed next to you. Your hands naturally intertwined, and he began playing with your fingers.

“So...” you said.

“So...” he responds with a smile.

You laughed softly, “Is now when we have that talk where we establish what we are?”

“What we are?” Bucky asked.

“Is there an echo in here?” You ask sarcastically, “I just wanna make sure we’re on the same page.”

He adjusted his position to face you. “Hey, I meant what I said Els. I love you. Even if last night hadn’t happened, I’d feel the exact same way.”

You smile, feeling your cheeks burn. “I-I love you, too.”

And you meant it. Your body was aglow with your feelings for him, every touch made you weak in the knees.

He lightened noticeably, stroking your cheek with his thumb and watched you for a moment. “God, you’re beautiful.”

The heat rushing to your cheeks was apparent, “Buck...” you griped shyly.

“What? Am I not allowed to call my girl beautiful?” He asked happily.

Butterflies swarmed in your stomach.

His girl.

“You are,” you said, kissing him quickly. “I’m just not used to it, it’s different...good different.”

He smiled, “Good. We have some time to kill before the meeting, any ideas?” He asked, standing in front of you.

“Breakfast?” You ask, standing.

Bucky looked at you slyly, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Bucky!” You chastised out of embarrassment. “I was thinking something like, oh I don’t know, waffles?”

He rolled his eyes dramatically, “Oh fine,” He griped, “You’re more of a dessert anyway.”

Your mouth hung open in shock as Bucky placed a small smack on your backside.

“Then we blew it to hell, and got the hell outta there.” Steve finished.

The debriefing was a success. You learned not only had HYDRA begun kidnapping children again, they were planning a large scale attack on the dark web to leech out encrypted data from every major government they could.

“Imagine if they got the nuclear codes...” Rhodes said coldly.

“Yeah...but they didn’t. Meeting adjourned, everyone go do something to de-stress.” Tony winked.

You stood from your seat next to Bucky, and hung back as everyone made their way to the door.

“You coming, Doll?” Bucky asked.

You nodded, “Go on, I’ll meet you on the dock.”

He smiled before turning to leave, and you heard Steve clear his throat.

“So...Doll, huh?” He smirked.

You slapped his shoulder playfully. “Oh hush, you.”

He put his hands up in defense, still with that signature Roger’s smile. “Hey Ella, I’m all for it. I told him a long time ago you two weren’t so different. I’m just glad he wised up.”

You looked out the windows of the conference room to see Bucky, he was skipping stones across the surface of the lake as he waited for you on the dock.

“He’s not like anyone I’ve ever known, Steve. He’s been through so much. I just hope I can make him happy.” Your voice was tinged with doubt.

Steve wasn’t having it. “Him? I hope he can make you happy. You deserve it just as much as he does.”

You smiled softly, “I hope that’s true.”

Steve continued, “I know Bucky. I’ve known him in this century and the last, and I’ve never seen him as happy as he is when he’s with you, Ella.”

Warmth filled your heart, “Thanks, Cap. I mean it. Thank you for saving my life—and changing my life. You didn’t owe me a damn thing, you could’ve walked away, but because of you...” you had to pause and blink back the tears.

Letting a shaky breath out, you continued. “I have a home...I have a family. I have a future, Steve.”

He stepped forward, enveloping you in his arms.

“I couldn’t have left you there. I saw what they’d done to you and...I don’t know. It made me furious, you were so defenseless, but you were a fighter. I saw it in your eyes the second I took you out of those chains. Besides, look at you now.” He kisses the top of your head.

“Love you, Steve.” You said earnestly.

“Love you right back, Ella.”

“Hiya, handsome.” You called to Bucky as your feet echoed off the dock.

He turned with a smile. “Hey gorgeous. I was starting to think you forgot about me.” His hands found your hips, and he pulled you close to him.

You stood on your tippy toes and kissed his lips quickly, and sighing contently. “Remind me again why it feels like I’ve known you my whole life?”

He chuckled, turning to walk with you to the edge of the dock. “Can’t answer that one, Sugar. But trust me, I know the feeling.”

Bucky let you sit first before he joined you. He kept an arm around you as you leaned into him.

“So what now?” You ask.

He let out a soft breath, before kissing the crown of your head.

“We’ll start over. Together. How’s that sound?” He asked.

You thought for a moment. “No.” You’d said.

He leaned back to look at you. “No?”

“There’s that echo again.” You joked.

“Els...” he scolded.

You turned slightly toward him. “I don’t wanna start over, Buck. Why should we? We’ve been through more this year than most people go through in a decade. We both deserve a win, and this can be ours.”

You saw a smile start to form on his lips as you spoke.

“Without all the shit that’s happened to us, neither of us would be here, and we certainly wouldn’t be here together. So let’s start from right now, and just...be.” You finished.

Bucky held your face in his hands for a moment, just looking at you.

“God damn, I’m a lucky son-of-a-bitch.” He kissed you deeply.

After that, you sat for what felt like hours. Sometimes it was quiet while you just leaned into one another, other times you’d swap stories from the happy parts of your lives—the parts you remember anyway.

“My Ma woulda loved you.” He said, grinning from ear to ear as you walked back to the compound.

Your heart fluttered, “Oh yeah?”

Bucky nodded, “Mhm, you call me on my crap, and you aren’t afraid to speak your mind. She was the same way.”

You smiled, stroking his beard lightly. “She sounds like a strong woman.”

He smiled at the ground, “Tough as nails, which was a rare commodity back then. Most dames thought it was best to shut up and look pretty.”

You giggled, “Dames, hm?”

His face turned red, “Showing my age a little there, huh?”

You held onto Bucky’s hand, tugging him into the elevator. “Lounge,” you announced. “It happens a lot, especially when you tell stories from back in the day.”

He squeezed your hand, the cool metal now the same temperature as your flesh. “Sorry, Doll.”

You looked at him seriously, “Why would you ever be sorry about that? I love it, Buck. It’s you being you, the real you. That’s all I want.”

The doors opened, and you caught Sam walking by.

“Well if it ain’t the love birds.” He quipped.

“Sam...” you groaned, embarrassed.

“Only teasing, Punchline,” He laughed. “But for the record? Called it.” He smiled ear to ear.

You rolled your eyes at his childish giggle.

“You guys wanna eat? We ordered enough Chinese food to feed an army.” He said, gesturing to the lounge.

You looked to Bucky, who shrugged. “Sounds good to me, Sugar.

You followed Sam into the lounge. Everyone was talking and joking around the large table.

You looked on for a moment, it was still so surreal. This was your home and these people you’ve come to care so much for not only accepted you, but wanted you around.

“Els, you okay?” Bucky asked as he handed you a play.

You nod and smile, “I’m great, just thinking.”

“What about?” He asked, stroking your arm.

You look up into his cerulean eyes, and kiss him slowly before you speak.

“How ridiculous it is that this is my life. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, Buck.” You felt the sting of tears brim your eyes.

Bucky kisses your forehead, “Come on, Baby Doll. Let’s eat.”

You lay in your bed with Bucky. He’s reading a book about modern technology’s effect on the century and you scrolled through your phone.

Juxtaposition at its finest.

Being here, this way with him. It felt like this is where you’d been meant to be all your life. You smiled before looking at him.

“Did you even think we’d be here?” You ask.

Bucky chuckled deeply, “I didn’t think I’d see this century, Baby Doll.”

You laughed with him. “Is it still weird for you?” You ask.

He shook his head. “Not really, not anymore.”

It’s remarkable. How easy it suddenly was with Bucky. Not that you’d ever forget what you’ve been through both with him and without him, but it felt right.

And your heart felt at peace.

“Els?” He called.

“Hm?”

He turned to you slightly, “For the record, I don’t know what I did to deserve you either.”

You put your phone down and looked up, only to see him smiling down at you.

You sighed contently, snuggling into him even more. Bucky abandons his book on the nightstand and holds you close.

“It’s a good life, Sugar.” He says, kissing the crown of your head.

You press your cheek to his chest and hear his heart beating rapidly beneath you.

“Now it is, Buck. Now it is.”

[samthemarvelfan]

Goodbyes: Chapter Nine

Summary: Ella Monroe is the Avengers newest recruit, handpicked by Steve Rogers himself. Indebted to him for reasons unknown, Cap pairs her up with Bucky Barnes. He is tasked with training her to relearn and hone the skills that have long since rusted. Bucky is cold and distant, and Ella can’t seem to break through the wall he’s built up for decades. He sees something in her though, and it scares him to death. Has the fate of these two strangers been sealed? …or will they always be longing…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC

Warnings: A N G S T, Bucky is a dick, slow burn, alcohol, flirting, swearing...there was one more thing, now what was it...oh yeah SMUUUTTT.

A/N: Hey quarantine pals! I hadn’t planned to get this chapter up this early, but if it helps any of you escape the current situation we’re all in, then I’m all for it! Please enjoy! This chapter is a long one, but worth it, I promise! Sadly, this story will soon coming to an end, but I can’t wait to show you all my next work! As always, any feedback is so appreciated!

Taglist: @iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @heartofagamotto @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda @wintersoldierissucharide (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!) Tags are OPEN! Just send an ask :)

Your heels were abandoned before you hit the elevator.

Bucky was no where to be found. He has somehow managed to disappear in the 60 seconds it took you to make your way out of the party.

“Fucking super soldier...” You grumble under your breath.

You figure he’d probably gone back to his room like the petulant child he was being, so you jumped in the elevator, heading for your floor.

You were in the middle of rehearsing what to say to him when the doors opened. Peeking down the dimly lit hallway, your eyes landed on the body moving quickly in your direction.

You stepped out of the elevator, hearing the doors close slowly behind you before you took another step. You stealthily pressed the lower level button, sending the lift all the way to the bottom floor.

Bucky appeared before you, the anger and frustration obvious on his face; but you weren’t going to let him avoid you...not this time.

“Move.” He said harshly, his cerulean eyes glaring at you.

“No.” You reply confidently, standing your ground.

“For fucks sake, Ella...” he tried to step by you, but you grabbed his wrist.

That’s when you spotted the bottle of whiskey held firmly in his hand; already 3/4 of the way gone.

“When did you drink that?” You asked, worry coating your words.

He smirks and takes another swig. “Nabbed it from the bar on my way up.”

You’d scoff shaking your head, “You’re unbelievable.”

Bucky lets out a laugh, “Oh I’m unbelievable?” He takes a step closer to you, and you smell the alcohol on his breath.

Your face heats up from your own semi-drunken state, and you step back from him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask.

“You know what the fuck it means, Ella.” He slurs. “Why are you here? Why did you follow me? Won’t Steve be missing you?”

There it is.

Your plan to make Bucky jealous had indeed worked, but now it seemed like it was backfiring.

He moves to walk past you back down the hallway towards his room, but you follow him.

“What about you? Won’t Nat wonder where her date went?” You ask, bitterness evident on your tongue.

Bucky stops abruptly and turns around, “What was that Els?” He asks, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

“Just...forget it. Give me the whiskey, Bucky.” You reach out to snatch it from him, but he quickly yanks his arm back, and chugs the rest of it.

“Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?!” You yell.

He laughs, stepping close to you, handing you the now bone-dry bottle, “Please, with my metabolism, I’ll burn it off in 20 minutes. Unlike those shots you were downing all night.”

Your frustration is at its peak now. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Like what?” He asks with disdain.

“This! You’re being an asshole for no reason!” You shout, the alcohol dissolving your inhibitions.

“You barely said two fucking words to me since you got back! And you didn’t even have the fucking decency to say goodbye to me when you left!” You shout at him.

He was quiet, if only for a moment. “Oh, so that’s why you’re snuggling up to Steve? You’re mad at me so you decided to move onto my best friend? The guy you’re ‘not fucking’ right?”

The regret on his face was evident the moment the words left his lips. You spotted the dilation in his pupils as he took in what he’d just said to you.

“Wow.” You say pushing past him. “Fuck you.”

You know he’s following you, but you don’t care. You push your door open praying it would latch shut before he could enter, but of course, it doesn’t.

You walked to your dresser, discarding the earrings and necklace you wore when Bucky appeared in the mirror behind you.

“I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just pretty fucking obvious you two have feelings for each other!” He said a bit louder than intended.

“Why, Bucky? What makes it obvious?” You ask, crossing your arms and facing him now.

He looked taken aback by your question, and you scoffed. “What is it Buck, the fact that we laugh together? Talk to each other? Trust one another? Care about each other?” You ask.

“Christ, I get it! Yes! All of that!” He shouts, throwing his hands up.

“Ya know what that’s called, James? A fucking friendship!” You shout at him.

He looks at you with confusion and concern.

James.

You’ve never called him James.

You cross your arms once more, “You told me you were gonna earn my trust, and I believed you. But this guy,” you gesture to him, “You’re not acting like yourself.”

Bucky scoffed, “Right, because we know each other so well. We’re fucking strangers, Ella.” He quipped, resentment in his tone.

Those words hurt your heart. It wasn’t until this moment you felt the tears of frustration and sadness prickle your eyes.

“Yeah? And who’s fucking fault is that?” You ask with a trembling voice. “You pretended to hate me for months so I would leave you alone, all because you felt something for me, but you’re too afraid to let anyone in.”

You wipe your eyes quickly, “This push-and-pull thing? It’s not fair to me. I’ve tried to breakdown this fucking wall you built around yourself, and every time I think I’m getting close, you shut me out!”

His jaw clenched at your words and at the sight of the tears you were so desperately trying to hide.

“I wasn’t something to run from, Bucky.” You speak softly.

His hands fall to his sides as he takes a step forward, “Ella, I—“

“No, Buck. I’m done with...whatever this is. I can’t do it anymore—my heart can’t do it anymore.” You walk the few steps to your door and open it. “Please leave.”

He looks as if you’ve just knocked the wind out of him. He wants to protest, you can see it. The shift in his eye from anger to regret to sadness. He doesn’t fight you though, Bucky leaves without another word.

When the door latches, you let the tears finally fall as you slide down against the it.

3 hours later and you’re sober and sleepless.

You’ve chugged water and taken some ibuprofen to prevent an early morning headache, but right now the only thing aching was your heart.

Bucky broke you, and you weren’t even his to break.

But he was what you wanted—Who you wanted, but you can’t force someone to want what they don’t.

You wonder if what Bucky said about his metabolism was true. He was so drunk when he left your room. Dangerously so.

You recall how he staggered out, and how strongly he smelled of whiskey, even 3 feet from you.

“Let it go, Ella. Let. It. Go.” You mutter to yourself. Tossing and turning in your bed for the 1000th time.

What if he’s passed out on his back and he throws up and chokes to death? What if he took a bath and fell asleep in the tub and drowned? What if he tripped and hit his head and—

Your brain kept repeating the most tragic of scenarios over and over until you couldn’t take it. You’d check on him quickly, confirm he’s still alive and an asshole, and hopefully come back and actually sleep this night off.

The soft padding of your feet was all you heard as you stepped down the hall, stopping in front of Bucky’s room.

Your hesitation was to be expected, but the 4 minutes you stood there doing nothing was a bit ridiculous.

“Shit...” you seethed, knocking on the door several times.

You waited for an answer. Nothing.

Another quick set of knocks.

Nothing.

Your heart began to race. Did something happen to him?

You twisted the knob, and to your surprise it opened.

“Bucky?” You called out.

His room was dim, the navy blue of the walls barely discernible from black in this light. The bed was mussed, and there was a notebook and pen on the nightstand.

“Bucky!” You shout, more panicked than you realized,

The bathroom door swings open suddenly, revealing a wet, shirtless Bucky just feet from you.

“Jesus, Doll. What’s the matter? You alright?” He asked, concerned.

A breath you weren’t aware you’d taken was released from your lungs.

“I-I got worried. You drank so much and I kept picturing you drowning in the bathtub or something, I don’t know.” You shake your head in embarrassment.

He smiled softly, the light casting the perfect shadow onto his strong features. It was obvious he’d just showered, and he smelled good.

“I sobered up ‘bout 15 minutes after I left your room. Told ya, perks of the serum.” He dried his hair quickly with a towel, before tossing it into the hamper.

You nod, relief flooding your chest. “Good.” You start to fidget with the drawstring if you’re red cotton shorts, “Since you’re alive, I’m just gonna—“

“You don’t have to go.” Bucky says suddenly.

He steps closer to you, his basketball shorts hanging low on his hips.

Focus, Ella. You think.

You sigh, “Yeah I do, Buck. I really do.”

You turn and head for the door. Your hand is on the knob when you hear him speak again.

“I couldn’t say goodbye to you, okay?” He says.

You’re breath gets caught in your throat, but you manage to turn to face him. “What?” You ask.

“If I had seen you before I left for that mission, I wouldn’t have gone. If I had to say the word ‘goodbye’ to you, there’s no way in hell I woulda got on that jet, Els.”

Bucky stands like a boy in trouble, waiting for you to scold him. When you don’t, he decides to keep going.

He lets out a puff of air, “I’m not good at this, Ella. I haven’t felt something—anything for a long time. Then you fall into my life and I can’t think straight. I open my eyes in the morning, and it’s you. Before I close them at night, it’s you. You’re it, Els.”

As he spoke you stepped closer to him, all thoughts of leaving, abandoned at this point.

“I had to leave before everyone else, or I swear to God I wouldn’t have gone at all. That mission...I knew it was important, but nothing is as important as you. I wrote you a letter and everything in case...”

“In case what, Bucky?” You ask nervously.

He shrugged, “I don’t know, Doll. In case something happened to me over there and I couldn’t come home to you.”

Your heart clenched at the thought of never seeing Bucky again.

“I’m not good with my words. I used to be, hell I could charm the pants off anyone back in my day, but now...you got me all outta sorts. Here...” he walked to his nightstand, you followed at his heels.

He opened the drawer, taking out an envelope and handing it to you. “You can read it if you’d like.”

Bucky and you sat on the edge of his bed, the gray comforter soft and inviting on your skin.

You opened the envelope with trembling hands and read it to yourself.

Hey Els,

I’m betting you’re pretty upset with me. Please don’t be. I couldn’t bear the thought of saying goodbye to you.

God I’m hoping we make it back. I’ve never had a reason to fight so hard before you, Els. Now, it’s like I’ll do everything and anything I can to come home to you.

If I don’t come home, please know you were the last thing on my mind. I’m kicking myself right now for not making you my girl when I had the chance.

That would be my biggest regret.

Actually, no. My biggest regret would be not kissing you. Jeez, Doll. I’ve thought about doing it so many times, but it never felt like the right moment. That’s the first thing I’m gonna do if I get outta here. I’m gonna love you and kiss you like there’s no tomorrow.

Keep smiling at the sunrise, Gorgeous. I’ll see you when I see you.

-Bucky.

Your hand covered your mouth, as your eyes welled with tears. Bucky noticed and perked up immediately.

“Please don’t cry, Doll. I’ve made you cry so much already. I’m sorry.” He said wiping your tears away with his thumb.

This man. This wonderful, beautiful man had your heart, and you didn’t know it, but you’ve had his all along.

You turned your body towards him. “Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?” You ask with a sniffle.

Bucky’s hand stroked yours, “I couldn’t leave that kinda pressure on you. Beside if you didn’t feel the same, I don’t know what I woulda done.”

You folded the letter and gently put it back in the envelope before placing it on Bucky’s nightstand.

“Do you?” Bucky asked.

You smiled knowingly, “Do I what?”

Bucky’s hand found your face, his right palm warming your cheek. “Do you feel the same, Els?”

Your hand gripped his as his cool metal one pressed against your other cheek, creating an electrifying contrast.

You moved toward each other like magnets, as he held your face in his hands.

“Why don’t you kiss me and find out?”

Bucky didn’t need to be asked twice. In moments his lips were on yours, making your body feel weightless.

Senses buzzing, Bucky’s mouth on your own, feeling his stubble prickle the skin around your lips. This pent up frustration and want for him finally being released caused your mind to spin.

He tangled his fingers in your hair, nibbling at your bottom lip. Bucky quickly lifted you over his lap, so you were straddling him on the edge of the bed.

His hands moved slowly down your body, resting on your hips for a moment before finding the curve of your ass.

“Els, Ella wait...” he said, breaking your kiss.

You can feel the swelling of your lips, and notice his must be just as red as yours. “What’s wrong?” You ask.

He smiled, “Nothing, baby, nothing I just...” he stroked his hands back and forth over your hips as he spoke, “If we do this, there’s no going back. Not to what it was...I can’t. You gotta be my girl.”

You smile, kissing him once more. “I’ve been yours, Buck.”

His lip is drawn between his teeth as he tucks his head in the crook of your neck, peppering it with wet kisses until he stops at the spot below your ear.

This earns a soft moan from you and you feel Bucky smile against your skin. “Fuck, I could listen to that all day.” He groans.

With one hand on your back, Bucky flips you over, laying you on his bed. “Can I see you, Doll?” He asks playing with the hem of your shirt.

Your only response is sitting up slightly; enough for him to lift the shirt over your head. Bucky is back on you again, his shirtless torso resting on yours as he trails sloppy, wet kisses down your chest.

The cool metal of his left thumb brushes over your already peaked nipple, while his warm, wet tongue swirls and sucks around the other.

“Mmm, Bucky.” A barely coherent praise. His touch made your skin burn with want and between your legs drip with lust.

He moved to the center of your abdomen, kissing down the middle, stopping right above your shorts.

He looked up at you, lips still attached to your skin. His eyes had never looked this way, the lust and the want and the eagerness to please you. He was love-drunk and you loved it.

In a flash, he pulled your shorts down, tossing them into the darkness of his bedroom. You were laid out for him fully now, no where to hide; on display for his taking.

You suddenly are very aware of every flaw you’d ever noticed in yourself. As Bucky stands quickly to remove his shorts, your eyes lock with the ceiling and you cover what you can.

“Oh baby, no.” He coaxes you. His honey-smooth voice coating your ears in praise. “Please don’t hide from me. You’re—“ he pauses to move your hands to above your head.

His lips is drawn between his teeth a his eyes roam your curves. “Christ...you’re so fucking beautiful.” He breathes.

Bucky smoothly pulls your hips to the edge of the bed, “I’m gonna taste you, Doll. I’ve got too, that okay?”

You nod, feeling goosebumps prickle your skin as his rough fingertips trace patterns up your legs. You watch as he drops to his knees, and starts to pepper your inner thigh with sweet kisses.

Bucky pauses when he gets to your heat, inhaling you in your most intimate of places. He’s marking you, memorizing your scent.

He places a chaste kiss against your clit. Sending fireworks up your spine.

Another kiss.

You watch him as he starts to devour you, only a moment before you throw your head back in rapture.

“Oh my God, James...” You moan wildly.

A gruff laugh escaped Bucky, “James huh? Mmm, I like that.”

Bucky licks your heat with wild abandon, sucking your swollen clit skillfully, bringing you to the precipice of release.

Your fingers grip his hair, grinding your hips toward his magical tongue. All too quickly though, he pulls away. “Not yet, Gorgeous. Wanna make you cum with my cock our first time.”

You groan in frustration and anticipation. Bucky stands from the bed once more, and you sit up. Eyes locked on his face as you look up through your lashes. You scoot forward and hook your fingers into the band of his briefs, and pull them down.

The quiet gasp that passed your lips earned a chuckle from him. His cock is at full attention, long and thick as you knew it would be. Swollen pink tip coated in pre-cum.

Without thinking, you leaned forward, gripping his length, stroking him a few times.

“Shit, Doll...” he whispered.

You took his length in your mouth, and felt him shiver in your grasp. As you drop to your knees, his cock never leaves your mouth. You bob you head a few more times, feeling the tip touch your throat.

“Baby, I’m not gonna last if you keep doing that...need to be inside you, Sugar.”

You coat his member in a final lick before scooting yourself back on the bed. Bucky crawled over you, kissing your mouth gently. Lovingly.

He leaned back, hooking your legs up with his hands, and nudging them open. As he moved forward to kiss you again, he slowly filled your heat.

“Oh shit...” you moan. Soon he’s buried to the hilt, resting in you for a moment. While you definitely needed to adjust, it felt like Bucky was made for you.

“Fuck, so tight, Els.” He moaned into your neck.

You lift you legs a bit, allowing him more access to you as he starts to move. His full length giving you more pleasure than you thought possible.

Bucky’s lips find your own, as your hands grips his hair. His movements aren’t reckless, each thrust was designed to pleasure you.

Bucky brings himself up onto his knees while he fucks you. Your breasts bouncing wildly, and he chestnut locks swaying to the same rhythm.

There’s nothing else that matters to you. In this moment, you’re his.

Bucky dips his hand down to where the two of you meet. He coats his thumb in your slick before pressing it to you clit. “I want you to cum with me, Doll.” He breathes.

He draws quick circles with his thumb, and you feel the pleasure building below your stomach. His thrust are hard now, deliberate.

“Fuck. Bucky, I’m gonna...oh my God...” you moan as you feel yourself about to let go.

“Cum with me, Ella. I’ve got you...” he moaned.

And you did.

The fire spread through your veins in a flash as you came, feeling high on the love Bucky had just made to you.

He came with the most animalistic moan as you felt his hot release inside you. Lowering himself to you and repeating your name like a prayer on his lips.

Mess be damned. Bucky moves to the side of you, pulling you in close and face to face.

“I’ve wanted that—you for so long, Els.” He speaks, catching his breath.

You scoot up to capture his lips with yours. A reply he understands, you’ve wanted this as long as he has.

“I-I love you. Honest to God, Doll. I love you.” He says, voice full of emotion.

You rest your hand on his face, stroking his scruff gently. “I love you.”

Bucky smiles as his eyes close, and he rests his forehead against yours.

He holds you for what feels like hours, until you see the glow of a new day’s sun shining from the crack between his curtains.

Bucky is sleeping peacefully, deep and rhythmic breaths making his strong chest rise and fall.

You took this opportunity to clean yourself up. Using a washcloth you’d found in the linen closet to take care of the mess Bucky had made of you.

When you crawled back into his bed, his arms had found you once more.

“Mm, thought you left me, Sugar.” He groaned sleepily.

You chuckle to yourself, stroking his hair off of his face. “Never.”

A chaste kiss from you is planted on his forehead, and he pulls you close.

It’s quiet for a moment, before you hear him speak. “Thank you, Els...”

“For what?” You ask sincerely.

Bucky sighed, and stroked your hair gently. “For seeing me, when I tried so hard not to be seen.”

You smiled shyly. “I love you. Come on now, get some sleep. I have a feeling we won’t be getting any for the next few nights.”

You feel him smirk against your skin. “Babydoll, you have no idea.”

Chapter 10 (Finale): Be

[samthemarvelfan]

Goodbyes: Chapter Eight

Summary: Ella Monroe is the Avengers newest recruit, handpicked by Steve Rogers himself. Indebted to him for reasons unknown, Cap pairs her up with Bucky Barnes. He is tasked with training her to relearn and hone the skills that have long since rusted. Bucky is cold and distant, and Ella can’t seem to break through the wall he’s built up for decades. He sees something in her though, and it scares him to death. Has the fate of these two strangers been sealed? …or will they always be longing…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC, feat Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Tony Stark

Warnings: ANGST, Bucky is a dick, mutual pining, self sabotage, slow burn, alcohol, flirting, swearing. I think that’s it!  Def not following a specific MCU canon or timeline.

A/N: I legit can’t believe the love from you all! Gosh my lil heart might burst! Please stick with me after this chapter and please don’t hate me! Patience is a virtue after all. Thank you for every comment, like, message and reblog. Love you endlessly. <3

Taglist: @iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @heartofagamotto @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!)  (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry! Tags are OPEN!)

Three fucking weeks.

At this point, you were almost positive you were losing your mind.

Everyone was still in Romania, and you hadn’t had any actual contact with the team. Sam occasionally gave you the smallest of updates, usual in the form of a message that said “we’re alive.”

Gotta love that detail.

Wanda had checked on you too, making sure you were eating, as you had a tendency to forget to when you were stressed.

What drove you mad more than anything was that you hadn’t heard from Bucky. Was it really all in your head? The two of you connecting finally, and then he just vanished without a word?

Sure, maybe you were being irrational and needy. He was working; risking his life for the greater good after all. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, though.

“Miss Monroe, you’re receiving a call.” FRIDAY’s voice announced.

You jumped off the couch and ran to comm beacon in the middle of the table.

“Hello?” You ask, hopeful.

“Hey, Punchline! Miss me?” Sam’s humorous tone asked.

You couldn’t even speak, the only sound escaping your lips was an almost sob of relief.

You hear Steve chuckle in the background. “I’ll take that as a yes, meet us on the roof in 5?”

“You bet.” You reply quickly.

You pull your gray, half-zip hoodie over your head as you jog to the elevator. “Flight deck.” You announce as you enter.

The doors close and you hear and feel the rumble of the Quinjet docking. “Finally.” You whisper to yourself.

You get to the roof and see the bay doors opening as the ramp drops. Steve is the first one out, followed swiftly by Sam.

“You guys look the shit.” You jest, running at Steve with open arms.

He wraps you in the tightest hug, “Missed you too, Ella.” He laughs.

“How ‘bout me?” Sam asks. You turn to him with a smile, and he embraced you too.

“Is everyone alright? Did you...did you guys...is it done?” You couldn’t really formulate a thought, your mind still wondering how the hell they survived.

Steve nodded. “Every ounce of data we could extract, we did. That base wasn’t even close to inactive. In fact, it was the hub for HYDRA’s new order.”

Your mouth dropped, “What?”

Sam spoke, “Don’t worry, there’s a debriefing tomorrow, we’ll let you know everything we know.”

Your eyes glance behind Steve and Sam. You see Wanda and Vision exit the plane, relieved that they’re okay. You were chewing on your bottom lip, feeling the impatience take hold of you.

Where the hell is he? You thought.

“Hey Ella, listen—“ Sam said, but you tuned him out, hearing more footsteps on the ramp.

There he was, Bucky, safe and—what?

He was holding someone. A woman. Carrying her like a parent does their child after they’ve fallen asleep in the car.

She was stunning. Milky skin with gorgeous red locks. You knew who this was without a doubt, recalling her photo from the file you’d read months ago. Natasha, the Black Widow.

She was smiling. He was smiling. A real, genuine, happy look graced his face as he walked towards you all.

“Barnes, you can put me down now.” She laughed.

He shook his head, “Not a chance, Kitten. Can’t have you runnin’ off on me again can we?”

She pushed some hair out of his face, “I’m not going anywhere this time. I found what I was looking for, and I don’t intend on letting it go.” She smirked her perfect lips at him, causing him to blush.

Bucky places her gently on her feet before looking at you. His eyes looked panicked as he took in the expression on your face.

“You must be Ella! Nice to meet you, I’m Nat. Steve’s told me so much about you.” She smiled, pulling you in for a hug.

Why didn’t Bucky tell you about me? You think begrudgingly.

A smile graced your face nonetheless as you return the hug. “Its an honor, you’re a legend.” You say in an attempt to control your tone. It was true, too. Natasha Romanoff was infamous in your line of work.

“Don’t boost her ego, Kid.” Tony says walking by you.

You smiled politely, eager to escape to your room. “Well you guys must be exhausted, I’ll let you—“

“Hell no. I need a drink and I need one now.” Sam said as he walked towards the door leading back inside.

“You think you get to drink alone, Wilson? I don’t believe that’s how this relationship works.” Tony said as he completed his retinal scan by the keypad.

“We’re gonna have a ‘hey look at that, none of us died’ dinner tonight. Pizza, beer, booze, music. 8 o’clock in the lounge.” Tony said disappearing inside.

You turned around to see Bucky whispering in Natasha’s ear, both laughing like giddy fucking schoolgirls.

Are they...does he...is she... you’re brain tried to think, but it couldn’t seem to complete a thought.

You wanted to punch him in that smug face of his. He didn’t even have the balls to say goodbye to you when he left, and now that he’s back he has the audacity to not say two words to you?

“I’m always down for pizza, how ‘bout you Ella?” Steve asked, swinging an arm around your shoulder and leading you back inside.

Bucky eyed Steve with a curious look, but you couldn’t help smiling at your friend, “Is that even a question, Steve? Pizza is a main food group in my opinion, you know that.”

He and Nat were swiftly on you heels. “You sure about that Els? You look exhausted, have you been sleeping?” Bucky asks from behind you.

You stop suddenly and turn on your heel. Is he serious? The first thing he says to you is basically ‘you look like shit’ and ‘please don’t come to this party’.

“Now that you mention it, Sergeant, I haven’t been sleeping. I was worried about my friends. Wondering when and if I’d see them again, I’d hate to leave thing left unsaid,”

You grab Steve’s and Sam’s hand in each of yours and lift them, “But it looks like everyone I care about made it back on one piece.”

You turn back around and head into the elevator with everyone.

You stood in your room, fuming.

Is this really who you’ve become? This pathetic teenager pining after someone who will never be hers?

It sure seems that way.

Your stomach churns at the image of he and Nat...together.

An excessive groan leaves your lips as you flop on the bed, ready to let yourself wallow.

Your plans, however, are interrupted by a knock on your door. “What?!” You scream.

The door opens slowly, “I thought you’d have missed me?” Wanda says.

You shoot up, and smile like an idiot. “Of course I missed you, Wan. I’m so glad you’re back!” You embrace her.

The two of you had become quite close recently, and it was so nice to have a girl friend around again.

“Then why do I get the feeling I interrupted a wallowing session, hm?” She said slyly.

You raise an eyebrow at her, “Wan...” You scold.

“I know, I know—stay outta your head. But Ella, your thoughts are so loud I can barely hear my own!” She laughed.

You sigh and sit on the edge of your bed, Wanda joining you.

“I’m just mad. I’m mad at myself for acting like a love struck teenager, I’m mad at him for yoyo-ing me all the damn time. I’m just...”

“In love.” She finished your sentence.

You laugh aloud, “Wan, you have to know someone to love them. That big oaf of a man is too damn stubborn to let anyone in! Besides, I don’t think it’s me he wants.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?” She asked.

You stand heading to your closet, looking through clothes to wear for tonight.

“Nothing. Forget I mentioned it.”

Wanda’s footsteps followed you, “I know you say Bucky’s stubborn, but so are you, Ella.” She smiled softly, her nimble fingers landing on a black velvet dress.

“This one.” She says. The long sleeved, deep v dress was your absolute favorite, and also very fancy.

“Isn’t that a bit much?” You ask.

She raised her eyebrows at you. “Uh, have you met Tony? He says ‘pizza and beer’ but he means a gala... with less people.”

“Fine, but I swear to God if you don’t dress up too then I’m coming back here and putting on pajamas.” You hold your pinky out to her.

She hooks it with a smile, “Deal.”

8 o’clock comes far too fast in your opinion.

You’d spent the last two hours in your bathroom doing your makeup and hair, and you look damn good.

The dress rested a bit below mid-thigh, and fit you perfectly. You make a mental not to thank Wanda later for forcing you into it.

“Breathe, Ella.” You say to yourself as the elevator carries you to the lounge floor.

Your black heels click through the corridor, the sound softening as your ears fill with classic rock from the end of the hall.

You slowly push the wooden door open, and spot everyone mingling. Maria Hill was there, as was Rhodey, and another man you’d never met before.

“Oh shoot! I didn’t know we had a supermodel living with us!” Sam shouts.

You laugh, “Oh shut up, you’ve clearly already been drinking.”

He shook his head, “So what? I still got eyes, don’t I?”

“You look beautiful.” Steve says cutting Sam off, placing a kiss on your cheek.

You blush, “Thank you, Steve. You boys clean up pretty nice too. I don’t think we’ve ever seen each other like this.”

Steve shakes his head, “Not exactly the suit I’m most comfortable in.” He took a sip of what you assume is scotch. “What are you drinkin’, sweetheart?” He asks.

“Honestly? Anything with vodka. Then I’ll have a shot or two.” You say, taking a seat at the high top table next to him.

“Coming right up, Sam why don’t you come with me fore you dig a deeper hole for yourself?”

You hear Sam grumbling as Steve drags him away, and you suddenly feel yourself being watched.

You scan the room, and spot him almost instantly. He’s standing with Nat, her back to you, leaning on the bar.

Bucky’s eyes, though glassy from the booze no doubt, had never been more focused.

His gaze roamed your body from your feet to your face. He licked his lips slowly, before capturing his bottom one in his teeth.

Shaking your head, you look away from him. “Don’t even think about it, buddy.” You mutter to yourself. You glance at him quickly one final time and see Nat waving her hand in front of his face.

Bucky’s trance seems to get broken and he falls back into conversation with her with ease.

“Moscow Mule? I think that’s what the bartender called it.” Steve says approaching you.

A light bulb suddenly goes off in your head.

“Steve? Can I ask for a favor?” You say, squeezing the lime into your drink

He nods, “Anything, what’s on your mind?”

You let out a large breath. “Okay, please don’t think I’m immature but I’ve been thoroughly pissed at your best pal over there,” you gesture with a nod of your head.

“and I’d really like to get him back for all the shit he’s put me through.”

Steve sips his drink again, as Sam places 3 shot of Jameson on the table. “What did you have in mind?”

Bucky’s breathing stopped the moment he saw her. He didn’t think she could get anymore beautiful.

Turns out he was incredibly, outstandingly wrong.

He felt his heat racing and his blood pumping, drowning out whatever Nat was telling him about her plans for the evening.

Ella’s eyes were everything to him. They bared her soul and showed him her heart at the same time. He’d never been able to see a future for himself, until she fell into his life.

He worried about her constantly. Not being able to see her or talk to her or hear her voice for nearly 3 weeks drove him crazy. Then seeing her in the state she was in, so obviously sleep deprived and stressed. He hated himself for making her worry so much, and it was clear she wasn’t too happy with him when he got back this morning.

“Hello, Earth to Barnes? Did you hear me?” Nat said, waving her hand.

Bucky shook his head, “No sorry, what was that?”

Nat smiled slyly. “Mhm, your girls got you in a tizzy, that’s for sure.” She said, sipping her martini.

Bucky smiled shyly. “She’s not my girl, no matter how much I wish she was.”

Nat slapped his lapel, “So what the fuck are you doing fuck standing here with me?!”

“Ow! Okay, okay! Christ, shouldn’t you be fucking Banner in a utility closet or something?” He laughed stepping away from her.

“All in good time, Barnes. Now go get your girl.” She said spinning away from him.

Bucky’s eyes traveled to where she was standing, but she wasn’t there. Sam was in her spot, downing a shot Bucky was sure he’d regret in the morning.

He maneuvered around the groups of people, searching for her. The soft rock music playing poignantly through the speakers, he sees a few couples dancing.

He scoots around them and spots Steve.

Good for him. He thought happily to himself.

When Steve sways around with his partner, he sees its not a random guest he’s dancing with. Steve is dancing with a beautiful girl, a woman, Bucky’s girl.

Bucky wants to throw up and kick his ass all at once.

But then he sees Ella.

She’s smiling, and comfortable. She’s happy as she rests her head on Steve’s chest, and sways to the rhythm of the song.

The alcohol in his system doesn’t make these feelings any easier to handle. His vibranium fist clenching and unclenching.

A whirring sound get both Steve and your attention. That’s when you see Bucky standing about 10 feet away from the two of you as he watches dance.

“Hey Buck, wh—“

“Shut the fuck up, Steve.” Bucky slurs.

Your eyes widen at the words he says to his friend. Bucky is visibly shaking, and obviously drunk—probably more so than you, and that’s saying something since Sam kept the shots coming.

“Bucky, stop.” You say before your mind can stop you.

He lets out a sarcastic laugh, “Not fucking him, huh?” He spat in anger as he pushed by you, leaving the lounge all together.

Steve looked to the door, then to you. Your eyes brimming with tears as you swallowed a sob.

He looks at you with a sad smile, and nods his head toward the door. “Go get him.”

Chapter Nine: Seen